What is your net worth...

Yes we are in August already...time to think about winter no? Yes? No? Oh well whenever it is time to think about winter, this Burberry Prorsum Technical Faille Peacoat (i love the name btw) is absolutely too cute. If you live where you actually see snow you might want to rethink this...it is a mere $1795.00. Yes come along lets do it together...1...2...3...*sigh*...

Moving right along...today's topic TRUST! Usual *disclaimer* let me be me mmmkay? If you do not have to think about trust issues come get a cookie when you see me...this is for people who are thinking about trust and its issues like I am*

Moving right along...So (yes I use the word So a lot sue me :))...Trust seems to be a big thing for me and I did not even realize until recently. My friends have always complained about how quick I am to cut people off and the unrealistic expectations I have for the people around me...(friends and boyfriends) but I do not think these are bad traits on my part. I (in all honesty) do not know how to half ass a relationship (romantic or platonic ones)...if I call you a friend you are my friend till you cross me and then you are crossed off my list...it should not be that simple (Naa claims) but sorry for me it is.

What happens if I really really really like a friend or I have fallen madly and deeply in love with a boy, how do I switch off and just not care anymore? I care and it hurts but too bad I will not stay around and have you change my mind. My rigidness is a bad habit (to an extent), one I am trying to work on and get to the point where it is not as bad as people claim it is.

Now what has this rigidness got to do with Trust? Everything!!!!! For some people, Trust is not such a big issue...you can cross them, once, twice, etc. and they are forgiving blah blah blah...that is not me...(I know I know...work in progress...Christian I should know better etc. etc.) Let me try and rationalize my standpoint.

Relationships (romantic or platonic) are hard *full stop*! They are full of compromises, humility, respect, love and sacrifice. I think a successful friendship/relationship is where you try to do more for the other as opposed to yourself because that is what one is supposed to do. Now, if things are this hard ,then how do you think I feel when I am giving 80% and someone wants to give me 5% not even 10% but 5%. This person is rude, unfeeling, never take my feelings into consideration, everything is either my fault or someone elses fault and never theirs, they lie, they cheat, connive, steal yadda yadda yadda...I cannot and will not deal will not deal with such a person, that is not what life is supposed to be about. (I find such people toxic).

I need to surround myself with people who got me people I can sleep with both eyes closed around. Yes I know, trust no one but the good Lord above but God sends us good friends to help us on this hard journey we are on...our own personal guardian angels.

Ok so friendships for me might get a little more leeway than my Boyfriends because Men come and go etc. but one thing friends and boyfriends have in common is that I simply cannot stand a liar ...ok two things ,liars and hypocrites...they kill my soul...I cannot have a boyfriend/friend who is either of these things.

For boyfriends specifically, men who lie are turn offs. I know I know white lies should be acceptable but I do not see it that way. There is never a good reason to lie to me, something is or it isnt. *BTW lying by omission is the worst!!! and it is LYING!!!!!* Breathhhee.....*sigh* I do not see why people have to lie. Be upfront..."honey I do not think we are working out anymore and I want out"..done deal. "Honey I like another chick" done deal...etc. etc. hey I am not saying hearing those words come out will not drive me to want to slap you upside the head, but at least it gives me options, ok hes laid his cards out there, do I want to continue playing or do I want to quit this game and keep it moving??

I have been in a lot of relationships where Trust was a major issue, so much so that now that I am in a situation where (I think) Trust should not be an issue, I sometimes find myself going back to my old mentality and freaking out because (what if he is cheating???). (Then I tell myself, I am not doing the old me anymore, no more its all on me, I have handed this guy completely over to the big guys up there, if it is their will that he cheats and that experience will teach me something which will lead me to the man he has ordained for me, or rather the life he has picked out for me ...then so be it.) But I will be *expletive* if the Devil lets me waste all my free time worrying about the what, could, if, etc. So until he gives me a good reason to start getting suspicious I am going to try really hard not to let the messes from before mess a (possibly) good thing up in the present :).

Back to the issue of honesty (in general)I guess people would argue that I am being naive in thinking that in this day and age people can and should be completely honest with each other. :(...I still think its something we should all strive for though...

Psalm 15
LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman, who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD, who keeps his oath even when it hurts, who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken.