Are we THERE yet?...Relationship definitions...

These Lanvin's might not look too special just as they appear right now but trust me when its put together with an outfit it looks absolutely deelish! Although I would only buy a green shoe if I had money I didnt know what to do with. Anyhoos...these babies are a "mere" $522.00, 52% off their original price. *One day*!!!

This week has been interesting in terms of reading about and looking at old and new relationships which led me to think about this topic. Lets talk about New relationships. Now I am sure everyone will agree that new relationships are interesting. *Well they are even more interesting when one party doesn't realize they are in a "relationship" lol* ...but thats not my topic or focus today. I am thinking/talking more about the beginning of relationships where both parties are aware it "might" be going somewhere.

Now I have had time from all my old relationships I can say that I have never had a mature relationship. One person was always in it 100% and the other party was doing "and then and then". a.k.a "see how far" relationships See Exhibit A and though I can promise you that I am not the one who came up with Exhibit A, it is interesting to me that they both use terminology that I am oh so familiar with. Lol.

Anyways on to the actual meat of this discussion. When a relationship is new who decides the timing? More importantly who SHOULD decide? Or are you of the school of thought that suggests that we let it ride and see where it ends up? See I had no problem with that approach when I was younger (yes Kiki would kill me for that phrase). Now I just feel like if you want to be my friend sure, but do not block someone who may want to be more in my life...and please do not confuse that with desperation and neediness. I just do not have time to play mind games :).

Most of the time I have waited for the guy to determine the timing (for fear of scaring him off by being perceived as a needy chick). Sidenote: Why do guys do that? I mean you hit on me, you get my number, you keep calling me and yet when I ask what exactly you want it turns on me and makes me the bad person? So NOT COOL!!!...Anyways in the past I would let it slide for as long as I could but usually by the one month line I need to know whats going on. Apparently, however, for some guys this is a problem as this shows.

Well in all fairness we don't know how long the span of 4 dates was. My rule, however, is that by the 3rd week to a month I need to know where you are taking me. In a perfect world people would be able to voice out their expectations from the get go without being perceived as being needy and desperate but such is life. By month 1 if you are still unsure and doing "and then and then" I think it is time for you to "hit the road Jack". I mean honestly, you know when you want to be with someone or not, the rest is overthinking it. Now obviously this applies to relationships where both parties are in the same place, same time...Long distance relationships are a whole different ballgame but even then, by the 1st month you should know where things are going.

Am I being totally unrealistic with this timing? Most women agree that if a man is allowed to dictate the speed and significant naming "stages" of a relationships (yes we need the names so when we tell our friends we can be more specific) lol ...the relationship would go no where. Yet I have seen/heard of relationships where both parties agree that when they knew, they knew. So perhaps the problem isn't with men or women in general but being with the wrong man or woman for you. If you have to try too hard take it from me, it is not meant to be. If you are sacrificing too much of YOU for THEM, no there will never come a time where it will be reciprocated, get over it and find a better situation. Easy to say, hard to actually DO! I know I have been there...

We all want to be someone special to some who makes us feel special too. Sometimes in our zeal to find that ONE so we are not called old single women or men we take short cuts that end up hurting us more than helping us. I say this not to try to diminish the anguish I know I have felt in wanting to just find someone to give the love you have to. You don't want anything from them, you just want to give them YOUR love and you cant seem to find that one. Everyone says to pray and wait and the perfect guy will be on his way when the time is right. The loneliness, the feelings of inadequacies, obviously if I cant find anyone to love me then it has to be something wrong with me and the subsequent changes to who you truly are just to try to attract someone who isn't meant to be with you in the first place. These are all character building opportunities but do they have to be so painful?

I haven't found my love yet, but I have seen glimpses of true peace and happiness (as of my present time and situation) and if this is what love is all about ....where do I sign up? I am love's greatest ally and its biggest cynic at the same time so you have an ally in me anytime when you think no one else gets what you are going through. Whatever we do, let us be able to walk into a relationship holding onto to Jesus so when the human fails we can calmly turn around and walk out with Jesus the same way we came in. :) I pray we all find that special someone God has ordained for us and for true happiness and peace ...this world lacks it!

Here is to finding the special one for us and growing with this person in all facets of our lives :)...