You've got MAIL...i mean MALE...welcome to online dating 101

All hail the Queen ...this outfit is perfection although I have yet to *cough* *cough* afford any of his outfits, I love most of what I have seen from Alexander Mcqueen, this dress is no exception. You can find it here for a sale price of $1417.50...enjoy :).

So today's topic is one that I think a lot of people think, have thought or have heard about. Online dating. (Did you just cringe?) I was talking to J the other day and although I am sick of how cliche online dating seems to have gotten, he looks at it from a different perspective. So today we are going to look at some of the things online dating involves.

Where do people meet other people these days? Usually at school, at work, at church or through another friend. Now if you've graduated, with no work or still job hunting, with no possible church connections and/or all your friends live miles and miles away then you've got squat!!!

I must admit I have always been skeptical of online dating but I was interested in finding out what really was going on in that sphere. What do the numbers say? Well apparently in 2010 it was found that about 20 million people use online dating services.

• The 20 million Internet users visit dating site once in a month.
• Some of these 20 million users visit dating sites more than once.
• In the US, 31% of the population either uses online dating service or at least knows people who are using it.
• In the year 2008, 120,000 marriages that took place were attributed to online dating services. The number of people who are finding their love online, is increasing day-by-day.
• In the United States, 58% women and 48% men use online dating services.
• As per the statistics obtained from online dating services, it is found that men are more interested in women with high self-esteem, positive outlook towards life and also those who are intelligent. The criteria of mere looks has fallen back.

Source also check out Source 2 for more information on more interesting online dating statistics.

As I mentioned earlier, being a communication major and someone who liked to "read" people physically, the idea of online dating was one I found intriguing. I did not think I would actively participate in online dating until my last year in grad school when I started to get bored of my papers keeping me company and decided to meet other people in the area. I was at a disadvantage because my school had only a few single people in my classes, and since I lived off campus I could not interact with them as often as I would have liked to. Church had some seemingly interesting prospects but I did not want to risk going up to some guy in church and if he turned me down then I could not go to mass out of shame lol. The people my friends or I should say my "so called" friends would hook me up with were HO Ho Horrendous...so one day I decided why not? At worst I would never meet these people and at best I would make some new friends to hang out with.

I did not enter the online dating world looking for a soul mate, just someone to bide time with until I had to go back home to start "my real life". I must say I met some very interesting people on there and some scary people on there, but that was the beauty of online relationships, once I turned off my computer they were gone and I had my peace of mind :). Now online dating is not for everyone, and some people label it "desperate". I did not and do not think of it as desperate as much as "risky". If you meet someone online, they can present whomever they think you want them to be. That for me is scary, but then come to think of it, my face to face relationships the guys could and did do the same things. Made me think they were one thing when in fact there were another.

Its funny that some people equate online dating to simply mean dating websites when infact it encompasses all social networking sites. If you meet and get to know someone off a website you engaged in online dating. (Or you dont think so?) If these numbers were added up (facebook/myspace pokes to actual meetings to dating) I think the statistics for online dating would go up even more. But I am not here to talk about the numbers.

Having engaged in online dating, what would I say the pros and cons are? Well the pros are being able to tune out when you want to which may also be a con if you are the one being tuned out. Another pro is that you can lay your cards out on the table, hey this is me if you don't like me keep it moving and hope the other person does the same. Another pro I found was that you can do it in your own time, you can meet online when it is convenient for you versus having to play tag with the person and missing them.

The cons are that it can be very dangerous. If you are meeting someone you met online, always make sure that you meet them in a populated area and make sure your friends know where you are and constantly check in. Do not let this person know where you live right off the bat. Find out as much as you can about said person, I always do a google search to see if the information the person is saying matches up with the information out there about them. If you guys are getting more serious, then it might be time to do a sex offender's registry check on the area the person lives in ESPECIALLY if you have children or young nephews or nieces that may be coming by to visit. Just go into google and do a search "sex offender registry" and it brings up all the sex offenders in the area (especially if s/he is one you will know).

There are many other common sense things to do in any new relationship that you should do whether starting an online or face to face relationship. Until you are comfortable enough with the person, please please please do not leave any personal information lying around where it can be picked up. Make sure your friends and family always know where you are at all times so they can "check up" on you. Not the annoying check up kind but the kind where if they know you are home at 11pm everyday and they call one day at 11 and you are not home they keep calling until you pick up.

People are so concerned with being themselves and keeping people out of their business so much they blur the lines between true concern and people being nosy. I make sure my parents and my friends know where I am at all times. Trust if I go offline for a day the FBI will be called (that's just how I roll)...I think this is a very important safety tool for me which I appreciate.

Ok to round it all up, online dating can be a good or bad thing depending on how you approach it. Trust no one but GOD! Listen to your GUT, trust me it will never lead you wrong. If you do not feel good about something don't do it...online dating seems to be the new trend. I enjoyed meeting some of the people online and have made some great friends online. I was apprehensive about online dating but I appreciate the alternative it presents :).

Romans 8:28 - 39
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Do you know how hard it is to forgive???

I found this interesting and decided to share:

Loving Your Enemies

Martin Luther King, Jr.
public domain sermon
Delivered at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church
Montgomery, Alabama, 17 November 1957.

Click here to hear Audio Excerpts from Stanford MLK Project

I am forced to preach under something of a handicap this morning. In fact, I had the doctor before coming to church. And he said that it would be best for me to stay in the bed this morning. And I insisted that I would have to come to preach. So he allowed me to come out with one stipulation, and that is that I would not come in the pulpit until time to preach, and that after, that I would immediately go back home and get in the bed. So I’m going to try to follow his instructions from that point on.

I want to use as a subject from which to preach this morning a very familiar subject, and it is familiar to you because I have preached from this subject twice before to my knowing in this pulpit. I try to make it a, something of a custom or tradition to preach from this passage of Scripture at least once a year, adding new insights that I develop along the way out of new experiences as I give these messages. Although the content is, the basic content is the same, new insights and new experiences naturally make for new illustrations.

So I want to turn your attention to this subject: "Loving Your Enemies." It’s so basic to me because it is a part of my basic philosophical and theological orientation—the whole idea of love, the whole philosophy of love. In the fifth chapter of the gospel as recorded by Saint Matthew, we read these very arresting words flowing from the lips of our Lord and Master: "Ye have heard that it has been said, ‘Thou shall love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.’ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven."

Certainly these are great words, words lifted to cosmic proportions. And over the centuries, many persons have argued that this is an extremely difficult command. Many would go so far as to say that it just isn’t possible to move out into the actual practice of this glorious command. They would go on to say that this is just additional proof that Jesus was an impractical idealist who never quite came down to earth. So the arguments abound. But far from being an impractical idealist, Jesus has become the practical realist. The words of this text glitter in our eyes with a new urgency. Far from being the pious injunction of a utopian dreamer, this command is an absolute necessity for the survival of our civilization. Yes, it is love that will save our world and our civilization, love even for enemies.

Now let me hasten to say that Jesus was very serious when he gave this command; he wasn’t playing. He realized that it’s hard to love your enemies. He realized that it’s difficult to love those persons who seek to defeat you, those persons who say evil things about you. He realized that it was painfully hard, pressingly hard. But he wasn’t playing. And we cannot dismiss this passage as just another example of Oriental hyperbole, just a sort of exaggeration to get over the point. This is a basic philosophy of all that we hear coming from the lips of our Master. Because Jesus wasn’t playing; because he was serious. We have the Christian and moral responsibility to seek to discover the meaning of these words, and to discover how we can live out this command, and why we should live by this command.

Now first let us deal with this question, which is the practical question: How do you go about loving your enemies? I think the first thing is this: In order to love your enemies, you must begin by analyzing self. And I’m sure that seems strange to you, that I start out telling you this morning that you love your enemies by beginning with a look at self. It seems to me that that is the first and foremost way to come to an adequate discovery to the how of this situation.

Now, I’m aware of the fact that some people will not like you, not because of something you have done to them, but they just won’t like you. I’m quite aware of that. Some people aren’t going to like the way you walk; some people aren’t going to like the way you talk. Some people aren’t going to like you because you can do your job better than they can do theirs. Some people aren’t going to like you because other people like you, and because you’re popular, and because you’re well-liked, they aren’t going to like you. Some people aren’t going to like you because your hair is a little shorter than theirs or your hair is a little longer than theirs. Some people aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little brighter than theirs; and others aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little darker than theirs. So that some people aren’t going to like you. They’re going to dislike you, not because of something that you’ve done to them, but because of various jealous reactions and other reactions that are so prevalent in human nature.

But after looking at these things and admitting these things, we must face the fact that an individual might dislike us because of something that we’ve done deep down in the past, some personality attribute that we possess, something that we’ve done deep down in the past and we’ve forgotten about it; but it was that something that aroused the hate response within the individual. That is why I say, begin with yourself. There might be something within you that arouses the tragic hate response in the other individual.

This is true in our international struggle. We look at the struggle, the ideological struggle between communism on the one hand and democracy on the other, and we see the struggle between America and Russia. Now certainly, we can never give our allegiance to the Russian way of life, to the communistic way of life, because communism is based on an ethical relativism and a metaphysical materialism that no Christian can accept. When we look at the methods of communism, a philosophy where somehow the end justifies the means, we cannot accept that because we believe as Christians that the end is pre-existent in the means. But in spite of all of the weaknesses and evils inherent in communism, we must at the same time see the weaknesses and evils within democracy.

Democracy is the greatest form of government to my mind that man has ever conceived, but the weakness is that we have never touched it. Isn’t it true that we have often taken necessities from the masses to give luxuries to the classes? Isn’t it true that we have often in our democracy trampled over individuals and races with the iron feet of oppression? Isn’t it true that through our Western powers we have perpetuated colonialism and imperialism? And all of these things must be taken under consideration as we look at Russia. We must face the fact that the rhythmic beat of the deep rumblings of discontent from Asia and Africa is at bottom a revolt against the imperialism and colonialism perpetuated by Western civilization all these many years. The success of communism in the world today is due to the failure of democracy to live up to the noble ideals and principles inherent in its system.

And this is what Jesus means when he said: "How is it that you can see the mote in your brother’s eye and not see the beam in your own eye?" Or to put it in Moffatt’s translation: "How is it that you see the splinter in your brother’s eye and fail to see the plank in your own eye?" And this is one of the tragedies of human nature. So we begin to love our enemies and love those persons that hate us whether in collective life or individual life by looking at ourselves.

A second thing that an individual must do in seeking to love his enemy is to discover the element of good in his enemy, and everytime you begin to hate that person and think of hating that person, realize that there is some good there and look at those good points which will over-balance the bad points.

I’ve said to you on many occasions that each of us is something of a schizophrenic personality. We’re split up and divided against ourselves. And there is something of a civil war going on within all of our lives. There is a recalcitrant South of our soul revolting against the North of our soul. And there is this continual struggle within the very structure of every individual life. There is something within all of us that causes us to cry out with Ovid, the Latin poet, "I see and approve the better things of life, but the evil things I do." There is something within all of us that causes us to cry out with Plato that the human personality is like a charioteer with two headstrong horses, each wanting to go in different directions. There is something within each of us that causes us to cry out with Goethe, "There is enough stuff in me to make both a gentleman and a rogue." There is something within each of us that causes us to cry out with Apostle Paul, "I see and approve the better things of life, but the evil things I do."

So somehow the "isness" of our present nature is out of harmony with the eternal "oughtness" that forever confronts us. And this simply means this: That within the best of us, there is some evil, and within the worst of us, there is some good. When we come to see this, we take a different attitude toward individuals. The person who hates you most has some good in him; even the nation that hates you most has some good in it; even the race that hates you most has some good in it. And when you come to the point that you look in the face of every man and see deep down within him what religion calls "the image of God," you begin to love him in spite of. No matter what he does, you see God’s image there. There is an element of goodness that he can never sluff off. Discover the element of good in your enemy. And as you seek to hate him, find the center of goodness and place your attention there and you will take a new attitude.

Another way that you love your enemy is this: When the opportunity presents itself for you to defeat your enemy, that is the time which you must not do it. There will come a time, in many instances, when the person who hates you most, the person who has misused you most, the person who has gossiped about you most, the person who has spread false rumors about you most, there will come a time when you will have an opportunity to defeat that person. It might be in terms of a recommendation for a job; it might be in terms of helping that person to make some move in life. That’s the time you must not do it. That is the meaning of love. In the final analysis, love is not this sentimental something that we talk about. It’s not merely an emotional something. Love is creative, understanding goodwill for all men. It is the refusal to defeat any individual. When you rise to the level of love, of its great beauty and power, you seek only to defeat evil systems. Individuals who happen to be caught up in that system, you love, but you seek to defeat the system.

The Greek language, as I’ve said so often before, is very powerful at this point. It comes to our aid beautifully in giving us the real meaning and depth of the whole philosophy of love. And I think it is quite apropos at this point, for you see the Greek language has three words for love, interestingly enough. It talks about love as eros. That’s one word for love. Eros is a sort of, aesthetic love. Plato talks about it a great deal in his dialogues, a sort of yearning of the soul for the realm of the gods. And it’s come to us to be a sort of romantic love, though it’s a beautiful love. Everybody has experienced eros in all of its beauty when you find some individual that is attractive to you and that you pour out all of your like and your love on that individual. That is eros, you see, and it’s a powerful, beautiful love that is given to us through all of the beauty of literature; we read about it.

Then the Greek language talks about philia, and that’s another type of love that’s also beautiful. It is a sort of intimate affection between personal friends. And this is the type of love that you have for those persons that you’re friendly with, your intimate friends, or people that you call on the telephone and you go by to have dinner with, and your roommate in college and that type of thing. It’s a sort of reciprocal love. On this level, you like a person because that person likes you. You love on this level, because you are loved. You love on this level, because there’s something about the person you love that is likeable to you. This too is a beautiful love. You can communicate with a person; you have certain things in common; you like to do things together. This is philia.

The Greek language comes out with another word for love. It is the word agape. And agape is more than eros; agape is more than philia; agape is something of the understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill for all men. It is a love that seeks nothing in return. It is an overflowing love; it’s what theologians would call the love of God working in the lives of men. And when you rise to love on this level, you begin to love men, not because they are likeable, but because God loves them. You look at every man, and you love him because you know God loves him. And he might be the worst person you’ve ever seen.

And this is what Jesus means, I think, in this very passage when he says, "Love your enemy." And it’s significant that he does not say, "Like your enemy." Like is a sentimental something, an affectionate something. There are a lot of people that I find it difficult to like. I don’t like what they do to me. I don’t like what they say about me and other people. I don’t like their attitudes. I don’t like some of the things they’re doing. I don’t like them. But Jesus says love them. And love is greater than like. Love is understanding, redemptive goodwill for all men, so that you love everybody, because God loves them. You refuse to do anything that will defeat an individual, because you have agape in your soul. And here you come to the point that you love the individual who does the evil deed, while hating the deed that the person does. This is what Jesus means when he says, "Love your enemy." This is the way to do it. When the opportunity presents itself when you can defeat your enemy, you must not do it.

Now for the few moments left, let us move from the practical how to the theoretical why. It’s not only necessary to know how to go about loving your enemies, but also to go down into the question of why we should love our enemies. I think the first reason that we should love our enemies, and I think this was at the very center of Jesus’ thinking, is this: that hate for hate only intensifies the existence of hate and evil in the universe. If I hit you and you hit me and I hit you back and you hit me back and go on, you see, that goes on ad infinitum. [tapping on pulpit] It just never ends. Somewhere somebody must have a little sense, and that’s the strong person. The strong person is the person who can cut off the chain of hate, the chain of evil. And that is the tragedy of hate, that it doesn’t cut it off. It only intensifies the existence of hate and evil in the universe. Somebody must have religion enough and morality enough to cut it off and inject within the very structure of the universe that strong and powerful element of love.

I think I mentioned before that sometime ago my brother and I were driving one evening to Chattanooga, Tennessee, from Atlanta. He was driving the car. And for some reason the drivers were very discourteous that night. They didn’t dim their lights; hardly any driver that passed by dimmed his lights. And I remember very vividly, my brother A. D. looked over and in a tone of anger said: "I know what I’m going to do. The next car that comes along here and refuses to dim the lights, I’m going to fail to dim mine and pour them on in all of their power." And I looked at him right quick and said: "Oh no, don’t do that. There’d be too much light on this highway, and it will end up in mutual destruction for all. Somebody got to have some sense on this highway."

Somebody must have sense enough to dim the lights, and that is the trouble, isn’t it? That as all of the civilizations of the world move up the highway of history, so many civilizations, having looked at other civilizations that refused to dim the lights, and they decided to refuse to dim theirs. And Toynbee tells that out of the twenty-two civilizations that have risen up, all but about seven have found themselves in the junkheap of destruction. It is because civilizations fail to have sense enough to dim the lights. And if somebody doesn’t have sense enough to turn on the dim and beautiful and powerful lights of love in this world, the whole of our civilization will be plunged into the abyss of destruction. And we will all end up destroyed because nobody had any sense on the highway of history. Somewhere somebody must have some sense. Men must see that force begets force, hate begets hate, toughness begets toughness. And it is all a descending spiral, ultimately ending in destruction for all and everybody. Somebody must have sense enough and morality enough to cut off the chain of hate and the chain of evil in the universe. And you do that by love.

There’s another reason why you should love your enemies, and that is because hate distorts the personality of the hater. We usually think of what hate does for the individual hated or the individuals hated or the groups hated. But it is even more tragic, it is even more ruinous and injurious to the individual who hates. You just begin hating somebody, and you will begin to do irrational things. You can’t see straight when you hate. You can’t walk straight when you hate. You can’t stand upright. Your vision is distorted. There is nothing more tragic than to see an individual whose heart is filled with hate. He comes to the point that he becomes a pathological case. For the person who hates, you can stand up and see a person and that person can be beautiful, and you will call them ugly. For the person who hates, the beautiful becomes ugly and the ugly becomes beautiful. For the person who hates, the good becomes bad and the bad becomes good. For the person who hates, the true becomes false and the false becomes true. That’s what hate does. You can’t see right. The symbol of objectivity is lost. Hate destroys the very structure of the personality of the hater. And this is why Jesus says hate [recording interrupted]

. . . that you want to be integrated with yourself, and the way to be integrated with yourself is be sure that you meet every situation of life with an abounding love. Never hate, because it ends up in tragic, neurotic responses. Psychologists and psychiatrists are telling us today that the more we hate, the more we develop guilt feelings and we begin to subconsciously repress or consciously suppress certain emotions, and they all stack up in our subconscious selves and make for tragic, neurotic responses. And may this not be the neuroses of many individuals as they confront life that that is an element of hate there. And modern psychology is calling on us now to love. But long before modern psychology came into being, the world’s greatest psychologist who walked around the hills of Galilee told us to love. He looked at men and said: "Love your enemies; don’t hate anybody." It’s not enough for us to hate your friends because—to to love your friends—because when you start hating anybody, it destroys the very center of your creative response to life and the universe; so love everybody. Hate at any point is a cancer that gnaws away at the very vital center of your life and your existence. It is like eroding acid that eats away the best and the objective center of your life. So Jesus says love, because hate destroys the hater as well as the hated.

Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, "Love your enemies." It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. That’s why Jesus says, "Love your enemies." Because if you hate your enemies, you have no way to redeem and to transform your enemies. But if you love your enemies, you will discover that at the very root of love is the power of redemption. You just keep loving people and keep loving them, even though they’re mistreating you. Here’s the person who is a neighbor, and this person is doing something wrong to you and all of that. Just keep being friendly to that person. Keep loving them. Don’t do anything to embarrass them. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with bitterness because they’re mad because you love them like that. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. So love your enemies.

I think of one of the best examples of this. We all remember the great president of this United States, Abraham Lincoln—these United States rather. You remember when Abraham Lincoln was running for president of the United States, there was a man who ran all around the country talking about Lincoln. He said a lot of bad things about Lincoln, a lot of unkind things. And sometimes he would get to the point that he would even talk about his looks, saying, "You don’t want a tall, lanky, ignorant man like this as the president of the United States." He went on and on and on and went around with that type of attitude and wrote about it. Finally, one day Abraham Lincoln was elected president of the United States. And if you read the great biography of Lincoln, if you read the great works about him, you will discover that as every president comes to the point, he came to the point of having to choose a Cabinet. And then came the time for him to choose a Secretary of War. He looked across the nation, and decided to choose a man by the name of Mr. Stanton. And when Abraham Lincoln stood around his advisors and mentioned this fact, they said to him: "Mr. Lincoln, are you a fool? Do you know what Mr. Stanton has been saying about you? Do you know what he has done, tried to do to you? Do you know that he has tried to defeat you on every hand? Do you know that, Mr. Lincoln? Did you read all of those derogatory statements that he made about you?" Abraham Lincoln stood before the advisors around him and said: "Oh yes, I know about it; I read about it; I’ve heard him myself. But after looking over the country, I find that he is the best man for the job."

Mr. Stanton did become Secretary of War, and a few months later, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. And if you go to Washington, you will discover that one of the greatest words or statements ever made by, about Abraham Lincoln was made about this man Stanton. And as Abraham Lincoln came to the end of his life, Stanton stood up and said: "Now he belongs to the ages." And he made a beautiful statement concerning the character and the stature of this man. If Abraham Lincoln had hated Stanton, if Abraham Lincoln had answered everything Stanton said, Abraham Lincoln would have not transformed and redeemed Stanton. Stanton would have gone to his grave hating Lincoln, and Lincoln would have gone to his grave hating Stanton. But through the power of love Abraham Lincoln was able to redeem Stanton.

That’s it. There is a power in love that our world has not discovered yet. Jesus discovered it centuries ago. Mahatma Gandhi of India discovered it a few years ago, but most men and most women never discover it. For they believe in hitting for hitting; they believe in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth; they believe in hating for hating; but Jesus comes to us and says, "This isn’t the way."

And oh this morning, as I think of the fact that our world is in transition now. Our whole world is facing a revolution. Our nation is facing a revolution, our nation. One of the things that concerns me most is that in the midst of the revolution of the world and the midst of the revolution of this nation, that we will discover the meaning of Jesus’ words.

History unfortunately leaves some people oppressed and some people oppressors. And there are three ways that individuals who are oppressed can deal with their oppression. One of them is to rise up against their oppressors with physical violence and corroding hatred. But oh this isn’t the way. For the danger and the weakness of this method is its futility. Violence creates many more social problems than it solves. And I’ve said, in so many instances, that as the Negro, in particular, and colored peoples all over the world struggle for freedom, if they succumb to the temptation of using violence in their struggle, unborn generations will be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness, and our chief legacy to the future will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos. Violence isn’t the way.

Another way is to acquiesce and to give in, to resign yourself to the oppression. Some people do that. They discover the difficulties of the wilderness moving into the promised land, and they would rather go back to the despots of Egypt because it’s difficult to get in the promised land. And so they resign themselves to the fate of oppression; they somehow acquiesce to this thing. But that too isn’t the way because non-cooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good.

But there is another way. And that is to organize mass non-violent resistance based on the principle of love. It seems to me that this is the only way as our eyes look to the future. As we look out across the years and across the generations, let us develop and move right here. We must discover the power of love, the power, the redemptive power of love. And when we discover that we will be able to make of this old world a new world. We will be able to make men better. Love is the only way. Jesus discovered that.

Not only did Jesus discover it, even great military leaders discover that. One day as Napoleon came toward the end of his career and looked back across the years—the great Napoleon that at a very early age had all but conquered the world. He was not stopped until he became, till he moved out to the battle of Leipzig and then to Waterloo. But that same Napoleon one day stood back and looked across the years, and said: "Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have built great empires. But upon what did they depend? They depended upon force. But long ago Jesus started an empire that depended on love, and even to this day millions will die for him."

Yes, I can see Jesus walking around the hills and the valleys of Palestine. And I can see him looking out at the Roman Empire with all of her fascinating and intricate military machinery. But in the midst of that, I can hear him saying: "I will not use this method. Neither will I hate the Roman Empire." [Radio Announcer:] (WRMA, Montgomery, Alabama. Due to the fact of the delay this morning, we are going over with the sermon.) [several words inaudible] . . . and just start marching.

And I’m proud to stand here in Dexter this morning and say that that army is still marching. It grew up from a group of eleven or twelve men to more than seven hundred million today. Because of the power and influence of the personality of this Christ, he was able to split history into a.d. and b.c. Because of his power, he was able to shake the hinges from the gates of the Roman Empire. And all around the world this morning, we can hear the glad echo of heaven ring:

Jesus shall reign wherever sun,
Does his successive journeys run;
His kingdom spreads from shore to shore,
Till moon shall wane and wax no more.

We can hear another chorus singing: "All hail the power of Jesus name!"
We can hear another chorus singing: "Hallelujah, hallelujah! He’s King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Hallelujah, hallelujah!"
We can hear another choir singing:

Better late than never, never late is even better I know...sigh 2011

Happy New Year and shush... I know its belated, but like I said better late than never ...:) Yes you are wondering why there is a broken heart up in the corner and not something that I am lusting after. Well because it is time to tackle some bad habits of 2010 and leave or kick them back into 2010 and start afresh in 2011. The things I lust after will be back in future posts, for now this heart represents all the old hurts, old negativity, anything old and bad which broke me is in that heart.

Before we go any further I have to take time out and break things down for people who may not know me well enough to know how I tick and tock. Before we do this, I have to give you some background on myself. In my culture, it is thought that names are very important, so choosing names for children is usually a big deal. Usually children are named after very important people, or people whose attributes you are hoping your child picks up. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, some of my names come from big hearted no nonsense women. My grandmother and great grandmother. As a result, when I care, I will try my hardest to make sure I help you avoid hurt and pain and when I dont care, I dont. It is pretty simple.

In the past, this overcaring nature of mine has gotten me into trouble with friends who have thought I was going above and beyond, e.g. in the past if I saw your boyfriend with another woman, you best believe I was going to come tell you about it (sighh i know i know NOW) anyways yeah so after going through dealing with other people and their frustrations and constantly being shot as the messenger I decided no more.

I have come to realize that I cannot live anyone else's life for them and it is not fair for me to try to. There are things that have happened to me to make me the person I have become today, people need to go through painful experiences to build thick skins. Thus for 2011 if it isnt about ME, then it really is not about me! Instead of being shot as the messenger, I am going to pray for everyone who needs it and leave the rest.

What are YOU leaving in 2010? There are so many people who make so much noise about the new year, as if when the year comes around everything becomes new. Nothing will change if you do not change yourself. If you keep treating yourself like hell then how the hell do you expect everyone else not to do the same? A doormat is a doormat!! I have already talked about how you should take control of your finances etc. so I will not go over it again.

I will say, however, that we all have this ONE life to live with no assurance as to when it will end. When it DOES end do you really want to know you wasted ONE second of it on nonsense? Why do people always wait till a near death experience to make the changes they need to make in their lives? I challenge you not to wait till then, make a positive change in your life NOW!!! Its 2011...make every minute count starting ....NOW!!!!!

Dear God,

You know me better than anyone else, my innermost turmoil and my innermost secrets. I want to be better, I want to be for you, I need a change in my life, I need you more. Please be with me and all my loved ones in 2011, in everything let my constant prayer be that your will be done. Thank you for everything you have blessed me with. I love you and want to love you more, be with me.

Just think,
you're here not by chance,
but by God's choosing.
His hand formed you
and made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else.
You are one of a kind.
You lack nothing
that His grace can't give you.
He has allowed you to be here
at this time in history
to fulfill His special purpose
for this generation.

Its 2011, lets make a difference....

Merry Christmas :)...

Done Done Done...this outfit is absolute perfection!!! I am loving the one arm look on a lot of dresses I have seen lately. (Including my birthday dress yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! )

Moving right along, Merry Merry Christmas to you and yours, I hope this Christmas brought you all the joy and peace that you had been striving for in your life. I usually spend Christmas with family and friends and I am usually so wrapped up in food and presents that I forget to enjoy myself. The past few Christmas days I have spent alone and its given me a chance to just chill and enjoy. I look back on the year and all the blessings 2010 has brought my way, sustained friendships, new loves, new friends, good health etc. etc.

As we move into the new year there are so many hopes and dreams that I have and that we all have I am sure, I will write more about that later, this is just a short post to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Enjoy your families, the presents and remember the reason for the season is Jesus!!!

Are we capable of L.O.V.E...???

I love this dress because of the feathered fan nonsense thats going on at the shoulder and also for the crystals that embellish the dress. This Rachel Gilbert evening dress will be amazing on a body like Naa or Lynda, someone with hips that dont lie...for someone like me...ummm we will work on it. Its only $315 so if you have a woman shaped like a coke bottle you think would appreciate this dress, please be my guest and click on the link above.

Moving right along, so today's post is going to be short and sweet, partly because I am still very sleepy having had to wake up from my sleep to make an airport run which I thought was in the evening. The good side to this is that now I do not have to leave the house again till Christmas ....YAY!!! Ok so todays topic:
Are humans capable of Love?

I am not going to go into a drawn out story blah blah I just want to know if people believe that humans are capable of love, AGAPE love that is sacrificing and whole. The non selfish love which considers the other before considering oneself. The love that makes you wake up and pray for the other, the love that makes you delete all temptations from your phone books and online accounts so you are never tempted to call them even if they are closer and can provide a quick fix to your "need" that second. A love that is considerate of the others feelings, can say sorry even if you were in the right and the other was in the wrong. A love that can see and try to draw your attention to your flaws not to highlight or embarrass you but to help you work on changing them.

I see all sides of the love coin, some couples who swear they are in love and yet do not know a thing about the other (i mean the big things), some couples who fight so much I wonder when they have time to even be friends, some couples who only speak when there are others around, some couples who are faking it to make it, some couples who are there for convenience etc. etc. etc. I have said many times that I am love's greatest ally and also its biggest cynic and these situations just make me think a lot. Honestly, I do not know if humans can truly love the way I envision love to be/mean. I want to be able to give my all and KNOW and truly KNOW that I am being given someones all...not cause they "think" that is what they should do to move on from a past relationship or what they should do because I am an awesome woman they "think" they could learn to love in time blah blah blah.

Relationships suck! Big time!!! What I am learning, however, is that they can and do work. You know what I am going to say next....Pray pray pray :)...if the person you are with is not  meant to be the person you are supposed to be with, prayers will get  and see you through it until you find that one for you. NEVER SETTLE. I always say and I believe truly that I would rather be single than with someone who does not truly appreciate my potential. While I am wasting time with your sorry ass, I could have been with someone who truly loves me and only me and wants to be with me. (Yes I am rambling). Ok so in conclusion, learn to LOVE yourself above all the drama the world has to offer. If you are giving your best and getting half assed for any reason at all...WALK!! Life is too short for rubbish, you deserve the best no matter who you are, where you have been and what mistakes you have made...Forget number 2...if you are not number 1 (after God, and family (which you will be a part of) then dump the sorry ass....(man or woman)....Good day!!!

Do we not all have one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our ancestors by being unfaithful to one another? Judah has been unfaithful. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves by marrying women who worship a foreign god. As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD remove him from the tents of Jacob—even though he brings an offering to the LORD Almighty. Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

"Dont stay, if you dont want to stay, Baby ill be ok...Believe me when I say imma be alright.."

Life is GOOD...but lets Plan just in case...

Life is good, but you might not agree with that after having to look at the hideousness I have up today. Well this dress just goes to show not everything "Designer" is good. If I ever got this dress I would burn it immediately. It has the nerve to be $3195 original price now "only" $958 and change. Even if they paid me that amount I still would not wear this dress. YUCK!!!!

Moving right along, so third week into advent...what useful thing have you done for someone else? I know I haven't done my advent thing "yet" but trust as soon as I get paid I am taking care of my various charities :).

So what gems of wisdom do I have for you today? PLANNING!!!
Most people who know me know that even when it looks like I do not have a plan, I probably do have one. I cannot make a move without planning. I dislike people that just want to go with the flow. Then when the flow is slightly irregular or overflowing then they are all over the place. Not a good look. I know I annoy my friends when it seems I want to overplan the simplest things, but if I have a plan then I can prevent us from wasting money or time, because obviously if you dont have a plan then you have to go with what life throws your way, whereas if you have a plan then you can figure out the cheapest option etc. PLAN!!!!

Now what exactly am I referring to when I say planning? Planning can encompass so many aspects of ones life. Well I mean the total package, your life plan, your money plan, your possible future plans etc.. Now the non planners will be quick to say "ish happens" what happens when your plan/plans do not go according to plan? Then you have to start all over again with your no plans." I would counter that when you make a plan you do take into consideration that life happens and you allow your plans to be flexible.

Money planning:
Raise your hand if you know someone who the recession hit extra hard because they were so sure they would always have their high paying jobs and had no back up funding/plans? I empathized with them but I did not have any pity because it is absolutely beyond me how you can be earning 100k+ be single with no dependents and still be broke...(*side eye*). Some people here will jump down my throat and say "well you dont have a savings plan so whats your excuse?" My excuse is that I was never earning that amount of money!!! Ok lets even forget about 100k friends, what about that friend who makes about what you make or slightly more who borrows money from you because they are broke and yet they are always traveling or wearing the cutest outfits they JUST bought?? First of all, can you pay me? Secondly, why will you not be broke if you are shopping your life away? I can talk about this person because that used to be me. Not the borrowing money not paying back bit, but the shopping when you have no money to your name. I have finally learned how to kick that habit. I now shop in my wardrobe since I have so many things I have never worn.

How to plan your money:
If you are broke like me here some tips that help me that may help you:
1. Consolidate your debt: I do not mean find the first company and just sign up. Do your homework and find a reputable non profit agency that can help you do this. Once you get all your debts in one place then you can work to tackle the debt beast. (Also you keep your individual accounts from accruing more interest).

2. Aint no shame in coupon use:
I used to be one of those people who thought if you used coupons you looked poor to the rest of the shoppers in line. Until I went one day and purchased $70 worth of groceries for about $30. After that I am on the hunt for any and all coupons. I like the website Mygrocerydeals because it is easy, I am able to compare deals and figure out what I want to buy before I go to the store. Impulse buying is the devil for a person trying to save. Have a list and only buy from the things on your list, TRUST ME!!!

3. Stop eating out:
I always like watching those money help programs on CNN (Suze Orman, Till Debt do us part) and it kills me when the people are broke broke broke and still manage to spend money on eating out. CUT IT OUT!!!! If you are really craving something...cook it, trust me the first few times you will be off, but you will finally get the hang of it and save some money.

4. You want to spend how much on the club/bar?
Everyone likes to go out and have a good time. My trick is forgoing something for the weeks I know I want to go out. If I know I will be going to party maybe something I would do for myself I will not do and save that money and put it all in the partying. Again I cannot understand people who complain about being broke and yet they are the first ones you will see at every event. Stay home!!!

5. Dont be afraid to say I cannot afford it:
I can remember a time in my life where I had to turn any trips down because I could not afford to go ...wait ...I am still in that time lol. Seriously though, you have to remember to cut your coat according to your size. Yes I have friends who can at the drop of the hat fly somewhere for the weekend, I know that is not what my pocket can afford, so when they invite me I politely decline and keep it moving. I am not going to put all my money for a trip then come home and starve...no thanks. I know sometimes I have said no and people thought I was being "somehow" because of the notion that my dad pays for everything so if I really wanted to I could go. Those people are Ediots...how does it look at age 20 something asking my dad to pay for me to go on a trip...despite what you may have heard, my daddy aint no fool and he aint no running money tap either. He will pay for the essentials and nothing more, and for me to even expect him to pay for anything else is very stupid and selfish on my part. So when you invite me on that trip and I say no mas, I am not being "somehow" I just cannot afford it "yet" :). Do not let anyone guilt you to do anything you know you cannot afford to do.

Now lets move onto the more general aspects of planning, i.e., Planning for other parts of your life:

Know what your long term and short term goals are:
I dislike the phrase, I want to be rich. Its vague and useless, who in the right mind wakes up and says I want to be poor? How are you going about getting rich? It upsets me when I see focused men/women get with partners who have no plans except they want to make money and be rich one day. What steps are you taking to make sure that happen? Do you have a degree? Do you have multiple degrees? Do you have experience? Are you getting experience? If you answer No to all the above, then I really do not think you want to be rich!!!

What if my significant other is not on my plan wave length?
Planning in relationships is crucial. Without a plan where are you heading? Or are you guys doing a "see how far" relationship where the time will dictate where the relationship goes? Now do not confuse planning with dreams. Yes we all want a platinum style wedding etc. etc. is that a plan? Not unless you have platinum style money. What I mean is that you and your significant other figure out your ultimate time line, what you want to achieve at certain points in time. These plans are not set in stone and can change as the relationship changes. If your significant other runs or hides anytime you bring up the planning topic, then you need to run. Or if they go on about vague things like " I want to be rich" run!!! :). Honey what are we doing with our lives, are you in school? trying to be in school? are you working? are you saving? how much debt do you have? what is the timeline to pay that debt off? Etc. these are all crucial questions you need to discuss.

Ok so you've done it. You've made some pretty awesome plans now what? Well...
Follow through with your plans:
It is not enough for you to wish to be rich and to have a plan. You actually have to follow through with this plan in order to see how feasible or impossible it is. If it doesn't work, then you can redo the plan until it works. I need to take this to heart myself, there are so many things I have going on in my head that I need to put on paper and start working on actually following through with.

I am a planner and I will probably be a planner for the rest of my life. Planning is the reason my father was able to afford my education and that is a good enough example for me. Even if you are not a planner by nature, start with baby steps, daily plans, weekly plans, and then you can grow onto the other major things when these things become a part of you. Planning helps you think about the future and what you want your future to look like.

Proverbs 12:5
The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful.

Proverbs 12:20
There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace.

Proverbs 15:22
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Save me from myself??

I would probably switch up a few things with this look, maybe dump the cut out Tshirt and actually have a solid Tee, and have a pair of darker jeans/jeggings etc. which actually got to the boot so that slight leg skin action is eliminated. It makes the mannequin look stunted. Anyways its the jacket I am loving most in all this, its Balmain, its on sale and you can find it here reduced from $11845 to $2961.25. (Yippeeeee???)

Moving right along. Today's post is going to be short because I have a ton of errands to run and I have decided to put up my Christmas tree today (YAY!!!!). (Wish me luck) Today's topic is about advice versus opinion and how you take either of those in your life and relationships.

Obviously when you meet someone new your friends, relatives etc. are all happy for you etc. till they meet that person and then a. continue to stay happy for you b. hint he/she is not the one for you or c. flat out say dump him/her.

In those situations what do you do? How much stock do you put in what other people have to say about your relationship? I know my family is very tight so everyone will have an opinion on the man that approaches them for my hand in marriage. Notice I did not say the man I bring home to marry. Cultural thing, in my culture the man is the one that goes "knocking" and not the other way around EVER!!!! If you like a guy and he does not go and ask for your hand or knock for you ...there is no way (at least none I have ever heard) that makes it acceptable for the girl to go knocking for the guy. (If i am lying please let me know). Anyways so back to what I was saying. So my family will have an opinion which will lead to advice...now how much of this should and can I take.

In the past, have been the one evaluating boyfriends and telling my friends/cousins to dump them so I know people can look and see things that you or me may not see whilst we are in the relationship, so in that sense I appreciate the looking out. Then again that are situations that have seemingly withstood the odds against them. Where people I thought should have no business together are "seemingly" doing well together.

This is something I know I can solve overnight (sigh), in the past when I was asked, "What would you do if your dad did not like someone who came to knock for you" my very confident answer was " I'd dump him". Now I am not so sure. I mean I would have to sit down and talk to my dad a lot because he is someone whose opinion I value highly and I know he would never lead me astray but he is human like I am and thus can make a mistake. ( Have I further confused you as much as I have confused myself?)

So what is the solution? Well I had a friend once, who met the man of her dreams but her family and specifically her dad did not approve of this man because of skin color. The girl was torn, we all know how every girl is a daddy's girl (I dont care what you say). She fasted for a week or was it a month and kept praying about it. In the end, the dad was able to look past the guys skin color and realize how truly happy this guy made his daughter and they are now happily married and she is still happy as can be (sigh).

So i guess what I am saying is what I say all along. If God finds you your mate then even if there seem to be valleys and potholes in the relationship, God will provide the tar to fill those potholes and the wooden plank to help you cross the valley (wait how does one cross a valley efficiently???) Oh well...I stay praying that when "Decision:" time comes around for me, I will have a good man doing the knocking and have no problems with my Dad and my family opening the door to him.

Sidenote: This is what YOU can do to make your friends truly respect your input in their relationships. Do not always volunteer information. It is not your relationship so no one really cares what you would have done if you were "in his/her shoes". Make arguments based on logic (even though most of the time logic flies out the window when people are in love) still if you are telling your friend why you think someone is not right for them dont use vague things like, "I dont like him/her", why? "I dont know". (I will dismiss you immediately). Yes we all have gut feelings we should pay attention to but that gut feeling should lead to something tangible before you go blab your opinion otherwise your friend will not take you seriously and everything you say from that point on, even if it is valid will be dismissed. Be a good friend, think, if I was in that persons situation how would I want x, y, z, situation handled and handle it in that way. “The thoughts of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful.”Proverbs 12:5

So all in all, Ive said a lot today and said really little, this is something I will continue to think and pray about and if and/or when you read/see/hear im married, I guess you will know the right guy came along afterall lol. Keep God first in everything you do and he will take you through everything you think you are not able to go through. True Friends please continue to be the true friends you are, so we can discard of all the fake friends and those pretending to be our friends :).

“Good friend, follow your father’s good advice; don’t wander off from your mother’s teachings.Wrap yourself in them from head to foot; wear them like a scarf around your neck.Wherever you walk, they’ll guide you; whenever you rest, they’ll guard you;When you wake up, they’ll tell you what’s next.For sound advice is a beacon, good teaching is a light, moral discipline is a life path.” Proverbs 6:20 -23