Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer...

I think I just died and went to style heaven (for the umpteenth time). This look (right hurr, this look right hurr...)...I DIE!!!!!!!! Well I would substitute the gold shoes for some sick boots and then I could really die in peace. But love love love everything about it and if you love it too, you know where to find it...right here.

So I know I havent written in a minute, blame LIFE. I lost my laptop and so blogging and checking on blogs (my favorite past time) has been very limited. Eitherways, Happy Belated Thanksgiving and any other Holiday I may have missed.

So, this Thanksgiving was fun, although this was the was the second one I didnt spend with the usual suspects gorging myself with food etc. It was still fun, however, because I got to spend it with some special. Something interesting that happened during this time, however, is the reason for this season (post I mean).

Before I left for this trip, I was feeling pretty AWESOME about myself and my life and yet anxious at the same time. AWESOME because life was GOOD...I dont have a 40 hr work week but I get by, and even though my laptop was broken Black Friday was coming up so I could get another one, I had a good man, good friends, good health blah blah blah. I remember sitting on my bed and thinking, "this is too good to be true", "when is there going to be something to wake me from this la la la existence?", but then I reminded myself that God is good and that I should not focus on the bad coming (because inevitably it will, but rather focus on the good) and with that I "dusted my shoulders off" said a little Thank you prayer and got packing for my trip.

I would love to say I am still la la la about life but the Devil got in and did his part (very efficiently) I may add. I am not mad about it, more hurt , confused etc. Life is still good, it is not exactly how I thought or wanted it to be, but I BELIEVE God in his infinite wisdom has made it the way it needed to be to wake me up from my naive existence and to help work on breaking patterns that may have hurt in the long run. It most certainly created a change, whether this change will be for the good, or for bad will be determined later. For now, though, I know I am not the person I was last week, I am better, I choose to be better(not bitter) :).

So it seems I have PRIDE! Yes, I know everyone has pride, but I have the kind of pride that made my mother beat me until I was black and blue and she was blue and black and still I would not succumb. This pride means I will not stand for a lot of crap, one, two, three you are out!!! For some people this is good because they know they have at least 3 strikes and they can measure these strikes and know how to act so they do not get to strike #. For other people, this is bad because once I quit you, I am gone. (Apparently my dad is the same way go figure!!!) I blame my family, the one thing generation of fighters has instilled in me is a great respect for myself. If you cannot be trusted to respect me the way I respect myself then you need to be gone, it is that simple. I think if people truly sat down and took stock of how they give respect to themselves and how they allow people to give respect to them then there would be a very big difference in the world. If he beats you and you let him beat you then how do you expect your son not to think hitting women is ok, or your daughter to think being hit is acceptable? The choices we make impact the ones around us so lets make these choices positive.

So what now? Woe is me? Not even close to it. I am and continue to be so excited about Love and Life BUT I know in this world nothing is guaranteed. For example, We see those men and women who give their partner their all, only to be embarassed or humilated when this partner cheats on them. Or that parent that struggles to make ends meet and sacrifices all they could have so their ungrateful child can do better and be better in life. We see the Priests who pray day and night for our salvation and who get rewarded by us recognizing the evil priests instead. I could go on and on but my point is simple. You can not and should not aim to change anyone. It is impossible, even if this person swears you can. We can try to show people how to become better through our actions but that is about it. There has to be a desire on that person's end to seek a change, to want a change and therefore TO change. Without this desire, you and I are wasting our time. If you love, seek a love that knows what love is. Ask yourself what you want, what you expect, what you need and ask your partner the same things too. If my love consists of eating cheesecake and yours consists of not eating cheesecake, guess what, Houston we have a problem. People are fallible and it is ok to love a fallible partner, but DO NOT let them use this as a crutch, you will eventually grow to despise them for this weakness. Not everyone deserves to be loved. It sucks but it is true, so people will remain selfish until the end of time, how do you love someone who already loves themselves more than anyone else could? It is a lose lose battle. Figure out how much value you place on your love and if this value is being reciprocated, if not, maybe its time to get to stepping. Do not EVER settle!!!!!

This is the season of Advent and I think it could not have come at a better time because it has allowed me to really stop and think. There are so many destructive habits I have secretly been hoarding so this opportunity allows me to stop and deal with these patterns. Advent, from the word Adentum means a coming or an arrival so in Advent we look to the coming of Christ. I want to use this as an opportunity to ask us to challenge ourselves to look for Christ in our own special way. Let us try to use this period to attack specific things that we need to rid ourself off and look/live more for Christ. My specific thing as i mentioned earlier is the sin of Pride, I am told so often that I am better, so I believe this and lord it over others. During this period, I am going to look for ways that the Devil uses occassions of Pride to let me puff myself up even more and try to actively stop it. What will you do? Will you quit the porn (Francis), stop with the weed, (Naa) JOKING... and so on and so forth...It is not easy but the trick is not to get bogged down in how hard it is but to seek help where we can, keep at it (it does get better) and remember to rejoice in every little victory (no matter how small you think it is).

I am not the same person I was last week, and I am determined to make the lessons I learned be beneficial to me. I am going to continue to work on Pride during this Advent season and challenge you to find one thing (or many things if you are one of the people I am thinking about :) (love you guys) that you can work on to improve your life and your existence. This week we lit the light of Hope in church, let us keep hope alive and burning. Let us continue to believe God sees the best in us and is only looking for us to see this best in ourselves. We may be fallen but we still remain in his image and thus we can by his help become the fully realized versions of ourselves that he hopes for us. For this week, I hope I am able to forgive everyone who has hurt me in any way and truly forgive them enough to forget the trangressions they have committed against me. I hope the love of God will continue to permeate every aspect of my life so I am able to be a blessing on anyone at all that comes in contact with me. I hope the same things for you too.

Here is a good Hope Advent prayer:

"Lord, the light I choose to let into my life today is based on my trust in you. It is a weak flame, but I so much desire that it dispel a bit more darkness today. Today, I just want to taste the longing I have for you as I go to the meeting this morning, carry out the responsibilities of my work, face the frustration of some difficult relationships. Let this candle be my reminder today of my hope in your coming." Source

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Imma be happy for you but ...just know...Love doesnt last...

I absolutely love this Erdem Andreanna printed silk-satin gown.
Its so classy and chic looking. It would be so perfect for that wedding or other serious occasion. If you love it too, you know the drill, click the link above, its on sale for $730.00.

Ok so whats on my mind today? Well over the weekend we had a lot of interesting talks about relationships and expectations and so on. Basically it seems most people do not believe love exists anymore. Every occasion of and for love is treated as a fluke or as not lasting. People want to believe that its all well and good that you are happy now BUT get ready for trying times or it may not last ...because...(because what exactly I am not sure). Gabe put it most eloquently when he said, Love takes a back seat to economics and thats the way our generation approach loving and hearing and dealing with love. (Yes you have my permission to have a sad face at that).

Lets be real. These days you hear your good friend or lets make it more general, you hear someone you know is in a relationship, honestly what is the first thing that pops to mind? How long its going to last, don't lie I know you think it. Or maybe you are more jaded and think who is cheating or who is going to cheat first?

At least that's the feeling I get from most people. Its like happy couples have to preface speaking about their happiness by saying "at least in my case", or " as far as I know", or "I dont know if this will change" so "later" when things go south no one judges them. The concept of this "later" never coming seems totally foreign. For people who are being told about happiness and love existing within couples, you see the all too familiar head nod, eye rotation and some other quip about all men being dogs or all females having ulterior motives. Or even better they congratulate then go behind your back to make some silly statement (Not cool).

I find it really sad and pathetic that this is really what it has come to. That people cannot hear someone is happy and just leave it at that. Let's stop it!!!Pray for the success of the couples we know and keep it moving. The more couples that get together, the more weddings there will be and I hear weddings are awesome places to meet singles :). I have started making it a habit not to tell people except my closest friends about my life and love situations because I do not need anyone's negativity surrounding me or my relationships.

You can be the happiest person on this earth with the most amazing partner and let people talk so much you confuse yourself. Then you start doubting what you have and self fulfilling prophecy you stop being the YOU that person fell for and start being a psycho which is what they did not want. Guess what? Then he or she leaves and all you say to feel justified is, "I knew it was too good to be true" or "my friends were right" etc. No, you listened to the nay sayers and landed yourself in your situation. Now I am not saying do not listen to advice about your relationships, that would be stupid. Know how to separate the advice from the BS. You know which of your friends are really friends and which are just there to party. Sometimes in a relationship you dont see the 360 view and thats where good friends help out. Take heed to what they are saying but make up your mind for yourself in the end (after a lot of prayer). Not everyone is jealous of your relationship. For example if you say he or she loves you because when they are good they are really good but when they are bad....hmmm... and your friend tells you to walk...obviously in that case I cosign what your friend is saying. I am talking about more general situations where there is nothing wrong but people want to introduce possibilities. Well you are not always around, what if he cheats, etc. Well youve never met his mom what if? Well she introduced you as her friend what if?....those are the situations you need to think for YOU (and pray about). Yes the prayer theme is major. I do not make a move without praying about it.

Do I allow someone else to dictate how my relationship will go? Or end? Not me, no thanks. I will let you know right now, I know men have their good days and their bad days, a good man can make a mistake same as a good woman. I will not pretend as if my man can never make a mistake. I will also not let what peoples perceptions of a relationship entails dictate how my relationship will go. I am happy, I will continue to be happy. I refuse to entertain thoughts about what if, and when if, that's how the Devil gets in. I am going to say I am happy and leave it at that.

Stop letting peoples negativity invade your life. Oh well I don't know your guy well but men usually...NO! If they don't know them then they cannot make an informed decision. Or I personally don't know your girl but I "hear" shes been around. NO! Again if the person doesn't know your girl then why are they spreading gossip? Let your relationship be about and between you and your partner and GOD. These are the only three people that can affect and should affect the relationship, everyone else is just interference. Pray consistently. The only thing we know with certainty is that we are born and we will die. What we also know is that we have a loving God who wants the best for us even in times when it looks like its not peachy. Hold on to this God through the good and bad and your relationships should withstand whatever comes its way.

Love because you can, and love with all you have. Forget the past (sigh yes that part is hard), make new memories, break old destructive patterns, pray pray pray and enjoy your love and lets pray:

Heavenly father, thank you for the blessing you have given me in this person. Thank you that he/she shows me everyday how love is truly supposed to be. Continue to use us to fulfill your will on this earth. Amen

1 John 4:16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

Says who?...

I have been craving these Timberland Men's Onuma Venetian Driver shoes ever since I got the 411 from a good source that they are amazingly easy to wear and soft like "budder". Yes they are for men (and not unisex). If you want to check them out, they are going for between $79.50 and $99.00 and can be found here.

Ok so its Sunday morning, I am being lazy in my bed waiting for Church time and I decided to update this. The most interesting discussion I have had all week is on the issue of dating a bi-sexual person. According to this article here, Black women (specifically) are missing out on good men because they are (perhaps) too naive to dip out of the typical expected male pool. The article suggests that women (black) be more open into looking at men like Corey who are bi-sexual but are ready to commit and settle down and have kids etc.

In my first reading of this post I was like HELL NO!!! But J raised an important point which is quite logical. The article did say he is ready to be in a committed MF (male female) relationship. If he cheated (with a man or a woman) the who should not be the problem and more the fact that he DID cheat. So in theory and on paper this might actually not be a bad thing. Let's think it out. When we get into relationships, should what our partners have done in the past have merit on our present? Some people like J would say No, leave the past in the past. I say yes, to some extent because some of your actions in the past will tell me who you truly are or have the capacity to be in the future, despite what you tell me now. I know this opens up a whole range of other topics and goes deeper than such a basic question should but it is interesting and useful to have these discussions early to get a sense of what your mate is thinking. Anyways with this discussion J thought if the person had been bi in the past but was no longer and was looking for and wanted to be in a MF relationship then that should be enough and he should not be judged on his past actions.

I nodded a lot in agreement and still said HELL NO!!! Call me naive, twisted, etc. etc. but I refuse to date a man who has ever been screwed (too vulgar? Ok had sex) by another man and that is just my feeling about that. I have no problem with a person and their sexual orientation, you do what you want and you deal with the repercussions be it MM, MF or FF. I think, however, that I should have the right to say No mas when it comes to me and be completely ok with it. I have noticed that sometimes in an effort to please the minority, people are too lax with what they believe in (People can say the same about race, gender, etc., I think they call it politic correctness). My point is, if we argue that Homosexuals and Bi-sexuals should be allowed to date whomever they want., then heterosexuals should be able to date whomever they want as well and be able to say "without being labelled" No thanks ill pass on you even if NOW you are saying you want to bat for the team I like.

I respect Corey because he has the balls (no pun intended) to be completely honest with himself and with however many readers this blog (and subsequent blogs which have written this up) has. What I utterly and truly despise are men who KNOW fully well they are attracted to and want to be with other men and yet get into heterosexual relationships because it is the cultural norm. For those kind of men I have absolutely NO RESPECT!!! You selfish unthoughtful egotistical maniacs really think that putting yourselves above another individual is somehow excusable or should be understandable because "You were scared". How about the woman who has fallen in love with you and given you her all? What about her happiness? What about the children you have brought into the world. Children who did not ASK to be brought into this world. What about your happiness?

I may not know all there is to know about sexuality and sexual orientation blah blah. My faith aside, all I truly know is that love, true love above all things, is sacrificial. If you truly loved someone there is no way you would hurt, deceive, manipulate this other person. Your whole life would be to better this person's existence. So my solution to all this is that people should strive for true love and leave all the other BS behind because it brings nothing but pain. Be true to who you are and you will be blessed by it at the end of the day. At the end of the day, we all know who we love, so let us truly love these people and leave out all the rest.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Try loving someone above yourself...

Sometimes it just hurts...but Faith makes it better...

I have been envying girls who can afford to wear low/flat knee hi boots, aka girls with long legs. I like the concept but I usually avoid them because I have a long torso BUT short legs. This baby right here would be so perfect though because it looks flat (comfy) but then it has the extra height in the heel section. There is no way I can afford these babies by Jil Sander but maybe you can. You can find them here, for 50% off their original 1040 price and get them for $540 (as J would say...Ha!)

Moving right along, today's post will be very short. I realize I had not written in awhile so I just decided to drop in a quick note. i have been having a hard time sleeping lately and no it is not because of the work situation, slowly slowly that is getting rectified. My life is pretty much perfect or as close to perfect as I would want it to be. ( Thank you Lord) but there is something just not hanging right with me.

I am reading the news, hearing about peoples situations and this is just troubling my mind. For example this story, how can people be so depraved? For disclaimer purposes, no not everyone in Africa is this demented!!! I used to tease my mother and my grandmother (who passed away exactly 2 years ago today (I miss you mama) ) that they were worry warts who worried for no good reason. As I am getting older (dun dun dun dun) I am realizing that I may have picked up that worry gene! Sigh (come on sigh with me). Seriously though, do you not get just tired hearing the news of the world? One day rape, the next torture, the next suicide, the next homicide, patricide, matricide etc. etc. doesn't it all get to you? I guess the days I feel like this are the days I should not put my Bible down even for a second because the Devil is hard at work in and near me.

As humans we were given the ability to empathize, which we should thank God for but at the same we should not take for granted. We are not God and do not know what plans he has. I feel like asking him why? Why us, why is the world suffering so much, why , why, why and I am just afraid he going to tell me it is because there are not enough people praying to prevent these things from happening.

It is very easy to get bogged down with emotions and frustrations when all one should really do is dust themselves off and dedicate more time to prayer. I have been feeling hellish for the past few days but I am grateful for this insight. I am off to say a few meaningful prayers and even if the rain comes tomorrow, I will be still and know that there still is and always will be a God. :).

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

⁸ Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

⁹ He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.

¹⁰ "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

5 Lessons I wish my Life manual had come with...Part I

"They" say Draping/Draped outfits are the IN thing for Fall 2011. Before "they" said it, I had already jumped on that train. Yes, I am oh so fashion forward. I already have my draped dress ready for my birthday (YAY!). If you are looking to be "hot" this fall, consider looking for draped dresses and tops, they are very efficient in accentuating the parts you want accentuated and hiding the parts you want to remain hidden. This beautiful outfit is BCBG and can be found here for $103.00

Moving right along, I was looking online today and came across a list that someone had written, things they wish they had known before they hit 30. That got me thinking. With the new year coming (right around the corner), this is a good time to take stock of all the lessons I have learned this year.

Lesson 1: If (s)he wants you, then there is nothing going to keep him/her away from you .

Yes we have all been in that situation (and if you haven't kudos to you). You go on that date, think it went pretty well blah blah then silence. You dedicate your whole life to staring at your phone waiting for that person to call. Or even worse, you go on that date, you let them "hit it" then silence. Or you have been doing this on and off thing, it seems you are in an off stage but you cant be quite sure cause the other person wont call you back blah blah then silence and....
QUIT IT!!!

I know, I know, you think no one knows the pain you are going through and your situation is soooo different from everyone elses (*side eye*). This person would call if they had the time its just that they are too busy (insert excuse here). (*sigh*). No sweetie, no no no! Even President Obama has time to stay in contact with his wife. Shut the excuses down and keep it moving.

Lesson 2: Respect yourself. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually.

This applies both to men and women. For women, we spend so much time talking about how we are constantly disrespected by men , other women etc. etc. and then jump right back into things that ensure that we will get disrespected. Allowing people to talk to us anyhow, talking back to people anyhow, I am sure you get the picture. Have some respect for yourself. Have respect in the way you dress, the way you approach life, the way you deal with people and the way you let people deal with you. Always remember to put God first before all things and deal with others as a representation of God. In doing so you will not only be sure to treat people around you with respect, but they will learn to respect you too.

Men, a man who has no respect for himself is a turn off. You want to go around bragging about everything you own and yet you have no respect for yourself. You have children in every area code, you are popping bottles and yet these kids feeding bottles are empty. Do better. Money does not the man make and there is only one letter difference between crass and class.

Lesson 3: Make and keep older friends.

There is nothing new under the sun. Older people have been through most situations you are currently facing or will face in the near future. I know sometimes you swear you were the only one who has experienced a certain situation, NOT TRUE. This is where older people can be useful, they can advice you on these situations. Now I always make sure to seek the advice of my parents and my mentors (older people), priests, heck any older person I know in any situation I encounter. I may not necessarily take their advice but at least they give me options. (Disclaimer I usually end up taking the advice lol)

Lesson 4: Know your friends, don't waste time naming or acknowledging any others.

When push comes to shove who has your back? People are so quick to claim their friends and do not even "know" these people they claim to be friends with. When it comes to my friends, (not acquaintances) I ask myself, 1. If this person were to be removed from my life would I even notice? (Do they serve a higher purpose in my life) and 2. Does this person motivate me to pursue greater and better things for my life. (Do they encourage the best for and in me?). 3. Do I trust this person? If the answer to these questions are no, then sorry you are not my friend, no matter how many times we speak or how close (geographically or figuratively) you think we are. A friend should be someone you are not afraid to share your intimate moments with, someone you can let your guard down around, if I cannot trust you, no thanks.

Lesson 5: Thou shalt keep your money and your friends separate from each other.

Nothing will break a tight relationship (platonic or otherwise) up faster than financial issues. Keep your friends and your money separate. If I do not have the money to give, I do not volunteer it in any situation. I learned that lesson the hard way. If you absolutely HAVE to lend a friend money, make sure you have (in writing preferably) a concrete time table as to when that debt will be repaid. DO NOT HARASS your friend. There is nothing more annoying than having someone help you out with something and then bring it up everytime. "Oh remember when you didnt have that money and I hooked you up?" It is annoying , demeaning and not worth it. Resist the urge. If the time passes and the money hasnt shown up, a polite reminder will do as people genuinely forget with life. If the money still does not show up or your friend does not even acknowledge you then kindly take your letter to the nearest court, file a civil claim et voila. Hopefully being FRIENDS means it should never get to this but (sigh) I have been there and Star (yes her name is/was really Star) and Benaifer (yes that really is her name too), God is watching both of you thieving friends!!! (Ok Woosah)

There are many more lessons I have learned (from) that I will be sharing, this is just the tip of the iceberg. In reflecting on these various lessons, one thing I can see for certain is that I am continually blessed even in the midst of all these situations that have come my way. "It" has been said that what does not kill you will only make you stronger (except for poison I think) and this seems to be the case. All the failed relationships (platonic or otherwise) have only shown me how to be a better person and to respect other people too. If I had not had a foolish man waste my time, never call me etc. how would I respect and appreciate my boyfriend for every time he has checked up on me? If I hadnt gone through the bad friends abusing our friendship, how else would I appreciate the good my current friends bring to my life? You cannot learn from only having positive experiences, you need the negative to show you a difference.

I appreciate every twist and turn my life has taken to get me to this exact spot and I thank God for walking with me through all those times up until now. The past is just that past, the present is a gift :) and my future rests in God's hands. It is truly well with me :).

I'll name my first kid Love so I may nurture Love ...

I am lusting for the most perfect tuxedo/evening jacket possible. I want something chic I can throw on to add that extra "oompf " to an outfit during this fall/winter season. I have seen some interesting jackets but nothing that has called out to me yet. The middle jacket in this picture looks like it might do the trick so I will go investigating.

Today's topic ties into my essential theme of trying to understand human interactions. I try to understand LOVE, yes that all encompassing term. I try to break it down into tiny little specks I can over analyze. Come along for the ride, it should be interesting.

So what is love?Well love as is going to be discussed is love based on C.S. Lewis's book Four Loves in which he which explores the nature of love from a Christian perspective. Lewis identifies and gives a thorough discussion of the 4 Greek words for love, namely Storge (affection), Phileo (Friendship), Eros and Agape (Charity). Now note that we are only going to be touching on these different types of loves slightly. You could get a dissertation from this topic and I do not have the time to go into an in-depth discussion. Consider this post as a cliff notes discussion :).

Ok let's start with Storge or affection. This is love that is based on familiarity and is usually found between family members or people who find themselves in the same place etc. As you can imagine with this type of love (familiar) love, it is seen as very natural. You do not necessarily always like your family members, but you will always love them and that is just how the dice rolls. It can be good in that you know wherever you go and whatever you do, there are a group of people that always "have your back". The bad side to this, however, occurs when people start to take this natural love for granted and expect their family members to be there for them after they have abused the familial love and bond. I am sure we can all remember ways that our family members have done things to hurt our very core, and yet still we love them in spite of this.

Phileo or friendship is the second definition of love. This love is based on friendship. This bond is formed when people who have the same interests get together and are bonded by this same interest. Phileo is not sexual, it is just the deep and true understanding of everything friendship is meant to be. In its broadest terms I guess we could label this "brotherly or sisterly" love we have for one another.

Eros is the ah ha love, some refer to it as erotic love. This is the love we think we mean when we say I am in love!! The butterflies in the tummy, the jittery feeling yadda yadda yadda. Horny love. What is interesting about this love, however, is the fact that it is motivated by a need. What do I mean? Well Eros thrives on everything that we seemingly have ascribed to "love". This is what I need for me to feel I am in love with you, you must have A, B, C etc. so long as these conditions are met, then I remain in love. Once these conditions change then love goes. Eros is deep and passionate but can be very fickle. (Current divorce rates anyone?)

The last (and fittingly so) love is Agape, what we should all strive to have. Agape or charity is the love that exists regardless of any limits we want to place on it. That love exists regardless of circumstances, i.e., it is selfless. Usually when the Bible talks about love this is the love it is referring to. The pure love which gives all and expects nothing in return. God is love is referring to this love. God is Agape, he loves mankind despite the fact that there is nothing that WE can do for HIM. In discussing Agape, Richard L. Strauss notes that, "it is a love which keeps lov­ing when its object is unre­spon­sive, unkind, unlov­able, or com­pletely unwor­thy… it gives one hun­dred per­cent and expects noth­ing in return!"

All this sounds pretty simple right? We love our family, we love our friends, we lust after hot people and God loves us.... then we die! Life does not work out that way. In fact life should not work out that way. All these loves in their own way satisfy a need and a purpose but what we should be striving for in all aspects of our lives is Agape love, the love that exists without a purpose. This love ensures that when our family members do things that hurt us, we are able to recognize the hurt and yet truly keep it moving. This love ensures that when our friends mistreat us and abuse our friendship, we are able to recognize this and not respond in kind but still treat them how we would want to be treated. This love ensures that instead of looking at every hunk like he is red meat I want to devour I actually remember that I am not my own. I have been purchased for a price and my body is a wonderland. (lol) I keed, I keed...my body is a temple :). (Sigh, the lust thing is not easy)

If we are able to eliminate all these other loves, and truly interact with each other based on Agape, the world would truly be a better place. Agape especially in relationships means that, as Lewis points out in discussing husbands and the role they play as heads of a family:
This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion, whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is—in her own mere nature—least lovable. For the church has no beauty but what the Bridegroom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely. The chrism of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man’s marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of a bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence.

Agape as I have said before need not apply to only one aspect of our life. Indeed it should apply to all aspects of our lives. As Jesus said:
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love (agape) your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love (agape) your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? — Matthew 5:43-46 (NIV)"

Jesus makes a lot of sense doesnt he? Ok so lets do it.... La di da, we wish it and it happens. Not the case (sadly). Agape is not as easy as just wishing for it. It takes time, it takes patience and above all it takes a whole lot of praying. It is so easy to just be content with what you have, ok he or she is a good friend and lets keep it at that, when you could have so much more in treating that friend with agape love.

Ok so not to go on and on, this is the essence of what I am writing about today. The world is hurting, it is in a lot of pain, you know it and I know it. Child trafficking, people sold into prostitution, wars, gang rapes, murders, genocide, homicides, suicides, matricide, patricide, pollution, depression, perversion, I could go on and on. We all seem content to sit in our little corners, shake our heads and keep it moving. This should not be the case. Reject the norm, try to Be different and thereby Do things differently. It is not enough to claim we are Christians when we do not live with a greater purpose than to satisfy our own needs. Be bigger and better than that...please.

‘HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.’ “The sec­ond is this, YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ There is no other com­mand­ment greater than these...

I'm a Bad Bi...(Shut your mouth!!!!)

So these shoes are for a special friend who like me has a taste for the better things in this world, but cannot afford them (yet). Soon :). If your pockets are slightly bigger than his right now (or you want to do him a favor and get it for him, Ladies he is a hunk)...you can find these absolutely delicious Prada shoes here.

So today/tonight's topic is "encouraged" by two very separate events which share the same issue/morale. How we react or how we should react in trying situations.

Now everyone who thinks they know me knows I have had a very "interesting" past. Yes I have done a lot of things, some I am not too proud of and others I am very proud of. In everything though, I have tried to act in the way that I think my grandmother whose name I hold would be proud of me.

Growing up my poor mother (poor because she tried so hard but I always thwarted her lessons lol) always tried to instill in me the difference (and value) between being a girl/woman and a lady. ALWAYS BE A LADY! People may not like you, but they will respect you. I think the greatest compliment I have been paid is by someone who made it very clear that he despised me, but was very impressed with the way I carried myself. If everyone can say the same about me, I am GOOD to GO! Yes my image is THAT important to me. This being the case, I shun and abhor any situations that seem like they want to encourage unladylike behavior in me. Ok so story time...gather around.

In a land far far away in a time long long gone, there was wonderful girlfriend who was in a long distance relationship with this amazing man. She thought he was everything she wanted. Granted he was not as attentive as she would have wanted him to be, but then again he was in school so what did she expect. Now it came about that this girl got a chance after a long long time to go see her boyfriend (finally). Now the night she got there he was in a bad mood, someone had been spreading rumors about him and another female and he was not happy about it. The girlfriend as naive as she was, tried to calm him down. She was unsuccessful and the night ended with him smashing his fist through a glass door and slicing it. Now said girlfriend was at her wits end, if someone is spreading lies about you and you know it is not true, then what would make you so mad you would smash a glass door and destroy public property? Did this other woman matter more than she did because she had specifically asked him not to pursue the matter any further? Like all fairy tales, this story too has an end, (although it may not be like fairy tales usually go), eventually the truth did come out (and although said man swears he never cheated, he actually did with said woman. Hence his anger. (Guilty mind for you). What did the poor girl learn from this situation?

Well I learned that people will respect you in as much as you respect yourself. All through my stay this other girl was trying to bait me to "fight" her, to attack her, to acknowledge her. (She really went above and beyond the call of groupie duty, sigh). Thank God I never did. (Oh I forgot to mention I had just (a month) recovered from an operation. I was weak, emotional etc. etc., the last thing on my mind was going to fight young chick over a man I knew was mine. Well I left and she eventually got with him (and funny enough he cheated on her ass and left her for someone else the same way, Revenge is so sweet) Ok I am Christian and I should know better, but it was sweet. (I will ask for forgiveness at my next confession). :). Tiny point 1, the universe always works itself out. No need for me to have fought her, she got exactly what she deserved. But my mother will say I should be more Christian so ignore this tiny point 1 for reasons why you should just let people be people no matter how much they hurt you.

Ok now do not get it "tweested" as Naa would say. If I had been younger, stuff would definitely have "popped off". Actually I lie, I feel it is so beneath me to engage people in fights. However, if you strike me, all bets are off though. I will beat you until you are speaking another language fluently. (Hey you started it). I refuse to engage with people and situations that will incense me so much that I will have to engage in violence (unladylike situations). Some people say I am a coward and I do not know how to engage in productive confrontation (really?). These people try to spin fighting in a million ways like a physical or verbal fight is the only way I can truly deal with a situation. I don't buy that, I wont even put it on lay away. If you are worth my time, then a confrontation is not going to fix whatever problem we have. If you are not worth my time, then definitely a confrontation is a waste of my time.

Different people have different ways of dealing with confrontations. You would be very very very suicidal and/or stupid to engage my brother in a confrontation. He does not drink the same lady like tea I do (lol). He is a man (young) so I expect this will change as he matures and gets older. The biggest turn off for me is to see grown men yelling, screaming or scrapping. What is the difference then between you and dogs? You have communication tools, use them. If you can't use these tools properly, then you are probably in the wrong and just want to bully the other person into submission by screaming at them. Don't do it!!

I am a lady and I do not have to keep telling you because you will tell from the way I comport myself. I am beyond the childish tantrums, the childish fights, cursing, etc. As I said before, people will only show you the respect you how yourself. What is respect but a love for ones self? Essentially it boils down to this, I love myself more than I love any negative situation you try to bring my way. If you say you are a lady/gentleman and yet you are always looking for and/or creating situations with a need to take it outside, then you probably are not. Trust me no one will respect you.

9 out of 10 times I have found that you can resolve conflicts by just "LISTENING" versus "Hearing" what the other person has to say. You listen with your ears, you hear with your heart. You cannot hear with the heart if you are not prepared to listen in and with love. People are not always going to say things you want to hear. No one is perfect, accept their imperfections, hear with love what they are trying to tell you and appreciate their truth for what it is.

For a quick fix, if you are someone who finds themselves easily incensed, try this trick I actually learned from an ex. Whenever a trying situation comes up, excuse yourself and go drink a glass of very chilled water. Trust me it works. Find a way that you can go from 100 to 0 in a second, I usually listen to some music real loud for a bit then I am able to get back to zen. Drama is so 200late, lets move on to something new. We grown, lets act like it. Learn to love yourself (as God created you) above any and everything. This should translate to the love you show yourself and thus the love you will show interacting with others.

"For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13: 9-12