So I think I am going to stop the shiny and go for studs now...they look so hot!!!...This is a def. double duty shoe...you look hot and if someone pisses you off it can be a weapon (no I am not advocating violence just a little tap) :)...Well if you can afford this (cause I cant), its the Sam Edelman Lorissa pump its "only" $200 at Bloomingdales...
Onto the next topic...this week my demons have really been working overtime and just haunting the hell OUT of me…or should I say the heaven since they are from hell and want to haunt the hell INTO me? Ahhh see what I mean? Ramblings of a soon to be psycho “but well dressed” me!..ugh. Anyways so what is my beef this week…same old same old…cant find a job…seem to only attract perverts or old men blah blah blah. And then to top it all off…find out that my ex friend’s boyfriend is a complete hunk…while I have umm…SQUAT!! I don’t know about you but pain is pain when someone is an ex- anything (yeah yeah you wish them the best and all) but come on we both know you secretly wish a piano or an organ ....ok ok maybe just a violin will come from heaven once in awhile and hit them (not too often though). But yeah I wish I had been falsely accused of trying to steal this man I would have yelled guilty (even without being guilty). *sigh*
It is insanity to do the same thing, the same way, over and over and expect a different results...story of my life or at least my dating life. Here is the cycle: Find a guy, (he must be physically attractive; at least to me don’t care much what anyone else thinks *sue me*), get with guy, get tired of guy cause hes only about the physical (wait for it) get over guy and meet new guy and rinse and repeat! And you know the funny part of all this? Usually I am the one who pushes a conversation or a meeting to the sexual/physical realm. Here is my reasoning…if I push it to the sexual and he indulges me then obvs he is not for me (case of I was jumping off a cliff would you do it too?). Don’t get me wrong I accept that as humans we are all sexual beings but there is a time and place for everything. Yes Francis would say and I quote..."you know you are crazy right?"...probably...
I honestly don't know why I keep repeating this cycle, I think in my head the first guy to tell me to stop and just be myself will be the true guy for me? Does that make sense? I hope so cause I felt crazy writing it. :)...and the smart person will say, ok why are you putting it on the guy, why dont you start out simply not condoning that type of behavior in the first place? *Good question* that I honestly do not have an answer for. Well i do but the answer is something I would not expect someone of my upbringing, education, religion etc. to give...but here it goes *before I go hide under a table somewhere*..."because I want them to like meeeeeeeeee"...again my thinking is that ok we get the dirty talk in but then I am able to infuse in some of me and they get to know the real me as well...*did you just give me a side eye and a child please* cause i truly deserved it lol...in all the time I have used this not once has it worked....dirty talk stays dirty till one of us gets bored...
So here is what is going to happen this time...this whole rinse and repeat cycle thing is going to stop. Its time to separate the men from the sheep with a new approach. Not exactly sure what this new approach will be but knowing me I will probably write about the results on here in the near future and then I can tweak the method until I find one that really works. I guess instead of thinking about talking about the real me for fear of being dropped I will focus on truly giving the true me and if someone doesnt like it they can eat dirt...*this is going to be hard to do*...stay tuned...
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