Friday, January 28, 2011

If i had to buy you would you be a store brand or Name brand?

My new addiction, Infinity dresses. If you have been living under a rock for a minute and are not sure what an infinity dress is or does please do yourself a favor and click right here. There was one on Ideeli yesterday that I ended up not buying because I am trying to listen to my own advice and not buy unless I have money and I did not have the money (sigh). I am keeping my eyes open for if they have anymore on sale though, the dress is very versatile.

Moving right along. So today's topic is simple enough. If you were for sale, would you be considered store brand (cheaper) or name brand (more expensive). In other words how have you or how do you market yourself?

There are many ways that we market ourselves consciously or unconsciously and today I am going to go through some of these ways and how we can change the way we market ourselves.

What do I mean by how you market yourself? Well I am sure we are all very familiar with the term, "lasting first impressions" well kick that phrase out of the window and let the new phrase for 2011 be "last impressions". Anytime anyone see, hears about, hears from you, you are making and leaving an impression. In this mediated society where things never disappear you need to make sure that every single impression you send out is one that you are comfortable sending out.

1. Your personal appearance
Yes we all know this, or at least should know this. Your personal appearance speaks volumes about who you think you are or what you think about yourself before you even open your mouth. I know some people are of the mindset that they do not want their personal appearance to be a reflection of themselves and of course I have met some very interesting and knowledgeable people who looked like crap etc. Like it or not your personal appearance does speak on your behalf. Your personal appearance is what speaks when someone does not have a chance to even speak to you. I have been in situations where I have gone out (alone) and someone has complimented me on my outfit (men and women) and this has lead to interesting conversations. When you say personal appearance people immediately think you have to be dressed in designer garb from head to toe, which is false. Whatever you choose to wear make sure you are wearing it and it is not wearing you. Make sure the message the clothes are saying are always Hi I am X, I believe in myself and take care of myself as can be seen in my clean (and possibly fashionable attire). Do not wait for a job interview to look your best, take everyday you leave your house as an opportunity to meet a potential job lead etc. and look appropriate.
In terms of the rest of you make sure you look clean at all times, hair looks good, nails are clean, no hairs where they should not be, ears cleaned etc. How many of us have met dirty people and could not wait to get away from them so much that we did not even listen to what they were talking about? I have! Be presentable at all times.

2. Your cyber footprint
When I was younger (Kiki eat your heart out), I like many others were running rampant online. I am sure if you had plugged my name into a search engine I would be all over it like I owned it. As I have matured, however, (hopefully) I have to tried to decrease my presence online. (Then why have a blog? Lol because I control what goes up here and I have control over it, if I don't like it I can just delete it and case closed).
In terms of social networking sites, however, the content you post up there is not really yours to do with as you please. I have heard of and been guilty of taking peoples pictures (well people I know) and sharing them with others who may not be on facebook. This is a situation where I know these people but what about situations where someone sends your information to someone you do not know? Your status message, yes it may seem funny at the time but what does that tell your "friends" about you? I know I have deleted some people off my newsfeed because they seem like idiots based on the nonsensical messages they post which clutters my newsfeed. I also have little or no respect for people who curse or use profanity. I personally do not encourage that in my day to day speaking so I do not see why someone will subject me to seeing it on my page. Profanity simply displays your lack of communication skills. Trust me it is easy to put a swear word than to truly communicate what it is you are frustrated about. We are too old to have anything of ours laced with profanities.
Let's move from social networking pictures and status information and talk about how easily you can be tracked. One of the most dangerous apps I think out there is any kind of tracking app which "announces" to people your location. Of course the intent of these apps are so friends can know when other friends are in the same area and meet up. (isnt that what texting or phonecalls are for?) I distrust these kind of apps because they can be used for so many wrong things. The good thing I guess is the police can use it to trace your last known location ??? (Yes I dislike them that much) If you MUST use those trace me apps be very very careful NAA! (sigh).

3. Verbal communication
So your personal appearance and how you present yourself can be called your nonverbal way of communicating. Your verbal is what you say, what actually comes out of your mouth. Now with the verbal there are many ways you can take your name brand self and make yourself a store brand.

Ignorance is one way. If you do not know something it is ok to say you do not know rather than argue loudly so people know how truly ignorant you are.

Language. I touched a little bit on language when I talked about profanity. Let your language be rid of profanities, it is as simple as that. Also there are some tell words that we all use, mine is "ok" when I am teaching and "basically" when I am speaking. What are your tell words? Be careful of using them too much in conversations as they "interrupt" your message. Try to always be concise and say what you mean and mean what you say when speaking.

Know a little about something. Some people know nothing about anything and they are boring to speak to. I am guilty of this to some extent, I am usually clueless when it comes to current events (news and not gossip). Knowing this about myself, I usually quiz Francis (who is always up to date on current affairs) to get a vibe about whats going on in the world. Yes I could turn on the news but then I would worry because "the sky is falling, the sky is falling". Obviously I look at the news at night just to get a recap of the top stories but if there is anything major usually Francis draws my attention to it and we battle it out with our brains. ( I have finally figured out why I keep him around).

Sometimes it is better to shut up. Speech is silvern but silence can be golden and knowing when to keep your mouth shut platinum. Communication is also about listening. Are you a good listener or are you always in a hurry to say your part and leave? The making of a good communicator is someone who speaks (sense) and listens(impartially) and is able to respond based on what they have heard. (Try it sometime).

There are many other ways you can choose market yourself but the ones I have listed above are some of the few ways that people "judge" you, whether you choose to believe it or not. No one wants to be a store brand, i.e., someone who may do the work and just be ok but is the cheaper version of what we truly want. We all believe we are name brands, the better created and longer lasting and therefore more expensive product and as such we need to behave like that. People are only going to respect you in as much as you respect and comport yourself. Think about the way you choose to market yourself, if there is something you do now that you do not like, change it. Better to make the change now than never. I hope this has opened your eyes to some of the ways you can better yourself in 2011. Its still a new year let's work on making ourselves the best we can be.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Man's favorite 3 letter phrase....no not 'I love U' BUT..."R U PMSing?"

I picked this dress for Naa, because even though its a gown and not a wedding dress, these are the colors she wants in her wedding dress (but prolly not the colors I will let her wear we will see). This Marchesa silk chiffon dress is so light and effortless, I love it. If you love it too then do the do and click here. It is 70% off its original price and now "merely" $1455.00.

Moving right along. So I was laying in bed yesterday (dont be jealous I was not feeling well) and flipping channels (because we all know day time TV sucks), but I happened to flip to a channel with a program (The Doctors) where a couple was talking about PMS in their home. Ok big deal PMS...Yes it is a big deal. Now what I found interesting was the fact that the man wanted to know when his wife was PMSing and actually had a phone app to tell him. His significant other on the other hand was saying she did not like that app and did not want him to know when she was PMSing as he would blame everything on her PMS in that time period.

Ok (if you are a woman), raise your hand if you have ever heard the phrase, "Is it that time of the month", or "It MUST be that time of the month" or better yet, "Are you pmsing?"
Well I got both hands up in the air, waving them like I just don't care because I have heard those phrases enough times. ( Thank you Emeka). I get infuriated every time I hear any variation of those phrases when I am having an argument with a significant other because in that instance he is trying to reduce me to an incoherent, illogical being because its "that time of the month".

PMS funny enough can go one of two ways, i.e., could be beneficial or could hurt. It can be used to diminish a woman's accountability i.e., the PMS defense ( I bet you never heard of it)...well basically under this defense women can say "I didnt mean to x, y, z) and it is a legal defense. Read more about it here. This defense has not been used in America yet so hold your horses. The other way this can go is the way that most of us have experienced when we are dismissed because we cannot be competent during "that time of the month".

Personally, the way you can piss me off is to suggest that I am PMSing. I do not care if I am or I am not. That is not your call to make. I do not buy into the whole PMS thing really, I find that stress has more to do with the way I behave at any given point in time. If I am stressed out then obviously I am going to get mad at the little things, PMS or no PMS. If I am relaxed, however, then I have a higher tolerance to deal with the BS life throws my way. We women are going through a lot of hormonal changes when PMS comes around we are down, up, sad, moody etc. the last thing we want to worry about or think about is how we are being judged by another person who can never truly experience what it is we are going through.

So what about the men who want to arm themselves for this dreaded PMS season when it hits. I say stop being a dick about it. Why does everything have to be brought down to something hormonal? If you think there is something going on and she is stressing more, get agitated easily etc., isnt it your place to try to relax her and make her feel more at ease? How does throwing it into her face that she is PMSing help either of you? Do you get a cookie for that? Nope...Do you make your woman feel bad? Yes. So then why do it?

The one thing you can do to truly warrant the stupid label in my book is to ever suggest that something I do is as a result of PMS. I think this applies to most women, so guys please resist the urge to be THAT guy. If you think your woman is being irrational or illogical, irrespective of the time try to be the OTHER guy, you know the one who is kind and sensitive and caring because ultimately that is what makes you a good boyfriend.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Money, Honey...

I absolutely love this dress, it looks so effortless. If I could find it in another color I would be in second heaven. It was actually featured on Ideeli on a sale for $81.00. Its a BCBG maxazria. If you are looking for some good clothing deals, check out Ideeli.

Ok so anyone who knows me knows one of the things I get obsessed about is being money conscious and saving. As J now says when I try to get willful about spending (WWSOD, What would Suze Orman Do). Just as Naa knows to find David Tuttera for my wedding, I wish Suze Orman could be my personal financial advisor. Since that is not likely, I just have to take the tools she gives and apply them to my life.

So savings. I know I have talked about this in the past so consider this a refresher course. I have found some new things I am excited to share with you. So lets get ready to save some money.


1. Credit cards:
My best friend which can sometimes be the devil. Credit cards can be your best friend if you treat them well. What does this mean? Well it means you do not spend money you do not have. Let me explain a little more. Some people get credit cards and then go crazy forgetting that they will eventually have to pay that money back WITH INTEREST! So try to use your credit card for only emergencies. If you have a card with a good points system on the other hand, you can do what I do. I have the money but instead of spending the physical cash and not getting anything back I use my card and then promptly pay the credit card off so I end up getting the points and staying out of debt because I never accrue any interest charges etc. Another thing I have recently found is the website Offermatic. Offermatic allow you to sign your card up and then sends you rewards based on your shopping habits. So for example I signed up and it noticed that I had spent some money at Verizon, it offered me the chance to get off $5 at my next purchase from Verizon. If you want to read about the company click here, if you want some reviews about Offermatic, you can do so here.

2. You on the web make it work for you.
As I was telling Tala the other day, I do not make a move online without checking out the following websites. Groupon, Slickdeals, and/or Livingsocial to name a few. These websites are here to give you savings, why not take advantage of them? I typically use Groupon for massage or restaurant deals, slickdeals more for things I need to buy (electronics etc.) and Livingsocial is like Groupon, it has some awesome food and relaxation deals. (There is actually a deal on today I am trying to convince myself not to get lol). But yes before you make a purchase, any purchase online make sure to check out these websites.

3. Savings is the name of the game.
The savings tool/calculator should be your best friend. You can find these anywhere once you do a google search. But here are some websites that you can use to start you off nicely, Young money (and no it is not Lil Wayne), CNN money, Better budgeting, to name a few.

4. Educate yourself about your options
There are a lot of tools out there to teach us about money and saving it. Talk to your banker/financial advisor about your options. There are savings accounts, mutual funds, CD's etc. You need to figure out which works better for you. The trick is to get yourself started in the first place and keep it moving. Also consider an automatic savings option. This is where your bank takes out a specified amount of money every month when your paycheck comes in. The only thing with this is that you want to make sure you watch your money, you do not want to be too ambitious and have them take too much out or forget and think you have way more money than you actually have and thus overdraw your account.

Ok so these are some of the things I wanted to get off my chest before I run off to Church :). We keep thinking that we are young and we can always save later but what we all seem to forget is that we are growing and it is better to start saving now and reap the benefit later. I don't care how old you are 20 to 45 it is better to have a nest egg than to have nothing at all. You can save something, anything at all. I know it is easier said than done, having been a broke student who had to rely on stipends and a lot of financial support from my parents I picked up some bad financial habits that I am trying to work on breaking now. My parents are not going to be around forever (ok they will but :)) I need to learn to take very good care of me because no one is going to treat you better than you would treat yourself. So I am trying to set myself a savings goal of $500 for the next 5 months. I will let you guys know that works out. I am very psyched about saving and hope you will take the journey with me :).


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Let's talk about Sex baby...

I need this belt in my LIFE!!! It's so versatile, and can take any outfit from just mehhh to WHOA!!!! So, so, so, so sexy!! This Zygia latticed-cotton belt by Roland Mouret is to die for, well if you have $242.50 it can be all yours. Please get one to me and I will love you forever.

So the title today pretty much gives you a hint of what today's topic is going to be about. Different people have different feelings about this topic. If you are Francis you will say hells yeah lets have sex, discussion over. If you are not Francis you will probably read on for what I have to say about my feelings about sex.

In talking to a variety of people about sex (their feelings about sex and their desire to partake in sex) what I have realized is that guys seem to be wanting it more (at least the guys I have spoken to) and women seem to not really care (or be over the whole sex thing). (I know I know, there are some men who do not care about sex and some women who want sex all the time).

So sex? What is your take on it? I was talking to a friend the other day, well I will call it an argument and he will probably call it a talk but tomato, tomahto...basically I thought/think it is wrong for one party to try to pressurize another party into having sex of any kind. He did not think it was a big deal. According to him, if at this age (plus 25) you were not having sex, then he did not think you were being realistic and you were naive. (Obviously I disagreed). Obviously Teyana Taylor's boyfriend is of the same mentality because she hinted that he dumped her because she would not give the goods up...see here.

Who is to tell me when they think I need to be having sex? I think that is the biggest problem from the get go. If you have to convince me to do something and I am not coming to it of my own free will and volition then I am being cheated. Human beings like the fact that they have free will, they can come and go as they please and in some countries say and do what they like without fear of repercussion. If this is the case, then why should it be any different in sex?

Someone said its different,"because sex involves two people" . I say well if it involves two people then those two people have to come at it wanting the same thing and not one party wanting and harping on it till the other one caves in. Call me crazy but isnt that simply bullying? I am not saying have sex ( I am saying don't unless there is a ring on it) and I am not saying dont have sex (I am saying Dont have sex unless there is a ring on it) all I am saying is people need to chill and stop trying to come up with smart reasons and excuses as to why someone else should have sex.

I find this more in men than in women, but then I have heard of situations where women have forced men into sex too. I think both cases are deplorable. Let's even forget the moral or religious aspect here and just focus on the "rightness" of this situation. ITS NOT FAIR! And then some people have the nerve to throw in there, "if you really loved me you would do it". The last guy that told me that got dumped, you want to know why? If HE really loved me then he would have respected my decision NOT to have sex. I was not saying I would never have sex, I simply said I did not believe in sex before marriage. If he wanted sex, then he simply had to put a ring on it :). Some guys think this is entrapment, hey if I can not have sex with your frigid self, I will find a girl who will give me sex without your hassle and without wanting a ring. To those men I say good luck and good riddance.
Oh and I love the excuse I hear from a lot of insecure women, "but I love him and we will be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever so its ok" umm...I say watch Teen mom on MTV. I think the smartest thing my brother ever told me is to trust no man! Well you can trust them but watch out for their demons :). If your love (and I use the word love here loosely) is going to last forever and ever then he can wait until you are ready. Sex should not be the impetus for someone to want to be with you or want to stay with you. No amount of sex is going to make a man/woman who just wants sex commit to any one else, they will just get it where they can. So try to make your relationships based on something else and sex when you are both ready can be the bonus, the icing on the cake.

Sex is a big deal to me not only from a religious perspective but because I think it is something very special that needs to be shared with someone special. There have been too many people who have told me they regret having sex before marriage because they wish they had held off and given themselves to that special person. Alternatively, what if you simply hate your ex, do you want to see that person and think that you shared your most intimate activity with that person that now pisses you off or disgusts you more than anything in the world?

I think about all my exes and thank God I did not have sex with any of them because now it all said and done I look at them all differently. The critics say, Marriages end too. Yes I know marriages end too, but that is not the natural progression. Boyfriends and fiance's can come and go, we were never supposed to say "oh yeah my marriage didn't work out" marriages were, and I hope it will be for me, a one time deal, you are in it and "death (natural) will do us part".

Some people may say I have a naive view about the way things ought to be and thats fine. I say whatever you do in your life make sure it is about YOU and you are ready to deal with the repercussions and responsibilities. Do not make another ever pressure you into any behavior or anything that you are not comfortable doing, being or seeing. It is as simple as that. And if you get the dreaded, "if you loved me you would" you should confidently reply, "and if you loved me you would not". Sex, relationship, love are all big deals that should not be taken lightly. Respect yourself and your decisions and stick to them, if people don't like you for anything else, at least they will like you for being consistent.


Proverbs 5:18-19 – “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” (NIV)

1 Corinthians 7:2-3 – “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” (NIV)

Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (NIV)

1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 – “It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable” (NIV)

1 Corinthians 6:13 – “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” (NIV)


Monday, January 10, 2011

Honeymoon over...get me a drink please...

So since my life is going to soon be all about suits, I figured Ill start looking at some good brands. I love the cut of the Calvin Klein suits that I have seen on my mom, I also like the cut of the Anne Klein ones but that has been it so far. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, business suits have not been required for any of my positions so I haven't had to splurge on them, but now I have to and you know me, I need to get it as cheap as possible YAY!

Moving right along, so today's topic is one that some people may identify with and others might give the side eye to basically we are going to talk about, "what happens after the honeymoon period?" I guess it can apply to any honeymoon period but I am referring in this situation to honeymoon periods in relationships. I hear after a wedding most women go into a slight depression (lol) sigh so much to look forward to lol. Back to what I was saying though, what happens when you have settled into a routine in your relationship?

Obviously common sense dictates that everything has a plateau point. You can not keep going up or keep going down in anything, there has to be a limit, either the sky or the ground ( if you desire to keep going down though hey there is always hell!) So it makes sense for us to think/talk about what happens when one gets to this plateau in a relationship.

There are some things I have realized are important at a plateau point and I am going to share them with you now. (Because I am the wise and all knowing me :)). There are obviously a lot of things we all can do wrong at this plateau point but there are 5 key things I think we all need to be aware of and avoid doing at all cost.

Point 1: Do not take the other for granted.
Well this is a given at any point in a relationship, but even more important as time goes on and attitudes and behaviors have been established. There are certain things your significant other may let you get away with or do for you which go above and beyond their call of duty, do not take that for granted. Approach the relationship still from the "how would I feel if this was done to me" standpoint and things should be good because you will be treating that person with the same respect they give to you irrespective of relationship time.

Point 2: Do not get cocky.
So now you have the elusive him or her and everything is great because they are all about you and you think you can rest on your laurels because you have him or her. Big mistake!!!!! For one, there is always someone waiting in the side lines for you to slip up (slack) and they will be in there like a (bleep on a bleep without a bleep bleep)....feel free to fill in those dots with your own idea. :). No one likes a cocky mess unless being cocky is how you got him or her in the first place. Again treat your significant other like a king or queen doing the same things you did to get him or her in the first place. When its all said and done you know you did your absolute best and it just wasnt meant to be :).

Point 3: Do not lose the prayers
I have said time and time again that prayer is the glue that holds relationships together. If I haven't said it, well I meant it or at least I thought it. If you want your relationship to go far then you need to pray for and about it, its that simple. Pray alone, pray together, get your family and friends to pray on your behalf.

Point 4: Remember when you did not have.
Most of the time when we get to the honeymoon phase we feel invincible, how easy it is to forget right? You think well I managed to snag this one, so if he or she leaves I am sure I will be able to snag another one. We forget how hard we prayed for someone to share our time with, someone we knew would think of us the same way we thought about them, someone to call ours etc. etc. we forget how it was to feel alone. Remember and treat your significant other like they are glass and can break at any point. Love them, comfort them, be there for them. You were not too busy to court them in the beginning lose the busy and keep them. You did not hang out with your friends all the time, why start now? You never used to swear at them why have you started now? You used to love to go to church all of a sudden you have laundry days all day Sunday? If you like the chase and the time and money wasted then once you get someone get cocky and invincible and hey when they leave you can do the whole courting finding another person thing again...dummy!!!!

Point 5: Keep blocked numbers blocked and deleted emails deleted.
I do not know about you but I delete and block all old suitors (not to be confused with exes) once I get into a serious relationship. I do not delete or unblock these people unless I find out they have really moved on or want nothing romantically to do with me. I do this because I think, How would I feel if I found out that my boyfriend was juggling suitors on the side whilst being with me? That is just like a prenup, it says he knows or thinks this relationship will not work so he is getting ready in the event that it does not, he has a Plan B. My relationship does not need a contraceptive...I would go ballistic!!!! Since I do not want to experience that, it makes sense that I do not do that to him...simple right? Nope...after the honeymoon you start thinking ...maybeeeeee its not such a bad idea to have X and Y around to talk to, I mean you have no bad intentions, you really want to be their friend and hope they can be yours etc. etc. I mean your man or woman is so far away and it would be nice to have someone to hang out with, go drinking, eating expensive food on their tabs ....sighhh I digress...DONT DO IT!!! Had I known is always too late, it is better to stay your ass home alone, than to put yourself in a tempting situation, harder done than said I know...pray more :).

Like I said before, there are many more things to avoid in the honeymoon phase things but we are all human and learning and thus we are prone to making mistakes. If you are truly vested in your relationship keep praying and keep this mantra, "how would I feel if it were done to me" and if you are truly honest with yourself, I think you will be avoiding many of the pitfalls that people face after the honeymoon is over. Here is long lasting relationships where God is the only third person in the relationship :).

Friday, January 7, 2011

End of Days...have you packed a bag yet?

So today's post is going to deviate from the norm only because its the beginning of the year and everyone is predicting the end of the world. First we had Haiti last year and several other devastating earthquakes, then Mother nature went ballistic with her blizzard this year, and droughts and famines all over and now birds are falling from the sky and fish are dying by their numbers see here, here, and here.

So if the world is ready to end, are YOU ready? I must admit on a human level I will be slightly ticked off that I was not able to do some of the things I wanted to do. Grow old, make loads of money, make loads of babies etc. etc. But I must admit its more scary than ticked off...I dont like things I do not know (can I get an Amen?)

I mean before the world ended I definitely wanted one of these:
















Definitely one or more of these which Gabe would design of course with enough room for family, Naa, Tala, my God children, my nephews (and nieces) etc. etc.










A couple of these











and definitely one or two of these















BUT God knows best right? It is a scary concept to think that we are going to be held accountable for what we have done on this earth. All our talents we were given did we use them to glorify God or did we like the useless servant bury these talents? Obviously not knowing what is on the other end is also scary from a human perspective. We like to know everything so we can decide how to feel about it. Well tough luck for us, this is one thing we have no control over.,

I have tried to do good and be good (though Ive had my moments), times like these cause me to pray more and think more. I have had a good life (no I am not dead yet) but God has been good to my family and to myself. Even when times seemed bleakest there was still a ray of hope telling us times will get better and they always have.

Though I do not know what the future holds, I know that God has consistently worked in my life to bring about God. I continue to strive to be the best I can be, to pray for myself and all my loved ones so that when the time comes we may all be rejoicing in Heaven together.

Matthew 24
“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,f]">[f] but only the Father. 37 As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. 38 For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; 39 and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. 40 Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. 41 Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

42 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. 43 But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. 44 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

45 “Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? 46 It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. 47 Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 48 But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ 49 and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. 50 The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. 51 He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

You've got MAIL...i mean MALE...welcome to online dating 101

All hail the Queen ...this outfit is perfection although I have yet to *cough* *cough* afford any of his outfits, I love most of what I have seen from Alexander Mcqueen, this dress is no exception. You can find it here for a sale price of $1417.50...enjoy :).

So today's topic is one that I think a lot of people think, have thought or have heard about. Online dating. (Did you just cringe?) I was talking to J the other day and although I am sick of how cliche online dating seems to have gotten, he looks at it from a different perspective. So today we are going to look at some of the things online dating involves.

Where do people meet other people these days? Usually at school, at work, at church or through another friend. Now if you've graduated, with no work or still job hunting, with no possible church connections and/or all your friends live miles and miles away then you've got squat!!!

I must admit I have always been skeptical of online dating but I was interested in finding out what really was going on in that sphere. What do the numbers say? Well apparently in 2010 it was found that about 20 million people use online dating services.
  • The 20 million Internet users visit dating site once in a month.
  • Some of these 20 million users visit dating sites more than once.
  • In the US, 31% of the population either uses online dating service or at least knows people who are using it.
  • In the year 2008, 120,000 marriages that took place were attributed to online dating services. The number of people who are finding their love online, is increasing day-by-day.
  • In the United States, 58% women and 48% men use online dating services.
  • As per the statistics obtained from online dating services, it is found that men are more interested in women with high self-esteem, positive outlook towards life and also those who are intelligent. The criteria of mere looks has fallen back.
Source also check out Source 2 for more information on more interesting online dating statistics.

As I mentioned earlier, being a communication major and someone who liked to "read" people physically, the idea of online dating was one I found intriguing. I did not think I would actively participate in online dating until my last year in grad school when I started to get bored of my papers keeping me company and decided to meet other people in the area. I was at a disadvantage because my school had only a few single people in my classes, and since I lived off campus I could not interact with them as often as I would have liked to. Church had some seemingly interesting prospects but I did not want to risk going up to some guy in church and if he turned me down then I could not go to mass out of shame lol. The people my friends or I should say my "so called" friends would hook me up with were HO Ho Horrendous...so one day I decided why not? At worst I would never meet these people and at best I would make some new friends to hang out with.

I did not enter the online dating world looking for a soul mate, just someone to bide time with until I had to go back home to start "my real life". I must say I met some very interesting people on there and some scary people on there, but that was the beauty of online relationships, once I turned off my computer they were gone and I had my peace of mind :). Now online dating is not for everyone, and some people label it "desperate". I did not and do not think of it as desperate as much as "risky". If you meet someone online, they can present whomever they think you want them to be. That for me is scary, but then come to think of it, my face to face relationships the guys could and did do the same things. Made me think they were one thing when in fact there were another.

Its funny that some people equate online dating to simply mean dating websites when infact it encompasses all social networking sites. If you meet and get to know someone off a website you engaged in online dating. (Or you dont think so?) If these numbers were added up (facebook/myspace pokes to actual meetings to dating) I think the statistics for online dating would go up even more. But I am not here to talk about the numbers.

Having engaged in online dating, what would I say the pros and cons are? Well the pros are being able to tune out when you want to which may also be a con if you are the one being tuned out. Another pro is that you can lay your cards out on the table, hey this is me if you don't like me keep it moving and hope the other person does the same. Another pro I found was that you can do it in your own time, you can meet online when it is convenient for you versus having to play tag with the person and missing them.

The cons are that it can be very dangerous. If you are meeting someone you met online, always make sure that you meet them in a populated area and make sure your friends know where you are and constantly check in. Do not let this person know where you live right off the bat. Find out as much as you can about said person, I always do a google search to see if the information the person is saying matches up with the information out there about them. If you guys are getting more serious, then it might be time to do a sex offender's registry check on the area the person lives in ESPECIALLY if you have children or young nephews or nieces that may be coming by to visit. Just go into google and do a search "sex offender registry" and it brings up all the sex offenders in the area (especially if s/he is one you will know).


There are many other common sense things to do in any new relationship that you should do whether starting an online or face to face relationship. Until you are comfortable enough with the person, please please please do not leave any personal information lying around where it can be picked up. Make sure your friends and family always know where you are at all times so they can "check up" on you. Not the annoying check up kind but the kind where if they know you are home at 11pm everyday and they call one day at 11 and you are not home they keep calling until you pick up.

People are so concerned with being themselves and keeping people out of their business so much they blur the lines between true concern and people being nosy. I make sure my parents and my friends know where I am at all times. Trust if I go offline for a day the FBI will be called (that's just how I roll)...I think this is a very important safety tool for me which I appreciate.

Ok to round it all up, online dating can be a good or bad thing depending on how you approach it. Trust no one but GOD! Listen to your GUT, trust me it will never lead you wrong. If you do not feel good about something don't do it...online dating seems to be the new trend. I enjoyed meeting some of the people online and have made some great friends online. I was apprehensive about online dating but I appreciate the alternative it presents :).

Romans 8:28 - 39
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Do you know how hard it is to forgive???

I found this interesting and decided to share:

Loving Your Enemies

Martin Luther King, Jr.
public domain sermon
Delivered at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church
Montgomery, Alabama, 17 November 1957.

Click here to hear Audio Excerpts from Stanford MLK Project

I am forced to preach under something of a handicap this morning. In fact, I had the doctor before coming to church. And he said that it would be best for me to stay in the bed this morning. And I insisted that I would have to come to preach. So he allowed me to come out with one stipulation, and that is that I would not come in the pulpit until time to preach, and that after, that I would immediately go back home and get in the bed. So I’m going to try to follow his instructions from that point on.

I want to use as a subject from which to preach this morning a very familiar subject, and it is familiar to you because I have preached from this subject twice before to my knowing in this pulpit. I try to make it a, something of a custom or tradition to preach from this passage of Scripture at least once a year, adding new insights that I develop along the way out of new experiences as I give these messages. Although the content is, the basic content is the same, new insights and new experiences naturally make for new illustrations.

So I want to turn your attention to this subject: "Loving Your Enemies." It’s so basic to me because it is a part of my basic philosophical and theological orientation—the whole idea of love, the whole philosophy of love. In the fifth chapter of the gospel as recorded by Saint Matthew, we read these very arresting words flowing from the lips of our Lord and Master: "Ye have heard that it has been said, ‘Thou shall love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.’ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven."

Certainly these are great words, words lifted to cosmic proportions. And over the centuries, many persons have argued that this is an extremely difficult command. Many would go so far as to say that it just isn’t possible to move out into the actual practice of this glorious command. They would go on to say that this is just additional proof that Jesus was an impractical idealist who never quite came down to earth. So the arguments abound. But far from being an impractical idealist, Jesus has become the practical realist. The words of this text glitter in our eyes with a new urgency. Far from being the pious injunction of a utopian dreamer, this command is an absolute necessity for the survival of our civilization. Yes, it is love that will save our world and our civilization, love even for enemies.

Now let me hasten to say that Jesus was very serious when he gave this command; he wasn’t playing. He realized that it’s hard to love your enemies. He realized that it’s difficult to love those persons who seek to defeat you, those persons who say evil things about you. He realized that it was painfully hard, pressingly hard. But he wasn’t playing. And we cannot dismiss this passage as just another example of Oriental hyperbole, just a sort of exaggeration to get over the point. This is a basic philosophy of all that we hear coming from the lips of our Master. Because Jesus wasn’t playing; because he was serious. We have the Christian and moral responsibility to seek to discover the meaning of these words, and to discover how we can live out this command, and why we should live by this command.

Now first let us deal with this question, which is the practical question: How do you go about loving your enemies? I think the first thing is this: In order to love your enemies, you must begin by analyzing self. And I’m sure that seems strange to you, that I start out telling you this morning that you love your enemies by beginning with a look at self. It seems to me that that is the first and foremost way to come to an adequate discovery to the how of this situation.

Now, I’m aware of the fact that some people will not like you, not because of something you have done to them, but they just won’t like you. I’m quite aware of that. Some people aren’t going to like the way you walk; some people aren’t going to like the way you talk. Some people aren’t going to like you because you can do your job better than they can do theirs. Some people aren’t going to like you because other people like you, and because you’re popular, and because you’re well-liked, they aren’t going to like you. Some people aren’t going to like you because your hair is a little shorter than theirs or your hair is a little longer than theirs. Some people aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little brighter than theirs; and others aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little darker than theirs. So that some people aren’t going to like you. They’re going to dislike you, not because of something that you’ve done to them, but because of various jealous reactions and other reactions that are so prevalent in human nature.

But after looking at these things and admitting these things, we must face the fact that an individual might dislike us because of something that we’ve done deep down in the past, some personality attribute that we possess, something that we’ve done deep down in the past and we’ve forgotten about it; but it was that something that aroused the hate response within the individual. That is why I say, begin with yourself. There might be something within you that arouses the tragic hate response in the other individual.

This is true in our international struggle. We look at the struggle, the ideological struggle between communism on the one hand and democracy on the other, and we see the struggle between America and Russia. Now certainly, we can never give our allegiance to the Russian way of life, to the communistic way of life, because communism is based on an ethical relativism and a metaphysical materialism that no Christian can accept. When we look at the methods of communism, a philosophy where somehow the end justifies the means, we cannot accept that because we believe as Christians that the end is pre-existent in the means. But in spite of all of the weaknesses and evils inherent in communism, we must at the same time see the weaknesses and evils within democracy.

Democracy is the greatest form of government to my mind that man has ever conceived, but the weakness is that we have never touched it. Isn’t it true that we have often taken necessities from the masses to give luxuries to the classes? Isn’t it true that we have often in our democracy trampled over individuals and races with the iron feet of oppression? Isn’t it true that through our Western powers we have perpetuated colonialism and imperialism? And all of these things must be taken under consideration as we look at Russia. We must face the fact that the rhythmic beat of the deep rumblings of discontent from Asia and Africa is at bottom a revolt against the imperialism and colonialism perpetuated by Western civilization all these many years. The success of communism in the world today is due to the failure of democracy to live up to the noble ideals and principles inherent in its system.

And this is what Jesus means when he said: "How is it that you can see the mote in your brother’s eye and not see the beam in your own eye?" Or to put it in Moffatt’s translation: "How is it that you see the splinter in your brother’s eye and fail to see the plank in your own eye?" And this is one of the tragedies of human nature. So we begin to love our enemies and love those persons that hate us whether in collective life or individual life by looking at ourselves.

A second thing that an individual must do in seeking to love his enemy is to discover the element of good in his enemy, and everytime you begin to hate that person and think of hating that person, realize that there is some good there and look at those good points which will over-balance the bad points.

I’ve said to you on many occasions that each of us is something of a schizophrenic personality. We’re split up and divided against ourselves. And there is something of a civil war going on within all of our lives. There is a recalcitrant South of our soul revolting against the North of our soul. And there is this continual struggle within the very structure of every individual life. There is something within all of us that causes us to cry out with Ovid, the Latin poet, "I see and approve the better things of life, but the evil things I do." There is something within all of us that causes us to cry out with Plato that the human personality is like a charioteer with two headstrong horses, each wanting to go in different directions. There is something within each of us that causes us to cry out with Goethe, "There is enough stuff in me to make both a gentleman and a rogue." There is something within each of us that causes us to cry out with Apostle Paul, "I see and approve the better things of life, but the evil things I do."

So somehow the "isness" of our present nature is out of harmony with the eternal "oughtness" that forever confronts us. And this simply means this: That within the best of us, there is some evil, and within the worst of us, there is some good. When we come to see this, we take a different attitude toward individuals. The person who hates you most has some good in him; even the nation that hates you most has some good in it; even the race that hates you most has some good in it. And when you come to the point that you look in the face of every man and see deep down within him what religion calls "the image of God," you begin to love him in spite of. No matter what he does, you see God’s image there. There is an element of goodness that he can never sluff off. Discover the element of good in your enemy. And as you seek to hate him, find the center of goodness and place your attention there and you will take a new attitude.

Another way that you love your enemy is this: When the opportunity presents itself for you to defeat your enemy, that is the time which you must not do it. There will come a time, in many instances, when the person who hates you most, the person who has misused you most, the person who has gossiped about you most, the person who has spread false rumors about you most, there will come a time when you will have an opportunity to defeat that person. It might be in terms of a recommendation for a job; it might be in terms of helping that person to make some move in life. That’s the time you must not do it. That is the meaning of love. In the final analysis, love is not this sentimental something that we talk about. It’s not merely an emotional something. Love is creative, understanding goodwill for all men. It is the refusal to defeat any individual. When you rise to the level of love, of its great beauty and power, you seek only to defeat evil systems. Individuals who happen to be caught up in that system, you love, but you seek to defeat the system.

The Greek language, as I’ve said so often before, is very powerful at this point. It comes to our aid beautifully in giving us the real meaning and depth of the whole philosophy of love. And I think it is quite apropos at this point, for you see the Greek language has three words for love, interestingly enough. It talks about love as eros. That’s one word for love. Eros is a sort of, aesthetic love. Plato talks about it a great deal in his dialogues, a sort of yearning of the soul for the realm of the gods. And it’s come to us to be a sort of romantic love, though it’s a beautiful love. Everybody has experienced eros in all of its beauty when you find some individual that is attractive to you and that you pour out all of your like and your love on that individual. That is eros, you see, and it’s a powerful, beautiful love that is given to us through all of the beauty of literature; we read about it.

Then the Greek language talks about philia, and that’s another type of love that’s also beautiful. It is a sort of intimate affection between personal friends. And this is the type of love that you have for those persons that you’re friendly with, your intimate friends, or people that you call on the telephone and you go by to have dinner with, and your roommate in college and that type of thing. It’s a sort of reciprocal love. On this level, you like a person because that person likes you. You love on this level, because you are loved. You love on this level, because there’s something about the person you love that is likeable to you. This too is a beautiful love. You can communicate with a person; you have certain things in common; you like to do things together. This is philia.

The Greek language comes out with another word for love. It is the word agape. And agape is more than eros; agape is more than philia; agape is something of the understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill for all men. It is a love that seeks nothing in return. It is an overflowing love; it’s what theologians would call the love of God working in the lives of men. And when you rise to love on this level, you begin to love men, not because they are likeable, but because God loves them. You look at every man, and you love him because you know God loves him. And he might be the worst person you’ve ever seen.

And this is what Jesus means, I think, in this very passage when he says, "Love your enemy." And it’s significant that he does not say, "Like your enemy." Like is a sentimental something, an affectionate something. There are a lot of people that I find it difficult to like. I don’t like what they do to me. I don’t like what they say about me and other people. I don’t like their attitudes. I don’t like some of the things they’re doing. I don’t like them. But Jesus says love them. And love is greater than like. Love is understanding, redemptive goodwill for all men, so that you love everybody, because God loves them. You refuse to do anything that will defeat an individual, because you have agape in your soul. And here you come to the point that you love the individual who does the evil deed, while hating the deed that the person does. This is what Jesus means when he says, "Love your enemy." This is the way to do it. When the opportunity presents itself when you can defeat your enemy, you must not do it.

Now for the few moments left, let us move from the practical how to the theoretical why. It’s not only necessary to know how to go about loving your enemies, but also to go down into the question of why we should love our enemies. I think the first reason that we should love our enemies, and I think this was at the very center of Jesus’ thinking, is this: that hate for hate only intensifies the existence of hate and evil in the universe. If I hit you and you hit me and I hit you back and you hit me back and go on, you see, that goes on ad infinitum. [tapping on pulpit] It just never ends. Somewhere somebody must have a little sense, and that’s the strong person. The strong person is the person who can cut off the chain of hate, the chain of evil. And that is the tragedy of hate, that it doesn’t cut it off. It only intensifies the existence of hate and evil in the universe. Somebody must have religion enough and morality enough to cut it off and inject within the very structure of the universe that strong and powerful element of love.

I think I mentioned before that sometime ago my brother and I were driving one evening to Chattanooga, Tennessee, from Atlanta. He was driving the car. And for some reason the drivers were very discourteous that night. They didn’t dim their lights; hardly any driver that passed by dimmed his lights. And I remember very vividly, my brother A. D. looked over and in a tone of anger said: "I know what I’m going to do. The next car that comes along here and refuses to dim the lights, I’m going to fail to dim mine and pour them on in all of their power." And I looked at him right quick and said: "Oh no, don’t do that. There’d be too much light on this highway, and it will end up in mutual destruction for all. Somebody got to have some sense on this highway."

Somebody must have sense enough to dim the lights, and that is the trouble, isn’t it? That as all of the civilizations of the world move up the highway of history, so many civilizations, having looked at other civilizations that refused to dim the lights, and they decided to refuse to dim theirs. And Toynbee tells that out of the twenty-two civilizations that have risen up, all but about seven have found themselves in the junkheap of destruction. It is because civilizations fail to have sense enough to dim the lights. And if somebody doesn’t have sense enough to turn on the dim and beautiful and powerful lights of love in this world, the whole of our civilization will be plunged into the abyss of destruction. And we will all end up destroyed because nobody had any sense on the highway of history. Somewhere somebody must have some sense. Men must see that force begets force, hate begets hate, toughness begets toughness. And it is all a descending spiral, ultimately ending in destruction for all and everybody. Somebody must have sense enough and morality enough to cut off the chain of hate and the chain of evil in the universe. And you do that by love.

There’s another reason why you should love your enemies, and that is because hate distorts the personality of the hater. We usually think of what hate does for the individual hated or the individuals hated or the groups hated. But it is even more tragic, it is even more ruinous and injurious to the individual who hates. You just begin hating somebody, and you will begin to do irrational things. You can’t see straight when you hate. You can’t walk straight when you hate. You can’t stand upright. Your vision is distorted. There is nothing more tragic than to see an individual whose heart is filled with hate. He comes to the point that he becomes a pathological case. For the person who hates, you can stand up and see a person and that person can be beautiful, and you will call them ugly. For the person who hates, the beautiful becomes ugly and the ugly becomes beautiful. For the person who hates, the good becomes bad and the bad becomes good. For the person who hates, the true becomes false and the false becomes true. That’s what hate does. You can’t see right. The symbol of objectivity is lost. Hate destroys the very structure of the personality of the hater. And this is why Jesus says hate [recording interrupted]

. . . that you want to be integrated with yourself, and the way to be integrated with yourself is be sure that you meet every situation of life with an abounding love. Never hate, because it ends up in tragic, neurotic responses. Psychologists and psychiatrists are telling us today that the more we hate, the more we develop guilt feelings and we begin to subconsciously repress or consciously suppress certain emotions, and they all stack up in our subconscious selves and make for tragic, neurotic responses. And may this not be the neuroses of many individuals as they confront life that that is an element of hate there. And modern psychology is calling on us now to love. But long before modern psychology came into being, the world’s greatest psychologist who walked around the hills of Galilee told us to love. He looked at men and said: "Love your enemies; don’t hate anybody." It’s not enough for us to hate your friends because—to to love your friends—because when you start hating anybody, it destroys the very center of your creative response to life and the universe; so love everybody. Hate at any point is a cancer that gnaws away at the very vital center of your life and your existence. It is like eroding acid that eats away the best and the objective center of your life. So Jesus says love, because hate destroys the hater as well as the hated.

Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, "Love your enemies." It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. That’s why Jesus says, "Love your enemies." Because if you hate your enemies, you have no way to redeem and to transform your enemies. But if you love your enemies, you will discover that at the very root of love is the power of redemption. You just keep loving people and keep loving them, even though they’re mistreating you. Here’s the person who is a neighbor, and this person is doing something wrong to you and all of that. Just keep being friendly to that person. Keep loving them. Don’t do anything to embarrass them. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with bitterness because they’re mad because you love them like that. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. So love your enemies.

I think of one of the best examples of this. We all remember the great president of this United States, Abraham Lincoln—these United States rather. You remember when Abraham Lincoln was running for president of the United States, there was a man who ran all around the country talking about Lincoln. He said a lot of bad things about Lincoln, a lot of unkind things. And sometimes he would get to the point that he would even talk about his looks, saying, "You don’t want a tall, lanky, ignorant man like this as the president of the United States." He went on and on and on and went around with that type of attitude and wrote about it. Finally, one day Abraham Lincoln was elected president of the United States. And if you read the great biography of Lincoln, if you read the great works about him, you will discover that as every president comes to the point, he came to the point of having to choose a Cabinet. And then came the time for him to choose a Secretary of War. He looked across the nation, and decided to choose a man by the name of Mr. Stanton. And when Abraham Lincoln stood around his advisors and mentioned this fact, they said to him: "Mr. Lincoln, are you a fool? Do you know what Mr. Stanton has been saying about you? Do you know what he has done, tried to do to you? Do you know that he has tried to defeat you on every hand? Do you know that, Mr. Lincoln? Did you read all of those derogatory statements that he made about you?" Abraham Lincoln stood before the advisors around him and said: "Oh yes, I know about it; I read about it; I’ve heard him myself. But after looking over the country, I find that he is the best man for the job."

Mr. Stanton did become Secretary of War, and a few months later, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. And if you go to Washington, you will discover that one of the greatest words or statements ever made by, about Abraham Lincoln was made about this man Stanton. And as Abraham Lincoln came to the end of his life, Stanton stood up and said: "Now he belongs to the ages." And he made a beautiful statement concerning the character and the stature of this man. If Abraham Lincoln had hated Stanton, if Abraham Lincoln had answered everything Stanton said, Abraham Lincoln would have not transformed and redeemed Stanton. Stanton would have gone to his grave hating Lincoln, and Lincoln would have gone to his grave hating Stanton. But through the power of love Abraham Lincoln was able to redeem Stanton.

That’s it. There is a power in love that our world has not discovered yet. Jesus discovered it centuries ago. Mahatma Gandhi of India discovered it a few years ago, but most men and most women never discover it. For they believe in hitting for hitting; they believe in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth; they believe in hating for hating; but Jesus comes to us and says, "This isn’t the way."

And oh this morning, as I think of the fact that our world is in transition now. Our whole world is facing a revolution. Our nation is facing a revolution, our nation. One of the things that concerns me most is that in the midst of the revolution of the world and the midst of the revolution of this nation, that we will discover the meaning of Jesus’ words.

History unfortunately leaves some people oppressed and some people oppressors. And there are three ways that individuals who are oppressed can deal with their oppression. One of them is to rise up against their oppressors with physical violence and corroding hatred. But oh this isn’t the way. For the danger and the weakness of this method is its futility. Violence creates many more social problems than it solves. And I’ve said, in so many instances, that as the Negro, in particular, and colored peoples all over the world struggle for freedom, if they succumb to the temptation of using violence in their struggle, unborn generations will be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness, and our chief legacy to the future will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos. Violence isn’t the way.

Another way is to acquiesce and to give in, to resign yourself to the oppression. Some people do that. They discover the difficulties of the wilderness moving into the promised land, and they would rather go back to the despots of Egypt because it’s difficult to get in the promised land. And so they resign themselves to the fate of oppression; they somehow acquiesce to this thing. But that too isn’t the way because non-cooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good.

But there is another way. And that is to organize mass non-violent resistance based on the principle of love. It seems to me that this is the only way as our eyes look to the future. As we look out across the years and across the generations, let us develop and move right here. We must discover the power of love, the power, the redemptive power of love. And when we discover that we will be able to make of this old world a new world. We will be able to make men better. Love is the only way. Jesus discovered that.

Not only did Jesus discover it, even great military leaders discover that. One day as Napoleon came toward the end of his career and looked back across the years—the great Napoleon that at a very early age had all but conquered the world. He was not stopped until he became, till he moved out to the battle of Leipzig and then to Waterloo. But that same Napoleon one day stood back and looked across the years, and said: "Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have built great empires. But upon what did they depend? They depended upon force. But long ago Jesus started an empire that depended on love, and even to this day millions will die for him."

Yes, I can see Jesus walking around the hills and the valleys of Palestine. And I can see him looking out at the Roman Empire with all of her fascinating and intricate military machinery. But in the midst of that, I can hear him saying: "I will not use this method. Neither will I hate the Roman Empire." [Radio Announcer:] (WRMA, Montgomery, Alabama. Due to the fact of the delay this morning, we are going over with the sermon.) [several words inaudible] . . . and just start marching.

And I’m proud to stand here in Dexter this morning and say that that army is still marching. It grew up from a group of eleven or twelve men to more than seven hundred million today. Because of the power and influence of the personality of this Christ, he was able to split history into a.d. and b.c. Because of his power, he was able to shake the hinges from the gates of the Roman Empire. And all around the world this morning, we can hear the glad echo of heaven ring:

Jesus shall reign wherever sun,
Does his successive journeys run;
His kingdom spreads from shore to shore,
Till moon shall wane and wax no more.

We can hear another chorus singing: "All hail the power of Jesus name!"
We can hear another chorus singing: "Hallelujah, hallelujah! He’s King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Hallelujah, hallelujah!"
We can hear another choir singing: