So these shoes are for a special friend who like me has a taste for the better things in this world, but cannot afford them (yet). Soon :). If your pockets are slightly bigger than his right now (or you want to do him a favor and get it for him, Ladies he is a hunk)...you can find these absolutely delicious Prada shoes here.So today/tonight's topic is "encouraged" by two very separate events which share the same issue/morale. How we react or how we should react in trying situations.
Now everyone who thinks they know me knows I have had a very "interesting" past. Yes I have done a lot of things, some I am not too proud of and others I am very proud of. In everything though, I have tried to act in the way that I think my grandmother whose name I hold would be proud of me.
Growing up my poor mother (poor because she tried so hard but I always thwarted her lessons lol) always tried to instill in me the difference (and value) between being a girl/woman and a lady. ALWAYS BE A LADY! People may not like you, but they will respect you. I think the greatest compliment I have been paid is by someone who made it very clear that he despised me, but was very impressed with the way I carried myself. If everyone can say the same about me, I am GOOD to GO! Yes my image is THAT important to me. This being the case, I shun and abhor any situations that seem like they want to encourage unladylike behavior in me. Ok so story time...gather around.
In a land far far away in a time long long gone, there was wonderful girlfriend who was in a long distance relationship with this amazing man. She thought he was everything she wanted. Granted he was not as attentive as she would have wanted him to be, but then again he was in school so what did she expect. Now it came about that this girl got a chance after a long long time to go see her boyfriend (finally). Now the night she got there he was in a bad mood, someone had been spreading rumors about him and another female and he was not happy about it. The girlfriend as naive as she was, tried to calm him down. She was unsuccessful and the night ended with him smashing his fist through a glass door and slicing it. Now said girlfriend was at her wits end, if someone is spreading lies about you and you know it is not true, then what would make you so mad you would smash a glass door and destroy public property? Did this other woman matter more than she did because she had specifically asked him not to pursue the matter any further? Like all fairy tales, this story too has an end, (although it may not be like fairy tales usually go), eventually the truth did come out (and although said man swears he never cheated, he actually did with said woman. Hence his anger. (Guilty mind for you). What did the poor girl learn from this situation?
Well I learned that people will respect you in as much as you respect yourself. All through my stay this other girl was trying to bait me to "fight" her, to attack her, to acknowledge her. (She really went above and beyond the call of groupie duty, sigh). Thank God I never did. (Oh I forgot to mention I had just (a month) recovered from an operation. I was weak, emotional etc. etc., the last thing on my mind was going to fight young chick over a man I knew was mine. Well I left and she eventually got with him (and funny enough he cheated on her ass and left her for someone else the same way, Revenge is so sweet) Ok I am Christian and I should know better, but it was sweet. (I will ask for forgiveness at my next confession). :). Tiny point 1, the universe always works itself out. No need for me to have fought her, she got exactly what she deserved. But my mother will say I should be more Christian so ignore this tiny point 1 for reasons why you should just let people be people no matter how much they hurt you.
Ok now do not get it "tweested" as Naa would say. If I had been younger, stuff would definitely have "popped off". Actually I lie, I feel it is so beneath me to engage people in fights. However, if you strike me, all bets are off though. I will beat you until you are speaking another language fluently. (Hey you started it). I refuse to engage with people and situations that will incense me so much that I will have to engage in violence (unladylike situations). Some people say I am a coward and I do not know how to engage in productive confrontation (really?). These people try to spin fighting in a million ways like a physical or verbal fight is the only way I can truly deal with a situation. I don't buy that, I wont even put it on lay away. If you are worth my time, then a confrontation is not going to fix whatever problem we have. If you are not worth my time, then definitely a confrontation is a waste of my time.
Different people have different ways of dealing with confrontations. You would be very very very suicidal and/or stupid to engage my brother in a confrontation. He does not drink the same lady like tea I do (lol). He is a man (young) so I expect this will change as he matures and gets older. The biggest turn off for me is to see grown men yelling, screaming or scrapping. What is the difference then between you and dogs? You have communication tools, use them. If you can't use these tools properly, then you are probably in the wrong and just want to bully the other person into submission by screaming at them. Don't do it!!
I am a lady and I do not have to keep telling you because you will tell from the way I comport myself. I am beyond the childish tantrums, the childish fights, cursing, etc. As I said before, people will only show you the respect you how yourself. What is respect but a love for ones self? Essentially it boils down to this, I love myself more than I love any negative situation you try to bring my way. If you say you are a lady/gentleman and yet you are always looking for and/or creating situations with a need to take it outside, then you probably are not. Trust me no one will respect you.
9 out of 10 times I have found that you can resolve conflicts by just "LISTENING" versus "Hearing" what the other person has to say. You listen with your ears, you hear with your heart. You cannot hear with the heart if you are not prepared to listen in and with love. People are not always going to say things you want to hear. No one is perfect, accept their imperfections, hear with love what they are trying to tell you and appreciate their truth for what it is.
For a quick fix, if you are someone who finds themselves easily incensed, try this trick I actually learned from an ex. Whenever a trying situation comes up, excuse yourself and go drink a glass of very chilled water. Trust me it works. Find a way that you can go from 100 to 0 in a second, I usually listen to some music real loud for a bit then I am able to get back to zen. Drama is so 200late, lets move on to something new. We grown, lets act like it. Learn to love yourself (as God created you) above any and everything. This should translate to the love you show yourself and thus the love you will show interacting with others.
"For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13: 9-12
I am a lady and I do not have to keep telling you because you will tell from the way I comport myself. I am beyond the childish tantrums, the childish fights, cursing, etc. As I said before, people will only show you the respect you how yourself. What is respect but a love for ones self? Essentially it boils down to this, I love myself more than I love any negative situation you try to bring my way. If you say you are a lady/gentleman and yet you are always looking for and/or creating situations with a need to take it outside, then you probably are not. Trust me no one will respect you.
9 out of 10 times I have found that you can resolve conflicts by just "LISTENING" versus "Hearing" what the other person has to say. You listen with your ears, you hear with your heart. You cannot hear with the heart if you are not prepared to listen in and with love. People are not always going to say things you want to hear. No one is perfect, accept their imperfections, hear with love what they are trying to tell you and appreciate their truth for what it is.
For a quick fix, if you are someone who finds themselves easily incensed, try this trick I actually learned from an ex. Whenever a trying situation comes up, excuse yourself and go drink a glass of very chilled water. Trust me it works. Find a way that you can go from 100 to 0 in a second, I usually listen to some music real loud for a bit then I am able to get back to zen. Drama is so 200late, lets move on to something new. We grown, lets act like it. Learn to love yourself (as God created you) above any and everything. This should translate to the love you show yourself and thus the love you will show interacting with others.
"For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13: 9-12
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