Four Seasons Hotel Westlake Village, California — Nightly Deluxe Room & Spa Package
Unwind in an elegant hotel nestled between the California mountains, with a lavish spa credit to help you discover serenity.
This is a Ruelala special and no they are not paying me to advertise (sadly). But yeah I was thinking of fun things to do and I thought...hmmm...a nice vacation (paid) would be awesome for either Naa or myself's birthday. *Sigh* and I'll keep dreaming. Anyways if you fall in love with this place, check out Ruelala.com and sign up for more discounts like these :).
Moving right along. Today's post is going to be about the Single ladies :). Resist the urge to burst into Beyonce's single ladies song. Urge resisted? Good. Onto the important issues :). Ok so although I am not a single lady (the pessimist in me says hey anyone could become a single lady not even marriages are safe anymore so this applies to all of us). *Disclaimer* sigh...this applies to single ladies who actually do not WANT to be single so please spare me the Independent woman speech.*
Being single is not a ride in the park, but it is not a death sentence either. Yes, when I was single (especially at my age which we will for the sake of argument say is 25 *cough* *choke* *cough*) I was beginning to get desperate. Ok why lie, I was not beginning, I WAS desperate!!!(Don't judge me). Thoughts like these populated my mind, "Why does no man want me, I am pretty enough, successful enough, God fearing enough, I cook, I clean blah blah blah." I simply could not understand why no man saw how much of a Good catch I was or I could be. Some people (my haters) suggested that I was too picky and to try to lower my standards. In the interest of democracy, I tried that a few times and realized it was just not for me. I could honestly say that I would rather be single and happy (well relatively happier than I would be in a bad relationship) than be in a 10/90 relationships where I was giving the 90.
I tried all sorts of dating, online dating, (well not speed dating because we did not have a chance to go), blind dates, friend referrals dates, the direct I want you to date me date, you name it I did it all in my quest to find that man who would be for me and me alone. Every prospective guy (or any shmuck I thought was cute and could speak/write English) got the "can I see myself married to him" "how many kids will we have" run through. Yes even if we had just spoken for 10 minutes :). Yes I was THAT bad!!! I had so much love to give and I wanted to force it, sorry I mean GIVE it to someone, anyone!!!!
There were men that used this neediness to their own advantage. I wont mention names and we can just call them what I call them, ediot 1, ediot 2 etc. The important thing I learned from these men was that I could do so much better and not settle no matter what anyone else said. Foolish men!!! Ugh!!!
As if these horrible men were not bad enough, I had to deal with being the dreaded third wheel. It could have been worse though. I was lucky that the two people I hung around the most , did not live in my area and did not have their men around all the time. I think that would have pushed me off the edge a bit. Having friends especially close friends with men (who supposedly) treat them right can be very difficult when you are single. Yeah you could dump those friends and find other single friends ...now why didnt I think of that earlier?:). I keed I keed those men fed me so I have nothing but good things to say about them.
So you are single and you pray and you pray and you pray and you pray and you watch people around you who seemingly do not live the truly "Christian" life find "good" men and lead happy committed lives. All that makes you think, makes you question God, it makes you want to say you know what, I am tired of this mess. You feel like the second son in the prodigal son story. You stayed, you did everything that was/is asked of you, go to church, you dont sleep around, you give alms, you PRAY, you are a GOOD person! and what do you get for all this? Diddly squat. The ONE thing you ask God for, (just one mind you), he cant or wont come through for you.
Oh and during this hard enough time, lets not forget the "good" advice that everyone else wants to give you when you are single. "Oh he will come when you least expect it. Oh God knows best. Oh blah, oh blah...oh ...(BS!!!)" No one is trying to hear about how their soul mate is going to come when they least expect it, they want that soul mate NOW! Now with the ring, the perfect children, the perfect houses etc. NOW! Enough with the adages and the wise words of future and then and thens (use of and then and then is copyrighted to Naa).
Well, unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, it does not happen that way. We do not or cannot wish our perfect relationships into existence by screaming NOW NOW NOW. Everything happens for a reason and the more we accept that and truly believe that God has a purpose for us, single or not, the better we will be for it. So you are single, does that mean you cannot enjoy everything a person in a relationship enjoys? You want to take a trip somewhere with a special person? Good! Grab a few girlfriends and go. You want to go on a date and have fun? Everyone has that friend or family member they enjoy time with, grab them and go. You want to feel like someone is thinking about you, missing you, wanting you...what are good friends for? Or better yet use that time to think, meditate and pray. Replace the bad habit or thinking bad thoughts with the good habit of praying when these trying times pop up.
Now I am not stupid nor I am trying to downplay how lonely one can feel when single and wanting someone to love. What I am saying is that do not put your current life on hold while waiting for this person and your possible future. Who knows, maybe it is the things you do in your meantime (whilst waiting) that will give you the tools to enjoy this person even more when they come. Take me for example. I have always and probably will always love food. While dating, I would always go to the most expensive restaurants etc. and ooh and ahh at the food. When I became single, I did not have the money to go to these expensive restaurants. What did I do? I decided to learn how to make all the dishes I craved from good times passed. Now I can make food so good (most of the time) it will make you want to confess (certain things) :). You dont have to learn to cook, pick up a hobby, learn a new language, pick up kick boxing ...just do something that makes you very happy. You will realize you spend less time thinking about how you do not have someone and more time looking forward to doing that activity again.
Confidence attracts people. I think that is why I get hit on more when I am dating or in a relationship. One of my friends told me once that men can smell the neediness of single chicks. I did not believe him, but I think he might have a point. When you are completely comfortable and confident in yourself, you give off a certain vibe. A certain aura that lets people know they cannot mess with you. It is not a case of you bringing yourself down to meet people, it becomes a reversed situation of people elevating themselves to meet you at your high level. Isn't that a better option?
Everyday I try to learn a little bit more about relationships and about myself. I was the girl who until a few weeks ago (after countless failed dates and men who could not spell) said F*CK IT!!! God if you dont want me to have a man FINE! Do what you want to, I am OVER IT!
And what does he do? He sends me a man :). Is he THE ONE? I do not know, I am praying about it and time will tell. But this is my point; God sends you what you need when you need it. ( I don't think you have to be as mean as I was, swearing and all, but he understands that I was frustrated :).
So single women please break the cycle of whining and depressive talk etc. Being single is and will never be a death sentence. Do the things you love to do, lets all love ourselves above no one else and keep God first in everything. Let us make our prayer, "Lord I think I want a man/woman (side eye) but in all things thy will be done" and leave it at that. Our good Lord did not bring us this far in our lives to suddenly stop and fail us. Have faith, believe that God wants nothing but the best for you and enjoy your life exactly as it is now, it is THE Present! :)
UPDATED TO SAY: Due to the "interest" in this topic and various perspectives others have shared...expect a part 2 soon :)
This is a Ruelala special and no they are not paying me to advertise (sadly). But yeah I was thinking of fun things to do and I thought...hmmm...a nice vacation (paid) would be awesome for either Naa or myself's birthday. *Sigh* and I'll keep dreaming. Anyways if you fall in love with this place, check out Ruelala.com and sign up for more discounts like these :).
Moving right along. Today's post is going to be about the Single ladies :). Resist the urge to burst into Beyonce's single ladies song. Urge resisted? Good. Onto the important issues :). Ok so although I am not a single lady (the pessimist in me says hey anyone could become a single lady not even marriages are safe anymore so this applies to all of us). *Disclaimer* sigh...this applies to single ladies who actually do not WANT to be single so please spare me the Independent woman speech.*
Being single is not a ride in the park, but it is not a death sentence either. Yes, when I was single (especially at my age which we will for the sake of argument say is 25 *cough* *choke* *cough*) I was beginning to get desperate. Ok why lie, I was not beginning, I WAS desperate!!!(Don't judge me). Thoughts like these populated my mind, "Why does no man want me, I am pretty enough, successful enough, God fearing enough, I cook, I clean blah blah blah." I simply could not understand why no man saw how much of a Good catch I was or I could be. Some people (my haters) suggested that I was too picky and to try to lower my standards. In the interest of democracy, I tried that a few times and realized it was just not for me. I could honestly say that I would rather be single and happy (well relatively happier than I would be in a bad relationship) than be in a 10/90 relationships where I was giving the 90.
I tried all sorts of dating, online dating, (well not speed dating because we did not have a chance to go), blind dates, friend referrals dates, the direct I want you to date me date, you name it I did it all in my quest to find that man who would be for me and me alone. Every prospective guy (or any shmuck I thought was cute and could speak/write English) got the "can I see myself married to him" "how many kids will we have" run through. Yes even if we had just spoken for 10 minutes :). Yes I was THAT bad!!! I had so much love to give and I wanted to force it, sorry I mean GIVE it to someone, anyone!!!!
There were men that used this neediness to their own advantage. I wont mention names and we can just call them what I call them, ediot 1, ediot 2 etc. The important thing I learned from these men was that I could do so much better and not settle no matter what anyone else said. Foolish men!!! Ugh!!!
As if these horrible men were not bad enough, I had to deal with being the dreaded third wheel. It could have been worse though. I was lucky that the two people I hung around the most , did not live in my area and did not have their men around all the time. I think that would have pushed me off the edge a bit. Having friends especially close friends with men (who supposedly) treat them right can be very difficult when you are single. Yeah you could dump those friends and find other single friends ...now why didnt I think of that earlier?:). I keed I keed those men fed me so I have nothing but good things to say about them.
So you are single and you pray and you pray and you pray and you pray and you watch people around you who seemingly do not live the truly "Christian" life find "good" men and lead happy committed lives. All that makes you think, makes you question God, it makes you want to say you know what, I am tired of this mess. You feel like the second son in the prodigal son story. You stayed, you did everything that was/is asked of you, go to church, you dont sleep around, you give alms, you PRAY, you are a GOOD person! and what do you get for all this? Diddly squat. The ONE thing you ask God for, (just one mind you), he cant or wont come through for you.
Oh and during this hard enough time, lets not forget the "good" advice that everyone else wants to give you when you are single. "Oh he will come when you least expect it. Oh God knows best. Oh blah, oh blah...oh ...(BS!!!)" No one is trying to hear about how their soul mate is going to come when they least expect it, they want that soul mate NOW! Now with the ring, the perfect children, the perfect houses etc. NOW! Enough with the adages and the wise words of future and then and thens (use of and then and then is copyrighted to Naa).
Well, unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, it does not happen that way. We do not or cannot wish our perfect relationships into existence by screaming NOW NOW NOW. Everything happens for a reason and the more we accept that and truly believe that God has a purpose for us, single or not, the better we will be for it. So you are single, does that mean you cannot enjoy everything a person in a relationship enjoys? You want to take a trip somewhere with a special person? Good! Grab a few girlfriends and go. You want to go on a date and have fun? Everyone has that friend or family member they enjoy time with, grab them and go. You want to feel like someone is thinking about you, missing you, wanting you...what are good friends for? Or better yet use that time to think, meditate and pray. Replace the bad habit or thinking bad thoughts with the good habit of praying when these trying times pop up.
Now I am not stupid nor I am trying to downplay how lonely one can feel when single and wanting someone to love. What I am saying is that do not put your current life on hold while waiting for this person and your possible future. Who knows, maybe it is the things you do in your meantime (whilst waiting) that will give you the tools to enjoy this person even more when they come. Take me for example. I have always and probably will always love food. While dating, I would always go to the most expensive restaurants etc. and ooh and ahh at the food. When I became single, I did not have the money to go to these expensive restaurants. What did I do? I decided to learn how to make all the dishes I craved from good times passed. Now I can make food so good (most of the time) it will make you want to confess (certain things) :). You dont have to learn to cook, pick up a hobby, learn a new language, pick up kick boxing ...just do something that makes you very happy. You will realize you spend less time thinking about how you do not have someone and more time looking forward to doing that activity again.
Confidence attracts people. I think that is why I get hit on more when I am dating or in a relationship. One of my friends told me once that men can smell the neediness of single chicks. I did not believe him, but I think he might have a point. When you are completely comfortable and confident in yourself, you give off a certain vibe. A certain aura that lets people know they cannot mess with you. It is not a case of you bringing yourself down to meet people, it becomes a reversed situation of people elevating themselves to meet you at your high level. Isn't that a better option?
Everyday I try to learn a little bit more about relationships and about myself. I was the girl who until a few weeks ago (after countless failed dates and men who could not spell) said F*CK IT!!! God if you dont want me to have a man FINE! Do what you want to, I am OVER IT!
And what does he do? He sends me a man :). Is he THE ONE? I do not know, I am praying about it and time will tell. But this is my point; God sends you what you need when you need it. ( I don't think you have to be as mean as I was, swearing and all, but he understands that I was frustrated :).
So single women please break the cycle of whining and depressive talk etc. Being single is and will never be a death sentence. Do the things you love to do, lets all love ourselves above no one else and keep God first in everything. Let us make our prayer, "Lord I think I want a man/woman (side eye) but in all things thy will be done" and leave it at that. Our good Lord did not bring us this far in our lives to suddenly stop and fail us. Have faith, believe that God wants nothing but the best for you and enjoy your life exactly as it is now, it is THE Present! :)
UPDATED TO SAY: Due to the "interest" in this topic and various perspectives others have shared...expect a part 2 soon :)
Prayer to St. Raphael, Angel of Happy Meetings
O Raphael, lead us towards those we are waiting for, those who are
waiting for us! Raphael, Angel of Happy Meetings, lead us by the hand
towards those we are looking for! May all our movements, all their
movements, be guided by your Light and transfigured by your joy.
Angel guide of Tobias, lay the request we now address to you at the feet
of Him on whose unveiled Face you are privileged to gaze. Lonely and
tired, crushed by the separations and sorrows of earth, we feel the need
of calling to you and of pleading for the protection of your wings, so
that we may not be as strangers in the Province of Joy, all ignorant of
the concerns of our country.
Remember the weak, you who are strong--you whose home lies beyond the
region of thunder, in a land that is always peaceful, always serene, and
bright with the resplendent glory of God.
Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment