The Good Life...

Welcome to the new improved Blog which hopes to be a resource point for people interested in finding information about Ghana. 

I am not an expert on all things Ghanaian ( I am still learning) and that is why this blog is going to be different. You can come on my journey to learn what to do and what not to do if ever in Ghana. Find out how I went about looking for/finding jobs, friends, business deals, tourism spots...oh even how I dealt with keeping up with my high-tech lifestyle. It will be fun ride ...I think...

So enjoy the ride and if you have any specific questions please do not hesitate to contact me....aaheni@gmail.com

He came, I saw, and True Love conquered...The End (for now :))

Don't cry for me Argentina..... Unless you really really want to, in that case don't let me stop you. :) *Sigh*. LOL ok so I started writing this blog because I needed an outlet to vent and I have sufficiently satisfied that need at this current time. I will be back reinvented for your reading pleasure, best be'led that, but for now, I must bid you Adieu...

This past week has been one of the emotionally draining weeks I have ever had but the one thing I have realized is that first of all, I have some KICKASS friends, you are ALL truly amazing and know how to make a girl feel special and second, the human spirit is amazingly resilient. No matter what you are going through, remember the good Lord loves you and only wants what is best for each and everyone of us, and he is there with us through sickness, foreclosures, divorce, child custody battles, through ALL of IT!!

This was the last week of class and my students opened up about their various lives and I could do nothing but thank God for my life, issues and all. I thank God for your lives as well because I have come to realize that some people TRULY know PAIN. You think you have it bad until you hear about someone else.

Anyways I digress, so now the American Chapter of my life is done, and now I am on to bigger and better things (let's see if Mexico works out :), Dont judge me India is next *sigh* lol). Well I am finally ready to make A change surrounded by all your love and support. If I don't have your love and support, call me let's talk it out...HA!

I have given a lot and taken a lot and I am the person I am today because of the many lessons I have learned in this country. I appreciate every single opportunity I have come across, and I thank anyone who ever kicked me down (especially any evil students) because ultimately when I got back up, I appreciated the "upness" more. I end this blog with this last post and this last piece of advice that I hope you think about daily...

I remain forever yours,

Dr. CAT

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

-this version is credited to Mother Teresa

Let your faith be stronger than your obstacles...just name your first born Faith...:)

I love this outfit...I would change the shoes but everything else matches perfectly. I think I am in love....:)...Well if you want to get it, you know the deal click here, its on sale for $146.66...Dolce & Gabanna...sighhh...

My mother shared the following reflection with my brothers and I the other day and I thought I would share it would you...Enjoy :)...

Drinking the Cup of Christ

“At the end of Lent, I was thinking about how important it is to know how to live the painful moments, the suffering, being cast aside, loneliness, moments of failure, disappointment, and unfaithfulness – moments that are a part of the human existence because they are a part of the human reality. Sometimes the Lord wants us to participate in human suffering. We must mature in this capacity to suffer and at the same time offer it to Jesus. To do this, it is necessary to speak to Him, to cry out to God about our suffering, kneeling with our eyes fixed on the crucifix. We must form this way of thinking so that, in the moment of the Cross, we do not walk around complaining, trying to escape it, and wasting this precious moment in which Jesus is sharing the Cross with us and giving us a small part of His pain on the Cross. Pain is a part of human life. Do not avoid it, minimize its significance, or talk about it in such a trivial way!

This is my experience as a weak and fragile woman. I know that many times I, too, lost those moments. When I reflected on my life and really saw how often this happened, I said to myself, “Look at what I lost. How immature I was!’ We have a three-word expression in Community to help us get through the moments of suffering and provocation: “silence, swallow, and suffer.” When someone criticizes or reprimands you, and you respond by defending yourself, the other young men in Community say, “You’ve missed the boat! What we mean is you’ve missed the “boat” of maturity, of self-control, of the capacity to be quiet and to suffer with dignity in silence.” I teach these things to the young people because, when they leave the Community, their boss at work will want to be right, their spouse will want to be right, their children will argue, and – without any doubt – someone must give in so that peace can reign. Yes, peace is most important and to know how to “give in” is our strength and safeguard. It is the mysterious school of the Cross, of our God who did not explain the Cross but welcomed it, experiencing the Cross in the body of His crucified Son. Jesus invites us to look at Him, to ask Him for faith and love, so that our heart will not lose hope, and after the darkness of Good Friday, we will know how to capture in our own lives the radiant light of Easter morning! The risen Jesus is our true hope, because in Him pain and death are defeated!”

Mother Elvira Petrozzi (Foundress of Comunita Cenaclolo……providing houses of refuge in 15 countries for the lost and desparate)

So he's your EX...Ill make him MY EXCEPTION!!!

So since I often put up too formal attire up that we can't always wear, I decided to switch it up today and put something that we can all wear on that/those "hot" date(s). Also, summer is coming around, so perfect time to show those legs :). This beauty here is a Vivienne Tam dress and although the website says you can wear it to work, I think you will get a lot of *side eyes* so let's just save this for After work wear...mmmkay? It's $192.00 and you can find it here.

A friend's ex started hinting about the good days and what could/might have been between us which got me thinking about today's topic.

Dating your friend's ex.

Today's topic is one that I have felt differently about on different days, and at different times in my life. Don't shake your head say NO and run away. Let's talk it out.
Some people might say it is a basic rule, never date your friend's ex. I say (while I run and go hide) it may depend on the situation. Let's read on.

The two things I think are important are time, and how close you are to said friend. If you are truly close friends then don't do it, it can get very messy. There is no discussing that, just don't! If you are acquaintances that bump into each other every once in awhile and CAN hang out but aren't that close then its easier.

In terms of time, if they dated for more than 6 months and lived in the same place then I say its a dead deal let it go. If they dated for less than 6 months even if they lived in the same place then in that case I say its a free for all and if you feel strongly about dating each other, go ahead. Here is my reasoning.

If you dated someone for less than 6 months, then your relationship would not have matured enough for you two to know yourselves. You would have still been learning about each other, the things that make you tick and the things that make you tock. Any time after 6 months, however, this is when if you are faking it, the true you starts to come out.

So you really really want to date your friend's ex? Well you get no judgment from me (unless he is my ex.) Kidding!!! Well if you choose to date your friend's ex, there are some key things you have to keep in mind.

The first one being if your friend is truly over their ex. People lie, we all do,get over it! I know the many times I have sworn I was over my ex but I would have stabbed any of my friends who had tried to get close/date them. Knowing how much humans lie, you need to look at the whole picture and put yourself in your friend's shoes (even if you are not the same size) and try to see if he/she is truly over the person or if he/she is TRYING to move on. If he/she is not over him/her or TRYING to move on, don't do it. You being around the guy/girl is just going to keep the guy in her/his mind which cannot be a good thing for your friend. You owe it to your friendship to let this other person go.

The second thing you have to deal with is having to deal with the fact that whatever you are going through your friend may have experienced with said person. Every person likes the fact that when he/she is sharing something with their friends about their significant other, they can oooohh and ahhh about it. Imagine being all excited to tell them about how X plans to take you to the moon and your friend chimes in and tells you about all the fun THEY had when THEY went to the moon. If you are not a strong individual you may begin to resent your friend even if he/she is not doing this on purpose. You can't complain either because you knew they were exes before you took this step.

The other thing you have to deal with is OTHER people. Maybe you and your friend really do not mind that you are dating his/her ex. That does not stop other people from "judging" you, however. You have to be a strong person to deal with this. If you are going to whine about it then it could ruin your relationship. If you are not strong then other people will start to run your relationship. They might start to put ideas in your head you may have not considered.

The last thing I think you have to deal with is paranoia. If you are not a strong person you might start to over think your relationship. You may think that maybe they want to be with you so they can still be around their ex. This could hurt you in two ways. If said person is not truly over your friend then you keeping them in your circle might just remind them of the good times they shared and you may end up being dumped. for your friend (*sigh). Alternatively, your friend may not want this ex back and will want to move on and be irritated every time you bring their ex around which will cause a rift in the friendship you and he/she have. Or you could go crazy thinking about how the ex is with you to stalk their ex your friend and never really cared for or about you. Can you see how this situation can drive you crazy if you are not emotionally strong/stable.

It is not always bad though. Looking at the other side of the coin, what if your friend got with said person knowing very well that you wanted them and they did not work out. Does that then mean you should not go for this person? I say do it. If your friend knew you wanted said person and went ahead and got with them then they set you up (and you should really question your friendship). Or if you meet someone and get to know them and truly enjoy being with them and find out they have dated a friend of yours awhile ago, are you supposed to dump the person? (I say are you psycho?) There are legitimate times where you CAN and SHOULD date your friend's ex. (Yes, if I have ever said you have a hot ex this is where you should worry :))

I have often tried to be as honest as I could about my feelings for my exes. I told my friends which ones I was truly over, and which ones they could not go near. (It's not fair but its life). I have a personal rule about dating my friends exes, no matter how scrumptious they look, how rich they are, etc. etc. I just avoid doing it (*woosah*).
There is too much headache there for me to deal with. I want my own fresh man, one with his own fresh problems that none of my friends have the "cheat sheet" to.

You may feel differently, however, and that is your own decision to make. Just make sure if you are getting with your friend's ex you are doing this for the right reasons and not simply to make your friend jealous or get your ex back.

I am lucky that my friends and I are never attracted to the same type of men. I can honestly say there is not a single man any of my friends have dated I would have wanted and I am sure they feel the same about the men I have dated. If they wanted to go ahead and date any of my exes they would be free to, however. We are all big boys and girls :). (Naa just stay away from ......) :) Kidding!!!

So what say you? Are exes of friends completely off the menu, why, why not?

Ghana....oooo.....

THE BIG SIX

These were the six brave men and leaders of the United Gold Coast Convention (U.G.C.C.) who were arrested and detained under the Emergency Regulation in 1948 during disturbances in the Gold Coast. They were (and are) the gallant men who spearheaded the transition of the Gold Coast from colonialism to Independence on that memorable day the 6th of March, 1957.

From left Dr. Kwame Nkrumah, Mr. Obetsebi-Lamptey, Mr. Ako Adjei, Mr. Edward Akuffo-Addo, Dr. J. B. Danquah, Mr. William Ofori Atta.

INDEPENDENCE SPEECH :

OUR Jesus said I should help YOU Pay for WHAT?!!!!!!!

If you know Lynda and you want to make her happy, let me let you in on a secret. She loves all things Anthropologie. Since she provided the impetus for this "rant", it is only fitting that I post something she absolutely adores. So sometime last week, she sent me a link about a Pastor asking his "flock" to help him pay for his/a plane. If you are so inclined watch the link here.

On that day many will say to me, `Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?'

And then will I declare to them, `I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers.'

*Sigh* Where do I even begin to begin... Ok Disclaimer, first of all, I do not know said Pastor, nor has he ever done anything wrong to me, or anyone I know ( I think).

HOWEVER, I have issue with his (and others like him) "message(s)". Although come to think of it, a person giving such a message should not and does not rate highly in my books but I digress. I have a deep loathing for such preachers and their gospels because it focuses too much on prosperity especially in the here and now. So when you are not prospering, then is Jesus mad at you? Or perhaps is Jesus taking his time? If everything truly has its season then why do some preachers in their gospel try to preach that we must always have a high season and that is what God wants for us. I know God does not want us to suffer, but our OWN actions lead us to do so. That is where our free will comes into play. If your free will lets you cheat on your spouse, your job etc. then how do you run to Church and expect God to reward this? You cannot hold God accountable for your sins!!!

For these Preachers, I want to ask a simple question. Where in the Bible does God call on his prophets to make others suffer on his behalf? Did God tell Abraham to tell his wife to sacrifice their only son? Let's even look at Jesus, do you think God could not have sent down an Angel to be sacrificed? I do not buy any Gospel that tells me that in order for the Church to grow I have to sacrifice and the minister/pastor/priest must enjoy. Pastor's/preachers how about we focus on GROWING the congregation we have before trying to shoot for the moon? Did the early disciples have jets etc? No but still the message went far. Be the change you want to see in the world. Let people see you ACT like a Christian.

I respect a pastor, preacher, infact any Christian who acts more, and speaks less. Did Mother Theresa sit in Palace somewhere and get minions to do her work? No! She was deep down in the trenches. She ate what they ate, slept where they slept, did what they did!!! She SHOWED with action!!! If you need ME to sacrifice for YOU then we maybe have a problem n'est ce pas?

I keep wondering how some people get "sucked" into these preachers and their Gospels ( and they ask me how I stay with my depressing Catholicism) and the Vatican which some would argue is a haven for material wealth. I would remind these people that although the Vatican receives funding from Catholics around the world, that is not its only source of income. The day I see the Pope, or even hear of the Pope or any Priest for that matter telling any Catholic to give so he/the parish can chill, Catholicism and I will have a problem.

Moving right along, for some people who buy into these Preachers, they have proof that their gospels work. Such people argue that they have seen products of their friends who go to such churches prospering. Mr./Mrs. X gave 1 million and got 4 million back by God. I give them a side eye and submit that Mr. /Mrs. X did not prosper BECAUSE of that Church but DESPITE their Church trying to fleece them. Some people are great Christians, who TALK the TALK and WALK the WALK...such a person will receive their blessings because ultimately they follow the tenets that God has given (the 10 commandments etc.)

I am so worked up about this because God is not an exclusive deal on a website and I hate it when I get the feeling that he is being marketed in this way. He is a free for all. We all know what it is to be good, and what it is to be bad. Its innately built in. He asks that we do good and shun bad. DONE! Not everyone who comes in his name is FOR him. Priests, Pastors, Church people are ultimately HUMAN like you and I. They strive to live godly lives but YET they are HUMAN and thus fallible. It is my opinion that anyone who says I need to sacrifice for THEM who is NOT Jesus Christ, we have a problem. Think about it!

Matthew 7: 21 - 27
	"Not every one who says to me, `Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
	On that day many will say to me, `Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?'
	And then will I declare to them, `I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers.'
	"Every one then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house upon the rock;
	and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.
	And every one who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house upon the sand;
	and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell; and great was the fall of it.

BFF...Best Friends Forgotten??

Yes by now you should be very familiar with my love of all things shiny and metallic. When I can afford myself, this is definitely one of those dresses I am going to get. It is a Tadashi Shoji Ombre sequins dress. You can find it at Neiman Marcus, but please do not get it without sending me one...please!!! :)

I could go on and on and on about the dress but let me focus. Today's topic is like the dress I guess, no its not I just wanted more time to look at and talk about the dress...sigh.

Today's topic is really about Friendship. I was talking to an old friend who had recently got engaged about her bridal party and she was trying to go through the list of people to include. She was having such a hard time with it so I suggested she just added her friends (since she doesn't have that many female family members.) This apparently did not help much as she wanted me to define what a "friend" was. (sigh!)

What trouble had I gotten myself into? I started off by saying, well for me a friend is someone who....and got stuck. Who is a FRIEND? To be honest, my concept of friendship has changed as the years have gone by. Remember how in kindergarten, your friend was the first person who looked at you and smiled? Then in grade school, your friends became the people you played with the most? Then your friends went on to become your "clique". Then in high school your friends told the world your social standing, were you one of the cool kids or the kids who got bullied? You went to college and you could dump your high school friends and reinvent yourself (if you were so inclined) etc. etc. I am sad to say I have not had one friend I have known from grade school until now. Unless you count my cousin. As I have changed, my friends have also changed.

Some of this change has occurred because my behavior has changed, some of the things I used to enjoy doing, I do not enjoy anymore so obviously those friends have gotten the clue and jumped ship on me. Some of the change has occurred because I do not like the people I think they have become (or perhaps they always were but I did not see) so I have let these people go. Some of the change has occurred because they do not like the person they believe I am (or I had been but they did not see) and have let me go, some of these friends really were never friends in the first place so we let ourselves go etc. etc. There are many reasons friendships die. Some of these reasons are legit (may they rest in peace). Most of the time, however, friendships die due to a lack of nurturing.

What do I mean by a lack of nurturing? It can also be called selfishness + laziness. Think about this, have you ever had the thought to call a friend and then realized 4 months later that you never actually called that person? In this generation, we have become too busy. Busy doing what exactly I am not sure. Some of us are too busy with our new families, some of us are too busy with our new jobs, others are too busy looking for jobs, and others too busy looking for mates, looking for themselves, looking for looking for, looking for. McLuhan said with the technology we have currently, we would be building a global village. I have always argued, however, that we are not. We are using these technologies to build subvillages where we are ultimate kings and queens. Only the things we deem important or relevant are allowed to permeate the walls of these villages of ours. Friendship seems to pay the price with our subvillages. We have become selfish with our time and with our needs. It is now always about us. Well if X wants me they will call me. Never, let me call X and see how He or She is doing. Its me me me and WE will pay the price for this ultimately.

What makes a good friend? I think the key characteristics of a good friend is someone who puts your needs before their own. (how many of you scoffed at this?) Do we really think in this generation there are people that put others needs before their own? These people must be very stupid then, because its each man for himself and God for us all (and that is precisely why you are not a good friend and do not have good friends). It is not easy but it can be done. I am not suggesting you go empty out your bank account for your friends I am suggesting the little things. Send them an email to check on them ever so often. Call to surprise them. Send a card or two. Something special to remind them that you are there. If they call, do not rush them off the phone because you have a million and one things to do. Listen...you may be the only one who may prevent them from doing something stupid. Make some time for the other people in your lives, Husbands/Wives and children are blessings but they alone cannot sustain you. You need your family and your friends. I think blocking yourself off because you cannot find time will only hurt YOU in the long run. MAKE time!!

I always find it hypocritical when someone dies and suddenly there is an outpouring of grief from the person's so called friends. I want to ask these people when the last time they spoke to this person was. The last time they emailed, the last time they sent a joke, even a Facebook poke. Why do we wait until the person is gone to make noise? We should make the noise whilst there are here. I have started to reevaluate the friends I have (yes the 2 I have lol jk jk), I am trying to learn how to truly be there for them and not simply in the superficial sense. It is getting harder as I get older because obviously I do not want to seem too in their business but at the same time I want them to know if they need to talk I am there to listen (if they pay me i'll listen without judgment.) Friendships are hard but can be so rewarding. Remember the first kiss you got, you most likely shared that story with a friend. Remember your first sneak out from your house, shared that experience with a friend, first crush, first heartbreak, second heartbreak...catch my drift?

Take a moment out to thank God for your friends, they are here to serve a greater purpose in your life if you take the time to let them. I am grateful to have all the psycho friends I have because they make me a better person. Have you called your friend lately?

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"
-Walter Winchell

"A friend is someone who is there for you when s/he'd rather be anywhere else."
- Len Wein - Sent by Paulo Louro

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend."
- Albert Camus (also attributed to Maimonidies).

Osagyefo Dr. Kwame Nkrumah

As a ship that has been freshly launched, we face the hazards of the high seas alone. We must rely on our own men, on the captain and on his navigation. And, as I proudly stand on the bridge of that lone vessel as she confidently sets sail, I raise a hand to shade my eyes from the glaring African sun and scan the horizon. There is so much more beyond… (Dr. Kwame Nkrumah)

Yesterday, when I announced that my second book had been published, some people were surprised. Some were surprised because I had not mentioned anything about writing a book and others because they did not “know” I “liked” Nkrumah.

Well today I am writing this to help everyone understand why I wrote the book and what you can expect from it. First of all this is not propaganda material nor is it an attack on my former President. What I aim to do with this book is to get readers to see and/or understand Dr. Nkrumah from a perspective not previously considered.

Why now? There are two main reasons I decided to write this book. The first being that although Nkrumah is viewed as an important political figure, especially in the history of the African liberation struggle and fight against colonialism, there is limited study conducted on his rhetoric. It was therefore my view that a focus on his rhetoric would offer a different perspective and fresh insight on the man/politician/statesman. Secondly, there is in relative terms, not too many studies conducted on and about Africa by Africans. This analysis therefore, was an attempt by an African (the author is an African and more precisely a Ghanaian) to offer scholarly endeavor to what there is.

So what is the book about? The book details the journey of the Volta Dam project from its inception to the securing of the funds for its completion, and concludes by providing a rhetorical analysis of the speech that Dr. Nkrumah gave at its inauguration. At this point most people would ask, “what is a rhetorical analysis?” The simple answer is this, a rhetorical analysis requires you to apply your critical reading skills in order to “break down” a text. In essence, you break off the “parts” from the “whole” of the piece you’re analyzing. The goal of a rhetorical analysis is to articulate HOW the author writes, rather than WHAT they actually wrote/said. To do this, you will analyze the strategies the author uses to achieve his or her goal or purpose of their piece.

The rhetorical analysis that was employed in this study was that of the Quest Hero/Quest Story. The concept of the Quest hero derives from the rhetorical critical analytical tool known as the Quest Story (also referred to as a Hero’s Journey or a Heroic Monomyth) which was developed by Joseph Campbell. According to Campbell, all stories regardless of cultural differences have a typical storyline which portray a hero in quest of some precious object. Campbell’s work sought to showcase “the commonality of themes in world myths, pointing to a constant requirement in the human psyche for a centering in terms of deep principles” (xvi). The Quest story describes the seeking out of a Precious Object where it is only upon the successful completion of the quest that the seeker/Hero would know if his or her quest/journey had been necessary or not. Think of your average Hero movie, yes it takes its premise from the Quest story. There are basic elements that all these stories have in common from Harry Potter, to the Matrix to Starwars.

In the book, I provide more detail about the Quest story and explain how I made the jump from this rhetorical device being used to analyze and/or write movie scripts to using it to analyze a speech. I also go into detail about Dr. Nkrumah by providing a brief biography on the man. For me the most exciting part of the writing, however, was the chapter entitled “U.S.-Ghana relations”, this is where I detail how the U.S. became involved in the whole Volta Dam project.

This book is relevant and was important for me to write because I love knowing where I came from and the events that shaped my country. Dr. Nkrumah is a great man not only because he gave the example of what to do in politics, but because he also gave the example of what not to do. He was a man, and that is what we all have to remember. At the end of the day, he teaches that the people will always have the final say in how they are governed (break from colonialism) and that Africa as a continent can one day be free from everything that tries to hold us down.(tribalism, corruption, greed etc.)

I truly hope you enjoy reading this, because I truly enjoyed writing it. A big thank you to my mother, my editor and my proof reader who spent countless hours making sure all my I’s were dotted and T’s crossed. The only person who submitted rewrite suggestion after suggestion (even when I ignored them). They say behind every good man is a (good) woman, I say behind every stable person is a good person. I love you mummy (and daddy) and could not have done it without you guys.

Thank you,

Augustina Amakye, Ph.D.

Book 2 :)

Go pick up a copy, it is really good :)

http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Kwame-Nkrumah-Quest-Hero/dp/384430598X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1298752399&sr=1-2

How Worthless are you?

I don't know about you, but I need to become intimately acquainted with this dress. *Swoon* I love love love absolutely love everything about it. Its a Julien Mcdonald Green silk-blend satin halterneck corseted gown with a Swarovski-embellished bust. You know they had me at Swarovski...sigh...its going for $1323 so if you want it, click here. I will just keep dreaming and keeping hope alive. So one of my friends actually motivated me to write this piece today. He was going on about my lack of love (*side eye*) and how he thought I needed a man to "marry me and give me little once" (yes I copied and pasted exactly as it was typed :)) because I was getting too old. Maybe if I hadn't just woken up and it wasn't a good day I might have reflected on what he had said and felt bad about myself. Being a good day, however, I just put everything he said back on him, and came to vent on behalf of any other female who hears and does not appreciate this.

Can we ever be enough for other people? Think about it, from the time you are born it seems as if expectations are all you can "expect" from the world. You are expected to "act" like a boy or a girl, expected to get good grades, be a good child etc. etc. Then you grow up and think ok I am my own boss now, but it really isn't the case is it? People expect you to be in a relationship. If you are single there has to be something wrong with you. (More females than males.) Fine you get into a relationship, then you are expected to take it to the next level. You take it to the next level and get married, and you are expected to take that to the next level. Ok you take it to the next level and have a kid and again you are expected to take it to the next level. You have another kid and then the next level. You get judged for the kids you had, your job, your friends etc. etc. etc. and people start expecting things from your kids and the cycle begins all over again. Its no wonder people are so crazy these days.

Can we just catch our breaths please? I am truly sick and tired of others projecting what it is one should or should not be doing at any point in their life. Females get this more I think. Men think they can always do what they want and then when they are ready to settle down, find a younger female and live the life. I hate to disappoint you, but as my mother once said, women may have a sell by date but men have an expiration date. Stop telling me what I should be doing in my life and focus on your own. If more people focused on their own lives instead of others the world would be a better place.

No I am not married and I do not have any children. I do not care what age you think women should be married by. I do not care how hard it will be for me to have kids at a certain age. You did not create me and do not know my purpose in life. What will be will be and the rest I leave it up to God. I am sick of women thinking that they have to do what other people say and I am sick that for one second I actually felt bad about myself for not being married or having children "at a particular age" or "because I am growing old". I do not want any woman or man to ever feel like they are worthless in terms of not living up to the expectations society wants to set for them. Marriage may be the be all end all for some of you, but other people may not necessarily agree. I do not want a pretty wedding and an ugly marriage and I (and everyone else) should refuse to as Nike says "just do it" because you HAVE to. (*side eye*). Good things come to those who wait, so for some of us we choose to be fashionably late! If you are living your life and you are happy then don't let anyone else tell you NADA!!!

Live your life, find things that make and keep you happy and pray. Keep God first and he will keep you through all things. To that unemployed person who keeps applying for jobs and keeps getting rejected and whose friends refuse to empathize and rather judge them for always being "broke" don't mind what people say, keep applying. To that person who is working more than 1 job to make sure they can afford things for their children, live your life don't care about what they say about you or your children. To that person who wants so badly to be with someone and yet has not found the right person for you, don't care about what they say keep believing. To that person who thinks they have to compromise who they are to get somewhere in life, do what you want to, don't care what they say. To everyone and anyone who has ever felt misjudged, do not let others insecurities about THEIR lives impact your life. I hope I have never made anyone feel worthless or as if they are not living to their full potential. If I have my sincerest apologies. Life is hard enough without feeling judged by your peers, your lovers and your friends. Keep doing what it is you are doing and keep praying about it, in God's time, by his will he will make all things well and beautiful :).

Receive God's compassion and you will be able to be compassionate. Do not receive negative judgment from God, and you will not be judgmental yourself. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Give and it shall be given to you.

Stalkers need love too?

I rarely truly covet something I see on TV or on models but for this I will make an exception. I saw this or a similar chain on a character on TV (Harry from Harry's Law) and I instantly fell in love with-it.I....must....have....one day...*sigh* I am not even going to find the price and where you can get it at so no one else can go get it. If I suffer you must suffer too...plain and simple.

Alrighty then, we are not going to look at lovers and friends (Luda) , but rather stalkers and friends.

Ok so show of hands how many of you have stalked someone in the hopes of them finally realizing that you are the one for them and getting with you. Come on don't be shy now...show me :). Ok now I know you, I am judging you... Who does that? Ok so it may not be your fault completely. I know there are still some psycho's ( both men and women) who believe that constant attention is the way to show you care. For the rest of us sane people, however, this is a huge turn off. You simply look pathetic (male or female).

So what do you do when you really really really really want the other person and they cannot seem to see how great you two are together blah blah blah. I say let it go. Truly, anything that is for you will return to you. If you are working too hard to keep something then the minute you slack it will leave. Is that how you truly want to spend your whole life or your whole experience of knowing someone? I do not know about you but that seems very close to HELL!!!!

Relationships, platonic or not are two way streets. You both need to give and you both need to get. No one can convince me that they alone can carry a relationship, otherwise, you would not need the other person IN the relationship. You need to have trust, understanding, caring all these little elements dripping into a big pool of LOVE or even LIKE or even RESPECT.

Stalking or being present all the time does nothing. Trust me I tried it before. See I know your thought pattern. It goes something like this... If I am constantly there then the person cannot forget about me. Not! If you are constantly there you constantly remind the person why they dont want to be with you or why they left you. There is no time for them to miss you (which often works better). Leave some mystery, some intrigue. Let THEM think about you for a change, how about that? Stalking or being constantly present isn't a way or a form of love, it is simply selfishness and all about control. You want to control how that person feels for you because YOU say they should like you or love you. You think You are the right one for the person and want to drill it into their heads. How is that love? Love is not selfish. Acting this way just reinforces to the other person that you are someone not to be with. I know I would not want to be with someone who wants to control how I should feel about them, be gone!!!! True love does not have rigid expectations.

I am sure we have all heard of the phrase, familiarity breeds contempt, the more you bug someone by always being around especially when they don't want you around, the more they despise you. It really is that simple. I like to kill hope when it needs to die so you need a friend like me around all the time :). I have been through it, been the stalkee and the stalker so I can appreciate both sides of the coin. That is why I am telling you today, let the person go. Anyone who wants your attention THAT much cannot be a stable person and why do you want to be with a non-stable person?

Ultimately it comes down to this. How much respect and love do YOU have for YOURSELF? If you have respect then there is no way you will allow someone else to disrespect you (duh). What I mean is if you have respect then you will know when you truly going above and beyond and bordering on being a stalker. If you love yourself then you will know you are worthy of love back and love does not tell you get lost and mean it. Wait for the right person in your life and stop trying to make everyone the right person, you will end up missing YOUR right person when they come. I almost made that mistake and now when I think of the time I wasted with the other person I want to kick myself (a lot). I know I am living the cliche now so if I can, so can you. WAIT for YOURS and dont settle in the mean time for someone who might just "do".

Do not snoop through the person's info even if you have their passwords, do not go badmouthing them to their friends, do not go adding their friends on Myspace. Twitter or Facebook to keep track of them, do not move closer to them, etc. etc. Let them go and truly believe that the person you are meant to be (maybe this person, maybe not) will come around soon. Stop expending energy to keep something that is not yours. I do not appreciate nor respect stalking or any situation where someone tries to manipulate another into a reaction or feeling. If someone says they do not want to be with you, respect yourself enough to let them go.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

She-man and He-ra??

So if you know me you know I am a shiny freak, if its shiny, I want it :) Plain and simple. I used to love Swarovski items and then the love died (for a little bit) but now its backkkk :) I think Swarovski Europe has more to offer though, but if you want some good deals on some shiny click here.

So Francis and J brought about this topic. J and I were talking about it a few days ago and Francis reminded me about it today. Should women be allowed to do all the things men do in sports and things that require strength?

I say yes, the two men say No. Then I say, to some extent. The two men still say No. Well J says they can try or they should be allowed to try but the requirements should not be reduced because it is a woman. If the test is to run 100 miles then men and women should run 100 miles, not men 100, women 50. (Is that better)? This is my whole view on this man man man woman debate. If a woman wants to be at the fore front of a war, let her do it, just don't make it mandatory for all women to do it. I am a woman and I do not want to be at the forefront of any battle thank you. This is where some people would say ah ha! Why make it ok for only SOME women when ALL men have to do it? You are either in or out you can't play both cards. If we are going to blur the lines then lets go all out...wait a minute!

Do I think men and women are created equal...YES! Do I think they can do the same things? NO! I do not care what you say, the same reason a man cannot give birth to a child (because of biological reasons), is the same reason women (without any edits) cannot do some of the things men can. The sooner we accept this and move onto other things that matter the better for all of us. Now do not confuse the biological argument with a male chauvinistic one which says women cannot contribute at work etc. etc. see for me that is a different debate. I am talking purely human mechanics here. Strength, agility etc. Come on we all know that with the brain stuff (women kick men ass all the time shush I know I am being biased) :).

So what am I saying? A woman cannot run as fast as a man, beat a man at a sport etc. etc. No. I am saying a woman COULD but because THAT woman chooses to doesn't mean it should be the norm for every other woman. Women come out of the womb with the pressures of the world already on their shoulders. We ARE strong in ways men can only dream about but not necessarily on the same things Men consider themselves to be strong on.

We should all do what WE want to do and not what everyone else suggests or thinks we do. This whole herd mentality is what is getting us into trouble. A man is not superior than a woman and vice versa, we have enough of the ying and yang for us to work together as one. THAT is what I think people need to concern themselves with, versus, oh women cant do this and that or should not be allowed to do this and that. Or men should not do this and that etc. The days of SOME men choosing historically feminine sports are gone, men can be ballet dancers, cheer leaders etc. etc. If they have the opportunity to do this then why cant some females do the same without any backlash?

He or she who wants to do it should do it. It just should not become the measuring stick for the whole gender. That is where my problem lies. Enough with the herd mentality, not every woman will be a Michelle Obama, and not every man will be a Barack Obama what we need to understand and accept is that we all have a role to play and how we play those roles is ultimately what is important. Everyone is relevant and everyone is important, you only have one life to live why spend it living for others or living trying to prove others wrong? Do you and be happy doing you and that's my two cents on the matter.

I'm late...(yeah its not a Pregnancy reference sheesh)

Ok I can dig everything about this outfit except for the part that on me the top might not be as flattering...(sigh)...but I absolutely love how effortless the look is. It is something you can throw on for a first date or even just to meet the girls for drinks (at a hot bar where you know there will be a lot of hot men). Anyways if you love the shirt as much as I do...you know the drill...click here. It is an Ivory silk crepe shirt by Vionnet.

So Valentines day came and went and I meant to put up the link to Gabe's very fun and interesting look at some of the things you could get your mate but man proposes and God disposes. Why don't we treat everyday like Valentine? Go ahead, click here and enjoy the post all the same.

Alrighty then. So I have a secret but I am not telling until I am sure it can be told :) you will just have to wait to find out what it is. In the mean time we can talk about love/Valentines and what it means and should mean for us.

So having friends at various points in their relationships meant that I heard all sorts of stories about what different people did for their Valentines. Some single ones ventured into the dating world being brave enough to go out on dates, others preferred to sit out the whole "commercialized" event. With married couples, some of them did fun things, others said Valentines was everyday so they chose not to do anything etc. For some couples, this was their first Valentine's together some had some awkward moments, and others had smooth sailing. Other couples were hoping this was the day they would get that "ring", some did others NOT! As I said before, a variety of ways that day was spent but the one thing everyone seemed to have had in common, however, was wanting to spend that day with someone special. Did you spend it with someone special and what did you do?

So what does it mean to have someone special (In the relationship context)? Up until recently, I must admit that I had a preconceived notion of what being with someone special meant or even what someone special should look like, be like, act like, think like. Thanks to the movies and what other people have said, I believed that once you met this person, flowers had to open when you walked by, music would be streaming from heaven, wherever you walked there would be rose petals falling etc. etc. Trust me this is not the case! I thought I knew what love/someone special looked like and I encouraged my friends (and myself) to pursue this kind of love and person. What I am slowly learning, however, is that this may not be the case.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

I know the above quote is my go to in any case I want to prove my point about love but it is only recently I have taken the time to break it down and try to live every single aspect of it wholly in my life. What I am beginning to understand is that, this quote does not only mean you relate to one other person in this way, this HAS to be your outlook at the way you react with everyone you come across. So it doesn't matter if I am completely patient with my spouse and then when someone else comes along I lose my patience with them and say yes I love. In order to love I must practice patience with everyone I come across. Same with envy, pride, dishonor etc. How you treat others invariably affects the one you choose to be with or the one you claim to love.

Trust me you cannot love and treat one person well and treat everyone else like crap. You will be faking it somewhere and most probably it will be with your significant other. One day you will get tired of living the lie and proceed to treat them like everyone else, like crap. Love must encompass everything you think, say and do and when this happens then you are able to fully receive and give love as you were meant to.

I once read a quote that said that love is when you love someone not for any specific reason, i.e., you would not be able to point out one specific thing they do to warrant that love from you. We have all be conditions to expect love in a very specific package. He must be ye high, ye tall, must have this amount of money etc. etc. We also believe we are completely perfect as we are and that if there is any change that needs to occur it needs to happen on the OTHER person's side. Love is compromise. No one comes to a relationship a perfect fit for the other. It is the changes you make for each other where you start to build your relationship and where love grows. So throw the concept of Prince/Princess Charming/Beautiful out the window. Love is the person who is willing to truly grow with you, accept the flaws you highlight and is motivated to make changes so you BOTH can become better at the same time.

Love is constantly learning and evolving. It can never be stagnant because humans are not stagnant, we go through different experiences and feelings. Love does not thrive well with unrealistic expectations. Love also does not pick and choose which part of a person we fall in love with, it is either or. I think the saddest thing anyone can do is to settle. Thanks to my parents and my faith I know my true worth. ( I am not proud of boastful of this) but I now know what I deserve and acknowledge without being envious of anyone else that I deserve a faithful man, a trustworthy man, a man who values me and my opinion, one who makes me feel that I belong, one who will always make me feel like I rank highest above anything else. You have to decide for yourself what you truly believe about yourself. Be realistic!!! I am just very tired of people passing up on opportunities for true growth and true love because of some superficial reason.

In all honesty I think if my mother had looked for what we have all been preprogrammed to believe was "the special someone, " she would/should have kicked my dad to the curb and that would have been her ultimate loss. He was not the richest, (but the most handsomestestest, smartest, bestestest hey hes my dad) lol , but he was def. the quietest man she knew. He was not what she and most of her friends thought she should get with, but she said she prayed about it and the rest is wonderful history. I have watched my dad go from the quiet 1 word man to learning from my mom's talkative nature to actually being able to have a conversation. ( I guess he got tired of listening ) :). My dad is not stable and my mom did not settle in choosing him, he is the love of my mom's life (and she will tell you that over and over and over ) and maybe she may not have described him in this way if you had asked her this on their wedding day. What this tells me is that YOU need to decide what it is you want and if your partner has these innate qualities and then work on the rest.

Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Love comes strong like a hurricane or a tornado, but it can also come like a lazy breeze on a quiet summer day. Do not take what others tell you about their experiences to be what you think YOUR love should look like. Dont throw away a good man /woman because s/he has little quips and quirks you "cannot live with". Is s/he a good person? Are they willing to work with you? Are they willing to try? Are they trying? Do not forget that you yourself are not perfect. It is ok to grow in love (not the be confused with settling). So this Valentine's as you look or think about "that special someone" maybe it is time to widen that net and consider people you may not have considered before. Pray about your decision and for you and your "special someone" because you cannot force someone to love you no matter what you do. You may be the most perfect thing they have ever seen or been with but there will always be a vital part missing and they will know this and you will know it too. God gives love and only he can truly give and secure your relationship. No amount of money, tricks, trips, trinkets food, etc. will help you achieve this. Material things may trick your significant other for awhile but it will fade and then game over. God is the only engineer of true love because he felt it first for us in sending us his only son. We try to emulate a minute part of this in our reactions with each other. Treat everyone with the same respect you would want them to give you...Love, and love hard...it beats the alternative :)...Happy Belated Valentines.

Live like you are dying...

I could not decide between these two Marchesa dresses so I guess you get the benefit of seeing TWO dresses today. I love them both though the second one would probably fit my body more than the first. The first one is only $446 and can be found here. The second is slightly more expensive (go figure) and can be found for $495 right here. Enjoy :)

Ok so I was going to tackle today's topic yesterday, I was feeling like Superwoman, I could grade papers, do some writing, cook, clean and then write the blog post...didn't happen.

So you get the benefit of reading about it today. Can I get a YAY please? Moving right along. I am going to be offering my two cents (hey its a recession can I get some change please) on this article/discussion whatever you feel comfortable calling it right here. It is an interesting read but for those of you too lazy to read I am going to pick out the relevant points discussed and expound on them here. The first thing you should know is that whereas our parents (well some of them) generation or the generations before had MID-Life Crises, our generation has managed to one up them and we have Quarter life crises. According to the article, a quarter life crisis can be defined as:

" ... a kind of anticipatory crisis: ‘How is my life going to turn out? I don’t have a clue; I don’t have a map; I don’t have a vision for it.’ The mid-life crisis is a kind of ‘Is this it? I had a big plan, I had big ideas. Now I’m 48 and I guess I won’t get to do those things.’ The mid-life crisis is understood as one of resignation. A Quarterlife Crisis will resolve itself by hooking itself into a plan.” What that plan could be, though, might be vague, or feel altogether impossible to create."

Does it sound familiar? If it doesn't I think I hate you. (just a little bit). I think to some extent we have all experienced this quarter life crisis. I would like to submit, however, that it is a cultural problem as opposed to a societal one and thus everyone (not only Americans) is dealing with it to a certain degree. Being an international and not having grown up with the American dream (and culture) I have had a lot of opportunities afforded to me that I may not have had growing up American. I have also missed a lot of opportunities that I may have had if I HAD been an American but how do these weigh out against each other? Well for one I have never heard the word student loan in the context of my education. What does this mean for me? Well it means if I am not a dummy and I do not accrue debt from credit cards (myyyy precioussss) I can pretty much leave this country when its time to leave with what I came here for and some very good memories. (Wooo hoo) Does that however mean I am not prone to the quarter life crisis? Very far from it. I am going to tell you how an American and myself (an international) can go through the quarter life crisis in two very different ways.

Being an international means that I do not have the benefits of paying state tuition, get grants etc. that may reduce the financial burden on my parents. I can get scholarships like my American counterparts but usually a lot of scholarships cater to American minorities. So even though the American has school loans (in some cases) the amount they may end up paying may be significantly less than what my parents have to FIND before semester starts every year. Yes there is no luxury of school now pay later, no money money no teachy teachy. So in both cases we can both be in debt by the time we are done, me right now, the American later. Quarter life probability for both : VERY HIGH

Lifestyles. Most internationals come with a purpose, come to America, get your education and go home or find a nice job and stay in America. Depending on your preference those were the two main ways to go. Then the recession hit. Guess what, suddenly, getting your education and getting a nice job is not that easy anymore because Americans aren't getting jobs either. Now riddle me this, how are you supposed to know how to apply what you have learned in school if you have no where to practice? In all honesty America does try with this with their OPT program where if you CAN find a job, then you have a year to stay and work to get some training in your field of expertise. That was not my question, however. I said, how can we apply what we have learned if there is no where to practice. This is one place regardless of our cultures both the American and I suffer. No job means no job and therefore no training. No training means umm I might have wasted my time acquiring an education here instead of going to China or somewhere else. Quarter life probability for both : VERY HIGH

Cultural differences. I noticed from my first year in college that most American "kids" get away with a lot. I about died when my roomie one day got on the phone and cursed the living daylight out of her parents. (Yes this is not ALL Americans, I have met some very respectful Americans in my time :) ). See this would not fly back home. Your parents word IS THE WORD! Though some parents can be flexible I have heard of situations where the parents have picked the majors their children major in :)...(oh and they get the report cards from the colleges every end of semester FERPA be damned). With such a usually rigid focus on your education, it is hard for one to flunk or not go to class without incurring the wrath of one's parents who may decide to pull you back home because you are wasting their time and money. The American here differs because usually they are paying for their school fees through student loans or have had a fund set up for them which insures that fees are paid always on time etc. There is no threat of repercussions (unless they have loans but then who thinks about loans whilst at school). Quarter life probability for International: HIGH for American (undisciplined) : VERY HIGH.

Life goals: We used to have a running joke that most internationals who came here either wanted to be Doctors, Nurses, Businessmen/women or in IT. So every single International you would meet would be majoring in one of these field. Majors like Drama, Music, Dance were seemingly foreign to us. Our parents consciously or unconsciously pitted us against each other. "Oh my Johnny just got on the Dean's list, he will make such a wonderful Doctor. Oh my Barbara got awarded ANOTHER scholarship to John Hopkins etc. etc. etc. Like it or not we were our parents pawn in this chess game of life."
For the Americans it seemed, not so. You could be who you wanted to be when you wanted to be and major in anything you wanted. What did this mean? On the one hand, this could translate into Happier Americans because face it who isn't happier doing what they want to do. On the other hand, it could have lead to more discipline on the part of the international, doing what you do not like and excelling at it ensures that throughout life instead of dilly dallying because you do not like a situation, you will stay and work throughout. (you may also lose your mind really fast). Quarter life probability for both : Minimal if they play their cards right.

In terms of culture we can see how the Quarter life crisis can be extrapolated to fit not only an American market or culture. We are all prone to these difficulties that we thought we would never see because our parents and grandparents already suffered and we are smarter and better than they were? Or not? Moving off culture there is another way that one finds differences in the Quarter life. Gender (drumroll please).

The article differentiated between the genders pointing out that...
WOMEN ALSO FIND themselves conflicted, usually more than men, about the trajectory of their twenties as they relate to relationships. In 1973, the average age for women to get married was 23, and for men, 25. By 2003, the average age for both rose about five years, a significant change that reflects both marriage-free cohabitation and purposefully delaying serious commitment. It also means that twentysomethings are increasingly going it alone in their financial lives, where they would historically be building assets and houses and portfolios alongside their partner. Women, especially, are buying homes on their own. It also means that loneliness and isolation are far more likely, particularly when being separated from the close friendships that make up university life happens without a family or back-up community in place.

Can I get an AMEN? I can so relate you would think I wrote that up there myself and just told you it was in the article to make it sound credible :). No really, it was in the article. Times are changing so much but are they really changing for the better? In the past men wanted to settle down be the men of the house, even if they did not bring in much they brought in as much as they could worked as hard as they could etc. etc. Women were there for their men and did their part scrimping and saving to make a better life for themselves and their family. No woman in my family (that I can think of) has been a housewife and just sat on her behind. Every single woman has had some job something to try to bring in extra money for the family. Not these days apparently. These days men want to be rich and find the younger chicks to marry (then get mad when these younger chicks cheat with their age mates). Women are so independent they dont NEED no man (but secretly cry into their pillows every night) and want to buy their own houses, make their own kids (sperm donors) la di da da because all men "aint ****" (and stay crying into their pillows) What happened to the times when 1 plus 1 made 2 and those 2 heads were better than 1? What happened to working together for 1 common goal? Sometimes you do not need to have a million dollars to get married, other times yes because you know you've got a foolish partner who will just drag you down (but that is another post altogether).

So (if you are still reading at this point) what I am suggesting? Women, settle for anything so long as you can say you are married? Men, women just want to get married so you provide for them. Americans, you suck and deserve it ? International parents are evil slave drivers who do not respect their children's creativity? No No No and No!!! The main thing I am saying is that society is changing, we are changing or we are making the change so we should be in CHARGE of this change. We cannot walk through life aimlessly waiting for others to call our shots for us. Being proactive is the key to all these situations. I have talked before about having game plans for your game plans. Planning is oh so essential and oh so key. Know all you can know about things that impact your life. Have goals and know how you plan to achieve those goals. What do you expect to gain by the end of this month, by the end of next month, by the end of the year etc. etc. What are you doing to ensure that happens (and sitting in your room saying I'm going to be rich soon does not constitute a plan). If you have a significant other are you guys on the same time line or is one thinking job, promotion, travel whilst the other is thinking babies, new home, etc. If you are alone what are you doing to ensure that you make yourself available for another (if you want one) and yet you can take care of yourself if need be? A quarter life crisis is not for all of us. If you are in it and think you cannot get out trust me you can. Life is good as long as you are living, because you can always make changes. I know the article is a long read (sorry Muhtar) and this isn't any shorter but I think its something we all need to worry about and work hard to avoid. We are young (*cough*), healthy, alive. We live, we love what else do we need? If you were going to die tomorrow, what are the things you would kick yourself for not having done...go do those things NOW! (wait if it includes robbing a bank or something illegal, dont!)...Life is too short to wait for life time guarantees, live like you are dying then maybe you will truly live a little ( I think).