Save me from myself...

So today we will do it a little bit differently and instead of having the one thing I am lusting after, have this picture my baby sent to cheer me up. :). Basically telling me not to focus on the dark clouds that are in the forefront but rather on the lighter ones coming up behind them.

I have been in an absolute FUNK the past few days. Going away this weekend was DEFINITELY a good idea. If I had stayed I think I would have gone certifiable. Always good to hang out with the homies, laughing about nothing, eating everything and enjoying it all.

This week finds me super stressed, still no job and the prospects arent looking too rosy either. My documentation necessary for me to leave the country havent come yet and I am due to leave in 3 weeks. (Can you start to understand my panic mode?) Being someone who thrives on structure, this uncertainty is taking me beyond normal stress to intense panic mode. It is definitely not a fun feeling at all.

Got me thinking of concrete ways that people can get out of funk situations. I mean I am whining about my situation but compared to a lot of people I am sitting really pretty. I am not homeless(yet) lol, yes I have maxed out my credit card but its a doable amount and not something stupid like 5k or 10k. I do not have student loan people hounding me (yet). I do not have any kids or pets to worry about. So yeah I am really sitting pretty but then like all other human beings I want more, I want better...

What I am using to console myself is the fact that God knows best. Certain situations do not happen in order for others to. For example when I was so convinced I needed to avoid going to boarding school, God knew better and I wasnt accepted by the alternative schools. I was so mad (and afraid of the beatings I would get in boarding school). But unbeknown to me, my parents were working on another deal and I ended up going to a school that was so very well suited to me, I could not have picked a better school myself. Then again (apparently I did not learn my lesson) when I was battling my father to go to London because thats where the LOVE OF MY LIFE (*HA!*) was going to be I was very very upset with God that I ended up in the States. Looking back on all of it, I would have absolutely HATED living in London and I have made some amazing friends and had some amazing times here in the states. So I proposed and God disposed and in his disposing he gave me things I never even fathomed. My thinking or pleading was for Level 1 greatness when he had planned Level 10 for me.

Thinking about all these times and many other situations where I simply had to shut up and get "served" by God in his own time makes me hopeful, but then the devil is doing overtime putting doubts in my head. What if, what if, what if...and I am human so some of these doubts make me freak outttt...but I should know better. I am in a funk and I am allowing myself to funk out a little bit because it gives me time to get back to my source, pray a bit more and refocus on the important things.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Please pray I get my paperwork so I can leave and we will pray for the rest later lol :)...

"Close your legs to married men"...

I am waiting for the day we can scratch and sniff from websites (wake me up from my grave when that happens). Until then, you will just have to trust me that this Dolce & Gabbana "The One" is truly the one. Smelled/smelt it on a friend's boyfriend the other time and fell absolutely in love. With the cologne and not the boyfriend of course :). Price ranges depending on where you pick it up but Amazon has it for $57.05.

Anyways I picked this product because it ties in nicely with the topic of today. Other people's taken men or even worse married men. Now despite popular belief and rumors to the contrary, I have never, I am not and I will never mess with someone else's man/husband. If you do, I am JUDGING you right now! I am doing more than judging you, I am judging you and giving you icy, disapproving looks!!!

Shame on you! Shame, Shame, Shame!!! Actually shame on the both of you. Shame on the man because he is the one supposed to be in a committed relationship and he is breaking vows (and thereby causing you to sin) tsk tsk. I know some women who use this as an excuse for their involvement. Well I am not the married one, so I am not really as bad as the person who is married AND cheating. I will give you a moment for that stupid comment to really settle so we can both agree on how stupid it is. First of all, do we think so lowly of ourselves that we are willing to let someone else pick us second and be totally ok with this?

Then there are the women who make it their mission to "hunt" down taken men. Their excuse? A variety of them ranging from he will have no long term expectations, to that is just my personal preference to he will leave her for me etc. etc. Come to think of it any stupid excuse can be used to try to excuse stupidity. Remember I am judging you here so let me. Now hey not everyone believes in being in a relationship, or a monogamous relationship that is your choice but I believe that people's choices are only truly choices when it does not infringe on another choice. For a mistress (yes thats really all you are) to be able to justify her actions I would need her to have the wife on board. Yes please call me and tell me you have made the choice to share my husband with me so I can make the choice as to whether I want to allow myself to be a part of this or leave you two alone and be gone.

Many people are of a variety of school of thoughts when it comes to finding reasons as to why men cheat. I do not know why ...the only thing I know is that if a man is going to cheat, nothing on God's green earth will stop him. (Hence the importance of having a Godly man in your life who places your best interest before his own) *back to the regularly scheduled program* my question is why other women allow them to. Men cannot cheat if they do not have willing participants to help them cheat. So why do we as women allow men to dictate our worth.

I am sorry there is no woman I respect who is allowing herself to be a cheater's partner. Yes, there will be those who claim I have never been in such a situation where the man was my soul mate so I should be quiet. Actually you would be wrong there. I do not know why but throughout my whole life (yes I think even as young as 15 I matured fast dont judge me!!) married/taken men have always been attracted to me. I honestly do not get the attraction because I do not think I encourage it. The whole point of that is to let you know that yes I have been through that temptation and so I am not simply ranting out the side of my mouth when I say one can turn down these men and be all the better for it.

What do you get? Money? Cars? Material wealth? I guess if that is your end goal in life then well done, you will/might achieve all that preying on married men. (but think about it, the wife always gets more :) ref. Tiger vs Tiger.) So if we are going on the business model, isnt it better to be a wife? Or do you hope to steal this man from his wife? (seriously apart from Angelina Jolie *who might get hers soon enough* how many instances does this happen?) Also remember how you got him is how you usually lose him :).

I am not naive or ignorant enough to think that simply talking to people will let them realize the "error" of their ways with cheating and the encouraging of cheating. I simply want to try to understand (and judge) women who have so little self control and respect for themselves that they will be willing to be second place. Being alone sucks, having no one you can count on sucks, but doesnt it suck more when you have someone who is just "play"-ing with you and your emotions? At the end of the day he goes back to his "family" and you are left alone...how can that be a life?

I have always said that I would rather be single than be a mistress for anyone that is my personal conviction and my belief. I judge mistresses and people who cheat with the belief that they will be the main chick. Relationships on their own are hard enough without meddling Meddlesomes...do not encourage the cheaters(or Tiger's lol)...Pray and wait for yours...God knows best for you, do not settle for human second best you will just regret it in the long run. I am going to leave you with this incredibly sappy story about true love and sacrifice, do not focus on the feasibility but rather try to feel how the key players felt...and women lets close our legs, minds and hearts to married/taken men.

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

Agent Provocateur...Agent Saboteur....

I live to find the most perfect pair of pants and I think this Alice + Olivia Eric Pants may be as close to perfection as I may come. (Though I do not like the see through-ish pockets) but that is a small inconvenience for pants that look like they flow properly. I have a *bit*...ok a lot of butt and thighs so even though tight fitting pants look good sometimes you just want your nether regions to breathe a little and pants like these allow you to do so fashionably. At "only" $254.00, wake me up when September comes...$254 should be able to fill my whole wardrobe lol.

Today I was going to talk about people who choose to set other people up. Like friends who claim to be friends but on closer inspection seem to always want to baller block or job block or opportunity block you. However, a more interesting topic came up when Gabe sent me this link. (BTW it is NOT SAFE FOR WORK...generally not safe for anything, anyone or anywhere and I feel absolutely terrible for the young woman in question, I just hope shes not an Internet junkie and so never has to see herself in this light.)

Now before we even get into the issue at hand (women) lets discuss the guy who wrote up the piece in the first place. I get his reasoning, sacrifice one, save the many, but really did we need to see this poor girl? There are a variety of video editing software available that could have been used to have blocked out the girl's face. The message would have been the same, or even stronger because one could relate without feeling like they are partaking in the filth the person who put it out there is spreading. In the comment section, people raise this issue which the author does not take kindly to which makes me doubt his sincerity for posting this in the first place. I said it before and Ill say it again...poor girl...

Now onto the matter at hand. Our sexuality and our significant others. Obviously this woman does not seem to be doing this for the masses but for a significant other. Women, we really would do anything to keep our men happy won't we? Society says the only way to keep your man interested is to constantly remind him of what he has a.k.a your assets. What better way to do this than to send him titillating pictures/videos of yourself? Rhianna seems to be of this school of thought and was quoted as saying that if one does not send her man nude pictures of themselves then she feels sorry for said man (Source) Now this is the same Rhianna who was mortified and felt her privacy invaded when said nude pictures were leaked. So what exactly is her stance?

Now I am all for keeping one's sex life interesting with little interesting pictures here and there, but I also think class is key especially for females. In my younger boyfriend stalking years(don't judge me we all had some of those), I happened to "break into"my ex but still considered boyfriend's email inbox and was thoroughly disgusted to see that a girl had sent him a very very inappropriate picture. I cannot imagine any one being turned on by such, I honestly don't see how, but then again I am a big fan of suggestive photography versus raw lewd pornographic content. Till today that disturbing image has been burnt into my cornea...*shudder*...

My famous line for why I do not bother with sex pictures etc. etc. is that I plan to be someone someday. In this youtube, facebook, Internet era, there are no sins that one will commit that will be forgotten. If you are not ready to have your business put out there then please do not put it out there. If your significant other wants the best for you, they would not want to place you in that awkward situation either. Things happen, cameras get stolen etc. etc. some other vicious person can put your business out there, do not give them the ammunition. Your significant other can see your parts when they are next to you...and they can sear the image into the brain if they need constant reminders :).

Now I know there are some situations where women are videotaped without their consent, it is scary that, this is the world we are living in. It is absolutely disgusting that some people feel the need to validate themselves at the expense of another. Women also need to learn how to protect themselves in such situations. Be vigilant do not simply trust the good in everyone. There is obviously certain behaviors that should set off red flags, pay attention to your female intuition.

Essentially I am very disappointed in the person who in trying to advice us about this epidemic fed into the hype by posting the video without editing. What this teaches us women, however, is the fact that there are people ready and willing to abuse us. A relationship should be between two people, but in this mediated world we live in, sadly its between you, your partner and the media trail you leave. Find interesting but respectful ways to show yourselves affection. If you want to send pictures, send pictures that you will not need to move to the back of a village in some remote country if they were ever to come out. Your sexiness is not enhanced by being crude or vulgar, no man wants a vulgar person for his mate. Try and find unique ways to keep each other interested, who knows it may be this unique way of approaching your relationship that sustains your relationship. :)

Frenemy...definition...someone I dont need/want.

Anyone who knows me knows I have an obsession with all things "cat" like. I also love unique rings so this Kenneth Jay Lane Silver plated Swarovski panther ring is touching all the right places in my heart...and it is affordable too 70% down from $120 to $36. I just told Francis I wanted it so we wait and see :) I am too broke to get it right now *sigh*...soooooon ...soooon....

The topic today is Friendship. I was taking stock of my week (my last week obviously) and going over things I had done, how I had reacted to various situations and occurrences, etc. so I can learn from all that and better myself for this week and the weeks to come. In performing this life inventory, one thing I noticed was that I happen to be blessed with a very strong (cant figure out the word I want to use here so I will say) blessed to be surrounded by love.

Now this is not to be confused with just boyfriend romantic love, but rather love from my true "fan" base, I wont start naming names otherwise I will be here all day. This realization, that I really had people I could count on humbled me and also made me think back to the times when I did not, or at least I was not sure I did. Losing a friend (not through death but simply growing apart) is a difficult experience because as with any relationship you invest your time, effort and emotions into that friendship and then when it is done there is a sense of betrayal (at least for me there is). I feel as if the person was not who they claimed to be and that if they were then we would still be friends. ( Maybe the person also feels the same way about me ...oh wells...lessons to learn from).

Eitherways, do you have good friends? I mean some truly awesome kick ass kind of people in your life? People who support you and your dreams? People who are able to step outside the picture and advise you based purely on their logical appraisal of a situation? People you can keep it real to who might hate you in that particular instance but then you have no fear of them calling/coming back around because you know they truly have your best interest at heart? I do.(yes you may hate me now) :)

A few years ago, I thought I had the ultimate dream team (well Naa was slightly iffy, shes so special lol) but yeah I thought I had a group of friends that I could really count on through thick and thin. They did things I did not always like and agree with but I knew the importance of compromise, enough that I let these things slide. If I had taken my head out of my *dark no entry zone* for a minute and truly looked at the relationships/friendships I was involved in, I would have realized that there was something wrong from the get go and for some things, i.e. long term friendships you cannot simply put a bandage over certain hurts and keep it moving. The sore just festers until it becomes a diseased mess which then needs to be cut off. *Lesson learnt*

A popular saying goes, to have a friend, be a friend. If there is someone who is always trying to bring you down, is constantly negative, seems to delight in your downfall, can never spare a moment, a kind word you really need to let that person go, no matter how rich or efficient or beneficial (otherwise) they are to you. I think sometimes we hold on to people because we think we cannot do any better. Oh if I lose this friend I am too old now to start making new friends so I will just stick around, it cannot get any worse lol. DONT DO IT!!!!...

The best(est) feeling in the world is knowing that you are loved and you have people you love right back. 50/50. When you don't have, these people are willing to see you through and when you do hey its a big party all around. I know I have my flaws (and all) but my friends truly bring out the best in me with the little examples of human kindness they portray each and everyday. Obviously not everything they do is shouting worthy but I see it and I appreciate them even more for these little things they do not thinking anyone else notices.

I hope I am in someone's life, the example of what a true friend should be, as my friends have been in my life. They keep me grounded, keep me on my toes, keep me laughing, essentially they keep me living a purpose driven life. We may not believe the same things, worship the same God(s), have the same cultures etc. but we are able to transcend these differences to enrich each others lives in a positive and real way and for that I always thank God.

The world is a cold and dark place why seek to make it colder and darker with negative people around you? Cut them off and as T.D. Jakes says "Let it go". Take stock of your life, if a person is simply in it without contributing anything worthwhile, pray for them and release them. Look at your own life, are you contributing positively to the people around you or is it time for other people to let YOU go? I think as one gets older the things that matter the most become painfully obvious, and one of these things I have grown to appreciate and cherish is the love of good and true friends. I am blessed to know the people I know and I pray you feel the same way :).

Don't spend major time with minor people.
If there are people in your life that continually
disappoint you, break promises, stomp on your dreams,
too judgmental, have different values and don't have
your back during difficult times...that is not a friend.
Remember what your elders used to say, "Birds of a
feather flock together.
If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens: Chickens Can't Fly!

To have a friend, be a friend.
Sometimes in life as you grow, your friends will
either grow or go. Surround yourself with people who
reflect values, goals interests and lifestyle. Over
the years my phone book has changed because I changed
for the better. At first you think you're going to be
alone, but after a while new people show up in your
life that make your life so much sweeter and easier to
endure.

When I think of any of my successes, I am thankful to
GOD from whom all blessings flow, and to my family and
friends that enrich my life. I love the Lord and thank
Him for all that he does in my life.
Yes I do love Jesus. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and everyday. *CHURCH!!!!!!!*

Are we THERE yet?...Relationship definitions...

These Lanvin's might not look too special just as they appear right now but trust me when its put together with an outfit it looks absolutely deelish! Although I would only buy a green shoe if I had money I didnt know what to do with. Anyhoos...these babies are a "mere" $522.00, 52% off their original price. *One day*!!!

This week has been interesting in terms of reading about and looking at old and new relationships which led me to think about this topic. Lets talk about New relationships. Now I am sure everyone will agree that new relationships are interesting. *Well they are even more interesting when one party doesn't realize they are in a "relationship" lol* ...but thats not my topic or focus today. I am thinking/talking more about the beginning of relationships where both parties are aware it "might" be going somewhere.

Now I have had time from all my old relationships I can say that I have never had a mature relationship. One person was always in it 100% and the other party was doing "and then and then". a.k.a "see how far" relationships See Exhibit A and though I can promise you that I am not the one who came up with Exhibit A, it is interesting to me that they both use terminology that I am oh so familiar with. Lol.

Anyways on to the actual meat of this discussion. When a relationship is new who decides the timing? More importantly who SHOULD decide? Or are you of the school of thought that suggests that we let it ride and see where it ends up? See I had no problem with that approach when I was younger (yes Kiki would kill me for that phrase). Now I just feel like if you want to be my friend sure, but do not block someone who may want to be more in my life...and please do not confuse that with desperation and neediness. I just do not have time to play mind games :).

Most of the time I have waited for the guy to determine the timing (for fear of scaring him off by being perceived as a needy chick). Sidenote: Why do guys do that? I mean you hit on me, you get my number, you keep calling me and yet when I ask what exactly you want it turns on me and makes me the bad person? So NOT COOL!!!...Anyways in the past I would let it slide for as long as I could but usually by the one month line I need to know whats going on. Apparently, however, for some guys this is a problem as this shows.

Well in all fairness we don't know how long the span of 4 dates was. My rule, however, is that by the 3rd week to a month I need to know where you are taking me. In a perfect world people would be able to voice out their expectations from the get go without being perceived as being needy and desperate but such is life. By month 1 if you are still unsure and doing "and then and then" I think it is time for you to "hit the road Jack". I mean honestly, you know when you want to be with someone or not, the rest is overthinking it. Now obviously this applies to relationships where both parties are in the same place, same time...Long distance relationships are a whole different ballgame but even then, by the 1st month you should know where things are going.

Am I being totally unrealistic with this timing? Most women agree that if a man is allowed to dictate the speed and significant naming "stages" of a relationships (yes we need the names so when we tell our friends we can be more specific) lol ...the relationship would go no where. Yet I have seen/heard of relationships where both parties agree that when they knew, they knew. So perhaps the problem isn't with men or women in general but being with the wrong man or woman for you. If you have to try too hard take it from me, it is not meant to be. If you are sacrificing too much of YOU for THEM, no there will never come a time where it will be reciprocated, get over it and find a better situation. Easy to say, hard to actually DO! I know I have been there...

We all want to be someone special to some who makes us feel special too. Sometimes in our zeal to find that ONE so we are not called old single women or men we take short cuts that end up hurting us more than helping us. I say this not to try to diminish the anguish I know I have felt in wanting to just find someone to give the love you have to. You don't want anything from them, you just want to give them YOUR love and you cant seem to find that one. Everyone says to pray and wait and the perfect guy will be on his way when the time is right. The loneliness, the feelings of inadequacies, obviously if I cant find anyone to love me then it has to be something wrong with me and the subsequent changes to who you truly are just to try to attract someone who isn't meant to be with you in the first place. These are all character building opportunities but do they have to be so painful?

I haven't found my love yet, but I have seen glimpses of true peace and happiness (as of my present time and situation) and if this is what love is all about ....where do I sign up? I am love's greatest ally and its biggest cynic at the same time so you have an ally in me anytime when you think no one else gets what you are going through. Whatever we do, let us be able to walk into a relationship holding onto to Jesus so when the human fails we can calmly turn around and walk out with Jesus the same way we came in. :) I pray we all find that special someone God has ordained for us and for true happiness and peace ...this world lacks it!

Here is to finding the special one for us and growing with this person in all facets of our lives :)...

IN..SOM...NIA...

LOVESIT!!!!! This Roberto Cavalli Jersey studded gown is absolutely perfect for that awesome wedding you just got an invitation to. It covers up where it should and clings where it should. I am in love...you can be in love and wear this love for a mere $1656 :) down from its original $4140 (yeah someone's semester school fees lol).

ANYthatssuchaprettydressHOO, today I am probably going to rant aimlessly because as the title suggests, I haven't had any sleep or useless sleep and I am not a happy camper. My eyes are pretending to be awake whilst the rest of my body hasn't gotten the memo. *Sigh*

Personal rant: when are people going to learn that I do not care if they stop contacting me? Unless you are a true friend of mine, I do not give a dog's smelly fart if you stop contacting me and I will not contact you ugh! I do not like people thinking they can manipulate me by withholding communication...be GONE!

Now onto the important things. (Ok there's nothing really important for me to say today as I am operating on spare energy). *I am thinking here*....Oh ok I know what we can discuss. Broken relationships, marriages etc. What celebrity broken relationships have made me realize...

First instance: Alicia Keys and Swizz(however you spell his name) vs Mashonda

Basic story, Swizz and Alicia supposedly got together whilst he was still with his wife Mashonda. They are now divorced he is expecting a child with Alicia and they plan on getting married.

As the spurned woman, do you go about it the way Mashonda did. Call the woman out, want to sit and talk etc.? Mashonda says she did this for her child and that is very commendable but wow. I personally do not think I could have done this. I am not a spiteful person and I believe both parents should be involved in the upbringing of the child they brought into the world but I do not know if I have the ability to be as forgiving as Mashonda was. Maybe because I do not have a child yet I do not yet know how to sacrifice for said child and make it truly all about the child and not my own selfish needs and wants?

In this situation I honestly would not want the other woman around my child. Call it what you want but thats just my feeling about this situation right now. I respect Mashonda for her selflessness but ummm...not me! not now! I have realized with this that sometimes you need to be strong for the children involved in the mess.

Second instance: Tiki Barber and his wife Gini

Quick story, Tiki allegedly left his pregnant (WITH TWINS) wife for a younger chick.

In this situation Gini has not publicly said anything about this situation but her "friends" have been talking for her. She seems to be doing what I probably would do, focus on my kids and take the sucker (I mean the man) for everything he has. Again this is not in spite or anything but how disrespectful do you have to be to dump your pregnant wife??? You could not leave your little man in your pants till at least your kids were born? Jeez mannn, Low blow mannn (said in Stewie Griffith's voice and accent) NOT COOL. I am still waiting for someone to say something that might slightly excuse Tiki's behavior...any takers? any takers? I have realized with this that sometimes when you are your most vulnerable is when the Devil comes in and not to let that situation beat you down Tiki will get his :) and Gini had her beautiful healthy children (btw).

Third instance: Christina Milan and the Dream

*Sigh* ok quick story Christina and the Dream got together got pregnant and then got married (then had the baby) then when the Dream was caught with another woman just last week said their marriage had ended. *SERIOUS side eye*...DUDEEEEEE!!!

Ok now Christina may not have gotten the memo because as of today she is still sashaying around in her wedding and engagement rings. Now Naa says she blames the both of them i.e. the Dream is a dog and Christina should have known better. It seems Christina is pulling the "I am legally married to him so I am not doing anything wrong and people should feel sorry for me card" and don't get me wrong in some ways I DO feel for her, no one deserves to be cheated on. But i feel more for the innocent child they have introduced into this world in such an unstable environment. This is why elders warn us about getting to know someone well before taking the plunge with them. Now this is all fresh so we don't know if they will patch and make up but I dont know about taking a cheater back. I have realized with this that you NEED to know the person you are getting with and not get with them trying to change them.

2010 seems to be the year of the cheater (see Tiger and all other Hollywood men). How the women in these situations react tells us a lot about how society has and continues to evolve. Some women choose not to address the situation in the media and others choose to let their situations be a lesson to other women. What I have learned through these celebrity relationships is the fact that relationships take hard work and one should never take anything for granted. I truly feel for all people involved in messy relationships especially the children as they bear the brunt of all of this avoidable nonsense. I have also learned to keep God first.What lessons have failed celebrity relationships taught you?

God Im losing it...Fix it like you did before...

This really cute Indigo Vixen Clutch by Libertas is too cute. I can see it dressed up with a nice pair of slacks or even the standard little black dress. I can also see it dressed down and with a pair of jeans and some heels thrown on. *Sigh* at $209 *gulp* yeah it will have to evade my wardrobe for now...but I can still dream...*ahhhhhh*...moving right along.

Personal rant: Ok whatever evil spirit has my name in its grips and has decided to torment me with all sorts of break outs and allergic reactions...I see you and I got something for you!!! Thank God for make up!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! Seriously though cant wait to go see a dermatologist get the necessary tests done and be rid of these annoyances!!!

Ok so I am getting really bummed about this lack of job situation. You know its all fun and curly pig tails until it really hits you that no one is calling and you dont have a job and your money is about to run out!!!!!!! I hate whining about things that cannot be fixed so I am trying my best not to whine but I am very very stressed and not so happy :( my booboo is a good distraction though :)...God works in mysterious ways. If you had told me X amount of weeks ago that someone will be distracting me from my non working blues I would have laughed at you ( a LOT!) But all the distractions (friends et. al) has been good for me so I have to be thankful for even that :).

Ok now I am done with the sucking up, (yes its a contractual obligation I have to suck up to the so called friends ever so often or they get antsy lol) we can get to the real stuff. Today it is about Trust. I think Trust is one of the reasons being single is so comfortable, if you do not let anyone in, then no one can hurt you n'est ce pas? This year (2010) has really been the year of homewrecker's and cheating scandals which push this issue of trust to the fore front of everyone's mind. Now I could go the usual route and point fingers at the different genders, oh men cheat more or women cheat more blah blah but thats not my problem or issue. The topic of cheating and trust in general is the main issue. What is it that pushes people to be dishonest to themselves and the people they are involved with?

Granted no one in any sort of relationship (not only romantic situations) wants to know that their services are no longer required lol (to put it nicely) but I warrant that people would rather know and deal with it than be lied to. Having being in situations/relationships where I have had my trust shattered and having shattered the trust of other people, I know this is behavior I am not interested in engaging in. For me honesty now is my best policy. I would rather lay it all out there and let you decide how you want to react. These good intentions on my part does not necessarily mean the people I involve myself with will reciprocate and that is VERY scary. I can't even lie and say its not.

What can I do about this?

Well my initial (human) reaction was to try to control everything, question everything, try to find ways to tag people to know where they are constantly. Well as Naa (circa 2002-2003) showed, you can chase someone and know where he is at all times and his ass will still cheat. I am of the school of thought that if someone is going to cheat on you, nothing is going to prevent it, they will find a way to cheat. Ok so what is the alternative? Not care? Well that could be a good alternative although if you do not care then why bother knowing the person? Why bother including them in your inner circle? So again no...and finally I hit on the perfect solution (for me).

Just let it go. Leave it all to God. (I'll pause so you get all the laughing out then continue). Ok are you done? Let me explain my reasoning to you. I think usually when we put our human element into relationships that is what ends up ruining it because at the end of the day what are humans? We are just selfish beings. We don't love and respect the other for what they truly are, we simply want to edit them to be a reflection of ourselves so we can look at them and preen and fuss about what a good job we have done. Think about it, what are fights? A resistance. One party is refusing/resisting an element of change. Do we agree on this at least? If we do then here's the alternative.

God knows best. (If you don't agree please get lost and never come back *said in the most loving way I can say it*)...now if God knows best and he is the one who puts you with someone then if you ask for his help in keeping on the right path with that person, don't you think God will listen to you? People pray for cars, more money, jobs, good partners, friends etc. now when you get the good people in your life why cant you pray to KEEP them in there? I believe strongly in praying for people (good) to surround one's life. I thought I had some "friends" and during an interesting show and tell period with God I asked him to show me my true friends and the people I had left out of those I called Friends were surprising lol.

Trust is a key/integral part of any relationship. No one wants their trust to be abused and I believe you find true love when you can learn to truly trust another believing and trusting in God first because even if (wo)man is fallible, God is infallible. I truly believe that if one or the two of however many are in the relationship immerse said relationship in God then nothing they aspire for that relationship will be lacking. This is soooo NOT easy...(and I should know). There are many issues I am dealing with or trying to deal with when it comes to inviting God in and still having a "fun" relationship ill let you know how that goes lol.

So to wrap up...no one can control the actions of another, you fall for people because of who they are and not because of how much you can change them. (I hope). I have entrusted all my relationships to God looking and learning at the same time. Stay tuned for the results. :)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.—Galatians 5:22-23

Come closer....I wanna...

I think I love these Sam Edelman "York" Platform pumps...I can see myself throwing them on with a pair of jeans to spice things up, or a nice skirt /dress....*sigh*...

Moving right along :). First of all it is very hard to think/write when one is happy, at least in my case. I am trying to think of deep meaningful things to discuss/write and I can do is sit with a stupid smize/smile on my face thinking about someone :).

Seriously though lets see...ok perfect we can talk about fashion and appropriate and inappropriate fashion for different age groups. Basically this topic has been on my mind since my mom saw me in a short dress and went slightly ballistic...her reasoning? At my age I need to be more (i forget the word she used) but basically no more short skirts blah blah. Now I am a big proponent of the wear what accentuates your assets campaign. If you have it...flaunt it, whatever it may be. For me this it happens to be my chestitisis, my butt and my legs. All outfits of mine cater to some aspect of these "its" unless I happen to be going out with my father in which case a trash bag...sorry a LONG trash bag will suffice! (Yeah he dont play those games!!) Lol...actually hes become more relaxed and my mom has become more uptight with my fashion choices...go figure!

Anyways so yeah usually I flaunt what I have. When I was younger I have to admit my fashion sense was just trashy (Reason 1230405050 I am dreading having a daughter) but as the years have progressed I have tried (key word here being tried) to let my fashion evolve into something that is unique and age appropriate. I love clothes, I love fashion, I love anything to do with fashion (in an alternate life I would be working in the fashion industry) so it truly bugs me when I cant seem to get "things" right. For this year classy is the main theme. Whatever I have on, I want it to look classy and thats my main goal. I think so far so good but Lord give me a job so I can go shopping for some big girl clothes soon.

So (yes my mind is all over the place) but my main point is this. Is there an expiration date on certain styles and fashion? That is, are more people of the school of thought (like my mother) that once you go past 25 short and tight clothes should not be a part of your wardrobe? Or are you of my school of thought which says if you learn/know how to put things together properly then there are no fashion limitations? ...Think about it...

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I am published....

http://www.amazon.com/Gender-Communication-Computer-Mediated-context-Augustina/dp/3838378016/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278772419&sr=8-3

Cohabitation...Welcome to Hell where you are welcome to sell :)...

I loveeeee...this Alice + Olivia Jasmine ruched silk dress, it would work perfectly for that second date *sigh*...Anyhoos...if you want it go get it...its a mere "$420" (i think) :)...and since I put you on to it can you get 2 and send me 1? Mucho gracias :)

Ok so today the topic is on cohabitation :). Living together before marriage or as my mother would say "living in sin" ahhhh Mrs. A and her dramatics :). I don't think I have a personal opinion about living with your significant other when it comes to other people but I would not do it (barring some major financial necessity) and these are the reasons why.

Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free? I am the kind of person that tries to make my surrounding extremely comfortable for me at all times. If I am with someone who does not share my (OCD) cleaning tendencies then I am going to be stuck cleaning forever which will eventually make me get sick of the person and vice versa. What if we have the same cleaning tendencies? Oh fun!!! but in all my 20 something years I have never met anyone who did...so essentially the person is getting a personal maid, chef and warm body to sleep next to, and I get....squat!

Also lets not even play around, men can be dogs!!! Once he gets used to you and all your quirks he is busy looking for greener grass somewhere else. I think it is important to maintain some sort of mystery, allure so he feels like he never truly knows all of you at any given time.

Familiarity breeds contempt. There are just little quirky things about one's significant other that will bug you. While you are dating one might be tempted to try to "change" this which may lead to even more problems. When you are married and basically stuck with each other, compromise is a word that really sticks out...I think (and this is a personal opinion) one is less likely to compromise when its just dating versus marriage. I could be wrong, you tell me.

Its against my religion and culture. My Catholic faith says no can do! If he wants the goods he must put a ring on it. Now what do I really feel about this? Well, at my age I am not trying any trial and errors. I have told all my friends that the next guy I introduce as my boyfriend is going to be a fiance and then a Husband (God willing). If you think we are compatible enough to move in together, then we should be compatible enough to get married!

What about the argument that sometimes it is better to test the waters before marriage?...You get a side eye from me :). This is not a machine you are buying from a store, it is the emotions and interactions of two HUMAN beings!!! During your dating phase you should be able to "learn" all the essential things about your mate, and if you feel you dont know them well enough, then guess what maybe you should not be getting married. It is not a race!!!

For me cohabitation just brings a myriad of problems. What happens when you break up? Who leaves? Who stays? Who pays for what? How do you prevent one person from taking advantage of the other? Ok maybe you are paying rent etc. but then you are a dirty pig whom I constantly have to clean up after...etc. etc. I have friends who are happily living with their significant others and they get no shade from me at all. If they can do it, good for them, it is just not for me :). Cohabitation is an interesting issue that draws varied responses from various people, some love it, others think its a bad idea. I have outlined my views...what do you think?

Fear and yet ...Anticipation...where did I drop my Manual on Life??

I need these shoes in my life...(I think)...they are everything a formal shoe should be.Formal in the sense that it would be used for serious occasions. I can so see myself strutting around the office in these babies. *sigh*...office...work...me no havey any *sigh*...BTW these babies are "only" $520...50% off their original price of $1040 and they are Lanvin's.

Moving hurriedly along. So this has been one of the craziest/weirdest week's I have ever ever had...or at least I've had this year. So this $th of July weekend, I decided to spend not holed up at home (as usual) but to go visit a friend where I met some interesting men. Now maybe I have lost the manual to dating but these guys dont seem to be doing the regular hit and run approach. What do I mean??? Meet, if you seem into it lie to you get you into bed and run...end of story.

Ok so we met for a bbq/party (in the day), I lied and said I would show up later on in the evening at a club (of course I wouldn't I was tired). Now typically, I would expect guys to be like ok this girl is too much trouble and just keep it moving with the other girls that were around them. Can you believe every single one of the guys called me (some to offer rides to the club, others to plan lunch the next day etc. etc.) That was quite shocking to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I am ugly and don't deserve attention, I just didn't know guys to chase fish in pond that was not easily accessible...

Fast forward to the next day, they all called and tried to see me again. (again this is weird, I didn't show up last night you probably met other girls and got their numbers why not hang with them?) And now one of them has picked up the habit of texting me good morning and good night...(which I think is sweet)...Kojo started and now has stopped (minus points for him :)).

Ok so all the above is not even the weird part...yes I got LOADS of attention (though I didn't enjoy it, it was funny I felt like a trapped rabbit with everyone trying to stand out it was a bit overwhelming...maybe I need someone to psychoanalyze that or me). Ok, the weird part is that this was not just over this weekend, suddenly I am getting attention from everyone!!!! Guys I haven't spoken to in YEARS are suddenly calling constantly to "check up on me", random guys in the streets want to go on dates (and no I haven't changed anything about myself)...Now if big Kevin calls that would just be the end, Ill know Jesus is truly coming. lol. Naa thinks I should ride the wave but I don't like the feeling. I am very black and white and want to always know whats going on so this is a bit unnerving.

Oh and to make matters all the even more complicated, all this attention is happening when I just met someone I am trying to get to know better.(*blush* he makes me smile). All this makes it a bit hard because I am trying to keep an open mind about everyone. I am not 'dating' said person yet (well he hasn't mentioned exclusivity) so I don't want to set myself up and stop meeting other people. I doubt he has stopped looking at/meeting other women so we wait and see *sigh*. How stupid will I look if HE finds someone (closer to where he lives) and throws up the deuces at me? Then I am stuck looking like an E-diot :(!

I don't know who will end up being the "one", I mean I have my favorite but I don't know if he is it (yet) :) above all my wants and likes I want God to do the choosing for me. I wish God would just point ONE guy out and be like yeah pick him cause this buffet is just confusing. So far this one person sticks out just because of our religious background and we seem to agree on a lot of the same things but then he also has some crimson red flags and I am not trying to repeat the Kyle experience! (What is the Kyle experience? Short version met online was the perfect gentleman did all the cute things emailed, called, texted (alllllllllllllllllllllllllll the time), met in person and he turned out to be a snake. He is the one thing I regret in my life) and that experience almost crushed my spirit so I don't want a repeat). So I stay praying, not forcing and trusting in the will of God above all things. :)...

At the end of this "rainy" season when my dry spell begins I want to be able to feel as though I did everything in my power without changing who I was to accommodate anyone else...( compromise but not be changed). Even if we don't end up as lovers I would like to make some good friends out of these prospects. I wish, hope and pray Prince Charming is among this bunch but I guess Man proposes and God disposes....Pray for and with me that God uses the "bad apples" to show the true one for me :) or just call a psychiatrist and refer me whichever works for you :)

If nothing at all the rest of 2010 seems as if its going to be a very interesting period...stay tuned...