God speaks... - Windows Live

God speaks... - Windows Live

When I was younger (Kiki hates when I say that or use that phrase cause shes like well you are still young!!!) But I usually mean when i was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy younger!! Sheesh!!! Anyways when I was younger :) I used to have a pretty good relationship with God (or so I thought), I guess its easier to have a good relationship when you really dont know much better lol lol what was I going to do? Kill someone? Steal? etc. etc. For some strange reason I LOVEDDDDDD reading the Bible. I could sit and read and read it over and over again. No pressure or nothing. I loved God with all my heart and that was that. Then I went through my crises of faith. It was not that big of a deal I think I went a year or so (if that long) without wanting God in my life then I snapped out of it. But after that I do not think I have ever had the relationship I used to have with him and it scares me and worries me at the same time. It scares and worries me because at the end of the day when its all said and done I know God is the most important being in my life, he sees all the stupid things I get up to and he loves me despite and regardless of all this stupidity. I have been in so many situations that if it had not been for the hand of God in my life I would not have made it through those times. And yet still I live in my sinful ways needing a way out but not quite figuring exactly HOW to get out of it.

I went for Theology on Tap last night and this lady got up and spoke about Jesus, Peter and the walking on water incident. I wont bore you with her whole sermon but basically her deal was, sometimes in order to see God work in our lives we need to be like Peter and get out of the boat to at least try and walk on the water with Jesus. THIS IS A SCARY THOUGHT!!!

I have been asking God lately to speak to me because I Feel like I am missing a piece of the action and I was getting frustrated because Ive told God what i want (lol)...usual dissertation, man, good job (in that order) although mummy prefers man, dissertation and good job (hey at least we agree on the basics lol. So anyways I have been praying about this for awhile and absolutely NO RESPONSE!!! I meet these guys I KNOW arent the one and yet still I try to make them look like the one but God wasnt having it so usually after the first date I know I am over it and them lol.

Anyways after yesterdays lesson on listening for the call of God in our lives I was pondering on what God was calling me to do with my life when April (a chick I work with (delightful chick)) anyways she comes in and shows us a promise ring she got from her man. (Now to me this is fast cause theyve only been dating for about 3 or 4 months but it got us speaking on the issue of mates when Lydia (an older lady in the office) broke it down to me and told me exactly what I needed to hear. God spoke to me through her. I DO NOT need to settle because everyone calls me uppity and thinks I will never find a man as good as my father. I WILL!!! In God's time and when he knows I am ready he will put whatever he knows I need in my life. NO TIME SOONER!!!...Rachel(the lady who spoke yesterday) said something VERY important when she said, WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOUR LIFE (and Abilities) is a reflection of WHAT YOU THINK GOD CAN DO. If you put restrictions on what God can do for your life you are simply stating that he is a God who cannot. I believe my God CAN even when I choose to put limitations on him. I will prove everyone wrong when I DO find THAT ONE who is just like my daddy, a God fearing selfless man!!!! Until then I will continue to listen for what God is saying and try to find what I have been called to do.

A beautiful day ... - Windows Live

A beautiful day ... - Windows Live

Do you ever have one of those days that are just so beautiful you cannot be in a bad mood regardless of what is going on around you or in your life in that particular moment? Well today is one of those days...I woke up and the sun was just beaming out of my shutters like it knew it was doing a good thing...I just had to smile ...and I am still smiling. Its so funny how the weather can have such an impact on our moods or maybe its just me?...Dreary days make me dreary...cold days make me want to stay in bed but bright days and I feel like I conquer the world! ( Even though I might have to settle with conquering as far as I can walk since I probably cant afford Gas right about now ) lol

Since today is such a beautiful day we are only going to focus on positive things. If you are anything like me, I am sure you have a set of mantras or sayings that you keep around you to motivate you. When I was growing up my mom used to tell me about this girl she used to know. Apparently, this girl was definitely not the most beautiful girl the world has ever seen, yet she seemed to always have the best time at parties, the best pick in men etc. etc. and what was her secret? Money? No, Bribery? No...it was just having a good attitude especially about herself. Apparently this said girl would look in the mirror every morning and say "You are the most beautiful girl on this planet, you are smart, successful etc. etc. " and just this self affirmation worked so much so that it prevented negative energy from coming and disrupting her life thus allowing her to be the happiest in any social setting and equally happy with herself. This is such an important lesson that I am glad my mother shared with me.

Growing up in a family with all the shades of the make up counter and being the darkest and dealing with people's mentality of "light is right" I fear that if my parents had not instilled in me a sense of self value from that early period it may have damaged me in the long run. Yes I still have days when I feel my thighs are too big, my hair is too curly, my teeth too big etc. etc. but at the end of it all I can smile and be happy that I am just who I am.

This issue of self value or self worth is one that is so dear to me especially when it comes to females (possibly because I am female and know how hard it can be for women who are not deemed socially attractive), I know men go through their own issues but I don't know enough about that to speak on it. So I will speak on what I know. For me I believe beauty is truly skin deep. The superficial part can and may fade and I believe if you dont have a beautiful spirit underneath it all, sometimes that outer beauty becomes tainted, tarnished, cheapened.

If I am ever blessed to have a daughter, I hope to raise her as my parents have raised me, with a strong mind and a love for herself no matter what anyone else thinks or says because in the end God in his infinite power and wisdom knew why he created you with the exact dimensions and specifications he created you with. One of my dad's pals Uncle Paa Kwesi or was it my Uncle Kofi, well one of them) had a funny way of thinking about modern day enhancements (like plastic surgery). For him he did not think it was a smart idea because he believed we had all been tagged with a specific VIN number and that if we chose to get worked on these number dissappeared. So on judgment day when our numbers are being called, God would look and look but not be able to find us cause we edited our VIN numbers lol. Obviously this is my very personal reaction to the idea of modifying oneself and guess what? Since its MY opinion there's diddly squat you can do about it. The joy of freedom of speech!!! Now dont get me wrong I am not saying all plastic surgery is wrong, if you have been involved in a horrid accident and all scarred and marred and something can be done about it, please go ahead get it done. I am talking about the vain plastic surgery where there is nothing wrong with you yet you want a little tuck here and there to "look better". (now will you stop snarling at me) sheesh!!!

Anyways the long ass, long winded sermon was all to get to this point. A reflection on Psalm 138 (139) that my mother shared with me and that I make sure to read every once in awhile to remind me of the bigger picture.

It says;

Just think,YOU are not here by chance, but by God's choosing.

His Hand formed you and made you the person you are,

He compares you to No one else, you are one of a kind.

You lack nothing that his grace cannot do for you

He has allowed you to be here at this time in History

To fulfill his special purpose for this generation....

Amen.

I love you...i really do... - Windows Live

I love you...i really do... - Windows Live:

"I love you...i really do...
Lately, I can’t seem to get you off my mind,

(The funny thing is, I don’t know if I even want to get you off my mind.)

I love the way you make me feel (smart, successful, beautiful …trust me I could go on and on).

You always know what to say to make me laugh (even if the joke is on me), and

I love that you allow me to be utterly human, that is, flawed and all.

Even above all this, I love that you let me love you;

And that you trusted me enough to fall.

The look in your eye when you tell me to trust in God is priceless (you have a cute little twinkle in your left eye)

Your prayers help me get through the day.

I love that you can see us past tomorrow

And even the day after forever (and ever).

No one else but you took the time to show me

How truly loving someone is supposed to feel.

You make my soul smile (how cliche is that)

For you I would go a thousand miles (Of course I would drive it or maybe even fly it, im in love not psycho…).

You see, lately, I can’t seem to get you off my mind

But that’s fine…

Because lately I seem to have fallen in love

And it’s solely(only)because of you."

Some lessons I've learnt from Past Relationships - Windows Live

Some lessons I've learnt from Past Relationships - Windows Live

In no particular order of course:

1. HIS Friends especially his Best Friend(s) are not yours!!!

Lets think about this. Who is a friend? Someone who is supposed to "have your back unconditionally". At least that is what a GOOD friend is supposed to. Usually guys have had their friends from since they were children playing in the sandlot...and guys are traditionally more loyal than females so chances are these guys have been through everything and anything together. Now insert you!...What makes you think that he is going to put the well being of his "friend" over YOU? While you are dating, if you are lucky enough, these so called friends of your "boy" might be nice to you, seem to care about the well being of your relationship blah blah blah...Im telling you right now DONT BUY IT! They could care less about what you are dealing with or going through and chances are, if they are immature enough, they will just use all you tell them as ammunition against you one day! DONT DO IT!!!...If you need a friend to talk to call one of your OWN or go see a Priest! or a Shrink...whatever works for you.

2. Its you and Me against the World

Well not really...its you and your significant other and a few of his friends and a few of your frienda against the world. One of my exes used to get upset when I would "draw" people into disagreements that we might have and I never understood why. Now I get it...too many cooks really spoil the broth! If you are having an issue with your significant other why do others need to be involved. It is not an issue of who is right versus who is wrong or who can scream the loudest or a score keeping competition. If you are really interested in figuring a solution to a problem you are having then it makes sense that you sit and talk it out with said significant other and leave the others out of it. On the other hand if you have a significant other (like one of my exes who would refuse to discuss anything because he hated confrontation then you need to evaluate that relationship and either get out while you can or get out while you can. That guy is going nowhere with you.

3. Sleeping while under the Influence

Aka Going to bed Angry! Another one of my exes (dont judge me) always used to say...never go to bed angry and I always used to ignore him. For me sleeping gave me a time to cool off and then the next day we can continue fighting. See where my mistake was? Why do you want to prolong a fight? it is perfectly ok to agree to disagree and keep things moving. Never go to bed angry though, only God knows if one of you will make it through the night, do you really want the last thing you ever told the one you love to be a mean or a foul word over something as trivial as (Whatever you were fighting about? ) Cause trust me once they are gone you will realize that whatever the issue was...it could have been worked out. So DONT do it...even if you CANT STAND the person that minute before Bed give them a hug understand you cant stand them but remember why you love them and go to bed with a GOOD feeling...the next day dont bring the drama up. New day new battles!

4. Whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine to keep

If you care about your significant other then whats yours is for the both of you (plus an extra on the side for JUST you ) and whats his is for the both of your (with an extra on the side for just that person). Being financially stable is something that I think a lot of couples do not think or worry about (initially) and then it becomes a problem once the relationship is in full swing. While you are in the pretty stages of the honeymoon phase, observe the relationship your significant other has with money. Are they wasteful? A Spendthrift? A miser? Take all these things into account and see how compatible their money handling skills are. There is no way a wasteful person is going to be happy with a miser without some serious compromises on both sides!!! Etc. Etc. You need to talk about the money and how you both handle it before any useful relationship should progress. I understand that sometimes its uncomfortable but it is better to have that moment of uncomfort rather than waste time then realize you cant "stand" each other because someone is "too cheap" or "doesnt know the value of a buck".

5. If you stand for nothing you will fall for anything

Know what your morals and values are. I read this joke once (sexist) which talked about a man who asked a woman if she would sleep with him for a million dollars. The woman of course agreed. He then asked if she would sleep with him for $5 to which she replied, "What do you take me for". The man said, well we know what you are we are now just haggling over the price. EXACTLY! Learn to have morals and stick with those moral convictions come Hell or High water because at the end of the day if you dont have something you can hold on to in this world of ever changing moral codes and boundaries you will truly become lost in it all. Faith is another important aspect of this, know your faith and hold on to it because in the end when all is said and done, it is this faith that will see you through. Some people say you can love someone without it interferring with your faith or theirs. I dont think this is true. (At least not for me). In order to love someone you have to love ALL aspects of that individual including their faith, and unfortunately sometimes these faiths do not mesh out nicely. Lets take me for example. What would happen if i fell in love with an atheist? It would not work...why? Because for me (even if I am not constantly shouting it on roof tops) I believe strongly that everything I am, I was and I will be is by the grace of God. When certain situations occur that I know are only by grace, my significant other chalking it up to opportunity or luck to me would be insulting to my God who has blessed me with that particular grace. How do i expect the blessings to keep flowing when I am choosing to label it 'luck'? I could write a whole essay on this particular topic but that isnt necessary my main point is this, find someone whose faith is compatible with yours so at the end of the day whatever happens you are looking at it from the same spiritual "worldview" or perspective so no one feels cheated out of anything.

This is the list for today...I might come up with some more tomorrow...the most important thing to remember is the fact that we are all thinking, feeling, human beings, treat another as you would like to be treated. A gentle word here, a kind gesture there may seem like nothing much to you but trust me it goes a long way.

Violence should never be the question nor the answer... - Windows Live

Violence should never be the question nor the answer... - Windows Live

Disclaimer: I have no medical degree nor a psychologist or psychiatrist degree. I am merely speaking on this issue based on what I have seen, experienced and think. If you happen to disagree with a point I have raised, feel free to bring it up in the comment section and we can discuss it till we get to a compromise or we agree it is one of those situations where we can choose to agree to disagree. This is such a sensitive topic that obviously not everyone is going to have the same reactions that I do and this is perfectly agreeable. What I hope we can all agree on in the end is that violence is and never should be the solution for men AND women.

On we go...

Unless you have been living under a rock these past few months, I am sure you have realized how violence has become such a prominent feature in the news. From the various beatings, shootings,serial killings, mass murders etc. and most recently Chriannagate. I must admit that in the beginning of this whole fiasco (and I use the term not to demean their situation but because I am personally fed up with it.) I like most of the American public wanted to know what had happened, what could have gone so wrong that such an "amazing" couple could have ended in this position. I think Rhianna says it best when she said we (the public) had put them on a pedestal forgetting that they were human and therefore bound to make some of the human mistakes that we make in our lives. Personally (and not that Rhianna cares) but I am slightly disappointed at the way she is choosing to handle this "dead horse". We all "know" or "know" as much as we possibly can without being there, we did not at this point need her to come back and relive her experience I think that was a personal experience that should have continued to be silent on. The big issue of violence is one that she could have addressed without this whole media whoopla. Do you think if she had started working with abused females and personally shared her story with them without necessarily drawing the media into it, her message would not have had more of an impact? She says she is trying to get the message across to other young women that you should never stay when you have been hit, for me hearing that Rhianna had started working with abuse centers (even if it wasnt one I was personally affiliated with) would have shown me that she was trying to do something about this issue. Coming out at such a convenient time (before the release of her album) slightly devalues her intentions for me. ( You can disagree). Now please do not confuse what it is I am saying. I am not making a judgement call on their situation but rather on the response.

Now various groups or camps have risen out of this situation, those FOR Chris and AGAINST Rhianna and vice versa and this is exactly why I think the response is or was faulty. The problem should not be who we like better, who looked better, who seemed more sincere blah blah the problem is the fact that violence was the culmination of their disagreement, THIS is what we (both the Chris side and the Rhianna side need to work on). To let the fans etc. know that, THAT aspect is what needs to be focused on. Again I don't know what went wrong and who struck whom first and that isn't my personal headache. Being female I sympathize with Rhianna in that I probably would not know what to do if any one of the men I thought I loved ever laid a finger on me. But at the same time being a sister and having a lot of male friends and cousins I also appreciate the fact that some women purposefully push a man to the edge so much then act surprised when he lashes out.

You can only be responsible for YOUR actions. That is why we need to teach women how to stand up for themselves and also not to confuse a man acting out or 'lashing out' as a form of love. I say this because I have been in that situation. I once dated this guy (yes I know I seemed to have dated a lot of people lol) but basically he would get mad about other females and smash a lot of things, he never was aggressive towards me or reacted in this manner when he was upset with me so that upset me. Why would you get mad enough to smash thing when it was in relation to girls who supposedly didn't matter but then when it came to me you didn't even fart in anger! This pushed me to try to push him so far that he would do something, anything to show me that he cared about me too. God being so good and so much smarter than me, this situation never escalated into anything and we parted ways soon enough but thinking back on it shows me that sometimes unconsciously we women do things that we dont think invites violence when we really are. ( Again this is not a generalization on Chris and Rhi or on any specific relationship, this is based solely on my relationship and seeing what other females do to my male friends).

I am not naive nor stupid nor insensitive enough to suggest that All women like me in that situation invite violence on themselves. There are honest cases where the men like all human beings who realize they can get away with something, abuse their privilege of being the men in the relationship and abuse their women. This is never ok and there is a specific VIP section in Hell for these men (and for people who hurt children).

I once spoke to a gentleman who could not for the life of him understand why his girlfriend had left him to go back to a man who abused her. He was very hurt by this and refused to see that it was more than just an issue of "going back to a thug". People need to educate themselves about these things. Battered woman (spouse) syndrome is not a joke and should not be taken lightly. You can read more about it and the various steps that women go through here http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/psych.htm. Even though people react to it in such a negative way (trying to hide it etc.) I think as the concerned public there are signs we can all look out for in our loved ones. And no this is not an excuse for you to get nosey but if you think there is something in the milk that isnt clean with one of your friends, be like me and open your big mouth (in private) and ask about it. Yes most people feel it is a shameful secret that they need to keep to themselves especially when they themselves cannot come to accept that they are being abused. But this is where I believe unconditional support and prayers come into play.

I could go on and on about this issue which is particularly dear to me but I am getting late for Church so lets wrap up...Men do not hit women EVER!!! Women do not hit men or poke and prod them like little caged animals EVER!!!! There is a reason we have our brains and our mouths...talk it out and if you are too angry to process anything...its ok to walk away and come back when you have cooled down or write it out ( that helps sometimes )...

Lets learn to love each other how we truly would want to be loved...

Me :)

Its not you, its me...ok maybe it is you...ok its definitely you...

I have been on the look out for some fly wedges ...I figure I have enough stilettos plus wedges are more comfortable all day everyday so one does not bust her ass like Lady Gaga...Ok I laughed only once...sigh...you could not pay me enough to deal with the fashion drama she cooks up for herself, I would take Rhianna's comfy looks over her anyday...(and I do not even like rhi rhi like that)... side note anyone else think it is so creepy that Chris's ex looks a bit too much like Rhi? Here is Rhi and here is Jasmine...creepy...anyways neither Chris nor Rhi are putting any money in my account for paying attention to their lives so its right along I move...

So you know how I said this was the year for trying "something new"...well I dont know how "new" I am trying to get it. I think someone up in heaven just found my love button and is just messing with it to see how far it can go. So far I have met a gentleman thug (like the very Kuntrified kind) he knows he is very country which gets a *side eye* from the supposed *bougie* me but he is sweet so I say why not get to know him. I have an "old" friend who cannot seem to make up his mind when it comes to me, i.e., he cant seem to decide if he wants to date me or not, and I in turn will only agree to date him if he will let me make him over :)...I have 2 random guys I met online, one seems to get me but is seemingly obsessed with my body (which Francis says is a good thing) but I dont know, I mean my body is sick and all but ( I kid, I kid)...and another who seems on paper to be everything I should be jumping at, but there is absolutely no connection for me.( oh and I would need to change his style also) ...oh and lets not forget all the crazy old men I meet who absolutely fall in love (maybe I am reincarnated and they knew me in a past life??) Now you see why I think I am being punked. I am sure if I put all these men together (minus the old ones) I would have an amazing man but on their own there is nothing special sticking out about these "interesting" men. Which leads me to ask when one knows when enough is enough? At what point do you stop sticking your neck out and just sit ?

Stay tuned to find out how it turns out with these interesting characters...in the mean time I think these are 3 cardinal rules that people break when they are trying to meet someone new...do you break these rules?

1. Pretend to be something you are not: I find women doing this more than men. All of a sudden a woman who never liked football suddenly knows all the stats and wants to go to all the games. Slow your roll I am not buying it. It is ok to be yourself, if your significant other (to be) doesn't appreciate these little things that make you unique you have no future.

2. Getting with them in the meantime because He/She will change eventually: hahhahaha haha hahhahahaha....that is me laughing at YOU and I will keep laughing till pigs fly. Give it up...there are some things are so a part of us there is nothing you can do to rid us of these things...

3. Downplaying the things you are willing to compromise on: why? seriously why bother you are just spelling trouble for yourself down the line, be as completely honest as possible so if things ever go South at least you know you gave it your best and you were completely you.

Ok this is a very long post so going to end it now with a random thought (and being in communication I should have figured this out by now but oh well here it goes)...why do guys have such a jacked up mentality when it comes to keeping in touch? My thinking is, if you cared you would get in touch, if I do not hear from you, you are a back issue but then I have guys call me after a month or so and then act shocked when I am over it...like dude really???really?? Am I supposed to sit and twiddle my thumbs whilst you do what you have to do? Child please...if anyone has an explanation other than its just what men do I will be interested to hear it...

*sigh* life...wish it came with a users guide...:)

I'd rather be single? Maybe not...

I dare anyone to not call you sharp in this wicked Balmain crystal embellished cotton jacket...half off today and only $ 2250(@ the Outnet.com)...umm how about not?!!! Its still very sick and I still lust for it...

Moving right along...so I have this very bad habit of looking at couples and evaluating simply based on looks if I would be in the girls situation or not. A.k.a. is the guy a hunk or would I rather be single than date him? Well sometimes I look at guys and their girlfriends and think the guy needs an upgrade so I guess I do it to guys and girls. Do you do the same thing?...

Well yesterday I saw a picture of a couple that I was about to copy and send to all my friends (yes they are evil too) so we could have a laugh at the couples expense and something stopped me. First of all how dare I. How can I honestly say I am Christian and without knowing someone simply judge them on the basis of their looks. I felt very contrite and stopped saving the picture. This simple occasion gave me a chance to look back on all those times I have ("haughtily" I might add) dismissed people because they simply did not "look" the part. Don't get me wrong, ooogly is ooogly (extreme ugly) I am not THAT reformed, but this was a case where someone was simply enjoying their wedding occasion and I was going to demean it with my blaise comments.

So are you like me? Do you push out your issues (perhaps insecurities) although in my case I would not label it an insecurity I know what I have and what I am lacking and do not worry too much about what I lack...but others might label this an insecurity...so do you find yourself quick to judge another simply to make yourself feel better? Or are you a better human being than I am in which case I should probably jump off ....my bed...lol yeah I am too cute for suicide try again...

All jokes aside, I learnt an important lesson yesterday that I hope can keep being reinforced in my daily life... I am not the most beautiful, the smartest, the funniest (add any other positive attributes) in the world. Not everyone likes me (which is fine) but I would be hurt (and in the situations this has happened to me, I am hurt) if someone who knows nothing about me chose to make me a laughing symbol simply based on how I looked. I aim to get better about this (Lord help me) but for now I remain a work in progress :) yay!!