When I was younger (Kiki hates when I say that or use that phrase cause shes like well you are still young!!!) But I usually mean when i was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy younger!! Sheesh!!! Anyways when I was younger :) I used to have a pretty good relationship with God (or so I thought), I guess its easier to have a good relationship when you really dont know much better lol lol what was I going to do? Kill someone? Steal? etc. etc. For some strange reason I LOVEDDDDDD reading the Bible. I could sit and read and read it over and over again. No pressure or nothing. I loved God with all my heart and that was that. Then I went through my crises of faith. It was not that big of a deal I think I went a year or so (if that long) without wanting God in my life then I snapped out of it. But after that I do not think I have ever had the relationship I used to have with him and it scares me and worries me at the same time. It scares and worries me because at the end of the day when its all said and done I know God is the most important being in my life, he sees all the stupid things I get up to and he loves me despite and regardless of all this stupidity. I have been in so many situations that if it had not been for the hand of God in my life I would not have made it through those times. And yet still I live in my sinful ways needing a way out but not quite figuring exactly HOW to get out of it.
I went for Theology on Tap last night and this lady got up and spoke about Jesus, Peter and the walking on water incident. I wont bore you with her whole sermon but basically her deal was, sometimes in order to see God work in our lives we need to be like Peter and get out of the boat to at least try and walk on the water with Jesus. THIS IS A SCARY THOUGHT!!!
I have been asking God lately to speak to me because I Feel like I am missing a piece of the action and I was getting frustrated because Ive told God what i want (lol)...usual dissertation, man, good job (in that order) although mummy prefers man, dissertation and good job (hey at least we agree on the basics lol. So anyways I have been praying about this for awhile and absolutely NO RESPONSE!!! I meet these guys I KNOW arent the one and yet still I try to make them look like the one but God wasnt having it so usually after the first date I know I am over it and them lol.
Anyways after yesterdays lesson on listening for the call of God in our lives I was pondering on what God was calling me to do with my life when April (a chick I work with (delightful chick)) anyways she comes in and shows us a promise ring she got from her man. (Now to me this is fast cause theyve only been dating for about 3 or 4 months but it got us speaking on the issue of mates when Lydia (an older lady in the office) broke it down to me and told me exactly what I needed to hear. God spoke to me through her. I DO NOT need to settle because everyone calls me uppity and thinks I will never find a man as good as my father. I WILL!!! In God's time and when he knows I am ready he will put whatever he knows I need in my life. NO TIME SOONER!!!...Rachel(the lady who spoke yesterday) said something VERY important when she said, WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOUR LIFE (and Abilities) is a reflection of WHAT YOU THINK GOD CAN DO. If you put restrictions on what God can do for your life you are simply stating that he is a God who cannot. I believe my God CAN even when I choose to put limitations on him. I will prove everyone wrong when I DO find THAT ONE who is just like my daddy, a God fearing selfless man!!!! Until then I will continue to listen for what God is saying and try to find what I have been called to do.
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