Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer...

I think I just died and went to style heaven (for the umpteenth time). This look (right hurr, this look right hurr...)...I DIE!!!!!!!! Well I would substitute the gold shoes for some sick boots and then I could really die in peace. But love love love everything about it and if you love it too, you know where to find it...right here.

So I know I havent written in a minute, blame LIFE. I lost my laptop and so blogging and checking on blogs (my favorite past time) has been very limited. Eitherways, Happy Belated Thanksgiving and any other Holiday I may have missed.

So, this Thanksgiving was fun, although this was the was the second one I didnt spend with the usual suspects gorging myself with food etc. It was still fun, however, because I got to spend it with some special. Something interesting that happened during this time, however, is the reason for this season (post I mean).

Before I left for this trip, I was feeling pretty AWESOME about myself and my life and yet anxious at the same time. AWESOME because life was GOOD...I dont have a 40 hr work week but I get by, and even though my laptop was broken Black Friday was coming up so I could get another one, I had a good man, good friends, good health blah blah blah. I remember sitting on my bed and thinking, "this is too good to be true", "when is there going to be something to wake me from this la la la existence?", but then I reminded myself that God is good and that I should not focus on the bad coming (because inevitably it will, but rather focus on the good) and with that I "dusted my shoulders off" said a little Thank you prayer and got packing for my trip.

I would love to say I am still la la la about life but the Devil got in and did his part (very efficiently) I may add. I am not mad about it, more hurt , confused etc. Life is still good, it is not exactly how I thought or wanted it to be, but I BELIEVE God in his infinite wisdom has made it the way it needed to be to wake me up from my naive existence and to help work on breaking patterns that may have hurt in the long run. It most certainly created a change, whether this change will be for the good, or for bad will be determined later. For now, though, I know I am not the person I was last week, I am better, I choose to be better(not bitter) :).

So it seems I have PRIDE! Yes, I know everyone has pride, but I have the kind of pride that made my mother beat me until I was black and blue and she was blue and black and still I would not succumb. This pride means I will not stand for a lot of crap, one, two, three you are out!!! For some people this is good because they know they have at least 3 strikes and they can measure these strikes and know how to act so they do not get to strike #. For other people, this is bad because once I quit you, I am gone. (Apparently my dad is the same way go figure!!!) I blame my family, the one thing generation of fighters has instilled in me is a great respect for myself. If you cannot be trusted to respect me the way I respect myself then you need to be gone, it is that simple. I think if people truly sat down and took stock of how they give respect to themselves and how they allow people to give respect to them then there would be a very big difference in the world. If he beats you and you let him beat you then how do you expect your son not to think hitting women is ok, or your daughter to think being hit is acceptable? The choices we make impact the ones around us so lets make these choices positive.

So what now? Woe is me? Not even close to it. I am and continue to be so excited about Love and Life BUT I know in this world nothing is guaranteed. For example, We see those men and women who give their partner their all, only to be embarassed or humilated when this partner cheats on them. Or that parent that struggles to make ends meet and sacrifices all they could have so their ungrateful child can do better and be better in life. We see the Priests who pray day and night for our salvation and who get rewarded by us recognizing the evil priests instead. I could go on and on but my point is simple. You can not and should not aim to change anyone. It is impossible, even if this person swears you can. We can try to show people how to become better through our actions but that is about it. There has to be a desire on that person's end to seek a change, to want a change and therefore TO change. Without this desire, you and I are wasting our time. If you love, seek a love that knows what love is. Ask yourself what you want, what you expect, what you need and ask your partner the same things too. If my love consists of eating cheesecake and yours consists of not eating cheesecake, guess what, Houston we have a problem. People are fallible and it is ok to love a fallible partner, but DO NOT let them use this as a crutch, you will eventually grow to despise them for this weakness. Not everyone deserves to be loved. It sucks but it is true, so people will remain selfish until the end of time, how do you love someone who already loves themselves more than anyone else could? It is a lose lose battle. Figure out how much value you place on your love and if this value is being reciprocated, if not, maybe its time to get to stepping. Do not EVER settle!!!!!

This is the season of Advent and I think it could not have come at a better time because it has allowed me to really stop and think. There are so many destructive habits I have secretly been hoarding so this opportunity allows me to stop and deal with these patterns. Advent, from the word Adentum means a coming or an arrival so in Advent we look to the coming of Christ. I want to use this as an opportunity to ask us to challenge ourselves to look for Christ in our own special way. Let us try to use this period to attack specific things that we need to rid ourself off and look/live more for Christ. My specific thing as i mentioned earlier is the sin of Pride, I am told so often that I am better, so I believe this and lord it over others. During this period, I am going to look for ways that the Devil uses occassions of Pride to let me puff myself up even more and try to actively stop it. What will you do? Will you quit the porn (Francis), stop with the weed, (Naa) JOKING... and so on and so forth...It is not easy but the trick is not to get bogged down in how hard it is but to seek help where we can, keep at it (it does get better) and remember to rejoice in every little victory (no matter how small you think it is).

I am not the same person I was last week, and I am determined to make the lessons I learned be beneficial to me. I am going to continue to work on Pride during this Advent season and challenge you to find one thing (or many things if you are one of the people I am thinking about :) (love you guys) that you can work on to improve your life and your existence. This week we lit the light of Hope in church, let us keep hope alive and burning. Let us continue to believe God sees the best in us and is only looking for us to see this best in ourselves. We may be fallen but we still remain in his image and thus we can by his help become the fully realized versions of ourselves that he hopes for us. For this week, I hope I am able to forgive everyone who has hurt me in any way and truly forgive them enough to forget the trangressions they have committed against me. I hope the love of God will continue to permeate every aspect of my life so I am able to be a blessing on anyone at all that comes in contact with me. I hope the same things for you too.

Here is a good Hope Advent prayer:

"Lord, the light I choose to let into my life today is based on my trust in you. It is a weak flame, but I so much desire that it dispel a bit more darkness today. Today, I just want to taste the longing I have for you as I go to the meeting this morning, carry out the responsibilities of my work, face the frustration of some difficult relationships. Let this candle be my reminder today of my hope in your coming." Source

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Imma be happy for you but ...just know...Love doesnt last...

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Ok so whats on my mind today? Well over the weekend we had a lot of interesting talks about relationships and expectations and so on. Basically it seems most people do not believe love exists anymore. Every occasion of and for love is treated as a fluke or as not lasting. People want to believe that its all well and good that you are happy now BUT get ready for trying times or it may not last ...because...(because what exactly I am not sure). Gabe put it most eloquently when he said, Love takes a back seat to economics and thats the way our generation approach loving and hearing and dealing with love. (Yes you have my permission to have a sad face at that).

Lets be real. These days you hear your good friend or lets make it more general, you hear someone you know is in a relationship, honestly what is the first thing that pops to mind? How long its going to last, don't lie I know you think it. Or maybe you are more jaded and think who is cheating or who is going to cheat first?

At least that's the feeling I get from most people. Its like happy couples have to preface speaking about their happiness by saying "at least in my case", or " as far as I know", or "I dont know if this will change" so "later" when things go south no one judges them. The concept of this "later" never coming seems totally foreign. For people who are being told about happiness and love existing within couples, you see the all too familiar head nod, eye rotation and some other quip about all men being dogs or all females having ulterior motives. Or even better they congratulate then go behind your back to make some silly statement (Not cool).

I find it really sad and pathetic that this is really what it has come to. That people cannot hear someone is happy and just leave it at that. Let's stop it!!!Pray for the success of the couples we know and keep it moving. The more couples that get together, the more weddings there will be and I hear weddings are awesome places to meet singles :). I have started making it a habit not to tell people except my closest friends about my life and love situations because I do not need anyone's negativity surrounding me or my relationships.

You can be the happiest person on this earth with the most amazing partner and let people talk so much you confuse yourself. Then you start doubting what you have and self fulfilling prophecy you stop being the YOU that person fell for and start being a psycho which is what they did not want. Guess what? Then he or she leaves and all you say to feel justified is, "I knew it was too good to be true" or "my friends were right" etc. No, you listened to the nay sayers and landed yourself in your situation. Now I am not saying do not listen to advice about your relationships, that would be stupid. Know how to separate the advice from the BS. You know which of your friends are really friends and which are just there to party. Sometimes in a relationship you dont see the 360 view and thats where good friends help out. Take heed to what they are saying but make up your mind for yourself in the end (after a lot of prayer). Not everyone is jealous of your relationship. For example if you say he or she loves you because when they are good they are really good but when they are bad....hmmm... and your friend tells you to walk...obviously in that case I cosign what your friend is saying. I am talking about more general situations where there is nothing wrong but people want to introduce possibilities. Well you are not always around, what if he cheats, etc. Well youve never met his mom what if? Well she introduced you as her friend what if?....those are the situations you need to think for YOU (and pray about). Yes the prayer theme is major. I do not make a move without praying about it.

Do I allow someone else to dictate how my relationship will go? Or end? Not me, no thanks. I will let you know right now, I know men have their good days and their bad days, a good man can make a mistake same as a good woman. I will not pretend as if my man can never make a mistake. I will also not let what peoples perceptions of a relationship entails dictate how my relationship will go. I am happy, I will continue to be happy. I refuse to entertain thoughts about what if, and when if, that's how the Devil gets in. I am going to say I am happy and leave it at that.

Stop letting peoples negativity invade your life. Oh well I don't know your guy well but men usually...NO! If they don't know them then they cannot make an informed decision. Or I personally don't know your girl but I "hear" shes been around. NO! Again if the person doesn't know your girl then why are they spreading gossip? Let your relationship be about and between you and your partner and GOD. These are the only three people that can affect and should affect the relationship, everyone else is just interference. Pray consistently. The only thing we know with certainty is that we are born and we will die. What we also know is that we have a loving God who wants the best for us even in times when it looks like its not peachy. Hold on to this God through the good and bad and your relationships should withstand whatever comes its way.

Love because you can, and love with all you have. Forget the past (sigh yes that part is hard), make new memories, break old destructive patterns, pray pray pray and enjoy your love and lets pray:

Heavenly father, thank you for the blessing you have given me in this person. Thank you that he/she shows me everyday how love is truly supposed to be. Continue to use us to fulfill your will on this earth. Amen

1 John 4:16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.