Is it wrong to fall in love with this Coach MIA leather Carryall? If it is wrong, I never want to be right!!!! I love, love, love except.... Coach seems to be so passe these days. So I will pass for now.So the good news of the day...the other T got "us" the BCBG bandage skirt. You see slowly (VERYYYYY Slowllllyyyy) I am getting the things I want. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I also got some Express shirts that J gave me a side eye for when I ordered because I promised I was done with shopping. But they were a steal!!! Usually $34.50 and I got them on sale for $5 bucks each...Scoreee!!! They are XXS, I usually wear an Express XS but they fit and with my new "supposed" gym regime I should be able to wear them with confidence soon. Here is the link, but be warned everything left seems to be XXS.
Moving on today's topic, in case you are not familiar with the title, it is a line from Jay Z's song Girls Girls Girls. I always found that song to be slightly disturbing and female deprecating. (Then again how many rap song lyrics are not disturbing and female deprecating?)
No, today's topic is not going to be on male chauvinism. Well to some extent it deals with male chauvinism, but it is not the main topic. Today's topic presents an interesting perspective on the dark side of interracial/intercultural/inter-geographical marriages.
So we all know the deal. We see a mixed color couple and immediately we start the guessing game. If shes black and pretty, and he is white and ordinary, it must be the money. If shes white and young and he is black and successful, it must be the money. I could go on and on but you know the interracial stereotypes.
Lets take it further and look at racial stereotypes. What are some of these basic racial stereotypes? Well, we have the submissive Asian woman, she wants to always do everything to please her man, she needs to be controlled. We have the overly sexual Latino woman who can never be sexually satiated, she needs to be controlled. We have the African woman who is not only primitive, but overly sexual, animalistic and needs to be controlled. Different colors, different geographic regions, one overarching theme, these different types of women need to be controlled/dominated.
What brought this issue up? Well I was watching a program this weekend about mail order brides, and it reintroduced me to this issue. Usually, when people hear that one is an immigrant in a developed nation and is married to a citizen of said developed nation, the stereotypical conclusion people draw is that it was done for said immigrant to get their "papers". While some of these situations are true, there are many more situations where this is not the case. There are the cases where women in developing countries leave their countries and what they know to get with a man in a developed nation hoping for a better life. It is unfortunate that these women come only to be abused in the name of bettering themselves and their unborn children.
*Disclaimer, my personal points are based on prior research that I have actually conducted on said topic, albeit from an African and specifically Ghanaian perspective. I do not claim to be the be all end all know all about this very topic. I do not judge women who choose to engage in such relationships and marriages, I just believe it should be made absolutely clear to them what they are getting themselves into so they can get into the situation with their full consent.* Moving right along.
In the show, whose title I forget now but had something to do with Mail order brides on the Current channel, they chronicled the plight of abused immigrant wives. These women had found themselves in Europe from different countries, the one I saw was from Thailand and were being abused by their husbands. The show basically highlighted the inefficiency of the British government to take care of these immigrant wives who were being abused. In most cases, the women, after being subjected to all sorts of horrible sexual exploitations were deported because they complained to the authorities about their husbands who were citizens.
This situation and story is not new to me. As I pointed out earlier, I researched and wrote about young women back home in Ghana who met supposed "wealth" expatriates and were taken back "home" (wherever home was) with them. Unfortunately, most of the time, these "wealthy" expatriates turned out to be frogs and not Princes. They were usually deviants or socially inept individuals who due to their lack of societal skills and other issues could not find women in their own countries to deal with them, and thus resorted to misleading these immigrants. For more about this issue and how serious it really is, please read more here.
What immigrant women in this situation seem to have in common is the fact that they are not properly educated about how "real" it can get "out there". These poor women leave their families, home, everything they are familiar with and culture and basically become sex slaves, or even worse put in porn or prostitution with their husbands becoming their pimps.
Ok at this point some people might say...If you do not like it, then leave. This is easier said than done for several reasons. The first reason being the most important. Getting with these men was to avoid being in the horrible situation that they were in at home. They believed that with these men, they would have more opportunities to better themselves and give their unborn children options that they never had or even dreamed of. The second issue is that of saving face. In most cases, the culture that these women come from are cultures where face is very important. Once you are married, if you become divorced or sent back for any reason, this means you failed as a wife and no man is going to look at you twice. These women know that and cannot bear to bring such shame upon their families. Lets also add the element of children. These women know that if they are deported they will lose access to their children, so in most cases they prefer to stay and deal with the torture than lose their kids. There is also an emotional element to this. Abused women sometimes feel as if the abuse is physically visible on them and feel so much shame that they would rather hide than be around the people who may or may not care about their past. What do these and other reasons have in common? The fact that at the end of the day, it is the woman who suffers. A lose lose situation for her.
Lets also not forget that although some of these women can speak English, most of the time they do not speak the language enough to tell anyone what is going on with them. Usually, these women are kept isolated from the rest of society as these sick men are afraid they will tell someone what they have been subjected to. How many of us know our neighbors?...It could be going on right next door to you.
Ok so why is this depressing topic even on my radar? Why do I, and other well educated immigrant women need to worry about this issue? Well the men who prey on immigrant women do it many different ways. There are some who specifically target uneducated women or women who do not speak the language in the belief that they will not know any better and can not report said men and as such these women are easy victims. There are other men who prefer the thrill of dominating a woman "thinks" she knows a lot. For the men who choose to target educated women, they come with a different game all together.
Ok so what are some key signs to tell you, your guy may have some stereotypical assumptions and aspirations about you the immigrant? I have no clue.
Some personal red flags, however, are instances like these.
1. A guy who swears he only dates "exotic" or "ethnic" women and swears they are so much more interesting than women of his own culture. RUN!
This person could not have dated everyone in his culture and race to make such a stupid statement. We are all humans, there are stupid, mean, people in every single race and culture.
2. The man who always makes little sly racist comments and wants to laugh it off as a joke all the time. RUN!
Racism is never funny. If he is doing it to another race, most probably he is doing it about your race behind your back.
3. The man who wants to be "down" so bad. When you met him he had a certain style and all of a sudden he wants to be wearing dashiki's (and stuffs). I fully support cultural immersion but I do not believe in getting rid of one culture( his culture) for this to happen. so RUN!
Etc. Etc.....
People have different reactions to seeing interracial couples, especially when it seems evident that they are from different cultures. Some people envy these women and others judge them. The one thing I have learned is that no situation is always as it seems. Just as people from the same culture can be in a toxic relationship, that is the same way people from different cultures can also be in toxic relationships.
What can we do about this situation? Well the most important thing is that we need to Educate ourselves and the people in our communities!!! Those of us in developing nations need to educate other women in these nations so they know that everything they see on TV is not real. Developed nations have their problems just like developing nations do. No race has perfect human being. A Caucasian man can be as evil as an Asian or an African. Those developed nation citizens interested in doing something can look to having legislation put in place to protect immigrant women and children. Do not let these perverts use your collective names to abuse and degrade innocent victims.
There is so much to be said about this topic, I am just touching on the surface here but that is all it should take. Go educate yourself and tell a friend. Ignorance is never a good enough excuse.
“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. ‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ “Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? ‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? ‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’“The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’
“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ “Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ “Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ “These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
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