Live like you are dying...

I could not decide between these two Marchesa dresses so I guess you get the benefit of seeing TWO dresses today. I love them both though the second one would probably fit my body more than the first. The first one is only $446 and can be found here. The second is slightly more expensive (go figure) and can be found for $495 right here. Enjoy :)

Ok so I was going to tackle today's topic yesterday, I was feeling like Superwoman, I could grade papers, do some writing, cook, clean and then write the blog post...didn't happen.

So you get the benefit of reading about it today. Can I get a YAY please? Moving right along. I am going to be offering my two cents (hey its a recession can I get some change please) on this article/discussion whatever you feel comfortable calling it right here. It is an interesting read but for those of you too lazy to read I am going to pick out the relevant points discussed and expound on them here. The first thing you should know is that whereas our parents (well some of them) generation or the generations before had MID-Life Crises, our generation has managed to one up them and we have Quarter life crises. According to the article, a quarter life crisis can be defined as:

" ... a kind of anticipatory crisis: ‘How is my life going to turn out? I don’t have a clue; I don’t have a map; I don’t have a vision for it.’ The mid-life crisis is a kind of ‘Is this it? I had a big plan, I had big ideas. Now I’m 48 and I guess I won’t get to do those things.’ The mid-life crisis is understood as one of resignation. A Quarterlife Crisis will resolve itself by hooking itself into a plan.” What that plan could be, though, might be vague, or feel altogether impossible to create."

Does it sound familiar? If it doesn't I think I hate you. (just a little bit). I think to some extent we have all experienced this quarter life crisis. I would like to submit, however, that it is a cultural problem as opposed to a societal one and thus everyone (not only Americans) is dealing with it to a certain degree. Being an international and not having grown up with the American dream (and culture) I have had a lot of opportunities afforded to me that I may not have had growing up American. I have also missed a lot of opportunities that I may have had if I HAD been an American but how do these weigh out against each other? Well for one I have never heard the word student loan in the context of my education. What does this mean for me? Well it means if I am not a dummy and I do not accrue debt from credit cards (myyyy precioussss) I can pretty much leave this country when its time to leave with what I came here for and some very good memories. (Wooo hoo) Does that however mean I am not prone to the quarter life crisis? Very far from it. I am going to tell you how an American and myself (an international) can go through the quarter life crisis in two very different ways.

Being an international means that I do not have the benefits of paying state tuition, get grants etc. that may reduce the financial burden on my parents. I can get scholarships like my American counterparts but usually a lot of scholarships cater to American minorities. So even though the American has school loans (in some cases) the amount they may end up paying may be significantly less than what my parents have to FIND before semester starts every year. Yes there is no luxury of school now pay later, no money money no teachy teachy. So in both cases we can both be in debt by the time we are done, me right now, the American later. Quarter life probability for both : VERY HIGH

Lifestyles. Most internationals come with a purpose, come to America, get your education and go home or find a nice job and stay in America. Depending on your preference those were the two main ways to go. Then the recession hit. Guess what, suddenly, getting your education and getting a nice job is not that easy anymore because Americans aren't getting jobs either. Now riddle me this, how are you supposed to know how to apply what you have learned in school if you have no where to practice? In all honesty America does try with this with their OPT program where if you CAN find a job, then you have a year to stay and work to get some training in your field of expertise. That was not my question, however. I said, how can we apply what we have learned if there is no where to practice. This is one place regardless of our cultures both the American and I suffer. No job means no job and therefore no training. No training means umm I might have wasted my time acquiring an education here instead of going to China or somewhere else. Quarter life probability for both : VERY HIGH

Cultural differences. I noticed from my first year in college that most American "kids" get away with a lot. I about died when my roomie one day got on the phone and cursed the living daylight out of her parents. (Yes this is not ALL Americans, I have met some very respectful Americans in my time :) ). See this would not fly back home. Your parents word IS THE WORD! Though some parents can be flexible I have heard of situations where the parents have picked the majors their children major in :)...(oh and they get the report cards from the colleges every end of semester FERPA be damned). With such a usually rigid focus on your education, it is hard for one to flunk or not go to class without incurring the wrath of one's parents who may decide to pull you back home because you are wasting their time and money. The American here differs because usually they are paying for their school fees through student loans or have had a fund set up for them which insures that fees are paid always on time etc. There is no threat of repercussions (unless they have loans but then who thinks about loans whilst at school). Quarter life probability for International: HIGH for American (undisciplined) : VERY HIGH.

Life goals: We used to have a running joke that most internationals who came here either wanted to be Doctors, Nurses, Businessmen/women or in IT. So every single International you would meet would be majoring in one of these field. Majors like Drama, Music, Dance were seemingly foreign to us. Our parents consciously or unconsciously pitted us against each other. "Oh my Johnny just got on the Dean's list, he will make such a wonderful Doctor. Oh my Barbara got awarded ANOTHER scholarship to John Hopkins etc. etc. etc. Like it or not we were our parents pawn in this chess game of life."
For the Americans it seemed, not so. You could be who you wanted to be when you wanted to be and major in anything you wanted. What did this mean? On the one hand, this could translate into Happier Americans because face it who isn't happier doing what they want to do. On the other hand, it could have lead to more discipline on the part of the international, doing what you do not like and excelling at it ensures that throughout life instead of dilly dallying because you do not like a situation, you will stay and work throughout. (you may also lose your mind really fast). Quarter life probability for both : Minimal if they play their cards right.

In terms of culture we can see how the Quarter life crisis can be extrapolated to fit not only an American market or culture. We are all prone to these difficulties that we thought we would never see because our parents and grandparents already suffered and we are smarter and better than they were? Or not? Moving off culture there is another way that one finds differences in the Quarter life. Gender (drumroll please).

The article differentiated between the genders pointing out that...
WOMEN ALSO FIND themselves conflicted, usually more than men, about the trajectory of their twenties as they relate to relationships. In 1973, the average age for women to get married was 23, and for men, 25. By 2003, the average age for both rose about five years, a significant change that reflects both marriage-free cohabitation and purposefully delaying serious commitment. It also means that twentysomethings are increasingly going it alone in their financial lives, where they would historically be building assets and houses and portfolios alongside their partner. Women, especially, are buying homes on their own. It also means that loneliness and isolation are far more likely, particularly when being separated from the close friendships that make up university life happens without a family or back-up community in place.

Can I get an AMEN? I can so relate you would think I wrote that up there myself and just told you it was in the article to make it sound credible :). No really, it was in the article. Times are changing so much but are they really changing for the better? In the past men wanted to settle down be the men of the house, even if they did not bring in much they brought in as much as they could worked as hard as they could etc. etc. Women were there for their men and did their part scrimping and saving to make a better life for themselves and their family. No woman in my family (that I can think of) has been a housewife and just sat on her behind. Every single woman has had some job something to try to bring in extra money for the family. Not these days apparently. These days men want to be rich and find the younger chicks to marry (then get mad when these younger chicks cheat with their age mates). Women are so independent they dont NEED no man (but secretly cry into their pillows every night) and want to buy their own houses, make their own kids (sperm donors) la di da da because all men "aint ****" (and stay crying into their pillows) What happened to the times when 1 plus 1 made 2 and those 2 heads were better than 1? What happened to working together for 1 common goal? Sometimes you do not need to have a million dollars to get married, other times yes because you know you've got a foolish partner who will just drag you down (but that is another post altogether).

So (if you are still reading at this point) what I am suggesting? Women, settle for anything so long as you can say you are married? Men, women just want to get married so you provide for them. Americans, you suck and deserve it ? International parents are evil slave drivers who do not respect their children's creativity? No No No and No!!! The main thing I am saying is that society is changing, we are changing or we are making the change so we should be in CHARGE of this change. We cannot walk through life aimlessly waiting for others to call our shots for us. Being proactive is the key to all these situations. I have talked before about having game plans for your game plans. Planning is oh so essential and oh so key. Know all you can know about things that impact your life. Have goals and know how you plan to achieve those goals. What do you expect to gain by the end of this month, by the end of next month, by the end of the year etc. etc. What are you doing to ensure that happens (and sitting in your room saying I'm going to be rich soon does not constitute a plan). If you have a significant other are you guys on the same time line or is one thinking job, promotion, travel whilst the other is thinking babies, new home, etc. If you are alone what are you doing to ensure that you make yourself available for another (if you want one) and yet you can take care of yourself if need be? A quarter life crisis is not for all of us. If you are in it and think you cannot get out trust me you can. Life is good as long as you are living, because you can always make changes. I know the article is a long read (sorry Muhtar) and this isn't any shorter but I think its something we all need to worry about and work hard to avoid. We are young (*cough*), healthy, alive. We live, we love what else do we need? If you were going to die tomorrow, what are the things you would kick yourself for not having done...go do those things NOW! (wait if it includes robbing a bank or something illegal, dont!)...Life is too short to wait for life time guarantees, live like you are dying then maybe you will truly live a little ( I think).