I absolutely love the way Narciso Rodriguez designs his outfits. Theres always a little something to push the outfit to that sexy realm...and at $720 this dress right here is a steal...just not for me lol...I would have to STEAL it!! Now with thoughts of larceny put aside lets free style...While someone (no names mentioned) was remembering her anniversary today it suddenly hit me that I haven't been in a relationship in a while... whilst you are in school trying to finish 12 credits (when the maximum amount of credits is 9) the last thing on your mind is a boy/man/boytoy. But suddenly when all that is gone if you are anything like me you stop and think oh wow ...where did the time go...I used to be such a social butterfly when did my wings get clipped and why wasnt I informed? I guess I could technically call someone and go out etc. etc. but the spirit isnt even willing and I think thats my biggest shocker. But then again do you blame me? The same old tired ass guys trying to convince you they own this and that and yet they are in wrinkled shirts...or little boys spilling drinks all over you trying to "spit" game...sitting right here with my slow jamz playing is exactly where I want to be...I think this is why ultimately I dont want to move to a big town or a party city where I feel I will be obligated to appear for "events"...Ill let you in on a secret...I would rather be in a little village (with no snow) than live somewhere like NYC...if I want to party Ill go party but I dont want to piss where I sleep or however that saying goes lol.
Ok I have written so much and this wasnt even the topic I wanted to go off on. Lets talk about something fun and useful...JEALOUSY! I have been extremely blessed in my life to not have jealousy be one of those things that have bugged me. Even in relationships I always told the guy I will not get jealous Ill get even and after the first time I got them back they didnt like it and didnt give me a reason to and everything was good. But yeah jealousy is an issue I have never had to seriously dealt with so imagine my surprise when today in scanning my life and the things going on in other peoples lives the first thing that crossed my mind was...how come this person has a job, or a man, or their papers and I dont. Why does everything have to be so hard for me (yeah the usual woe is me speech)...STOP THE PRESS!!! What the hell was I doing? My life could have gone so completely the other way...my graduation my purely by the grace of God because technically I missed the date to defend and during my defence one of my committee members was trying to be difficult...but you see human nature...once I got that hurdle crossed I had forgotten about how I begged God that I really really really wanted it more than anything else....and today I have the nerve to turn around and ask why me?...The voice that came back to remind me how very different things would be if I had not graduated shook me right back into reality.
Jealousy may be a human emotion but one I think we can control. Do not let this little evil emotion take control of your life, it just prevents you from focusing on other positive things you can be doing with yourself and your time because you are so busy worrying about everyone else and busy counting their blessings. No one knows what the other is truly going through in their lives...we only see the facade they want us to see...so dont be like me and fall into jealousy's trap it is not worth it...I leave you now with this quote that I use to realign the senses when I start getting stuck on stupid...hope it helps you as much as it helps me :)
Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James
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