So he's your EX...Ill make him MY EXCEPTION!!!

So since I often put up too formal attire up that we can't always wear, I decided to switch it up today and put something that we can all wear on that/those "hot" date(s). Also, summer is coming around, so perfect time to show those legs :). This beauty here is a Vivienne Tam dress and although the website says you can wear it to work, I think you will get a lot of *side eyes* so let's just save this for After work wear...mmmkay? It's $192.00 and you can find it here.

A friend's ex started hinting about the good days and what could/might have been between us which got me thinking about today's topic.

Dating your friend's ex.

Today's topic is one that I have felt differently about on different days, and at different times in my life. Don't shake your head say NO and run away. Let's talk it out.
Some people might say it is a basic rule, never date your friend's ex. I say (while I run and go hide) it may depend on the situation. Let's read on.

The two things I think are important are time, and how close you are to said friend. If you are truly close friends then don't do it, it can get very messy. There is no discussing that, just don't! If you are acquaintances that bump into each other every once in awhile and CAN hang out but aren't that close then its easier.

In terms of time, if they dated for more than 6 months and lived in the same place then I say its a dead deal let it go. If they dated for less than 6 months even if they lived in the same place then in that case I say its a free for all and if you feel strongly about dating each other, go ahead. Here is my reasoning.

If you dated someone for less than 6 months, then your relationship would not have matured enough for you two to know yourselves. You would have still been learning about each other, the things that make you tick and the things that make you tock. Any time after 6 months, however, this is when if you are faking it, the true you starts to come out.

So you really really want to date your friend's ex? Well you get no judgment from me (unless he is my ex.) Kidding!!! Well if you choose to date your friend's ex, there are some key things you have to keep in mind.

The first one being if your friend is truly over their ex. People lie, we all do,get over it! I know the many times I have sworn I was over my ex but I would have stabbed any of my friends who had tried to get close/date them. Knowing how much humans lie, you need to look at the whole picture and put yourself in your friend's shoes (even if you are not the same size) and try to see if he/she is truly over the person or if he/she is TRYING to move on. If he/she is not over him/her or TRYING to move on, don't do it. You being around the guy/girl is just going to keep the guy in her/his mind which cannot be a good thing for your friend. You owe it to your friendship to let this other person go.

The second thing you have to deal with is having to deal with the fact that whatever you are going through your friend may have experienced with said person. Every person likes the fact that when he/she is sharing something with their friends about their significant other, they can oooohh and ahhh about it. Imagine being all excited to tell them about how X plans to take you to the moon and your friend chimes in and tells you about all the fun THEY had when THEY went to the moon. If you are not a strong individual you may begin to resent your friend even if he/she is not doing this on purpose. You can't complain either because you knew they were exes before you took this step.

The other thing you have to deal with is OTHER people. Maybe you and your friend really do not mind that you are dating his/her ex. That does not stop other people from "judging" you, however. You have to be a strong person to deal with this. If you are going to whine about it then it could ruin your relationship. If you are not strong then other people will start to run your relationship. They might start to put ideas in your head you may have not considered.

The last thing I think you have to deal with is paranoia. If you are not a strong person you might start to over think your relationship. You may think that maybe they want to be with you so they can still be around their ex. This could hurt you in two ways. If said person is not truly over your friend then you keeping them in your circle might just remind them of the good times they shared and you may end up being dumped. for your friend (*sigh). Alternatively, your friend may not want this ex back and will want to move on and be irritated every time you bring their ex around which will cause a rift in the friendship you and he/she have. Or you could go crazy thinking about how the ex is with you to stalk their ex your friend and never really cared for or about you. Can you see how this situation can drive you crazy if you are not emotionally strong/stable.

It is not always bad though. Looking at the other side of the coin, what if your friend got with said person knowing very well that you wanted them and they did not work out. Does that then mean you should not go for this person? I say do it. If your friend knew you wanted said person and went ahead and got with them then they set you up (and you should really question your friendship). Or if you meet someone and get to know them and truly enjoy being with them and find out they have dated a friend of yours awhile ago, are you supposed to dump the person? (I say are you psycho?) There are legitimate times where you CAN and SHOULD date your friend's ex. (Yes, if I have ever said you have a hot ex this is where you should worry :))

I have often tried to be as honest as I could about my feelings for my exes. I told my friends which ones I was truly over, and which ones they could not go near. (It's not fair but its life). I have a personal rule about dating my friends exes, no matter how scrumptious they look, how rich they are, etc. etc. I just avoid doing it (*woosah*).
There is too much headache there for me to deal with. I want my own fresh man, one with his own fresh problems that none of my friends have the "cheat sheet" to.

You may feel differently, however, and that is your own decision to make. Just make sure if you are getting with your friend's ex you are doing this for the right reasons and not simply to make your friend jealous or get your ex back.

I am lucky that my friends and I are never attracted to the same type of men. I can honestly say there is not a single man any of my friends have dated I would have wanted and I am sure they feel the same about the men I have dated. If they wanted to go ahead and date any of my exes they would be free to, however. We are all big boys and girls :). (Naa just stay away from ......) :) Kidding!!!

So what say you? Are exes of friends completely off the menu, why, why not?