Agent Provocateur...Agent Saboteur....

I live to find the most perfect pair of pants and I think this Alice + Olivia Eric Pants may be as close to perfection as I may come. (Though I do not like the see through-ish pockets) but that is a small inconvenience for pants that look like they flow properly. I have a *bit*...ok a lot of butt and thighs so even though tight fitting pants look good sometimes you just want your nether regions to breathe a little and pants like these allow you to do so fashionably. At "only" $254.00, wake me up when September comes...$254 should be able to fill my whole wardrobe lol.

Today I was going to talk about people who choose to set other people up. Like friends who claim to be friends but on closer inspection seem to always want to baller block or job block or opportunity block you. However, a more interesting topic came up when Gabe sent me this link. (BTW it is NOT SAFE FOR WORK...generally not safe for anything, anyone or anywhere and I feel absolutely terrible for the young woman in question, I just hope shes not an Internet junkie and so never has to see herself in this light.)

Now before we even get into the issue at hand (women) lets discuss the guy who wrote up the piece in the first place. I get his reasoning, sacrifice one, save the many, but really did we need to see this poor girl? There are a variety of video editing software available that could have been used to have blocked out the girl's face. The message would have been the same, or even stronger because one could relate without feeling like they are partaking in the filth the person who put it out there is spreading. In the comment section, people raise this issue which the author does not take kindly to which makes me doubt his sincerity for posting this in the first place. I said it before and Ill say it again...poor girl...

Now onto the matter at hand. Our sexuality and our significant others. Obviously this woman does not seem to be doing this for the masses but for a significant other. Women, we really would do anything to keep our men happy won't we? Society says the only way to keep your man interested is to constantly remind him of what he has a.k.a your assets. What better way to do this than to send him titillating pictures/videos of yourself? Rhianna seems to be of this school of thought and was quoted as saying that if one does not send her man nude pictures of themselves then she feels sorry for said man (Source) Now this is the same Rhianna who was mortified and felt her privacy invaded when said nude pictures were leaked. So what exactly is her stance?

Now I am all for keeping one's sex life interesting with little interesting pictures here and there, but I also think class is key especially for females. In my younger boyfriend stalking years(don't judge me we all had some of those), I happened to "break into"my ex but still considered boyfriend's email inbox and was thoroughly disgusted to see that a girl had sent him a very very inappropriate picture. I cannot imagine any one being turned on by such, I honestly don't see how, but then again I am a big fan of suggestive photography versus raw lewd pornographic content. Till today that disturbing image has been burnt into my cornea...*shudder*...

My famous line for why I do not bother with sex pictures etc. etc. is that I plan to be someone someday. In this youtube, facebook, Internet era, there are no sins that one will commit that will be forgotten. If you are not ready to have your business put out there then please do not put it out there. If your significant other wants the best for you, they would not want to place you in that awkward situation either. Things happen, cameras get stolen etc. etc. some other vicious person can put your business out there, do not give them the ammunition. Your significant other can see your parts when they are next to you...and they can sear the image into the brain if they need constant reminders :).

Now I know there are some situations where women are videotaped without their consent, it is scary that, this is the world we are living in. It is absolutely disgusting that some people feel the need to validate themselves at the expense of another. Women also need to learn how to protect themselves in such situations. Be vigilant do not simply trust the good in everyone. There is obviously certain behaviors that should set off red flags, pay attention to your female intuition.

Essentially I am very disappointed in the person who in trying to advice us about this epidemic fed into the hype by posting the video without editing. What this teaches us women, however, is the fact that there are people ready and willing to abuse us. A relationship should be between two people, but in this mediated world we live in, sadly its between you, your partner and the media trail you leave. Find interesting but respectful ways to show yourselves affection. If you want to send pictures, send pictures that you will not need to move to the back of a village in some remote country if they were ever to come out. Your sexiness is not enhanced by being crude or vulgar, no man wants a vulgar person for his mate. Try and find unique ways to keep each other interested, who knows it may be this unique way of approaching your relationship that sustains your relationship. :)

Cohabitation...Welcome to Hell where you are welcome to sell :)...

I loveeeee...this Alice + Olivia Jasmine ruched silk dress, it would work perfectly for that second date *sigh*...Anyhoos...if you want it go get it...its a mere "$420" (i think) :)...and since I put you on to it can you get 2 and send me 1? Mucho gracias :)

Ok so today the topic is on cohabitation :). Living together before marriage or as my mother would say "living in sin" ahhhh Mrs. A and her dramatics :). I don't think I have a personal opinion about living with your significant other when it comes to other people but I would not do it (barring some major financial necessity) and these are the reasons why.

Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free? I am the kind of person that tries to make my surrounding extremely comfortable for me at all times. If I am with someone who does not share my (OCD) cleaning tendencies then I am going to be stuck cleaning forever which will eventually make me get sick of the person and vice versa. What if we have the same cleaning tendencies? Oh fun!!! but in all my 20 something years I have never met anyone who did...so essentially the person is getting a personal maid, chef and warm body to sleep next to, and I get....squat!

Also lets not even play around, men can be dogs!!! Once he gets used to you and all your quirks he is busy looking for greener grass somewhere else. I think it is important to maintain some sort of mystery, allure so he feels like he never truly knows all of you at any given time.

Familiarity breeds contempt. There are just little quirky things about one's significant other that will bug you. While you are dating one might be tempted to try to "change" this which may lead to even more problems. When you are married and basically stuck with each other, compromise is a word that really sticks out...I think (and this is a personal opinion) one is less likely to compromise when its just dating versus marriage. I could be wrong, you tell me.

Its against my religion and culture. My Catholic faith says no can do! If he wants the goods he must put a ring on it. Now what do I really feel about this? Well, at my age I am not trying any trial and errors. I have told all my friends that the next guy I introduce as my boyfriend is going to be a fiance and then a Husband (God willing). If you think we are compatible enough to move in together, then we should be compatible enough to get married!

What about the argument that sometimes it is better to test the waters before marriage?...You get a side eye from me :). This is not a machine you are buying from a store, it is the emotions and interactions of two HUMAN beings!!! During your dating phase you should be able to "learn" all the essential things about your mate, and if you feel you dont know them well enough, then guess what maybe you should not be getting married. It is not a race!!!

For me cohabitation just brings a myriad of problems. What happens when you break up? Who leaves? Who stays? Who pays for what? How do you prevent one person from taking advantage of the other? Ok maybe you are paying rent etc. but then you are a dirty pig whom I constantly have to clean up after...etc. etc. I have friends who are happily living with their significant others and they get no shade from me at all. If they can do it, good for them, it is just not for me :). Cohabitation is an interesting issue that draws varied responses from various people, some love it, others think its a bad idea. I have outlined my views...what do you think?

Lets Build something together :)

These Jil Sander asymmetrical satin sandals make my heart flutter in special places ...*sighs* and they can make yours flutter too for the *low* *low* price of $322...60% off its original $805 price tag...come on sigh with me...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Ok now moving on...how do Men approach you? Well let me tell you how it goes down for me... and the approaches I think do not work. I have truly never had a man/suitor attack problem. I have been told that my "face" usually deters would be suitors (and usually the few that get the balls to come up are more up for Talas bubbly personality than my cold self)...Anyways so my Tala was not around to save me yesterday and for the first time in a long time I was the recipient of mucho attention.

Now in all honesty I thought I was just going to hang out with my friends so I dressed with that in mind, if I had known we would be chilling with other people I might have worn something different...but then there were girls there who were practically naked so it wasn't my clothing...

Lets talk about the approaches and the reactions. Maybe because I am at the beginning stages of getting to know someone I like, that has given me tunnel vision. But I would like to think that if I was hit with the "right" approach then that would motivate me to give the other guys a chance.

1. The overly aggressive guy who seems to never get the girl:
We always hear that the nicest guys finish last. I don't quite agree!!! Nice guys can finish first if they play their cards right. You can be a nice guy, be a gentleman, offer me your seat, get me a drink but then know when to give me my space. There were a lot of nice guys but they seemed more interested in oogling my legs...thats not a cute look then you make the girl feel like a piece of meat...ok i guess they werent really nice guys...onto to the next kind...

2. The guy whose only worth is his net worth:

We get it, you are rich, you can afford everything. If you are stupid guess what, that ability to afford anything and everything is not a plus anymore. You just become fodder for good Gold diggers. Switch it up, read a book once in awhile, the Internet has made learning fun, pick a topic, any topic that interests you and read up and become knowledgeable about that topic.

3. Mr. I am a Gangster Thug:

The ones who come up with the "hey Ma's" and overly aggressive stance like we are supposed to be engaging in an MMA fight and not a conversation. SOOOOO NOT sexy!!! I don't know how many women still want the cave man approach...me like me hit you on the head me take you home now. Learn some manners, learn to smile, learn some vocabulary in addition to the Hey ma...

4. The timid one:

The guy who is usually very cute but behaves so shy it reduces it cute potential SIGNIFICANTLY!...This isnt a war, if you approach you the most I can say is be gone...(and that is the WORST case scenario. By standing in the corner and staring me down that is not sexy its creepy...change up your game...

5. Mr. Popular:

AKA Mr. I can get any girl in here so you should feel privileged I decided to approach you. These men approach you like a business merger. Everything is in terms of what YOU can do for THEM since they are all that anyways. *Sigh*...Be gone...No girl/woman wants to feel like the only relevance she plays in a man's life is to play the silent pretty girlfriend. Ok maybe some women like it I dont.

Getting back into the dating scene is very interesting especially coming from a communication and gender communication specialization. One could say I over analyze everything but my response would be typical ..."research has shown that..." lol...well we wait to see what other kind of men I meet over this summer period and if you are any one of these men described here, please SWITCH it up! You are not doing yourself any favors. :)

Little Green eyed Monster...

I absolutely love the way Narciso Rodriguez designs his outfits. Theres always a little something to push the outfit to that sexy realm...and at $720 this dress right here is a steal...just not for me lol...I would have to STEAL it!! Now with thoughts of larceny put aside lets free style...

While someone (no names mentioned) was remembering her anniversary today it suddenly hit me that I haven't been in a relationship in a while... whilst you are in school trying to finish 12 credits (when the maximum amount of credits is 9) the last thing on your mind is a boy/man/boytoy. But suddenly when all that is gone if you are anything like me you stop and think oh wow ...where did the time go...I used to be such a social butterfly when did my wings get clipped and why wasnt I informed? I guess I could technically call someone and go out etc. etc. but the spirit isnt even willing and I think thats my biggest shocker. But then again do you blame me? The same old tired ass guys trying to convince you they own this and that and yet they are in wrinkled shirts...or little boys spilling drinks all over you trying to "spit" game...sitting right here with my slow jamz playing is exactly where I want to be...I think this is why ultimately I dont want to move to a big town or a party city where I feel I will be obligated to appear for "events"...Ill let you in on a secret...I would rather be in a little village (with no snow) than live somewhere like NYC...if I want to party Ill go party but I dont want to piss where I sleep or however that saying goes lol.

Ok I have written so much and this wasnt even the topic I wanted to go off on. Lets talk about something fun and useful...JEALOUSY! I have been extremely blessed in my life to not have jealousy be one of those things that have bugged me. Even in relationships I always told the guy I will not get jealous Ill get even and after the first time I got them back they didnt like it and didnt give me a reason to and everything was good. But yeah jealousy is an issue I have never had to seriously dealt with so imagine my surprise when today in scanning my life and the things going on in other peoples lives the first thing that crossed my mind was...how come this person has a job, or a man, or their papers and I dont. Why does everything have to be so hard for me (yeah the usual woe is me speech)...STOP THE PRESS!!! What the hell was I doing? My life could have gone so completely the other way...my graduation my purely by the grace of God because technically I missed the date to defend and during my defence one of my committee members was trying to be difficult...but you see human nature...once I got that hurdle crossed I had forgotten about how I begged God that I really really really wanted it more than anything else....and today I have the nerve to turn around and ask why me?...The voice that came back to remind me how very different things would be if I had not graduated shook me right back into reality.

Jealousy may be a human emotion but one I think we can control. Do not let this little evil emotion take control of your life, it just prevents you from focusing on other positive things you can be doing with yourself and your time because you are so busy worrying about everyone else and busy counting their blessings. No one knows what the other is truly going through in their lives...we only see the facade they want us to see...so dont be like me and fall into jealousy's trap it is not worth it...I leave you now with this quote that I use to realign the senses when I start getting stuck on stupid...hope it helps you as much as it helps me :)

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James