Ok I can dig everything about this outfit except for the part that on me the top might not be as flattering...(sigh)...but I absolutely love how effortless the look is. It is something you can throw on for a first date or even just to meet the girls for drinks (at a hot bar where you know there will be a lot of hot men). Anyways if you love the shirt as much as I do...you know the drill...click here. It is an Ivory silk crepe shirt by Vionnet.So Valentines day came and went and I meant to put up the link to Gabe's very fun and interesting look at some of the things you could get your mate but man proposes and God disposes. Why don't we treat everyday like Valentine? Go ahead, click here and enjoy the post all the same.
Alrighty then. So I have a secret but I am not telling until I am sure it can be told :) you will just have to wait to find out what it is. In the mean time we can talk about love/Valentines and what it means and should mean for us.
So having friends at various points in their relationships meant that I heard all sorts of stories about what different people did for their Valentines. Some single ones ventured into the dating world being brave enough to go out on dates, others preferred to sit out the whole "commercialized" event. With married couples, some of them did fun things, others said Valentines was everyday so they chose not to do anything etc. For some couples, this was their first Valentine's together some had some awkward moments, and others had smooth sailing. Other couples were hoping this was the day they would get that "ring", some did others NOT! As I said before, a variety of ways that day was spent but the one thing everyone seemed to have had in common, however, was wanting to spend that day with someone special. Did you spend it with someone special and what did you do?
So what does it mean to have someone special (In the relationship context)? Up until recently, I must admit that I had a preconceived notion of what being with someone special meant or even what someone special should look like, be like, act like, think like. Thanks to the movies and what other people have said, I believed that once you met this person, flowers had to open when you walked by, music would be streaming from heaven, wherever you walked there would be rose petals falling etc. etc. Trust me this is not the case! I thought I knew what love/someone special looked like and I encouraged my friends (and myself) to pursue this kind of love and person. What I am slowly learning, however, is that this may not be the case.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
I know the above quote is my go to in any case I want to prove my point about love but it is only recently I have taken the time to break it down and try to live every single aspect of it wholly in my life. What I am beginning to understand is that, this quote does not only mean you relate to one other person in this way, this HAS to be your outlook at the way you react with everyone you come across. So it doesn't matter if I am completely patient with my spouse and then when someone else comes along I lose my patience with them and say yes I love. In order to love I must practice patience with everyone I come across. Same with envy, pride, dishonor etc. How you treat others invariably affects the one you choose to be with or the one you claim to love.
Trust me you cannot love and treat one person well and treat everyone else like crap. You will be faking it somewhere and most probably it will be with your significant other. One day you will get tired of living the lie and proceed to treat them like everyone else, like crap. Love must encompass everything you think, say and do and when this happens then you are able to fully receive and give love as you were meant to.
I once read a quote that said that love is when you love someone not for any specific reason, i.e., you would not be able to point out one specific thing they do to warrant that love from you. We have all be conditions to expect love in a very specific package. He must be ye high, ye tall, must have this amount of money etc. etc. We also believe we are completely perfect as we are and that if there is any change that needs to occur it needs to happen on the OTHER person's side. Love is compromise. No one comes to a relationship a perfect fit for the other. It is the changes you make for each other where you start to build your relationship and where love grows. So throw the concept of Prince/Princess Charming/Beautiful out the window. Love is the person who is willing to truly grow with you, accept the flaws you highlight and is motivated to make changes so you BOTH can become better at the same time.
Love is constantly learning and evolving. It can never be stagnant because humans are not stagnant, we go through different experiences and feelings. Love does not thrive well with unrealistic expectations. Love also does not pick and choose which part of a person we fall in love with, it is either or. I think the saddest thing anyone can do is to settle. Thanks to my parents and my faith I know my true worth. ( I am not proud of boastful of this) but I now know what I deserve and acknowledge without being envious of anyone else that I deserve a faithful man, a trustworthy man, a man who values me and my opinion, one who makes me feel that I belong, one who will always make me feel like I rank highest above anything else. You have to decide for yourself what you truly believe about yourself. Be realistic!!! I am just very tired of people passing up on opportunities for true growth and true love because of some superficial reason.
In all honesty I think if my mother had looked for what we have all been preprogrammed to believe was "the special someone, " she would/should have kicked my dad to the curb and that would have been her ultimate loss. He was not the richest, (but the most handsomestestest, smartest, bestestest hey hes my dad) lol , but he was def. the quietest man she knew. He was not what she and most of her friends thought she should get with, but she said she prayed about it and the rest is wonderful history. I have watched my dad go from the quiet 1 word man to learning from my mom's talkative nature to actually being able to have a conversation. ( I guess he got tired of listening ) :). My dad is not stable and my mom did not settle in choosing him, he is the love of my mom's life (and she will tell you that over and over and over ) and maybe she may not have described him in this way if you had asked her this on their wedding day. What this tells me is that YOU need to decide what it is you want and if your partner has these innate qualities and then work on the rest.
Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Love comes strong like a hurricane or a tornado, but it can also come like a lazy breeze on a quiet summer day. Do not take what others tell you about their experiences to be what you think YOUR love should look like. Dont throw away a good man /woman because s/he has little quips and quirks you "cannot live with". Is s/he a good person? Are they willing to work with you? Are they willing to try? Are they trying? Do not forget that you yourself are not perfect. It is ok to grow in love (not the be confused with settling). So this Valentine's as you look or think about "that special someone" maybe it is time to widen that net and consider people you may not have considered before. Pray about your decision and for you and your "special someone" because you cannot force someone to love you no matter what you do. You may be the most perfect thing they have ever seen or been with but there will always be a vital part missing and they will know this and you will know it too. God gives love and only he can truly give and secure your relationship. No amount of money, tricks, trips, trinkets food, etc. will help you achieve this. Material things may trick your significant other for awhile but it will fade and then game over. God is the only engineer of true love because he felt it first for us in sending us his only son. We try to emulate a minute part of this in our reactions with each other. Treat everyone with the same respect you would want them to give you...Love, and love hard...it beats the alternative :)...Happy Belated Valentines.
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