Disclaimer: I have no medical degree nor a psychologist or psychiatrist degree. I am merely speaking on this issue based on what I have seen, experienced and think. If you happen to disagree with a point I have raised, feel free to bring it up in the comment section and we can discuss it till we get to a compromise or we agree it is one of those situations where we can choose to agree to disagree. This is such a sensitive topic that obviously not everyone is going to have the same reactions that I do and this is perfectly agreeable. What I hope we can all agree on in the end is that violence is and never should be the solution for men AND women.
On we go...
Unless you have been living under a rock these past few months, I am sure you have realized how violence has become such a prominent feature in the news. From the various beatings, shootings,serial killings, mass murders etc. and most recently Chriannagate. I must admit that in the beginning of this whole fiasco (and I use the term not to demean their situation but because I am personally fed up with it.) I like most of the American public wanted to know what had happened, what could have gone so wrong that such an "amazing" couple could have ended in this position. I think Rhianna says it best when she said we (the public) had put them on a pedestal forgetting that they were human and therefore bound to make some of the human mistakes that we make in our lives. Personally (and not that Rhianna cares) but I am slightly disappointed at the way she is choosing to handle this "dead horse". We all "know" or "know" as much as we possibly can without being there, we did not at this point need her to come back and relive her experience I think that was a personal experience that should have continued to be silent on. The big issue of violence is one that she could have addressed without this whole media whoopla. Do you think if she had started working with abused females and personally shared her story with them without necessarily drawing the media into it, her message would not have had more of an impact? She says she is trying to get the message across to other young women that you should never stay when you have been hit, for me hearing that Rhianna had started working with abuse centers (even if it wasnt one I was personally affiliated with) would have shown me that she was trying to do something about this issue. Coming out at such a convenient time (before the release of her album) slightly devalues her intentions for me. ( You can disagree). Now please do not confuse what it is I am saying. I am not making a judgement call on their situation but rather on the response. Now various groups or camps have risen out of this situation, those FOR Chris and AGAINST Rhianna and vice versa and this is exactly why I think the response is or was faulty. The problem should not be who we like better, who looked better, who seemed more sincere blah blah the problem is the fact that violence was the culmination of their disagreement, THIS is what we (both the Chris side and the Rhianna side need to work on). To let the fans etc. know that, THAT aspect is what needs to be focused on. Again I don't know what went wrong and who struck whom first and that isn't my personal headache. Being female I sympathize with Rhianna in that I probably would not know what to do if any one of the men I thought I loved ever laid a finger on me. But at the same time being a sister and having a lot of male friends and cousins I also appreciate the fact that some women purposefully push a man to the edge so much then act surprised when he lashes out.
You can only be responsible for YOUR actions. That is why we need to teach women how to stand up for themselves and also not to confuse a man acting out or 'lashing out' as a form of love. I say this because I have been in that situation. I once dated this guy (yes I know I seemed to have dated a lot of people lol) but basically he would get mad about other females and smash a lot of things, he never was aggressive towards me or reacted in this manner when he was upset with me so that upset me. Why would you get mad enough to smash thing when it was in relation to girls who supposedly didn't matter but then when it came to me you didn't even fart in anger! This pushed me to try to push him so far that he would do something, anything to show me that he cared about me too. God being so good and so much smarter than me, this situation never escalated into anything and we parted ways soon enough but thinking back on it shows me that sometimes unconsciously we women do things that we dont think invites violence when we really are. ( Again this is not a generalization on Chris and Rhi or on any specific relationship, this is based solely on my relationship and seeing what other females do to my male friends).
I am not naive nor stupid nor insensitive enough to suggest that All women like me in that situation invite violence on themselves. There are honest cases where the men like all human beings who realize they can get away with something, abuse their privilege of being the men in the relationship and abuse their women. This is never ok and there is a specific VIP section in Hell for these men (and for people who hurt children).
I once spoke to a gentleman who could not for the life of him understand why his girlfriend had left him to go back to a man who abused her. He was very hurt by this and refused to see that it was more than just an issue of "going back to a thug". People need to educate themselves about these things. Battered woman (spouse) syndrome is not a joke and should not be taken lightly. You can read more about it and the various steps that women go through here http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/psych.htm. Even though people react to it in such a negative way (trying to hide it etc.) I think as the concerned public there are signs we can all look out for in our loved ones. And no this is not an excuse for you to get nosey but if you think there is something in the milk that isnt clean with one of your friends, be like me and open your big mouth (in private) and ask about it. Yes most people feel it is a shameful secret that they need to keep to themselves especially when they themselves cannot come to accept that they are being abused. But this is where I believe unconditional support and prayers come into play.
I could go on and on about this issue which is particularly dear to me but I am getting late for Church so lets wrap up...Men do not hit women EVER!!! Women do not hit men or poke and prod them like little caged animals EVER!!!! There is a reason we have our brains and our mouths...talk it out and if you are too angry to process anything...its ok to walk away and come back when you have cooled down or write it out ( that helps sometimes )...
Lets learn to love each other how we truly would want to be loved...
Me :)
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