Fear and yet ...Anticipation...where did I drop my Manual on Life??

I need these shoes in my life...(I think)...they are everything a formal shoe should be.Formal in the sense that it would be used for serious occasions. I can so see myself strutting around the office in these babies. *sigh*...office...work...me no havey any *sigh*...BTW these babies are "only" $520...50% off their original price of $1040 and they are Lanvin's.

Moving hurriedly along. So this has been one of the craziest/weirdest week's I have ever ever had...or at least I've had this year. So this $th of July weekend, I decided to spend not holed up at home (as usual) but to go visit a friend where I met some interesting men. Now maybe I have lost the manual to dating but these guys dont seem to be doing the regular hit and run approach. What do I mean??? Meet, if you seem into it lie to you get you into bed and run...end of story.

Ok so we met for a bbq/party (in the day), I lied and said I would show up later on in the evening at a club (of course I wouldn't I was tired). Now typically, I would expect guys to be like ok this girl is too much trouble and just keep it moving with the other girls that were around them. Can you believe every single one of the guys called me (some to offer rides to the club, others to plan lunch the next day etc. etc.) That was quite shocking to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I am ugly and don't deserve attention, I just didn't know guys to chase fish in pond that was not easily accessible...

Fast forward to the next day, they all called and tried to see me again. (again this is weird, I didn't show up last night you probably met other girls and got their numbers why not hang with them?) And now one of them has picked up the habit of texting me good morning and good night...(which I think is sweet)...Kojo started and now has stopped (minus points for him :)).

Ok so all the above is not even the weird part...yes I got LOADS of attention (though I didn't enjoy it, it was funny I felt like a trapped rabbit with everyone trying to stand out it was a bit overwhelming...maybe I need someone to psychoanalyze that or me). Ok, the weird part is that this was not just over this weekend, suddenly I am getting attention from everyone!!!! Guys I haven't spoken to in YEARS are suddenly calling constantly to "check up on me", random guys in the streets want to go on dates (and no I haven't changed anything about myself)...Now if big Kevin calls that would just be the end, Ill know Jesus is truly coming. lol. Naa thinks I should ride the wave but I don't like the feeling. I am very black and white and want to always know whats going on so this is a bit unnerving.

Oh and to make matters all the even more complicated, all this attention is happening when I just met someone I am trying to get to know better.(*blush* he makes me smile). All this makes it a bit hard because I am trying to keep an open mind about everyone. I am not 'dating' said person yet (well he hasn't mentioned exclusivity) so I don't want to set myself up and stop meeting other people. I doubt he has stopped looking at/meeting other women so we wait and see *sigh*. How stupid will I look if HE finds someone (closer to where he lives) and throws up the deuces at me? Then I am stuck looking like an E-diot :(!

I don't know who will end up being the "one", I mean I have my favorite but I don't know if he is it (yet) :) above all my wants and likes I want God to do the choosing for me. I wish God would just point ONE guy out and be like yeah pick him cause this buffet is just confusing. So far this one person sticks out just because of our religious background and we seem to agree on a lot of the same things but then he also has some crimson red flags and I am not trying to repeat the Kyle experience! (What is the Kyle experience? Short version met online was the perfect gentleman did all the cute things emailed, called, texted (alllllllllllllllllllllllllll the time), met in person and he turned out to be a snake. He is the one thing I regret in my life) and that experience almost crushed my spirit so I don't want a repeat). So I stay praying, not forcing and trusting in the will of God above all things. :)...

At the end of this "rainy" season when my dry spell begins I want to be able to feel as though I did everything in my power without changing who I was to accommodate anyone else...( compromise but not be changed). Even if we don't end up as lovers I would like to make some good friends out of these prospects. I wish, hope and pray Prince Charming is among this bunch but I guess Man proposes and God disposes....Pray for and with me that God uses the "bad apples" to show the true one for me :) or just call a psychiatrist and refer me whichever works for you :)

If nothing at all the rest of 2010 seems as if its going to be a very interesting period...stay tuned...