Says who?...

I have been craving these Timberland Men's Onuma Venetian Driver shoes ever since I got the 411 from a good source that they are amazingly easy to wear and soft like "budder". Yes they are for men (and not unisex). If you want to check them out, they are going for between $79.50 and $99.00 and can be found here.

Ok so its Sunday morning, I am being lazy in my bed waiting for Church time and I decided to update this. The most interesting discussion I have had all week is on the issue of dating a bi-sexual person. According to this article here, Black women (specifically) are missing out on good men because they are (perhaps) too naive to dip out of the typical expected male pool. The article suggests that women (black) be more open into looking at men like Corey who are bi-sexual but are ready to commit and settle down and have kids etc.

In my first reading of this post I was like HELL NO!!! But J raised an important point which is quite logical. The article did say he is ready to be in a committed MF (male female) relationship. If he cheated (with a man or a woman) the who should not be the problem and more the fact that he DID cheat. So in theory and on paper this might actually not be a bad thing. Let's think it out. When we get into relationships, should what our partners have done in the past have merit on our present? Some people like J would say No, leave the past in the past. I say yes, to some extent because some of your actions in the past will tell me who you truly are or have the capacity to be in the future, despite what you tell me now. I know this opens up a whole range of other topics and goes deeper than such a basic question should but it is interesting and useful to have these discussions early to get a sense of what your mate is thinking. Anyways with this discussion J thought if the person had been bi in the past but was no longer and was looking for and wanted to be in a MF relationship then that should be enough and he should not be judged on his past actions.

I nodded a lot in agreement and still said HELL NO!!! Call me naive, twisted, etc. etc. but I refuse to date a man who has ever been screwed (too vulgar? Ok had sex) by another man and that is just my feeling about that. I have no problem with a person and their sexual orientation, you do what you want and you deal with the repercussions be it MM, MF or FF. I think, however, that I should have the right to say No mas when it comes to me and be completely ok with it. I have noticed that sometimes in an effort to please the minority, people are too lax with what they believe in (People can say the same about race, gender, etc., I think they call it politic correctness). My point is, if we argue that Homosexuals and Bi-sexuals should be allowed to date whomever they want., then heterosexuals should be able to date whomever they want as well and be able to say "without being labelled" No thanks ill pass on you even if NOW you are saying you want to bat for the team I like.

I respect Corey because he has the balls (no pun intended) to be completely honest with himself and with however many readers this blog (and subsequent blogs which have written this up) has. What I utterly and truly despise are men who KNOW fully well they are attracted to and want to be with other men and yet get into heterosexual relationships because it is the cultural norm. For those kind of men I have absolutely NO RESPECT!!! You selfish unthoughtful egotistical maniacs really think that putting yourselves above another individual is somehow excusable or should be understandable because "You were scared". How about the woman who has fallen in love with you and given you her all? What about her happiness? What about the children you have brought into the world. Children who did not ASK to be brought into this world. What about your happiness?

I may not know all there is to know about sexuality and sexual orientation blah blah. My faith aside, all I truly know is that love, true love above all things, is sacrificial. If you truly loved someone there is no way you would hurt, deceive, manipulate this other person. Your whole life would be to better this person's existence. So my solution to all this is that people should strive for true love and leave all the other BS behind because it brings nothing but pain. Be true to who you are and you will be blessed by it at the end of the day. At the end of the day, we all know who we love, so let us truly love these people and leave out all the rest.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Try loving someone above yourself...

Sometimes it just hurts...but Faith makes it better...

I have been envying girls who can afford to wear low/flat knee hi boots, aka girls with long legs. I like the concept but I usually avoid them because I have a long torso BUT short legs. This baby right here would be so perfect though because it looks flat (comfy) but then it has the extra height in the heel section. There is no way I can afford these babies by Jil Sander but maybe you can. You can find them here, for 50% off their original 1040 price and get them for $540 (as J would say...Ha!)

Moving right along, today's post will be very short. I realize I had not written in awhile so I just decided to drop in a quick note. i have been having a hard time sleeping lately and no it is not because of the work situation, slowly slowly that is getting rectified. My life is pretty much perfect or as close to perfect as I would want it to be. ( Thank you Lord) but there is something just not hanging right with me.

I am reading the news, hearing about peoples situations and this is just troubling my mind. For example this story, how can people be so depraved? For disclaimer purposes, no not everyone in Africa is this demented!!! I used to tease my mother and my grandmother (who passed away exactly 2 years ago today (I miss you mama) ) that they were worry warts who worried for no good reason. As I am getting older (dun dun dun dun) I am realizing that I may have picked up that worry gene! Sigh (come on sigh with me). Seriously though, do you not get just tired hearing the news of the world? One day rape, the next torture, the next suicide, the next homicide, patricide, matricide etc. etc. doesn't it all get to you? I guess the days I feel like this are the days I should not put my Bible down even for a second because the Devil is hard at work in and near me.

As humans we were given the ability to empathize, which we should thank God for but at the same we should not take for granted. We are not God and do not know what plans he has. I feel like asking him why? Why us, why is the world suffering so much, why , why, why and I am just afraid he going to tell me it is because there are not enough people praying to prevent these things from happening.

It is very easy to get bogged down with emotions and frustrations when all one should really do is dust themselves off and dedicate more time to prayer. I have been feeling hellish for the past few days but I am grateful for this insight. I am off to say a few meaningful prayers and even if the rain comes tomorrow, I will be still and know that there still is and always will be a God. :).

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

⁸ Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

⁹ He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.

¹⁰ "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

5 Lessons I wish my Life manual had come with...Part I

"They" say Draping/Draped outfits are the IN thing for Fall 2011. Before "they" said it, I had already jumped on that train. Yes, I am oh so fashion forward. I already have my draped dress ready for my birthday (YAY!). If you are looking to be "hot" this fall, consider looking for draped dresses and tops, they are very efficient in accentuating the parts you want accentuated and hiding the parts you want to remain hidden. This beautiful outfit is BCBG and can be found here for $103.00

Moving right along, I was looking online today and came across a list that someone had written, things they wish they had known before they hit 30. That got me thinking. With the new year coming (right around the corner), this is a good time to take stock of all the lessons I have learned this year.

Lesson 1: If (s)he wants you, then there is nothing going to keep him/her away from you .

Yes we have all been in that situation (and if you haven't kudos to you). You go on that date, think it went pretty well blah blah then silence. You dedicate your whole life to staring at your phone waiting for that person to call. Or even worse, you go on that date, you let them "hit it" then silence. Or you have been doing this on and off thing, it seems you are in an off stage but you cant be quite sure cause the other person wont call you back blah blah then silence and....
QUIT IT!!!

I know, I know, you think no one knows the pain you are going through and your situation is soooo different from everyone elses (*side eye*). This person would call if they had the time its just that they are too busy (insert excuse here). (*sigh*). No sweetie, no no no! Even President Obama has time to stay in contact with his wife. Shut the excuses down and keep it moving.

Lesson 2: Respect yourself. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually.

This applies both to men and women. For women, we spend so much time talking about how we are constantly disrespected by men , other women etc. etc. and then jump right back into things that ensure that we will get disrespected. Allowing people to talk to us anyhow, talking back to people anyhow, I am sure you get the picture. Have some respect for yourself. Have respect in the way you dress, the way you approach life, the way you deal with people and the way you let people deal with you. Always remember to put God first before all things and deal with others as a representation of God. In doing so you will not only be sure to treat people around you with respect, but they will learn to respect you too.

Men, a man who has no respect for himself is a turn off. You want to go around bragging about everything you own and yet you have no respect for yourself. You have children in every area code, you are popping bottles and yet these kids feeding bottles are empty. Do better. Money does not the man make and there is only one letter difference between crass and class.

Lesson 3: Make and keep older friends.

There is nothing new under the sun. Older people have been through most situations you are currently facing or will face in the near future. I know sometimes you swear you were the only one who has experienced a certain situation, NOT TRUE. This is where older people can be useful, they can advice you on these situations. Now I always make sure to seek the advice of my parents and my mentors (older people), priests, heck any older person I know in any situation I encounter. I may not necessarily take their advice but at least they give me options. (Disclaimer I usually end up taking the advice lol)

Lesson 4: Know your friends, don't waste time naming or acknowledging any others.

When push comes to shove who has your back? People are so quick to claim their friends and do not even "know" these people they claim to be friends with. When it comes to my friends, (not acquaintances) I ask myself, 1. If this person were to be removed from my life would I even notice? (Do they serve a higher purpose in my life) and 2. Does this person motivate me to pursue greater and better things for my life. (Do they encourage the best for and in me?). 3. Do I trust this person? If the answer to these questions are no, then sorry you are not my friend, no matter how many times we speak or how close (geographically or figuratively) you think we are. A friend should be someone you are not afraid to share your intimate moments with, someone you can let your guard down around, if I cannot trust you, no thanks.

Lesson 5: Thou shalt keep your money and your friends separate from each other.

Nothing will break a tight relationship (platonic or otherwise) up faster than financial issues. Keep your friends and your money separate. If I do not have the money to give, I do not volunteer it in any situation. I learned that lesson the hard way. If you absolutely HAVE to lend a friend money, make sure you have (in writing preferably) a concrete time table as to when that debt will be repaid. DO NOT HARASS your friend. There is nothing more annoying than having someone help you out with something and then bring it up everytime. "Oh remember when you didnt have that money and I hooked you up?" It is annoying , demeaning and not worth it. Resist the urge. If the time passes and the money hasnt shown up, a polite reminder will do as people genuinely forget with life. If the money still does not show up or your friend does not even acknowledge you then kindly take your letter to the nearest court, file a civil claim et voila. Hopefully being FRIENDS means it should never get to this but (sigh) I have been there and Star (yes her name is/was really Star) and Benaifer (yes that really is her name too), God is watching both of you thieving friends!!! (Ok Woosah)

There are many more lessons I have learned (from) that I will be sharing, this is just the tip of the iceberg. In reflecting on these various lessons, one thing I can see for certain is that I am continually blessed even in the midst of all these situations that have come my way. "It" has been said that what does not kill you will only make you stronger (except for poison I think) and this seems to be the case. All the failed relationships (platonic or otherwise) have only shown me how to be a better person and to respect other people too. If I had not had a foolish man waste my time, never call me etc. how would I respect and appreciate my boyfriend for every time he has checked up on me? If I hadnt gone through the bad friends abusing our friendship, how else would I appreciate the good my current friends bring to my life? You cannot learn from only having positive experiences, you need the negative to show you a difference.

I appreciate every twist and turn my life has taken to get me to this exact spot and I thank God for walking with me through all those times up until now. The past is just that past, the present is a gift :) and my future rests in God's hands. It is truly well with me :).

I'll name my first kid Love so I may nurture Love ...

I am lusting for the most perfect tuxedo/evening jacket possible. I want something chic I can throw on to add that extra "oompf " to an outfit during this fall/winter season. I have seen some interesting jackets but nothing that has called out to me yet. The middle jacket in this picture looks like it might do the trick so I will go investigating.

Today's topic ties into my essential theme of trying to understand human interactions. I try to understand LOVE, yes that all encompassing term. I try to break it down into tiny little specks I can over analyze. Come along for the ride, it should be interesting.

So what is love?Well love as is going to be discussed is love based on C.S. Lewis's book Four Loves in which he which explores the nature of love from a Christian perspective. Lewis identifies and gives a thorough discussion of the 4 Greek words for love, namely Storge (affection), Phileo (Friendship), Eros and Agape (Charity). Now note that we are only going to be touching on these different types of loves slightly. You could get a dissertation from this topic and I do not have the time to go into an in-depth discussion. Consider this post as a cliff notes discussion :).

Ok let's start with Storge or affection. This is love that is based on familiarity and is usually found between family members or people who find themselves in the same place etc. As you can imagine with this type of love (familiar) love, it is seen as very natural. You do not necessarily always like your family members, but you will always love them and that is just how the dice rolls. It can be good in that you know wherever you go and whatever you do, there are a group of people that always "have your back". The bad side to this, however, occurs when people start to take this natural love for granted and expect their family members to be there for them after they have abused the familial love and bond. I am sure we can all remember ways that our family members have done things to hurt our very core, and yet still we love them in spite of this.

Phileo or friendship is the second definition of love. This love is based on friendship. This bond is formed when people who have the same interests get together and are bonded by this same interest. Phileo is not sexual, it is just the deep and true understanding of everything friendship is meant to be. In its broadest terms I guess we could label this "brotherly or sisterly" love we have for one another.

Eros is the ah ha love, some refer to it as erotic love. This is the love we think we mean when we say I am in love!! The butterflies in the tummy, the jittery feeling yadda yadda yadda. Horny love. What is interesting about this love, however, is the fact that it is motivated by a need. What do I mean? Well Eros thrives on everything that we seemingly have ascribed to "love". This is what I need for me to feel I am in love with you, you must have A, B, C etc. so long as these conditions are met, then I remain in love. Once these conditions change then love goes. Eros is deep and passionate but can be very fickle. (Current divorce rates anyone?)

The last (and fittingly so) love is Agape, what we should all strive to have. Agape or charity is the love that exists regardless of any limits we want to place on it. That love exists regardless of circumstances, i.e., it is selfless. Usually when the Bible talks about love this is the love it is referring to. The pure love which gives all and expects nothing in return. God is love is referring to this love. God is Agape, he loves mankind despite the fact that there is nothing that WE can do for HIM. In discussing Agape, Richard L. Strauss notes that, "it is a love which keeps lov­ing when its object is unre­spon­sive, unkind, unlov­able, or com­pletely unwor­thy… it gives one hun­dred per­cent and expects noth­ing in return!"

All this sounds pretty simple right? We love our family, we love our friends, we lust after hot people and God loves us.... then we die! Life does not work out that way. In fact life should not work out that way. All these loves in their own way satisfy a need and a purpose but what we should be striving for in all aspects of our lives is Agape love, the love that exists without a purpose. This love ensures that when our family members do things that hurt us, we are able to recognize the hurt and yet truly keep it moving. This love ensures that when our friends mistreat us and abuse our friendship, we are able to recognize this and not respond in kind but still treat them how we would want to be treated. This love ensures that instead of looking at every hunk like he is red meat I want to devour I actually remember that I am not my own. I have been purchased for a price and my body is a wonderland. (lol) I keed, I keed...my body is a temple :). (Sigh, the lust thing is not easy)

If we are able to eliminate all these other loves, and truly interact with each other based on Agape, the world would truly be a better place. Agape especially in relationships means that, as Lewis points out in discussing husbands and the role they play as heads of a family:
This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion, whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is—in her own mere nature—least lovable. For the church has no beauty but what the Bridegroom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely. The chrism of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man’s marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of a bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence.

Agape as I have said before need not apply to only one aspect of our life. Indeed it should apply to all aspects of our lives. As Jesus said:
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love (agape) your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love (agape) your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? — Matthew 5:43-46 (NIV)"

Jesus makes a lot of sense doesnt he? Ok so lets do it.... La di da, we wish it and it happens. Not the case (sadly). Agape is not as easy as just wishing for it. It takes time, it takes patience and above all it takes a whole lot of praying. It is so easy to just be content with what you have, ok he or she is a good friend and lets keep it at that, when you could have so much more in treating that friend with agape love.

Ok so not to go on and on, this is the essence of what I am writing about today. The world is hurting, it is in a lot of pain, you know it and I know it. Child trafficking, people sold into prostitution, wars, gang rapes, murders, genocide, homicides, suicides, matricide, patricide, pollution, depression, perversion, I could go on and on. We all seem content to sit in our little corners, shake our heads and keep it moving. This should not be the case. Reject the norm, try to Be different and thereby Do things differently. It is not enough to claim we are Christians when we do not live with a greater purpose than to satisfy our own needs. Be bigger and better than that...please.

‘HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.’ “The sec­ond is this, YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ There is no other com­mand­ment greater than these...

I'm a Bad Bi...(Shut your mouth!!!!)

So these shoes are for a special friend who like me has a taste for the better things in this world, but cannot afford them (yet). Soon :). If your pockets are slightly bigger than his right now (or you want to do him a favor and get it for him, Ladies he is a hunk)...you can find these absolutely delicious Prada shoes here.

So today/tonight's topic is "encouraged" by two very separate events which share the same issue/morale. How we react or how we should react in trying situations.

Now everyone who thinks they know me knows I have had a very "interesting" past. Yes I have done a lot of things, some I am not too proud of and others I am very proud of. In everything though, I have tried to act in the way that I think my grandmother whose name I hold would be proud of me.

Growing up my poor mother (poor because she tried so hard but I always thwarted her lessons lol) always tried to instill in me the difference (and value) between being a girl/woman and a lady. ALWAYS BE A LADY! People may not like you, but they will respect you. I think the greatest compliment I have been paid is by someone who made it very clear that he despised me, but was very impressed with the way I carried myself. If everyone can say the same about me, I am GOOD to GO! Yes my image is THAT important to me. This being the case, I shun and abhor any situations that seem like they want to encourage unladylike behavior in me. Ok so story time...gather around.

In a land far far away in a time long long gone, there was wonderful girlfriend who was in a long distance relationship with this amazing man. She thought he was everything she wanted. Granted he was not as attentive as she would have wanted him to be, but then again he was in school so what did she expect. Now it came about that this girl got a chance after a long long time to go see her boyfriend (finally). Now the night she got there he was in a bad mood, someone had been spreading rumors about him and another female and he was not happy about it. The girlfriend as naive as she was, tried to calm him down. She was unsuccessful and the night ended with him smashing his fist through a glass door and slicing it. Now said girlfriend was at her wits end, if someone is spreading lies about you and you know it is not true, then what would make you so mad you would smash a glass door and destroy public property? Did this other woman matter more than she did because she had specifically asked him not to pursue the matter any further? Like all fairy tales, this story too has an end, (although it may not be like fairy tales usually go), eventually the truth did come out (and although said man swears he never cheated, he actually did with said woman. Hence his anger. (Guilty mind for you). What did the poor girl learn from this situation?

Well I learned that people will respect you in as much as you respect yourself. All through my stay this other girl was trying to bait me to "fight" her, to attack her, to acknowledge her. (She really went above and beyond the call of groupie duty, sigh). Thank God I never did. (Oh I forgot to mention I had just (a month) recovered from an operation. I was weak, emotional etc. etc., the last thing on my mind was going to fight young chick over a man I knew was mine. Well I left and she eventually got with him (and funny enough he cheated on her ass and left her for someone else the same way, Revenge is so sweet) Ok I am Christian and I should know better, but it was sweet. (I will ask for forgiveness at my next confession). :). Tiny point 1, the universe always works itself out. No need for me to have fought her, she got exactly what she deserved. But my mother will say I should be more Christian so ignore this tiny point 1 for reasons why you should just let people be people no matter how much they hurt you.

Ok now do not get it "tweested" as Naa would say. If I had been younger, stuff would definitely have "popped off". Actually I lie, I feel it is so beneath me to engage people in fights. However, if you strike me, all bets are off though. I will beat you until you are speaking another language fluently. (Hey you started it). I refuse to engage with people and situations that will incense me so much that I will have to engage in violence (unladylike situations). Some people say I am a coward and I do not know how to engage in productive confrontation (really?). These people try to spin fighting in a million ways like a physical or verbal fight is the only way I can truly deal with a situation. I don't buy that, I wont even put it on lay away. If you are worth my time, then a confrontation is not going to fix whatever problem we have. If you are not worth my time, then definitely a confrontation is a waste of my time.

Different people have different ways of dealing with confrontations. You would be very very very suicidal and/or stupid to engage my brother in a confrontation. He does not drink the same lady like tea I do (lol). He is a man (young) so I expect this will change as he matures and gets older. The biggest turn off for me is to see grown men yelling, screaming or scrapping. What is the difference then between you and dogs? You have communication tools, use them. If you can't use these tools properly, then you are probably in the wrong and just want to bully the other person into submission by screaming at them. Don't do it!!

I am a lady and I do not have to keep telling you because you will tell from the way I comport myself. I am beyond the childish tantrums, the childish fights, cursing, etc. As I said before, people will only show you the respect you how yourself. What is respect but a love for ones self? Essentially it boils down to this, I love myself more than I love any negative situation you try to bring my way. If you say you are a lady/gentleman and yet you are always looking for and/or creating situations with a need to take it outside, then you probably are not. Trust me no one will respect you.

9 out of 10 times I have found that you can resolve conflicts by just "LISTENING" versus "Hearing" what the other person has to say. You listen with your ears, you hear with your heart. You cannot hear with the heart if you are not prepared to listen in and with love. People are not always going to say things you want to hear. No one is perfect, accept their imperfections, hear with love what they are trying to tell you and appreciate their truth for what it is.

For a quick fix, if you are someone who finds themselves easily incensed, try this trick I actually learned from an ex. Whenever a trying situation comes up, excuse yourself and go drink a glass of very chilled water. Trust me it works. Find a way that you can go from 100 to 0 in a second, I usually listen to some music real loud for a bit then I am able to get back to zen. Drama is so 200late, lets move on to something new. We grown, lets act like it. Learn to love yourself (as God created you) above any and everything. This should translate to the love you show yourself and thus the love you will show interacting with others.

"For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13: 9-12

Grace and Faith...no those arent the names of my future kids...:)

Image ganked from here. Like the rest of you, ( I am sure), I had been sleeping on Christian Siriano but no more. I saw his runway look for Payless and I cannot wait until I can find a Payless store that features his new line...AB-SO-LUTELY Fantabulous!!! I die!!!

Now before we move right along, my latest pet peeve is people putting up their bra colors or where they put their bags as status messages on FB to "promote Breast cancer awareness". How in the HELL does provocatively suggesting where you put your bag educate anyone about the real threat of breast cancer and its devastating impact? Yes its all fun and cute IF and only IF it actually motivates more people to go get checked. What I fear, however, is that people are merely blindly copying the status messages and continuing in their ignorance. Not a good look. Ok so now I have that off my chest (no pun intended)...

Moving right along, so today's topic is on Grace and Faith. Yes I know it is a deviation from my norm, I do not think I have written anything from a theological /religious perspective on here yet. If you want to think, read on. If you are not interested, keep it moving and come back later for some more fluffy goodness.

My topic today was provoked by today's reading and reflection which you can find here. Which lead me to think about Grace and Faith. What is grace and what does it enable us to do? According to Augustine, In De gratia Christi 25, 26: "For not only has God given us our ability and helps it, but He even works [brings about] willing and acting in us; not that we do not will or that we do not act, but that without His help we neither will anything good nor do it"—"Non solum enim Beus posse nostrum donavit atque adiuvat, sed etiam 'velle et operari operatur in nobis' non quia nos non volumus, aut nos non agimus, sed quia sine ipsius adiutorio nec volumus aliquid boni nec agimus."

He goes on to make the point that, "What then is the merit of man before grace by which merit he should receive grace? Since only grace makes every good merit of ours, and when God crowns our merits, He crowns nothing else but His own gifts." "Quod est ergo meritum hominis ante gratiam, quo merito percipiat gratiam, cum omne bonum meritum nostrum non in nobis faciat nisi gratia et cum Deus coronat merita nostra, nihil aliud coronet quam munera sua?"Letters 194:3:6
So for Augustine, Grace emanates from God, it is nothing we own or deserve. We are, however, able to do many things through this grace we are gifted with.

Bonhoeffer, is probably known more when one talks about Grace because of his idea of Grace and more specifically CoSTLY grace. What was he going on about? Costly Grace is the privilege of taking the cross for others. Bonhoeffer introduces the major issue with our world today. According to him, the real trouble is that the pure Word of Jesus has been overlaid with so much human ballast – burdensome rules and regulations, false hopes and consolations that it has become extremely difficult to make a genuine decision for Christ. Let's think about it this way, if Jesus could draw the prostitutes and tax men to dine and talk to him, then why does our modern Gospel try to separate us? Jesus did not come for the saved he came for the sinners so lets focus on the sinners rather than rejoicing with the “saved”.

For Bonhoeffer, he sees this grace as costly because it is like a treasure hidden in the field, it is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock. It is costly because it cost God the life of his Son, and what has cost God so much cannot be cheap for us. It is the sanctuary of God, the living word, which he speaks as it pleases him. Grace is costly because it compels a man to submit to the yoke of Christ and follow him, it is grace because Jesus says: “my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.

So in the simplest form possible Grace is from God and enables us to live as he would like for us to live. It is costly because Jesus paid the ultimate down payment for our sins by having himself put to death. A shameful death at that, death on a tree. Galatians 3 says, "Christ ransomed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written, Cursed be everyone who hangs on a tree, that the blessing of Abraham might be extended to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith." Wow right? He not only came and ate with the prostitutes, the tax collectors but he made sure to die the most demeaning way possible, now if he was able to do this then what is our problem seeking the grace which he is more than willing to give if we ask?

Now what is faith and where does it fit into this equation?Let's start off with what Lewis says about Faith in Mere Christianity. For Lewis, there are three theological virtues: Faith, Hope and Charity. (Pg 129) (Faith) in first sense means belief accepting or regarding as true the doctrines of Christianity. Now faith in the sense in which I am here using the word, is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. Christ offers something for nothing: He even offers everything for nothing. In a sense, the whole Christian life consists in accepting that very remarkable offer. But the difficulty is to reach the point of recognizing that all we have done and can do is nothing. (Pg 147) So faith is consistent, it is free (based on what grace enables) and it is redemptive. God gives us grace and we choose to believe and grow, simple. I do not know how much more simpler we can make this.

In terms of faith, our lack of standing for something (anything at all) is making us move for nothing at all. Bonhoeffer is deeply troubled by the lack of faith he sees in his society (and we should all be worried too). According to him, we have to examine the societies we live in. Are these societies working to promote the Gospel, or like Hitler's Germany, are they trying to rewrite history or write our present without God? In this era of our culture leading our Gospel “Nothing less than a return to the Christian faith can save” (p. 27) our societies. The good message of Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s life is that Western Civilization must not die. It will be born again to youth.(p. 33)


Throughout the New testament we have repeated occasions where Jesus shows how through faith much can be achieved. In Matthew we have such an instance when in speaking about Faith Jesus says, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." That is how litle faith we need to make major things happen in our lives. It really bothers me (another pet peeve alert) when I see people quoting the Bible in the Facebook status and make it like a competition. Everyone wants you to see how much they know or how they have been able to come up with something smart...I am not judging, or at least I am not trying to. It just saddens me because I feel like they are cheapen the very important lessons that can be gleaned from the Bible. If you are writing all those and truly believing and practicing what you are posting then more grease to your elbows. I am more worried about the followers who just do this because they saw someone else do it and it looks fashionable to be "a Bible quoting Christian". But I digress.

Now as I mentioned earlier, this post was all based on today's reflection but that reflection triggered something deeper in me. I have been through a lot these past months, weeks etc. I kept believing as the people around me did that things would get better. However, when things did start to get better, I refused to believe they were actually getting better. Instead I started to look for where things could and would go wrong. I was telling myself I had grace and faith but I was living with fear. I was being typically human, having/making back up plans etc. etc. with the excuse that it seems to easy, they said it would, it should be harder.

That is what this reflection made me realize today. I am living as if I am unworthy of the free grace God chooses to send into my life. My human mind is trying to ration why I should be blessed and is telling me its a fluke, God is going to realize he sent the wrong grace and blessings to the wrong person and take it away. My plan was to enjoy it for now but plan for trouble times (which I believed were coming soon). Pretty human of me right?

Today after realizing this, I refuse to do that anymore. I am going to thank God for bringing me here today, giving me the blessings (the many many many blessings he has given me) I am truly unworthy but then again are any of us truly ever worthy of the love of God? It is a gift I embrace and I am going to give thanks for because he has seen it fit to give me, his unworthy servant the many graces I enjoy. :) If you are like me and God is blessing you right now in any way at all, don't be like I used to be and wonder when it is going to end. Enjoy it and give him thanks for it all. He is with you in the bad times and blesses you with the good time lets embrace them all. I thank God for my friends, my work (no matter how part time or how temporary), my amazing family especially my parents and for my God fearing man :) I am blessed and from today I will live like I truly believe that.

You are just too smart for him....Probably NOT!!!

I am not usually a fan of Balmain, I mean I have no beef with the designer, I just have never seen anything yet I have had a reason to go goo goo ga ga over. Until this skirt of course. I lovesit!!!! So elegant, so chic and so winter ready. If you are a Balmain freak, or if you want to be, you can find this skirt here...Enjoy :).

Moving right along...yes I have not written in awhile, sorry I have been busy chasing job leads. :(. Anyways so over the weekend, I finally got the chance to watch the movie, "He's just not that Into you". I had been meaning to see it since it came out but you know how I get with movies...If you don't, I always say I will go see a movie and then never get around to actually going.

Anyways so all in all, the movie presented a quite interesting perspective on men and women and their dating/relationships. It was so funny that I could relate to some of the things that were said or happened, and other things I just could not grasp. If you haven't seen the movie you should probably stop reading because I am going to spoil it for you.

The part I think I loved most was when one of the key players (female), realized that there are Exceptions and there are Rules. So every time you hear a story about some woman who had been looking for a man for X amount of years and then found him in a grocery store out of the blue one day...yadda...yadda...that would be the exception. The rule is reality, girls like of all of us, who dream of Mr. Perfect (or somewhat close to it) and allow the guys in our lives to treat us like dog poo. Anyways once she realized this, shes telling her other friends and when they ask if they are rules like her (and not exceptions, one was with a guy who had said he didn't believe in marriage and so would never marry her and the other was with a guy whom she had been married to since high school), she was quick to say No!

Why do we lie to ourselves? Seriously!!! Let's keep it real. We all would like to find that person (male or female) and live happily ever after but it is not meant to be. Why do we insist on holding on to deadbeat partners just to avoid the stigma of being alone? Or being labeled single? Why do we still ascribe to the notion that if you are single, there must be something intrinsically wrong with you that you need to fix. Now don't get me wrong, again we are all not perfect (yes even me yours truly). Like this article points out (also referencing this movie) we are and cannot all be 5 star chicks.

The other part of the movie I enjoyed was the part about the guy smoking. Basically the couple that had been married since high school, the wife's father had died from lung cancer and she did not want her husband to smoke. (No Duh). So all throughout the movie we see cigarettes lying around and she keeps asking and he keeps denying and making her feel bad. This same husband cheats on her and tells her (but she is interested in working it out). The end of their relationship happens when she finds a box of cigarettes in his pockets and she goes ape(crazy). Initially you are thinking, ok so you did not get mad he cheated on you but you are going to ask for a divorce because he smokes? I got it though, this is the type of stuff I would pull. If I cannot trust you to tell me the truth, then everything else really does not matter. It was a very powerful piece in the movie, a part I hope people got and did not gloss over because they divorced.
(P.S. I dislike that Bradley whatever his name character ...he just rubs me the wrong way (he always looks like hes trying too hard in his movies) and he looks like a bird)...

I would give the movie a 7 in terms of the lessons it taught, I was a bit disappointed that it went the Hollywood route and everyone seemingly got what they wanted. The man who swore never to marry did marry his woman (in reality usually does not happen), the girl who always ended up with the horrible men finally found her soul mate (how many people are still looking for theirs) etc. The movie purports to teach or show us how to break the cycle of what it says men and women have been trained to think about relationships but in the end it does exactly the opposite and goes with what we "idealize" relationships to be. Everyone ends up where they should be, with someone who loves them blah blah.

The real lesson should have been: People, learn to accept yourselves as you are. Stop letting society tell you that there is something innately wrong with you because you do not come as a pair. Men stop messing with the minds of women and women lets stop thinking with whats in between our legs. You know better than anyone else when your partner is a no good lying piece of scum, you do!!!! Now I am not a male basher or anti-men, I am just anti whatever establishment says Men are always right and we as women need to edit ourselves to fit these men.

Another recurring theme in the movie said that if a man wants you, he will work to get you. This is so true. Life really is much easier when you subscribe to this belief. It keeps you from doing a lot of pathetic things that you regret later. If he has not called you, most chances its not cause hes busy, saving some endangered animal, caring for his invalid mother (which could all be true) it could just be that he is not into you. Plain and simple. Stop believing the lies your friends tell, it is not because you are too beautiful, too accomplished, too whatever etc. He just does not like you. Don't be pathetic looking for excuses to show up to where is he (its called stalking) and call him just to see how he is, or email him long pitiful love songs (yes I have done all the above, don't judge me)...resist the urge...let him work for you hey isnt that what courtship is all about?

What I am advocating is not cynicism, (maybe it is a healthy dose of cynicism) and it is not being pessimist. It is just reiterating what it is, and what you already know, accept it.

At the end of the day, our relationships are our own choices. However, lets try to make smart decisions that will positively impact our lives and enrich the people we surround ourselves with.