The grass is greener on the other side…unless you are an anorexic bovine then you don't care…

So I think I am going to stop the shiny and go for studs now...they look so hot!!!...This is a def. double duty shoe...you look hot and if someone pisses you off it can be a weapon (no I am not advocating violence just a little tap) :)...Well if you can afford this (cause I cant), its the Sam Edelman Lorissa pump its "only" $200 at Bloomingdales...

Onto the next topic...this week my demons have really been working overtime and just haunting the hell OUT of me…or should I say the heaven since they are from hell and want to haunt the hell INTO me? Ahhh see what I mean? Ramblings of a soon to be psycho “but well dressed” me!..ugh. Anyways so what is my beef this week…same old same old…cant find a job…seem to only attract perverts or old men blah blah blah. And then to top it all off…find out that my ex friend’s boyfriend is a complete hunk…while I have umm…SQUAT!! I don’t know about you but pain is pain when someone is an ex- anything (yeah yeah you wish them the best and all) but come on we both know you secretly wish a piano or an organ ....ok ok maybe just a violin will come from heaven once in awhile and hit them (not too often though). But yeah I wish I had been falsely accused of trying to steal this man I would have yelled guilty (even without being guilty). *sigh*

It is insanity to do the same thing, the same way, over and over and expect a different results...story of my life or at least my dating life. Here is the cycle: Find a guy, (he must be physically attractive; at least to me don’t care much what anyone else thinks *sue me*), get with guy, get tired of guy cause hes only about the physical (wait for it) get over guy and meet new guy and rinse and repeat! And you know the funny part of all this? Usually I am the one who pushes a conversation or a meeting to the sexual/physical realm. Here is my reasoning…if I push it to the sexual and he indulges me then obvs he is not for me (case of I was jumping off a cliff would you do it too?). Don’t get me wrong I accept that as humans we are all sexual beings but there is a time and place for everything. Yes Francis would say and I quote..."you know you are crazy right?"...probably...

I honestly don't know why I keep repeating this cycle, I think in my head the first guy to tell me to stop and just be myself will be the true guy for me? Does that make sense? I hope so cause I felt crazy writing it. :)...and the smart person will say, ok why are you putting it on the guy, why dont you start out simply not condoning that type of behavior in the first place? *Good question* that I honestly do not have an answer for. Well i do but the answer is something I would not expect someone of my upbringing, education, religion etc. to give...but here it goes *before I go hide under a table somewhere*..."because I want them to like meeeeeeeeee"...again my thinking is that ok we get the dirty talk in but then I am able to infuse in some of me and they get to know the real me as well...*did you just give me a side eye and a child please* cause i truly deserved it lol...in all the time I have used this not once has it worked....dirty talk stays dirty till one of us gets bored...

So here is what is going to happen this time...this whole rinse and repeat cycle thing is going to stop. Its time to separate the men from the sheep with a new approach. Not exactly sure what this new approach will be but knowing me I will probably write about the results on here in the near future and then I can tweak the method until I find one that really works. I guess instead of thinking about talking about the real me for fear of being dropped I will focus on truly giving the true me and if someone doesnt like it they can eat dirt...*this is going to be hard to do*...stay tuned...

Copy, Paste, Rinse, Repeat...

I need these shoes in my life...so versatile...well versatile for where I live since I never see any snow :)...yummy...

Ok so since I could not figure out how to import my live space blog to this blog I picked the few blog posts I thought were still relevant and added them, so I didn't write everything, I just copied and pasted it. I honestly have nothing useful to write about today, I am sure I could think something up but I just got the beginnings of a migrane and I am not sure I want to be up when it hits fully so going to take some medication and peace out...I will leave with quote by Marianne Williamson that I think is more than relevant for anything anyone might be going through...enjoy :)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are younot to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Have a Baby by me Baby!!!! - Windows Live

Ok so I am writing today with only ONE side of my face fully functioning, since the left side of my face or more specifically my left eye area, has just decided to “eff” effort and quit on me. (CRY for me ARGENTINA!!!) I have had a painful headache for a few months, getting progressively worse and now I am “blessed or cursed” depends on howyou want to look at it, with a sensation of a nail piercing that particular eye ball (not fun at all TRUST ME!)

Anyways I didn’t come to whine about my eye (or maybe I should)…lol anyways on we go…I was coming to work today when one of my new fav songs came on, “Have a baby by me baby Be a MILLIONAIRE”. I think this song must be the number one song featured on every Gold digger’s ring tone.(I can’t even lie I bump to it every time it comes on…wait Am I insinuating that I am a Gold Digger?) Ugh!!!!...Lol NEVER THAT!!!! Anyways that song gave me the perfect thing to talk/write about today.

Women who have babies with supposedly “rich” or “successful” men JUST for the “check”. Again the disclaimer: If you “happen” to have a rich baby daddy that’s YOUR problem, this is not an attack on you,

I am TALKING/WRITING about women who purposefully latch onto a rich man to have a kid so they “will be/might be” set for the rest of their lives. If you don’t believe me go listen to Kanye “Gold Digger” Sheesh!!! ANYfreakingWAY back to the topic… Have a baby by me Baby, Be a Millionaire is a very stupid move and here are my reasons why. Ok so you go through the nine months of pain, misery, fat, bloating yadda yadda to have a beautiful child (healthy, we pray). Now, if you got with the guy purely for that reason …then what?? Your child usually has no interaction with their father.

FAIL POINT 1!!!...Every child needs to interact with BOTH parents and that is why God in his infinite wisdom gave us TWO parents and not just one!!! Yes there are those unfortunate situations where a father CANNOT be a child’s life, we all know such situations but I posit that this is VERY different from making a choice to have a child knowing fully well that the father will choose not to be in that child’s life. That is not only callous but it has repercussions that affect you and the child way beyond that one stupid situation. Do you really want to bring a child into this world not giving them the best advantage possible? And if you do maybe we should revoke your birthing rights!!!!

Child support payments. Child support payments if I have read about them correctly (I must be a sad soul having nothing better to do with my time than investigate Child support payments right? So Sad!!) lol But yeah back to child support payments, now if I got this right then that is based on the income of the father right? So the more loot for him, the more you can wrangle out of him. Let’s then say after all your hard work said “successful” “wealthy” person loses their JOB or their LIFE!!! FAIL POINT 2!!! Whomp whomp!!! Now the sexy legal part comes into play. If the man has made no provisions for you and that child and was not fiscally sound Guess what…YOUR ASS might have to raise the baby ON YOUR OWN!!!...So we have progressed from being a broke single woman to being a broke single woman with a kid! (P.S. It costs about 187,408 to raise a child on an income of less than 38,000.00)

What’s Love got to do with it? FAIL POINT 3!!! Love has EVERYTHING to do with it. The first thing love has to do with concerns your relationship with the child.Do you really want to commit to having another human being you are going to be responsible for (FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND THEIRS) that you might not love because of the way you conceived him or her? Yeah best case scenario you see the child and you fall in love with them for who they are regardless of who their father is, but be realistic sometimes you see the child and he/she just reminds you of everything you have failed to do in life and you become resentful of both the child and your situation, when the child really didn’t beg you to bring him/her into the world.

The second thing love has to do with concerns your relationship with yourself (the love you choose to have showered on you.) Do you honestly want to have a child alone, those nights of cravings, when you want someone to just rub your feet, be in the hospital with you yadda yadda yadda DON’T YOU WANT THAT FOR YOURSELF?? Don’t you want you and your significant other to embrace having an extension of both of you come into this world and greet that extension with joy and happiness ??? (I WOULD!!!)

A third thing love has to do with is your relationship or in this case lack of relationship with the ONE!!!.We all know Karma is a big fat (female dog) Now How do you know that in chasing that stupid man and getting pregnant by him you are not evading the one true man that should/could/would have been yours if you had just waited? And then instead of a life of publicity, chasing a stupid man for money etc. etc. (basically a life of being pathetic) you could have had a life of peace with a man who truly always wants and wanted to be with you …“Have a baby by me Baby “ sounds like a very ideal situation for any woman truly tired of being an “Independent woman” and I can testify!!! (Don’t worry I don’t live or meet any successful men so boooooooooooooooo I can’t even if I tried lol) but in the long run you are wrecking more than just your life. Children are blessings from God and should NEVER be used as a pawn in your pathetic scheme to get to the top or be comfortable for the rest of your life. You’ve got a brain, a working mind, full use of your faculties USE THAT!!! There are so many people with less doing more!!!...Anyways I hope you get the main point I am making…As Beverly Sills says, “There are no short cuts to any place worth going”…Take your time, do the right thing and PRAY for the right situations!!! In the end you will be blessed for all that you do and who knows you might be the successful person some Ediot wants to “have a baby by”!!!!

Opportunities and Supporters... - Windows Live

Opportunities and Supporters... - Windows Live

I have not yet been blessed with children but in interacting with my friends that have children, the one thing I have come to realize is that it is not a JOKE nor is it EASY! It is through these interactions about their children, talking to them about what to teach the children, what not to teach them etc. etc. that I am continually wowed by how amazing my parents were as parents. Of course they weren't perfect...ok who are we kidding they are 'bloody awesome' lol but seriously now I am older I appreciate even more their parenting skills. I am going to share a couple of tricks they used and give concrete reasons why I believe these aided shape and mold me into the person that I absolutely love that I am. (You love me too...you really really do!)

I want to be an armed robber when I grow up:
“To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed. Bernard Edmonds
Why crush your children dreams even as unrealistic as they may seem at the time? Let it grow, in time your child as smart as they are will learn to modify that dream and even if they don't modify it allow them to dream always and to dream BIG! Need I remind you about Obama?
For the longest time ever, my baby brother was convinced he either wanted to be an armed robber or in the military, one or the other but definitely something to do with guns. I can remember us all laughing at him at the time because obviously these two 'ventures' can not even be measured in the same way. One was on the good side (depending on who you ask) and the other was on the bad side (the armed robber of course). But the one thing I remember distinctly is that my parents never tried to take that vision from him. I think ultimately they realized that it wasn't about the violence etc. but rather the dedication and skill and leadership attributes that my brother loved about these two different 'occupations'. This notion was solidified in later years when he finally agreed that he wanted to be the President lol. What is my point with the above? Well unfortunately sometimes Parents in a bid to be the best parents possible and to give one what they feel is the best advantage, push you into a box. Maybe this box will work for you and you will turn out as amazing as they did, but in other situations these boxes or pre cut cookie disks don't work and leave both sides frustrated. The parents feeling disrespected, abused, taken for granted and the children as if nothing they do will be respected. Parents allow your children to dream and make their own mistakes. They learn from them.

Growing up my parents never used the word CANT when it came to anything and infact they encouraged us to try everything at least once. My father could not stand someone dismissing something without trying it to see what exactly about it they did not like. Sometimes I wished they had laid down the "law" no pun intended a bit more and not allowed us to "free base" as much as we did but I love the fact that they allowed us to grow creatively. Growing up if you had said I would be the child studying for a PhD I am sure you would have been laughed out of our house. I was not the smart child I did not get the A's, I talked too much in class, I am sure I was any parents big headache. But by focusing my energies in creative outlets and making sure to never compare me to either of my siblings ( My C's and B's were celebrated as much as my brothers A's lol) my parents pushed me to want more and to work harder towards this "more". Yes my parents arent perfect but in not putting in my a pre cut cookie disk, aka ( As a woman you will do this and that, be married by this age, work in this field, come home at this point in time) they have allowed me to grow, realize my big mistakes (even though they help me correct these mistakes), and be an individual apart from them. In the long run what this individuality has afforded me is the fact that I cannot, rather I do not make a move without consulting them first. See in the end I am doing precisely what any parent wants without the pain and tears lol.

Children are not stupid. They come into this world as a clean slate and it is the responsibility of the people around them to instill and nurture in them everything positive. This is the reason why back home a child is given the name of someone "useful" in society. We want our children to grow up to emulate that individual, to be that individual with a few edits here and there. As I said before, I have not been blessed to have a child (yet) but I think the most important lesson I have learnt from my parents is not to ever kill a child's dream or aspirations. Never say never, if the child wants to grow up to be a lion who flies, then so be it. The world is such a negative place filled with too many you cants, you shouldnt, they wont let you. Do you really want to take away the joy of the freedom to be who or what your child wants to be at such an early age? Don't do it!!!! Enhance your child's creativity, sign them up for a multitude of things, sports, painting, dancing, piano, second language, watch what they excel in and encourage them in it. Trust me when they grow up they will be well rounded and thank you for it. Growing up I don't think I had a second free in my day, while my mates were sitting behind TV screens I was 'hating' my Piano teaching or 'hating' my Math professor (who I should technically still hate because till today I cant do Maths to save my life) lol. Yes it seemed a lot and I hated being so busy but guess what...my ass was in bed sleeping at 8 everynight without my parents begging and pleading lol. Those smart parents!!!! lol

My big lesson here is simply this...encourage your children and any children you know always. Inspire them with your actions and never kill their dreams. There are many more Obama's out there that can grow to fulfill their ultimate purpose if You and I teach them never to embrace the word CANT!!!

“Excellence can be obtained if you: ...care more than others think is wise; ...risk more than others think is safe;.. dream more than others think is practical; ...expect more than others think is possible.”

Oldie but Goodie 2 - Windows Live

Oldie but Goodie 2 - Windows Live

Ganked from one of my Facebook "thoughts"

I heard her ask:
So what the deal here? Tell me what I’m doing wrong. Ok I am young, “they” say I’m pretty enough (whatever that means these days), I own my own stuff, you know the usual, my cute apartment, my cute “It” car, I make enough bank, paper, loot…yadda yadda, I mean you would call me a “successful” woman.

Sooooooooooo ……why am I single?

I look around and see all my mates coupled up with their so called perfect “man” and I wonder where mine is? Or maybe HE is never coming? I want to blame so many people for this lack of men, maybe the Gays took all the good ones, maybe I passed my Mr. Perfect on this road to where I am , maybe maybe maybe and maybe gets me nothing.

No man, (at this point I would settle for a work in progress over a perfect man any day), No warm hugs to come to, no sweet caresses, no random flowers for just being me, no no no …NO-thing!
Now …Wait! Wait! Wait!!!!…before you say anything let me say that I am not picky…. ( I really and truly am not) I have done the dating thing and short of going on E-harmony I don’t think I can do it anymore. I am sick and tired of being with thugs, sick and tired of being with the wannabees and sick and tired of being with men (maybe even men like …).

So I ask you…Is there no sane, single, heterosexual, intellectual, God fearing (oh no... there I go again making lists, guys don’t like lists right? Ugh! but can you blame me?)hmmmm… So what do I use to judge? WHAT you mean I should have no morals? No yardstick? Let me get this straight…what you are saying is to accept the first man that looks at me long enough and be pleased that I at least have someone to call mine? AND? He might not necessarily be only mine? I have to share him with others? Hmmm let me think about that for a minute …(tick tock time goes on while I ponder)…

So in other words, what you are saying is that I cannot find a decent man who puts others above himself, is not afraid to show his sensitive side when the time calls for it, believes in something bigger than himself, a hard worker who is not afraid to treat me like the true woman I am and appreciate everything I can bring to the table? A man who knows money does not make him and that he makes the money. A man who knows that even though there’s only a letter difference between CLass and CRass he personifies the very example of class consistently. A man who is never afraid to speak his mind or let me speak mine because he is secure enough in himself to appreciate an alternative point of view …a man a man a man … a man like that for me!

Oh NO! Why are you looking at me in that way? Did I say something wrong? Oh there I go again it seems when it comes to men I am always DOING the wrong things, SAYING the wrong things, maybe BEING the wrong….Nahh THAT most certainly cannot be!…I am an educated, open minded, fun and empowered female who respects herself and the true men around her. I believe in my God and live my life in a way to please him constantly. I strive to make myself better everyday not only for my benefit but for the Man I will be blessed to call mine (and only mine ) one day…but until then…

What CAN I do? What SHOULD I DO? …now speak…

Who or What is Love? - Windows Live

Who or What is Love? - Windows Live

1 Corinthians
Chapter 13

1

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

2

And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.

3

If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,

5

it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,

6

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

7

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8

Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.

9

For we know partially and we prophesy partially,

10

but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.

11

When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.

12

At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.

13

So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

God speaks... - Windows Live

God speaks... - Windows Live

When I was younger (Kiki hates when I say that or use that phrase cause shes like well you are still young!!!) But I usually mean when i was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy younger!! Sheesh!!! Anyways when I was younger :) I used to have a pretty good relationship with God (or so I thought), I guess its easier to have a good relationship when you really dont know much better lol lol what was I going to do? Kill someone? Steal? etc. etc. For some strange reason I LOVEDDDDDD reading the Bible. I could sit and read and read it over and over again. No pressure or nothing. I loved God with all my heart and that was that. Then I went through my crises of faith. It was not that big of a deal I think I went a year or so (if that long) without wanting God in my life then I snapped out of it. But after that I do not think I have ever had the relationship I used to have with him and it scares me and worries me at the same time. It scares and worries me because at the end of the day when its all said and done I know God is the most important being in my life, he sees all the stupid things I get up to and he loves me despite and regardless of all this stupidity. I have been in so many situations that if it had not been for the hand of God in my life I would not have made it through those times. And yet still I live in my sinful ways needing a way out but not quite figuring exactly HOW to get out of it.

I went for Theology on Tap last night and this lady got up and spoke about Jesus, Peter and the walking on water incident. I wont bore you with her whole sermon but basically her deal was, sometimes in order to see God work in our lives we need to be like Peter and get out of the boat to at least try and walk on the water with Jesus. THIS IS A SCARY THOUGHT!!!

I have been asking God lately to speak to me because I Feel like I am missing a piece of the action and I was getting frustrated because Ive told God what i want (lol)...usual dissertation, man, good job (in that order) although mummy prefers man, dissertation and good job (hey at least we agree on the basics lol. So anyways I have been praying about this for awhile and absolutely NO RESPONSE!!! I meet these guys I KNOW arent the one and yet still I try to make them look like the one but God wasnt having it so usually after the first date I know I am over it and them lol.

Anyways after yesterdays lesson on listening for the call of God in our lives I was pondering on what God was calling me to do with my life when April (a chick I work with (delightful chick)) anyways she comes in and shows us a promise ring she got from her man. (Now to me this is fast cause theyve only been dating for about 3 or 4 months but it got us speaking on the issue of mates when Lydia (an older lady in the office) broke it down to me and told me exactly what I needed to hear. God spoke to me through her. I DO NOT need to settle because everyone calls me uppity and thinks I will never find a man as good as my father. I WILL!!! In God's time and when he knows I am ready he will put whatever he knows I need in my life. NO TIME SOONER!!!...Rachel(the lady who spoke yesterday) said something VERY important when she said, WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOUR LIFE (and Abilities) is a reflection of WHAT YOU THINK GOD CAN DO. If you put restrictions on what God can do for your life you are simply stating that he is a God who cannot. I believe my God CAN even when I choose to put limitations on him. I will prove everyone wrong when I DO find THAT ONE who is just like my daddy, a God fearing selfless man!!!! Until then I will continue to listen for what God is saying and try to find what I have been called to do.

A beautiful day ... - Windows Live

A beautiful day ... - Windows Live

Do you ever have one of those days that are just so beautiful you cannot be in a bad mood regardless of what is going on around you or in your life in that particular moment? Well today is one of those days...I woke up and the sun was just beaming out of my shutters like it knew it was doing a good thing...I just had to smile ...and I am still smiling. Its so funny how the weather can have such an impact on our moods or maybe its just me?...Dreary days make me dreary...cold days make me want to stay in bed but bright days and I feel like I conquer the world! ( Even though I might have to settle with conquering as far as I can walk since I probably cant afford Gas right about now ) lol

Since today is such a beautiful day we are only going to focus on positive things. If you are anything like me, I am sure you have a set of mantras or sayings that you keep around you to motivate you. When I was growing up my mom used to tell me about this girl she used to know. Apparently, this girl was definitely not the most beautiful girl the world has ever seen, yet she seemed to always have the best time at parties, the best pick in men etc. etc. and what was her secret? Money? No, Bribery? No...it was just having a good attitude especially about herself. Apparently this said girl would look in the mirror every morning and say "You are the most beautiful girl on this planet, you are smart, successful etc. etc. " and just this self affirmation worked so much so that it prevented negative energy from coming and disrupting her life thus allowing her to be the happiest in any social setting and equally happy with herself. This is such an important lesson that I am glad my mother shared with me.

Growing up in a family with all the shades of the make up counter and being the darkest and dealing with people's mentality of "light is right" I fear that if my parents had not instilled in me a sense of self value from that early period it may have damaged me in the long run. Yes I still have days when I feel my thighs are too big, my hair is too curly, my teeth too big etc. etc. but at the end of it all I can smile and be happy that I am just who I am.

This issue of self value or self worth is one that is so dear to me especially when it comes to females (possibly because I am female and know how hard it can be for women who are not deemed socially attractive), I know men go through their own issues but I don't know enough about that to speak on it. So I will speak on what I know. For me I believe beauty is truly skin deep. The superficial part can and may fade and I believe if you dont have a beautiful spirit underneath it all, sometimes that outer beauty becomes tainted, tarnished, cheapened.

If I am ever blessed to have a daughter, I hope to raise her as my parents have raised me, with a strong mind and a love for herself no matter what anyone else thinks or says because in the end God in his infinite power and wisdom knew why he created you with the exact dimensions and specifications he created you with. One of my dad's pals Uncle Paa Kwesi or was it my Uncle Kofi, well one of them) had a funny way of thinking about modern day enhancements (like plastic surgery). For him he did not think it was a smart idea because he believed we had all been tagged with a specific VIN number and that if we chose to get worked on these number dissappeared. So on judgment day when our numbers are being called, God would look and look but not be able to find us cause we edited our VIN numbers lol. Obviously this is my very personal reaction to the idea of modifying oneself and guess what? Since its MY opinion there's diddly squat you can do about it. The joy of freedom of speech!!! Now dont get me wrong I am not saying all plastic surgery is wrong, if you have been involved in a horrid accident and all scarred and marred and something can be done about it, please go ahead get it done. I am talking about the vain plastic surgery where there is nothing wrong with you yet you want a little tuck here and there to "look better". (now will you stop snarling at me) sheesh!!!

Anyways the long ass, long winded sermon was all to get to this point. A reflection on Psalm 138 (139) that my mother shared with me and that I make sure to read every once in awhile to remind me of the bigger picture.

It says;

Just think,YOU are not here by chance, but by God's choosing.

His Hand formed you and made you the person you are,

He compares you to No one else, you are one of a kind.

You lack nothing that his grace cannot do for you

He has allowed you to be here at this time in History

To fulfill his special purpose for this generation....

Amen.

I love you...i really do... - Windows Live

I love you...i really do... - Windows Live:

"I love you...i really do...
Lately, I can’t seem to get you off my mind,

(The funny thing is, I don’t know if I even want to get you off my mind.)

I love the way you make me feel (smart, successful, beautiful …trust me I could go on and on).

You always know what to say to make me laugh (even if the joke is on me), and

I love that you allow me to be utterly human, that is, flawed and all.

Even above all this, I love that you let me love you;

And that you trusted me enough to fall.

The look in your eye when you tell me to trust in God is priceless (you have a cute little twinkle in your left eye)

Your prayers help me get through the day.

I love that you can see us past tomorrow

And even the day after forever (and ever).

No one else but you took the time to show me

How truly loving someone is supposed to feel.

You make my soul smile (how cliche is that)

For you I would go a thousand miles (Of course I would drive it or maybe even fly it, im in love not psycho…).

You see, lately, I can’t seem to get you off my mind

But that’s fine…

Because lately I seem to have fallen in love

And it’s solely(only)because of you."

Some lessons I've learnt from Past Relationships - Windows Live

Some lessons I've learnt from Past Relationships - Windows Live

In no particular order of course:

1. HIS Friends especially his Best Friend(s) are not yours!!!

Lets think about this. Who is a friend? Someone who is supposed to "have your back unconditionally". At least that is what a GOOD friend is supposed to. Usually guys have had their friends from since they were children playing in the sandlot...and guys are traditionally more loyal than females so chances are these guys have been through everything and anything together. Now insert you!...What makes you think that he is going to put the well being of his "friend" over YOU? While you are dating, if you are lucky enough, these so called friends of your "boy" might be nice to you, seem to care about the well being of your relationship blah blah blah...Im telling you right now DONT BUY IT! They could care less about what you are dealing with or going through and chances are, if they are immature enough, they will just use all you tell them as ammunition against you one day! DONT DO IT!!!...If you need a friend to talk to call one of your OWN or go see a Priest! or a Shrink...whatever works for you.

2. Its you and Me against the World

Well not really...its you and your significant other and a few of his friends and a few of your frienda against the world. One of my exes used to get upset when I would "draw" people into disagreements that we might have and I never understood why. Now I get it...too many cooks really spoil the broth! If you are having an issue with your significant other why do others need to be involved. It is not an issue of who is right versus who is wrong or who can scream the loudest or a score keeping competition. If you are really interested in figuring a solution to a problem you are having then it makes sense that you sit and talk it out with said significant other and leave the others out of it. On the other hand if you have a significant other (like one of my exes who would refuse to discuss anything because he hated confrontation then you need to evaluate that relationship and either get out while you can or get out while you can. That guy is going nowhere with you.

3. Sleeping while under the Influence

Aka Going to bed Angry! Another one of my exes (dont judge me) always used to say...never go to bed angry and I always used to ignore him. For me sleeping gave me a time to cool off and then the next day we can continue fighting. See where my mistake was? Why do you want to prolong a fight? it is perfectly ok to agree to disagree and keep things moving. Never go to bed angry though, only God knows if one of you will make it through the night, do you really want the last thing you ever told the one you love to be a mean or a foul word over something as trivial as (Whatever you were fighting about? ) Cause trust me once they are gone you will realize that whatever the issue was...it could have been worked out. So DONT do it...even if you CANT STAND the person that minute before Bed give them a hug understand you cant stand them but remember why you love them and go to bed with a GOOD feeling...the next day dont bring the drama up. New day new battles!

4. Whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine to keep

If you care about your significant other then whats yours is for the both of you (plus an extra on the side for JUST you ) and whats his is for the both of your (with an extra on the side for just that person). Being financially stable is something that I think a lot of couples do not think or worry about (initially) and then it becomes a problem once the relationship is in full swing. While you are in the pretty stages of the honeymoon phase, observe the relationship your significant other has with money. Are they wasteful? A Spendthrift? A miser? Take all these things into account and see how compatible their money handling skills are. There is no way a wasteful person is going to be happy with a miser without some serious compromises on both sides!!! Etc. Etc. You need to talk about the money and how you both handle it before any useful relationship should progress. I understand that sometimes its uncomfortable but it is better to have that moment of uncomfort rather than waste time then realize you cant "stand" each other because someone is "too cheap" or "doesnt know the value of a buck".

5. If you stand for nothing you will fall for anything

Know what your morals and values are. I read this joke once (sexist) which talked about a man who asked a woman if she would sleep with him for a million dollars. The woman of course agreed. He then asked if she would sleep with him for $5 to which she replied, "What do you take me for". The man said, well we know what you are we are now just haggling over the price. EXACTLY! Learn to have morals and stick with those moral convictions come Hell or High water because at the end of the day if you dont have something you can hold on to in this world of ever changing moral codes and boundaries you will truly become lost in it all. Faith is another important aspect of this, know your faith and hold on to it because in the end when all is said and done, it is this faith that will see you through. Some people say you can love someone without it interferring with your faith or theirs. I dont think this is true. (At least not for me). In order to love someone you have to love ALL aspects of that individual including their faith, and unfortunately sometimes these faiths do not mesh out nicely. Lets take me for example. What would happen if i fell in love with an atheist? It would not work...why? Because for me (even if I am not constantly shouting it on roof tops) I believe strongly that everything I am, I was and I will be is by the grace of God. When certain situations occur that I know are only by grace, my significant other chalking it up to opportunity or luck to me would be insulting to my God who has blessed me with that particular grace. How do i expect the blessings to keep flowing when I am choosing to label it 'luck'? I could write a whole essay on this particular topic but that isnt necessary my main point is this, find someone whose faith is compatible with yours so at the end of the day whatever happens you are looking at it from the same spiritual "worldview" or perspective so no one feels cheated out of anything.

This is the list for today...I might come up with some more tomorrow...the most important thing to remember is the fact that we are all thinking, feeling, human beings, treat another as you would like to be treated. A gentle word here, a kind gesture there may seem like nothing much to you but trust me it goes a long way.

Violence should never be the question nor the answer... - Windows Live

Violence should never be the question nor the answer... - Windows Live

Disclaimer: I have no medical degree nor a psychologist or psychiatrist degree. I am merely speaking on this issue based on what I have seen, experienced and think. If you happen to disagree with a point I have raised, feel free to bring it up in the comment section and we can discuss it till we get to a compromise or we agree it is one of those situations where we can choose to agree to disagree. This is such a sensitive topic that obviously not everyone is going to have the same reactions that I do and this is perfectly agreeable. What I hope we can all agree on in the end is that violence is and never should be the solution for men AND women.

On we go...

Unless you have been living under a rock these past few months, I am sure you have realized how violence has become such a prominent feature in the news. From the various beatings, shootings,serial killings, mass murders etc. and most recently Chriannagate. I must admit that in the beginning of this whole fiasco (and I use the term not to demean their situation but because I am personally fed up with it.) I like most of the American public wanted to know what had happened, what could have gone so wrong that such an "amazing" couple could have ended in this position. I think Rhianna says it best when she said we (the public) had put them on a pedestal forgetting that they were human and therefore bound to make some of the human mistakes that we make in our lives. Personally (and not that Rhianna cares) but I am slightly disappointed at the way she is choosing to handle this "dead horse". We all "know" or "know" as much as we possibly can without being there, we did not at this point need her to come back and relive her experience I think that was a personal experience that should have continued to be silent on. The big issue of violence is one that she could have addressed without this whole media whoopla. Do you think if she had started working with abused females and personally shared her story with them without necessarily drawing the media into it, her message would not have had more of an impact? She says she is trying to get the message across to other young women that you should never stay when you have been hit, for me hearing that Rhianna had started working with abuse centers (even if it wasnt one I was personally affiliated with) would have shown me that she was trying to do something about this issue. Coming out at such a convenient time (before the release of her album) slightly devalues her intentions for me. ( You can disagree). Now please do not confuse what it is I am saying. I am not making a judgement call on their situation but rather on the response.

Now various groups or camps have risen out of this situation, those FOR Chris and AGAINST Rhianna and vice versa and this is exactly why I think the response is or was faulty. The problem should not be who we like better, who looked better, who seemed more sincere blah blah the problem is the fact that violence was the culmination of their disagreement, THIS is what we (both the Chris side and the Rhianna side need to work on). To let the fans etc. know that, THAT aspect is what needs to be focused on. Again I don't know what went wrong and who struck whom first and that isn't my personal headache. Being female I sympathize with Rhianna in that I probably would not know what to do if any one of the men I thought I loved ever laid a finger on me. But at the same time being a sister and having a lot of male friends and cousins I also appreciate the fact that some women purposefully push a man to the edge so much then act surprised when he lashes out.

You can only be responsible for YOUR actions. That is why we need to teach women how to stand up for themselves and also not to confuse a man acting out or 'lashing out' as a form of love. I say this because I have been in that situation. I once dated this guy (yes I know I seemed to have dated a lot of people lol) but basically he would get mad about other females and smash a lot of things, he never was aggressive towards me or reacted in this manner when he was upset with me so that upset me. Why would you get mad enough to smash thing when it was in relation to girls who supposedly didn't matter but then when it came to me you didn't even fart in anger! This pushed me to try to push him so far that he would do something, anything to show me that he cared about me too. God being so good and so much smarter than me, this situation never escalated into anything and we parted ways soon enough but thinking back on it shows me that sometimes unconsciously we women do things that we dont think invites violence when we really are. ( Again this is not a generalization on Chris and Rhi or on any specific relationship, this is based solely on my relationship and seeing what other females do to my male friends).

I am not naive nor stupid nor insensitive enough to suggest that All women like me in that situation invite violence on themselves. There are honest cases where the men like all human beings who realize they can get away with something, abuse their privilege of being the men in the relationship and abuse their women. This is never ok and there is a specific VIP section in Hell for these men (and for people who hurt children).

I once spoke to a gentleman who could not for the life of him understand why his girlfriend had left him to go back to a man who abused her. He was very hurt by this and refused to see that it was more than just an issue of "going back to a thug". People need to educate themselves about these things. Battered woman (spouse) syndrome is not a joke and should not be taken lightly. You can read more about it and the various steps that women go through here http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/psych.htm. Even though people react to it in such a negative way (trying to hide it etc.) I think as the concerned public there are signs we can all look out for in our loved ones. And no this is not an excuse for you to get nosey but if you think there is something in the milk that isnt clean with one of your friends, be like me and open your big mouth (in private) and ask about it. Yes most people feel it is a shameful secret that they need to keep to themselves especially when they themselves cannot come to accept that they are being abused. But this is where I believe unconditional support and prayers come into play.

I could go on and on about this issue which is particularly dear to me but I am getting late for Church so lets wrap up...Men do not hit women EVER!!! Women do not hit men or poke and prod them like little caged animals EVER!!!! There is a reason we have our brains and our mouths...talk it out and if you are too angry to process anything...its ok to walk away and come back when you have cooled down or write it out ( that helps sometimes )...

Lets learn to love each other how we truly would want to be loved...

Me :)

Its not you, its me...ok maybe it is you...ok its definitely you...

I have been on the look out for some fly wedges ...I figure I have enough stilettos plus wedges are more comfortable all day everyday so one does not bust her ass like Lady Gaga...Ok I laughed only once...sigh...you could not pay me enough to deal with the fashion drama she cooks up for herself, I would take Rhianna's comfy looks over her anyday...(and I do not even like rhi rhi like that)... side note anyone else think it is so creepy that Chris's ex looks a bit too much like Rhi? Here is Rhi and here is Jasmine...creepy...anyways neither Chris nor Rhi are putting any money in my account for paying attention to their lives so its right along I move...

So you know how I said this was the year for trying "something new"...well I dont know how "new" I am trying to get it. I think someone up in heaven just found my love button and is just messing with it to see how far it can go. So far I have met a gentleman thug (like the very Kuntrified kind) he knows he is very country which gets a *side eye* from the supposed *bougie* me but he is sweet so I say why not get to know him. I have an "old" friend who cannot seem to make up his mind when it comes to me, i.e., he cant seem to decide if he wants to date me or not, and I in turn will only agree to date him if he will let me make him over :)...I have 2 random guys I met online, one seems to get me but is seemingly obsessed with my body (which Francis says is a good thing) but I dont know, I mean my body is sick and all but ( I kid, I kid)...and another who seems on paper to be everything I should be jumping at, but there is absolutely no connection for me.( oh and I would need to change his style also) ...oh and lets not forget all the crazy old men I meet who absolutely fall in love (maybe I am reincarnated and they knew me in a past life??) Now you see why I think I am being punked. I am sure if I put all these men together (minus the old ones) I would have an amazing man but on their own there is nothing special sticking out about these "interesting" men. Which leads me to ask when one knows when enough is enough? At what point do you stop sticking your neck out and just sit ?

Stay tuned to find out how it turns out with these interesting characters...in the mean time I think these are 3 cardinal rules that people break when they are trying to meet someone new...do you break these rules?

1. Pretend to be something you are not: I find women doing this more than men. All of a sudden a woman who never liked football suddenly knows all the stats and wants to go to all the games. Slow your roll I am not buying it. It is ok to be yourself, if your significant other (to be) doesn't appreciate these little things that make you unique you have no future.

2. Getting with them in the meantime because He/She will change eventually: hahhahaha haha hahhahahaha....that is me laughing at YOU and I will keep laughing till pigs fly. Give it up...there are some things are so a part of us there is nothing you can do to rid us of these things...

3. Downplaying the things you are willing to compromise on: why? seriously why bother you are just spelling trouble for yourself down the line, be as completely honest as possible so if things ever go South at least you know you gave it your best and you were completely you.

Ok this is a very long post so going to end it now with a random thought (and being in communication I should have figured this out by now but oh well here it goes)...why do guys have such a jacked up mentality when it comes to keeping in touch? My thinking is, if you cared you would get in touch, if I do not hear from you, you are a back issue but then I have guys call me after a month or so and then act shocked when I am over it...like dude really???really?? Am I supposed to sit and twiddle my thumbs whilst you do what you have to do? Child please...if anyone has an explanation other than its just what men do I will be interested to hear it...

*sigh* life...wish it came with a users guide...:)

I'd rather be single? Maybe not...

I dare anyone to not call you sharp in this wicked Balmain crystal embellished cotton jacket...half off today and only $ 2250(@ the Outnet.com)...umm how about not?!!! Its still very sick and I still lust for it...

Moving right along...so I have this very bad habit of looking at couples and evaluating simply based on looks if I would be in the girls situation or not. A.k.a. is the guy a hunk or would I rather be single than date him? Well sometimes I look at guys and their girlfriends and think the guy needs an upgrade so I guess I do it to guys and girls. Do you do the same thing?...

Well yesterday I saw a picture of a couple that I was about to copy and send to all my friends (yes they are evil too) so we could have a laugh at the couples expense and something stopped me. First of all how dare I. How can I honestly say I am Christian and without knowing someone simply judge them on the basis of their looks. I felt very contrite and stopped saving the picture. This simple occasion gave me a chance to look back on all those times I have ("haughtily" I might add) dismissed people because they simply did not "look" the part. Don't get me wrong, ooogly is ooogly (extreme ugly) I am not THAT reformed, but this was a case where someone was simply enjoying their wedding occasion and I was going to demean it with my blaise comments.

So are you like me? Do you push out your issues (perhaps insecurities) although in my case I would not label it an insecurity I know what I have and what I am lacking and do not worry too much about what I lack...but others might label this an insecurity...so do you find yourself quick to judge another simply to make yourself feel better? Or are you a better human being than I am in which case I should probably jump off ....my bed...lol yeah I am too cute for suicide try again...

All jokes aside, I learnt an important lesson yesterday that I hope can keep being reinforced in my daily life... I am not the most beautiful, the smartest, the funniest (add any other positive attributes) in the world. Not everyone likes me (which is fine) but I would be hurt (and in the situations this has happened to me, I am hurt) if someone who knows nothing about me chose to make me a laughing symbol simply based on how I looked. I aim to get better about this (Lord help me) but for now I remain a work in progress :) yay!!