I want my ex back....

I am starting to love the designs by Tart, like this one. I know last time was Ideeli's sale and it seems today is Ruelala's turn. No I did not buy this dress though I was sufficiently tempted. I can't promise that it will be around for much longer so if you want to grab it do yourself a favor and run over to Ruelala.com

So today's topic fell into my lap. I put on the TV after a day writing and was just ready to watch anything to let my mind relax. Well Sex and City was on and since I was not an avid fan I have several episodes I have never seen. So I decided why not. Well this was apparently this episode where Charlotte (who is getting ready to get married) catches SJP cheating with Mr. Big. The next episode the wife caught them when when she came home early and found SJP in her house (some people have no shame its not enough that you are cheating with my husband but you choose to sleep with him in my house and have the nerve to eat my food too??) anyways these are not the ones I want to talk about. I want to talk about what happens when SJP finally tells the guy she is dating (and was dating whilst cheating with BIG) that she cheated on him.

That's a lot of information right? Yeah I felt the same way after watching it. Well some more rambling. During the cheating portions I detested SJP because her cheating was so disgusting I kept asking myself if she had no morals. How low must your self esteem be for you to agree to be someone else's second best. Well at the end when Aidan (her boyfriend) ends up dumping her I felt bad for her though ( go figure). I know I am rambling on and on so let me "land". Why is it that some people are only interested in you once you are gone and will never be theirs? I kept thinking about this and thought about blogging about it but I was pretty tired of writing after my day today so decided to do it tomorrow. However, I just watched "Bones" and this is the episode where Booth's new girlfriend meets Bones and Bones (whether she wants to admit it or not) now realizes she might have a very big mistake not taking a chance on her and Booth.

Have you ever been in this situation and have you been the Booth or the Bones? I personally have never been the one to walk from a relationship but I have had people walk away. I can tell you that it hurts MAJOR when people walk away from you. ( I could go all TD Jakes on you right about now but I wont go read up on it in previous posts). I have had people who have walked away from me come back once they have figured out what a good thing they messed up and I have not given them the time of day. Yes Sankofa is not taboo. For those who do not know Sankofa is an adinkra symbol that suggests that "one should not be afraid to go into their past and correct their mistakes". I used to be a big believer in Sankofa, I actually still am but not when it involves my feelings and emotions.

If we have to be completely honest, it is quite flattering to know your ex wants you back. If you are an idiot most of the time you will fall for it and not realize that usually the only reason they want you now is because they see someone else has you. They have suddenly become that child who is not happy with their new toy and want their old toy because they see someone else getting joy from it. Tsk Tsk. I always enjoy the attention from my exes BUT tell them to kick rocks, you are an ex for a reason...your time has expired. There are some people who believe you should be tied to them for life, when they are happy you should still be pining after them, wanting them, responding to their every beck and call. Umm Honey NO! You left ME, why should I care about you are up to or not up to? Like seriously...keep it moving. 9 times out of 10 you get back with them, the euphoria of the moment fades and you wonder why you came back in the first place. (At least I do).

Since not everyone is like me, Have you ever been in this situation or are you currently in this situation? Here are some tips you can use to help you figure "things" out in black and white, since some people cant see the truth even when its slapping them in the face. So Thank me later and on we go.

1. Why did this person walk away from you in the first place?
You need to consider what it is about your relationship that did not work out the first time around. There are little things and then there are big things. Little things are usually things that are beyond your control that you cannot change. For some people distance is a biggie they cannot deal with and that is understandable. For others a big thing would be something like cheating, if it was cheating then it is on you, are you ready to take a cheater back and feel you will be able to be in a trusting relationship with them? Evaluate your relationship and figure out if it was a big or little thing that made you break up and see how you will navigate those issues if you decide to get back together.

2. Old habits and annoying behaviors.
Like it of not we all have things that are not so endearing to everyone. If your old mate was/is a slob and you are a clean freak and that was one of your main areas of contention then why are you going back? Most likely they are still a slob and you are still a clean freak who is going to freak out about their messes.

3. Financial differences
If you are a miser and your significant other is a big spender, that is one of those situations where you should let sleeping dogs lie. Or keep your accounts separate. :). Just remember money is one of the major reasons divorce happens (if you ever make it down the aisle).

4. Religious difference
The other biggie, I have had different people swear all sorts of things to me to try to get me back into a relationship. What you always have to remember is that when you get with someone you are not only getting with them but with their family as well. Most of the time if they are a smart person they have a belief system that nothing can pry them away from. They will swear they will make all the concessions in the world for you but perhaps the rest of their family will not be as malleable.

5. An abusive (verbal, physical, mental, emotional)
I honestly do not know nor understand how anyone goes back to an abuser. I guess I have been blessed never to have been in this situation and I continue to pray I am never in this situation. If I ever get around this I hope someone sprinkles some serious holy water on me to make me see the light. We only have one life to live, if you are spending any moment of that time stressed, worried, afraid, scared, then you are doing yourself a disservice. God did not make you to suffer, and if you are making yourself suffer then there is nothing much God can do. God helps those who help themselves. That is what free will is all about. Know you are better than that and never take an abuser back there is just too much there, unless you are better than me and you can truly forgive and forget. Oh I lie...keep it moving...DONT take an abuser back man or woman if they have changed they should keep it moving and change somewhere else.

Ultimately you need to sit and think seriously about what and how this person let you go. There were some people I swore not even Jesus would get me to ever acknowledge in my life again. Any man who does not have the basic respect for himself and our relationship to tell me to my face its over is someone I would never take back. An insecure person will only keep trying to bring you down into their insecurity by trying to make you feel bad about yourself, hey misery loves company. The more they make you feel bad, the better they feel about themselves. I have taken a long hard look at my life and know who I might take back and who should not even bother ever ever ever (you know yourself). Time for you to take a long hard look at yourself. If you are currently in this situation weigh the benefits and no Valentines day being around the corner and not wanting to be alone is not a good enough reason.

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”