BFF...Best Friends Forgotten??

Yes by now you should be very familiar with my love of all things shiny and metallic. When I can afford myself, this is definitely one of those dresses I am going to get. It is a Tadashi Shoji Ombre sequins dress. You can find it at Neiman Marcus, but please do not get it without sending me one...please!!! :)

I could go on and on and on about the dress but let me focus. Today's topic is like the dress I guess, no its not I just wanted more time to look at and talk about the dress...sigh.

Today's topic is really about Friendship. I was talking to an old friend who had recently got engaged about her bridal party and she was trying to go through the list of people to include. She was having such a hard time with it so I suggested she just added her friends (since she doesn't have that many female family members.) This apparently did not help much as she wanted me to define what a "friend" was. (sigh!)

What trouble had I gotten myself into? I started off by saying, well for me a friend is someone who....and got stuck. Who is a FRIEND? To be honest, my concept of friendship has changed as the years have gone by. Remember how in kindergarten, your friend was the first person who looked at you and smiled? Then in grade school, your friends became the people you played with the most? Then your friends went on to become your "clique". Then in high school your friends told the world your social standing, were you one of the cool kids or the kids who got bullied? You went to college and you could dump your high school friends and reinvent yourself (if you were so inclined) etc. etc. I am sad to say I have not had one friend I have known from grade school until now. Unless you count my cousin. As I have changed, my friends have also changed.

Some of this change has occurred because my behavior has changed, some of the things I used to enjoy doing, I do not enjoy anymore so obviously those friends have gotten the clue and jumped ship on me. Some of the change has occurred because I do not like the people I think they have become (or perhaps they always were but I did not see) so I have let these people go. Some of the change has occurred because they do not like the person they believe I am (or I had been but they did not see) and have let me go, some of these friends really were never friends in the first place so we let ourselves go etc. etc. There are many reasons friendships die. Some of these reasons are legit (may they rest in peace). Most of the time, however, friendships die due to a lack of nurturing.

What do I mean by a lack of nurturing? It can also be called selfishness + laziness. Think about this, have you ever had the thought to call a friend and then realized 4 months later that you never actually called that person? In this generation, we have become too busy. Busy doing what exactly I am not sure. Some of us are too busy with our new families, some of us are too busy with our new jobs, others are too busy looking for jobs, and others too busy looking for mates, looking for themselves, looking for looking for, looking for. McLuhan said with the technology we have currently, we would be building a global village. I have always argued, however, that we are not. We are using these technologies to build subvillages where we are ultimate kings and queens. Only the things we deem important or relevant are allowed to permeate the walls of these villages of ours. Friendship seems to pay the price with our subvillages. We have become selfish with our time and with our needs. It is now always about us. Well if X wants me they will call me. Never, let me call X and see how He or She is doing. Its me me me and WE will pay the price for this ultimately.

What makes a good friend? I think the key characteristics of a good friend is someone who puts your needs before their own. (how many of you scoffed at this?) Do we really think in this generation there are people that put others needs before their own? These people must be very stupid then, because its each man for himself and God for us all (and that is precisely why you are not a good friend and do not have good friends). It is not easy but it can be done. I am not suggesting you go empty out your bank account for your friends I am suggesting the little things. Send them an email to check on them ever so often. Call to surprise them. Send a card or two. Something special to remind them that you are there. If they call, do not rush them off the phone because you have a million and one things to do. Listen...you may be the only one who may prevent them from doing something stupid. Make some time for the other people in your lives, Husbands/Wives and children are blessings but they alone cannot sustain you. You need your family and your friends. I think blocking yourself off because you cannot find time will only hurt YOU in the long run. MAKE time!!

I always find it hypocritical when someone dies and suddenly there is an outpouring of grief from the person's so called friends. I want to ask these people when the last time they spoke to this person was. The last time they emailed, the last time they sent a joke, even a Facebook poke. Why do we wait until the person is gone to make noise? We should make the noise whilst there are here. I have started to reevaluate the friends I have (yes the 2 I have lol jk jk), I am trying to learn how to truly be there for them and not simply in the superficial sense. It is getting harder as I get older because obviously I do not want to seem too in their business but at the same time I want them to know if they need to talk I am there to listen (if they pay me i'll listen without judgment.) Friendships are hard but can be so rewarding. Remember the first kiss you got, you most likely shared that story with a friend. Remember your first sneak out from your house, shared that experience with a friend, first crush, first heartbreak, second heartbreak...catch my drift?

Take a moment out to thank God for your friends, they are here to serve a greater purpose in your life if you take the time to let them. I am grateful to have all the psycho friends I have because they make me a better person. Have you called your friend lately?

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"
-Walter Winchell

"A friend is someone who is there for you when s/he'd rather be anywhere else."
- Len Wein - Sent by Paulo Louro

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend."
- Albert Camus (also attributed to Maimonidies).