I think I just died and went to style heaven (for the umpteenth time). This look (right hurr, this look right hurr...)...I DIE!!!!!!!! Well I would substitute the gold shoes for some sick boots and then I could really die in peace. But love love love everything about it and if you love it too, you know where to find it...right here.
So I know I havent written in a minute, blame LIFE. I lost my laptop and so blogging and checking on blogs (my favorite past time) has been very limited. Eitherways, Happy Belated Thanksgiving and any other Holiday I may have missed.
So, this Thanksgiving was fun, although this was the was the second one I didnt spend with the usual suspects gorging myself with food etc. It was still fun, however, because I got to spend it with some special. Something interesting that happened during this time, however, is the reason for this season (post I mean).
Before I left for this trip, I was feeling pretty AWESOME about myself and my life and yet anxious at the same time. AWESOME because life was GOOD...I dont have a 40 hr work week but I get by, and even though my laptop was broken Black Friday was coming up so I could get another one, I had a good man, good friends, good health blah blah blah. I remember sitting on my bed and thinking, "this is too good to be true", "when is there going to be something to wake me from this la la la existence?", but then I reminded myself that God is good and that I should not focus on the bad coming (because inevitably it will, but rather focus on the good) and with that I "dusted my shoulders off" said a little Thank you prayer and got packing for my trip.
I would love to say I am still la la la about life but the Devil got in and did his part (very efficiently) I may add. I am not mad about it, more hurt , confused etc. Life is still good, it is not exactly how I thought or wanted it to be, but I BELIEVE God in his infinite wisdom has made it the way it needed to be to wake me up from my naive existence and to help work on breaking patterns that may have hurt in the long run. It most certainly created a change, whether this change will be for the good, or for bad will be determined later. For now, though, I know I am not the person I was last week, I am better, I choose to be better(not bitter) :).
So it seems I have PRIDE! Yes, I know everyone has pride, but I have the kind of pride that made my mother beat me until I was black and blue and she was blue and black and still I would not succumb. This pride means I will not stand for a lot of crap, one, two, three you are out!!! For some people this is good because they know they have at least 3 strikes and they can measure these strikes and know how to act so they do not get to strike #. For other people, this is bad because once I quit you, I am gone. (Apparently my dad is the same way go figure!!!) I blame my family, the one thing generation of fighters has instilled in me is a great respect for myself. If you cannot be trusted to respect me the way I respect myself then you need to be gone, it is that simple. I think if people truly sat down and took stock of how they give respect to themselves and how they allow people to give respect to them then there would be a very big difference in the world. If he beats you and you let him beat you then how do you expect your son not to think hitting women is ok, or your daughter to think being hit is acceptable? The choices we make impact the ones around us so lets make these choices positive.
So what now? Woe is me? Not even close to it. I am and continue to be so excited about Love and Life BUT I know in this world nothing is guaranteed. For example, We see those men and women who give their partner their all, only to be embarassed or humilated when this partner cheats on them. Or that parent that struggles to make ends meet and sacrifices all they could have so their ungrateful child can do better and be better in life. We see the Priests who pray day and night for our salvation and who get rewarded by us recognizing the evil priests instead. I could go on and on but my point is simple. You can not and should not aim to change anyone. It is impossible, even if this person swears you can. We can try to show people how to become better through our actions but that is about it. There has to be a desire on that person's end to seek a change, to want a change and therefore TO change. Without this desire, you and I are wasting our time. If you love, seek a love that knows what love is. Ask yourself what you want, what you expect, what you need and ask your partner the same things too. If my love consists of eating cheesecake and yours consists of not eating cheesecake, guess what, Houston we have a problem. People are fallible and it is ok to love a fallible partner, but DO NOT let them use this as a crutch, you will eventually grow to despise them for this weakness. Not everyone deserves to be loved. It sucks but it is true, so people will remain selfish until the end of time, how do you love someone who already loves themselves more than anyone else could? It is a lose lose battle. Figure out how much value you place on your love and if this value is being reciprocated, if not, maybe its time to get to stepping. Do not EVER settle!!!!!
This is the season of Advent and I think it could not have come at a better time because it has allowed me to really stop and think. There are so many destructive habits I have secretly been hoarding so this opportunity allows me to stop and deal with these patterns. Advent, from the word Adentum means a coming or an arrival so in Advent we look to the coming of Christ. I want to use this as an opportunity to ask us to challenge ourselves to look for Christ in our own special way. Let us try to use this period to attack specific things that we need to rid ourself off and look/live more for Christ. My specific thing as i mentioned earlier is the sin of Pride, I am told so often that I am better, so I believe this and lord it over others. During this period, I am going to look for ways that the Devil uses occassions of Pride to let me puff myself up even more and try to actively stop it. What will you do? Will you quit the porn (Francis), stop with the weed, (Naa) JOKING... and so on and so forth...It is not easy but the trick is not to get bogged down in how hard it is but to seek help where we can, keep at it (it does get better) and remember to rejoice in every little victory (no matter how small you think it is).
I am not the same person I was last week, and I am determined to make the lessons I learned be beneficial to me. I am going to continue to work on Pride during this Advent season and challenge you to find one thing (or many things if you are one of the people I am thinking about :) (love you guys) that you can work on to improve your life and your existence. This week we lit the light of Hope in church, let us keep hope alive and burning. Let us continue to believe God sees the best in us and is only looking for us to see this best in ourselves. We may be fallen but we still remain in his image and thus we can by his help become the fully realized versions of ourselves that he hopes for us. For this week, I hope I am able to forgive everyone who has hurt me in any way and truly forgive them enough to forget the trangressions they have committed against me. I hope the love of God will continue to permeate every aspect of my life so I am able to be a blessing on anyone at all that comes in contact with me. I hope the same things for you too.
Here is a good Hope Advent prayer:
"Lord, the light I choose to let into my life today is based on my trust in you. It is a weak flame, but I so much desire that it dispel a bit more darkness today. Today, I just want to taste the longing I have for you as I go to the meeting this morning, carry out the responsibilities of my work, face the frustration of some difficult relationships. Let this candle be my reminder today of my hope in your coming." Source
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
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