Another very cute look although I would have dumped the black and white shirt/top and replaced it with a plain white one, just to make the jacket stand out a bit more. Nonetheless, very cute look and the jacket reminds me of something I used to have. If you want to get the look, you know the drill....click right here.So today's post is interesting, over Thanksgiving weekend, Kiki sent me an interesting post on relationships. The gist of the post was that instead of staying single, women need to learn to settle for men who may not be what they envisioned to be their Prince Charming. Yes I see you looking at me funny. Well to read more about her position click right HERE.
Ok lets go through the key points that she raises:
"To the outside world, of course, we still call ourselves feminists and insist—vehemently, even—that we’re independent and self-sufficient and don’t believe in any of that damsel-in-distress stuff, but in reality, ...we’re women who want a traditional family. ... every woman I know—no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure—feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried." I am not sure I agree with this point. I know I personally want to be married with children but at the back of my mind when no suitable man was showing himself, I had a sit down with myself and said it MAY not happen. So it bothers me a bit when people get up and say these things about women. Why do women HAVE to be one way or the other? Why do we HAVE to want to be married or not and at a specific age, before 30..why do people still insist on putting all women in one box?
Well she has something to tell me about making that point..."and all I can say is, if you say you’re not worried, either you’re in denial or you’re lying. In fact, take a good look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you’re not worried, because you’ll see how silly your face looks when you’re being disingenuous."...wow, so if I am seriously not feeling one way or another about this then I have to be lying or in denial? Who made the rule that women HAVE to want to have a husband or children or they must be broken? I will tell you like I told Naa, this is an oversimplification of what it means to be human and more importantly what it means to be a woman. I think this is insulting to all women who havent wanted a husband or a child, and to those who have had children and taken care of these children without a husband. Just because you put yourself in a situation you no longer like does not make it ok for you to commit the fallacy of over generalization and make such sweeping assertions.
As if that was not bad enough...Now for the coup de grâce, "At their core, they pose one of the most complicated, painful, and pervasive dilemmas many single women are forced to grapple with nowadays: Is it better to be alone, or to settle? My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go." Oh wow...really? I believe this writer is writing from a place of frustration or is a man who is trying to get a female who is out of his league to pay attention to him, because this person can not be serious. It seems she has not been in a relationship in so long that she is oversimplifying the whole relationship dynamic. I am glad she presents this as an opinion piece so people are not really going to take her seriously because I do not. If we could all SETTLE and we were OK with our mates as simple objects of convenience then divorce rates would really not be a problem. Marriages do not last these days because people settle, they look to the material, the what can this person give me and then when they realize albeit too late that they really cannot stand the way the person eats with their mouth open or the way they smell even if they are bringing home a lot of money, that is when they bolt or cheat.
This is my problem with a lot of bloggers and something that I try to be very careful not to do in my own writing. Dont let your frustrations boil over until the point that you convince yourself that certain behaviors or thoughts are acceptable or the way things really should be, even and especially because you have no experience or no recent experience in that avenue. Lets take this from the biblical aspect, which J and I looked up recently. Now if God in his infinite wisdom decided man should have been with someone just for company he could well have given man any of the animals he had already created and called it a day. He went above this and took out of man (wo)man so that they would be help mates to each other. If you dont believe me ask Genesis:
"So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." I guess I missed the part about where man and woman could decide to settle and just get together for the hell of it. I think settling goes beyond harming ones self and insults God. You do not trust that in his own time he will find the right person or right situation for you. Settling is a sin, yeah there it is, I said it. Settling simply says, God I know you are the man up there, but I do not think you are working fast enough so i am going to speed things up for you and get with this person right here. NO! NO! NO! NO! What have we been taught? Trust!!!! Trust!!! Trust!!!! Stop making yourself God and let him do things in his own time and then maybe you will not be getting yourself into the messes you do which make you write stupid opinion pieces like these.
Fine lets say you dont buy the religion aspect. Lets leave religion aside and consider this from a purely humanistic level. Now I do not know about you, but personally, I dont like people pissing me off. I can stand some people pissing me off because I know we have something than transcends that immediate annoying sensation that person may be making me feel. THIS is based on trust, love, understanding, respect etc. etc. I challenge anyone to tell me you can SETTLE and have these feelings for someone. I will tell you you are lying. The reason that man or woman goes in to work every day even when every bone in their body is telling them to rest is because they know they are doing this for some greater purpose, for some greater person. It is not about them, and that is what differentiates a GOOD relationship from ANY other kind of relationship. When you start to think more about the other person than of yourself, CONGRATULATIONS you are experiencing the real deal. Settling is selfish and an insult to yourself, and to the other person. By you settling you are disrespecting the other person I feel as if that is telling them, well I know I can do any better but better does not seem to find me, or I am tired of waiting for something better, so you will do ...Now what happens if you settle and then your right person comes along? Divorce? Selfish Selfish Selfish!!!!
I probably have spent too much time over-analyzing this post because in essence all that comes across is someone as I said before who probably has gotten tired of being alone and now tries to make herself feel better by advising others to go a destructive route. Misery loves company. They want to appear to be giving good advice by not going the usual route of saying I am a single woman and I love it and trying to convince everyone. But the alternative route she took is equally as destructive. Just because you for reasons known only unto yourself did not marry any of your boyfriends and chose to have a child on your own does not give you the right to advice other women to settle. Any woman who reads that posts and agrees is an IDIOT and there I said it. Yes we were made to be part of a pair but we were also made to be able to exist as strong independent beings if that is what is asked of us. Why are we still so selfish that we would actually consider hurting someone else so we could live comfortable lives?
"The couples my friend and I saw at the park that summer were enviable but not because they seemed so in love—they were enviable because the husbands played with the kids for 20 minutes so their wives could eat lunch. In practice, my married friends with kids don’t spend that much time with their husbands anyway (between work and child care), and in many cases, their biggest complaint seems to be that they never see each other. So if you rarely see your husband—but he’s a decent guy who takes out the trash and sets up the baby gear, and he provides a second income that allows you to spend time with your child instead of working 60 hours a week to support a family on your own—how much does it matter whether the guy you marry is The One?"
There is nothing more I can say about this apart from the fact that this is a very sad person, someone who should show you how not being true to yourself could make you end up. Never settle, trust in a God who wants more than just the minimum for you and work towards achieving that. We know not what tomorrow brings, but if we live as we have been cautioned to live, then we fear not what tomorrow or even the day after will bring. Do not settle at work, in love or in life, the only person you end up hurting is yourself. You only have one life, live it well because there are no refunds.
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved. (Psalm 127:1-2) Unless God gives you your mate you are wasting your time...
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