Sunday, February 27, 2011

Osagyefo Dr. Kwame Nkrumah

As a ship that has been freshly launched, we face the hazards of the high seas alone. We must rely on our own men, on the captain and on his navigation. And, as I proudly stand on the bridge of that lone vessel as she confidently sets sail, I raise a hand to shade my eyes from the glaring African sun and scan the horizon. There is so much more beyond… (Dr. Kwame Nkrumah)


Yesterday, when I announced that my second book had been published, some people were surprised. Some were surprised because I had not mentioned anything about writing a book and others because they did not “know” I “liked” Nkrumah.

Well today I am writing this to help everyone understand why I wrote the book and what you can expect from it. First of all this is not propaganda material nor is it an attack on my former President. What I aim to do with this book is to get readers to see and/or understand Dr. Nkrumah from a perspective not previously considered.


Why now? There are two main reasons I decided to write this book. The first being that although Nkrumah is viewed as an important political figure, especially in the history of the African liberation struggle and fight against colonialism, there is limited study conducted on his rhetoric. It was therefore my view that a focus on his rhetoric would offer a different perspective and fresh insight on the man/politician/statesman. Secondly, there is in relative terms, not too many studies conducted on and about Africa by Africans. This analysis therefore, was an attempt by an African (the author is an African and more precisely a Ghanaian) to offer scholarly endeavor to what there is.

So what is the book about? The book details the journey of the Volta Dam project from its inception to the securing of the funds for its completion, and concludes by providing a rhetorical analysis of the speech that Dr. Nkrumah gave at its inauguration. At this point most people would ask, “what is a rhetorical analysis?” The simple answer is this, a rhetorical analysis requires you to apply your critical reading skills in order to “break down” a text. In essence, you break off the “parts” from the “whole” of the piece you’re analyzing. The goal of a rhetorical analysis is to articulate HOW the author writes, rather than WHAT they actually wrote/said. To do this, you will analyze the strategies the author uses to achieve his or her goal or purpose of their piece.

The rhetorical analysis that was employed in this study was that of the Quest Hero/Quest Story. The concept of the Quest hero derives from the rhetorical critical analytical tool known as the Quest Story (also referred to as a Hero’s Journey or a Heroic Monomyth) which was developed by Joseph Campbell. According to Campbell, all stories regardless of cultural differences have a typical storyline which portray a hero in quest of some precious object. Campbell’s work sought to showcase “the commonality of themes in world myths, pointing to a constant requirement in the human psyche for a centering in terms of deep principles” (xvi). The Quest story describes the seeking out of a Precious Object where it is only upon the successful completion of the quest that the seeker/Hero would know if his or her quest/journey had been necessary or not. Think of your average Hero movie, yes it takes its premise from the Quest story. There are basic elements that all these stories have in common from Harry Potter, to the Matrix to Starwars.

In the book, I provide more detail about the Quest story and explain how I made the jump from this rhetorical device being used to analyze and/or write movie scripts to using it to analyze a speech. I also go into detail about Dr. Nkrumah by providing a brief biography on the man. For me the most exciting part of the writing, however, was the chapter entitled “U.S.-Ghana relations”, this is where I detail how the U.S. became involved in the whole Volta Dam project.

This book is relevant and was important for me to write because I love knowing where I came from and the events that shaped my country. Dr. Nkrumah is a great man not only because he gave the example of what to do in politics, but because he also gave the example of what not to do. He was a man, and that is what we all have to remember. At the end of the day, he teaches that the people will always have the final say in how they are governed (break from colonialism) and that Africa as a continent can one day be free from everything that tries to hold us down.(tribalism, corruption, greed etc.)

I truly hope you enjoy reading this, because I truly enjoyed writing it. A big thank you to my mother, my editor and my proof reader who spent countless hours making sure all my I’s were dotted and T’s crossed. The only person who submitted rewrite suggestion after suggestion (even when I ignored them). They say behind every good man is a (good) woman, I say behind every stable person is a good person. I love you mummy (and daddy) and could not have done it without you guys.

Thank you,

Augustina Amakye, Ph.D.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

How Worthless are you?

I don't know about you, but I need to become intimately acquainted with this dress. *Swoon* I love love love absolutely love everything about it. Its a Julien Mcdonald Green silk-blend satin halterneck corseted gown with a Swarovski-embellished bust. You know they had me at Swarovski...sigh...its going for $1323 so if you want it, click here. I will just keep dreaming and keeping hope alive. So one of my friends actually motivated me to write this piece today. He was going on about my lack of love (*side eye*) and how he thought I needed a man to "marry me and give me little once" (yes I copied and pasted exactly as it was typed :)) because I was getting too old. Maybe if I hadn't just woken up and it wasn't a good day I might have reflected on what he had said and felt bad about myself. Being a good day, however, I just put everything he said back on him, and came to vent on behalf of any other female who hears and does not appreciate this.

Can we ever be enough for other people? Think about it, from the time you are born it seems as if expectations are all you can "expect" from the world. You are expected to "act" like a boy or a girl, expected to get good grades, be a good child etc. etc. Then you grow up and think ok I am my own boss now, but it really isn't the case is it? People expect you to be in a relationship. If you are single there has to be something wrong with you. (More females than males.) Fine you get into a relationship, then you are expected to take it to the next level. You take it to the next level and get married, and you are expected to take that to the next level. Ok you take it to the next level and have a kid and again you are expected to take it to the next level. You have another kid and then the next level. You get judged for the kids you had, your job, your friends etc. etc. etc. and people start expecting things from your kids and the cycle begins all over again. Its no wonder people are so crazy these days.

Can we just catch our breaths please? I am truly sick and tired of others projecting what it is one should or should not be doing at any point in their life. Females get this more I think. Men think they can always do what they want and then when they are ready to settle down, find a younger female and live the life. I hate to disappoint you, but as my mother once said, women may have a sell by date but men have an expiration date. Stop telling me what I should be doing in my life and focus on your own. If more people focused on their own lives instead of others the world would be a better place.

No I am not married and I do not have any children. I do not care what age you think women should be married by. I do not care how hard it will be for me to have kids at a certain age. You did not create me and do not know my purpose in life. What will be will be and the rest I leave it up to God. I am sick of women thinking that they have to do what other people say and I am sick that for one second I actually felt bad about myself for not being married or having children "at a particular age" or "because I am growing old". I do not want any woman or man to ever feel like they are worthless in terms of not living up to the expectations society wants to set for them. Marriage may be the be all end all for some of you, but other people may not necessarily agree. I do not want a pretty wedding and an ugly marriage and I (and everyone else) should refuse to as Nike says "just do it" because you HAVE to. (*side eye*). Good things come to those who wait, so for some of us we choose to be fashionably late! If you are living your life and you are happy then don't let anyone else tell you NADA!!!

Live your life, find things that make and keep you happy and pray. Keep God first and he will keep you through all things. To that unemployed person who keeps applying for jobs and keeps getting rejected and whose friends refuse to empathize and rather judge them for always being "broke" don't mind what people say, keep applying. To that person who is working more than 1 job to make sure they can afford things for their children, live your life don't care about what they say about you or your children. To that person who wants so badly to be with someone and yet has not found the right person for you, don't care about what they say keep believing. To that person who thinks they have to compromise who they are to get somewhere in life, do what you want to, don't care what they say. To everyone and anyone who has ever felt misjudged, do not let others insecurities about THEIR lives impact your life. I hope I have never made anyone feel worthless or as if they are not living to their full potential. If I have my sincerest apologies. Life is hard enough without feeling judged by your peers, your lovers and your friends. Keep doing what it is you are doing and keep praying about it, in God's time, by his will he will make all things well and beautiful :).

Receive God's compassion and you will be able to be compassionate. Do not receive negative judgment from God, and you will not be judgmental yourself. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Give and it shall be given to you.

Stalkers need love too?

I rarely truly covet something I see on TV or on models but for this I will make an exception. I saw this or a similar chain on a character on TV (Harry from Harry's Law) and I instantly fell in love with-it.I....must....have....one day...*sigh* I am not even going to find the price and where you can get it at so no one else can go get it. If I suffer you must suffer too...plain and simple.

Alrighty then, we are not going to look at lovers and friends (Luda) , but rather stalkers and friends.

Ok so show of hands how many of you have stalked someone in the hopes of them finally realizing that you are the one for them and getting with you. Come on don't be shy now...show me :). Ok now I know you, I am judging you... Who does that? Ok so it may not be your fault completely. I know there are still some psycho's ( both men and women) who believe that constant attention is the way to show you care. For the rest of us sane people, however, this is a huge turn off. You simply look pathetic (male or female).

So what do you do when you really really really really want the other person and they cannot seem to see how great you two are together blah blah blah. I say let it go. Truly, anything that is for you will return to you. If you are working too hard to keep something then the minute you slack it will leave. Is that how you truly want to spend your whole life or your whole experience of knowing someone? I do not know about you but that seems very close to HELL!!!!

Relationships, platonic or not are two way streets. You both need to give and you both need to get. No one can convince me that they alone can carry a relationship, otherwise, you would not need the other person IN the relationship. You need to have trust, understanding, caring all these little elements dripping into a big pool of LOVE or even LIKE or even RESPECT.

Stalking or being present all the time does nothing. Trust me I tried it before. See I know your thought pattern. It goes something like this... If I am constantly there then the person cannot forget about me. Not! If you are constantly there you constantly remind the person why they dont want to be with you or why they left you. There is no time for them to miss you (which often works better). Leave some mystery, some intrigue. Let THEM think about you for a change, how about that? Stalking or being constantly present isn't a way or a form of love, it is simply selfishness and all about control. You want to control how that person feels for you because YOU say they should like you or love you. You think You are the right one for the person and want to drill it into their heads. How is that love? Love is not selfish. Acting this way just reinforces to the other person that you are someone not to be with. I know I would not want to be with someone who wants to control how I should feel about them, be gone!!!! True love does not have rigid expectations.

I am sure we have all heard of the phrase, familiarity breeds contempt, the more you bug someone by always being around especially when they don't want you around, the more they despise you. It really is that simple. I like to kill hope when it needs to die so you need a friend like me around all the time :). I have been through it, been the stalkee and the stalker so I can appreciate both sides of the coin. That is why I am telling you today, let the person go. Anyone who wants your attention THAT much cannot be a stable person and why do you want to be with a non-stable person?

Ultimately it comes down to this. How much respect and love do YOU have for YOURSELF? If you have respect then there is no way you will allow someone else to disrespect you (duh). What I mean is if you have respect then you will know when you truly going above and beyond and bordering on being a stalker. If you love yourself then you will know you are worthy of love back and love does not tell you get lost and mean it. Wait for the right person in your life and stop trying to make everyone the right person, you will end up missing YOUR right person when they come. I almost made that mistake and now when I think of the time I wasted with the other person I want to kick myself (a lot). I know I am living the cliche now so if I can, so can you. WAIT for YOURS and dont settle in the mean time for someone who might just "do".

Do not snoop through the person's info even if you have their passwords, do not go badmouthing them to their friends, do not go adding their friends on Myspace. Twitter or Facebook to keep track of them, do not move closer to them, etc. etc. Let them go and truly believe that the person you are meant to be (maybe this person, maybe not) will come around soon. Stop expending energy to keep something that is not yours. I do not appreciate nor respect stalking or any situation where someone tries to manipulate another into a reaction or feeling. If someone says they do not want to be with you, respect yourself enough to let them go.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.


Friday, February 18, 2011

She-man and He-ra??

So if you know me you know I am a shiny freak, if its shiny, I want it :) Plain and simple. I used to love Swarovski items and then the love died (for a little bit) but now its backkkk :) I think Swarovski Europe has more to offer though, but if you want some good deals on some shiny click here.

So Francis and J brought about this topic. J and I were talking about it a few days ago and Francis reminded me about it today. Should women be allowed to do all the things men do in sports and things that require strength?

I say yes, the two men say No. Then I say, to some extent. The two men still say No. Well J says they can try or they should be allowed to try but the requirements should not be reduced because it is a woman. If the test is to run 100 miles then men and women should run 100 miles, not men 100, women 50. (Is that better)? This is my whole view on this man man man woman debate. If a woman wants to be at the fore front of a war, let her do it, just don't make it mandatory for all women to do it. I am a woman and I do not want to be at the forefront of any battle thank you. This is where some people would say ah ha! Why make it ok for only SOME women when ALL men have to do it? You are either in or out you can't play both cards. If we are going to blur the lines then lets go all out...wait a minute!

Do I think men and women are created equal...YES! Do I think they can do the same things? NO! I do not care what you say, the same reason a man cannot give birth to a child (because of biological reasons), is the same reason women (without any edits) cannot do some of the things men can. The sooner we accept this and move onto other things that matter the better for all of us. Now do not confuse the biological argument with a male chauvinistic one which says women cannot contribute at work etc. etc. see for me that is a different debate. I am talking purely human mechanics here. Strength, agility etc. Come on we all know that with the brain stuff (women kick men ass all the time shush I know I am being biased) :).

So what am I saying? A woman cannot run as fast as a man, beat a man at a sport etc. etc. No. I am saying a woman COULD but because THAT woman chooses to doesn't mean it should be the norm for every other woman. Women come out of the womb with the pressures of the world already on their shoulders. We ARE strong in ways men can only dream about but not necessarily on the same things Men consider themselves to be strong on.

We should all do what WE want to do and not what everyone else suggests or thinks we do. This whole herd mentality is what is getting us into trouble. A man is not superior than a woman and vice versa, we have enough of the ying and yang for us to work together as one. THAT is what I think people need to concern themselves with, versus, oh women cant do this and that or should not be allowed to do this and that. Or men should not do this and that etc. The days of SOME men choosing historically feminine sports are gone, men can be ballet dancers, cheer leaders etc. etc. If they have the opportunity to do this then why cant some females do the same without any backlash?

He or she who wants to do it should do it. It just should not become the measuring stick for the whole gender. That is where my problem lies. Enough with the herd mentality, not every woman will be a Michelle Obama, and not every man will be a Barack Obama what we need to understand and accept is that we all have a role to play and how we play those roles is ultimately what is important. Everyone is relevant and everyone is important, you only have one life to live why spend it living for others or living trying to prove others wrong? Do you and be happy doing you and that's my two cents on the matter.



Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I'm late...(yeah its not a Pregnancy reference sheesh)

Ok I can dig everything about this outfit except for the part that on me the top might not be as flattering...(sigh)...but I absolutely love how effortless the look is. It is something you can throw on for a first date or even just to meet the girls for drinks (at a hot bar where you know there will be a lot of hot men). Anyways if you love the shirt as much as I do...you know the drill...click here. It is an Ivory silk crepe shirt by Vionnet.

So Valentines day came and went and I meant to put up the link to Gabe's very fun and interesting look at some of the things you could get your mate but man proposes and God disposes. Why don't we treat everyday like Valentine? Go ahead, click here and enjoy the post all the same.

Alrighty then. So I have a secret but I am not telling until I am sure it can be told :) you will just have to wait to find out what it is. In the mean time we can talk about love/Valentines and what it means and should mean for us.

So having friends at various points in their relationships meant that I heard all sorts of stories about what different people did for their Valentines. Some single ones ventured into the dating world being brave enough to go out on dates, others preferred to sit out the whole "commercialized" event. With married couples, some of them did fun things, others said Valentines was everyday so they chose not to do anything etc. For some couples, this was their first Valentine's together some had some awkward moments, and others had smooth sailing. Other couples were hoping this was the day they would get that "ring", some did others NOT! As I said before, a variety of ways that day was spent but the one thing everyone seemed to have had in common, however, was wanting to spend that day with someone special. Did you spend it with someone special and what did you do?

So what does it mean to have someone special (In the relationship context)? Up until recently, I must admit that I had a preconceived notion of what being with someone special meant or even what someone special should look like, be like, act like, think like. Thanks to the movies and what other people have said, I believed that once you met this person, flowers had to open when you walked by, music would be streaming from heaven, wherever you walked there would be rose petals falling etc. etc. Trust me this is not the case! I thought I knew what love/someone special looked like and I encouraged my friends (and myself) to pursue this kind of love and person. What I am slowly learning, however, is that this may not be the case.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

I know the above quote is my go to in any case I want to prove my point about love but it is only recently I have taken the time to break it down and try to live every single aspect of it wholly in my life. What I am beginning to understand is that, this quote does not only mean you relate to one other person in this way, this HAS to be your outlook at the way you react with everyone you come across. So it doesn't matter if I am completely patient with my spouse and then when someone else comes along I lose my patience with them and say yes I love. In order to love I must practice patience with everyone I come across. Same with envy, pride, dishonor etc. How you treat others invariably affects the one you choose to be with or the one you claim to love.

Trust me you cannot love and treat one person well and treat everyone else like crap. You will be faking it somewhere and most probably it will be with your significant other. One day you will get tired of living the lie and proceed to treat them like everyone else, like crap. Love must encompass everything you think, say and do and when this happens then you are able to fully receive and give love as you were meant to.

I once read a quote that said that love is when you love someone not for any specific reason, i.e., you would not be able to point out one specific thing they do to warrant that love from you. We have all be conditions to expect love in a very specific package. He must be ye high, ye tall, must have this amount of money etc. etc. We also believe we are completely perfect as we are and that if there is any change that needs to occur it needs to happen on the OTHER person's side. Love is compromise. No one comes to a relationship a perfect fit for the other. It is the changes you make for each other where you start to build your relationship and where love grows. So throw the concept of Prince/Princess Charming/Beautiful out the window. Love is the person who is willing to truly grow with you, accept the flaws you highlight and is motivated to make changes so you BOTH can become better at the same time.

Love is constantly learning and evolving. It can never be stagnant because humans are not stagnant, we go through different experiences and feelings. Love does not thrive well with unrealistic expectations. Love also does not pick and choose which part of a person we fall in love with, it is either or. I think the saddest thing anyone can do is to settle. Thanks to my parents and my faith I know my true worth. ( I am not proud of boastful of this) but I now know what I deserve and acknowledge without being envious of anyone else that I deserve a faithful man, a trustworthy man, a man who values me and my opinion, one who makes me feel that I belong, one who will always make me feel like I rank highest above anything else. You have to decide for yourself what you truly believe about yourself. Be realistic!!! I am just very tired of people passing up on opportunities for true growth and true love because of some superficial reason.

In all honesty I think if my mother had looked for what we have all been preprogrammed to believe was "the special someone, " she would/should have kicked my dad to the curb and that would have been her ultimate loss. He was not the richest, (but the most handsomestestest, smartest, bestestest hey hes my dad) lol , but he was def. the quietest man she knew. He was not what she and most of her friends thought she should get with, but she said she prayed about it and the rest is wonderful history. I have watched my dad go from the quiet 1 word man to learning from my mom's talkative nature to actually being able to have a conversation. ( I guess he got tired of listening ) :). My dad is not stable and my mom did not settle in choosing him, he is the love of my mom's life (and she will tell you that over and over and over ) and maybe she may not have described him in this way if you had asked her this on their wedding day. What this tells me is that YOU need to decide what it is you want and if your partner has these innate qualities and then work on the rest.

Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Love comes strong like a hurricane or a tornado, but it can also come like a lazy breeze on a quiet summer day. Do not take what others tell you about their experiences to be what you think YOUR love should look like. Dont throw away a good man /woman because s/he has little quips and quirks you "cannot live with". Is s/he a good person? Are they willing to work with you? Are they willing to try? Are they trying? Do not forget that you yourself are not perfect. It is ok to grow in love (not the be confused with settling). So this Valentine's as you look or think about "that special someone" maybe it is time to widen that net and consider people you may not have considered before. Pray about your decision and for you and your "special someone" because you cannot force someone to love you no matter what you do. You may be the most perfect thing they have ever seen or been with but there will always be a vital part missing and they will know this and you will know it too. God gives love and only he can truly give and secure your relationship. No amount of money, tricks, trips, trinkets food, etc. will help you achieve this. Material things may trick your significant other for awhile but it will fade and then game over. God is the only engineer of true love because he felt it first for us in sending us his only son. We try to emulate a minute part of this in our reactions with each other. Treat everyone with the same respect you would want them to give you...Love, and love hard...it beats the alternative :)...Happy Belated Valentines.


Friday, February 4, 2011

Live like you are dying...

I could not decide between these two Marchesa dresses so I guess you get the benefit of seeing TWO dresses today. I love them both though the second one would probably fit my body more than the first. The first one is only $446 and can be found here. The second is slightly more expensive (go figure) and can be found for $495 right here. Enjoy :)

Ok so I was going to tackle today's topic yesterday, I was feeling like Superwoman, I could grade papers, do some writing, cook, clean and then write the blog post...didn't happen.

So you get the benefit of reading about it today. Can I get a YAY please? Moving right along. I am going to be offering my two cents (hey its a recession can I get some change please) on this article/discussion whatever you feel comfortable calling it right here. It is an interesting read but for those of you too lazy to read I am going to pick out the relevant points discussed and expound on them here. The first thing you should know is that whereas our parents (well some of them) generation or the generations before had MID-Life Crises, our generation has managed to one up them and we have Quarter life crises. According to the article, a quarter life crisis can be defined as:

" ... a kind of anticipatory crisis: ‘How is my life going to turn out? I don’t have a clue; I don’t have a map; I don’t have a vision for it.’ The mid-life crisis is a kind of ‘Is this it? I had a big plan, I had big ideas. Now I’m 48 and I guess I won’t get to do those things.’ The mid-life crisis is understood as one of resignation. A Quarterlife Crisis will resolve itself by hooking itself into a plan.” What that plan could be, though, might be vague, or feel altogether impossible to create."

Does it sound familiar? If it doesn't I think I hate you. (just a little bit). I think to some extent we have all experienced this quarter life crisis. I would like to submit, however, that it is a cultural problem as opposed to a societal one and thus everyone (not only Americans) is dealing with it to a certain degree. Being an international and not having grown up with the American dream (and culture) I have had a lot of opportunities afforded to me that I may not have had growing up American. I have also missed a lot of opportunities that I may have had if I HAD been an American but how do these weigh out against each other? Well for one I have never heard the word student loan in the context of my education. What does this mean for me? Well it means if I am not a dummy and I do not accrue debt from credit cards (myyyy precioussss) I can pretty much leave this country when its time to leave with what I came here for and some very good memories. (Wooo hoo) Does that however mean I am not prone to the quarter life crisis? Very far from it. I am going to tell you how an American and myself (an international) can go through the quarter life crisis in two very different ways.

Being an international means that I do not have the benefits of paying state tuition, get grants etc. that may reduce the financial burden on my parents. I can get scholarships like my American counterparts but usually a lot of scholarships cater to American minorities. So even though the American has school loans (in some cases) the amount they may end up paying may be significantly less than what my parents have to FIND before semester starts every year. Yes there is no luxury of school now pay later, no money money no teachy teachy. So in both cases we can both be in debt by the time we are done, me right now, the American later. Quarter life probability for both : VERY HIGH

Lifestyles. Most internationals come with a purpose, come to America, get your education and go home or find a nice job and stay in America. Depending on your preference those were the two main ways to go. Then the recession hit. Guess what, suddenly, getting your education and getting a nice job is not that easy anymore because Americans aren't getting jobs either. Now riddle me this, how are you supposed to know how to apply what you have learned in school if you have no where to practice? In all honesty America does try with this with their OPT program where if you CAN find a job, then you have a year to stay and work to get some training in your field of expertise. That was not my question, however. I said, how can we apply what we have learned if there is no where to practice. This is one place regardless of our cultures both the American and I suffer. No job means no job and therefore no training. No training means umm I might have wasted my time acquiring an education here instead of going to China or somewhere else. Quarter life probability for both : VERY HIGH

Cultural differences. I noticed from my first year in college that most American "kids" get away with a lot. I about died when my roomie one day got on the phone and cursed the living daylight out of her parents. (Yes this is not ALL Americans, I have met some very respectful Americans in my time :) ). See this would not fly back home. Your parents word IS THE WORD! Though some parents can be flexible I have heard of situations where the parents have picked the majors their children major in :)...(oh and they get the report cards from the colleges every end of semester FERPA be damned). With such a usually rigid focus on your education, it is hard for one to flunk or not go to class without incurring the wrath of one's parents who may decide to pull you back home because you are wasting their time and money. The American here differs because usually they are paying for their school fees through student loans or have had a fund set up for them which insures that fees are paid always on time etc. There is no threat of repercussions (unless they have loans but then who thinks about loans whilst at school). Quarter life probability for International: HIGH for American (undisciplined) : VERY HIGH.

Life goals: We used to have a running joke that most internationals who came here either wanted to be Doctors, Nurses, Businessmen/women or in IT. So every single International you would meet would be majoring in one of these field. Majors like Drama, Music, Dance were seemingly foreign to us. Our parents consciously or unconsciously pitted us against each other. "Oh my Johnny just got on the Dean's list, he will make such a wonderful Doctor. Oh my Barbara got awarded ANOTHER scholarship to John Hopkins etc. etc. etc. Like it or not we were our parents pawn in this chess game of life."
For the Americans it seemed, not so. You could be who you wanted to be when you wanted to be and major in anything you wanted. What did this mean? On the one hand, this could translate into Happier Americans because face it who isn't happier doing what they want to do. On the other hand, it could have lead to more discipline on the part of the international, doing what you do not like and excelling at it ensures that throughout life instead of dilly dallying because you do not like a situation, you will stay and work throughout. (you may also lose your mind really fast). Quarter life probability for both : Minimal if they play their cards right.


In terms of culture we can see how the Quarter life crisis can be extrapolated to fit not only an American market or culture. We are all prone to these difficulties that we thought we would never see because our parents and grandparents already suffered and we are smarter and better than they were? Or not? Moving off culture there is another way that one finds differences in the Quarter life. Gender (drumroll please).

The article differentiated between the genders pointing out that...
WOMEN ALSO FIND themselves conflicted, usually more than men, about the trajectory of their twenties as they relate to relationships. In 1973, the average age for women to get married was 23, and for men, 25. By 2003, the average age for both rose about five years, a significant change that reflects both marriage-free cohabitation and purposefully delaying serious commitment. It also means that twentysomethings are increasingly going it alone in their financial lives, where they would historically be building assets and houses and portfolios alongside their partner. Women, especially, are buying homes on their own. It also means that loneliness and isolation are far more likely, particularly when being separated from the close friendships that make up university life happens without a family or back-up community in place.

Can I get an AMEN? I can so relate you would think I wrote that up there myself and just told you it was in the article to make it sound credible :). No really, it was in the article. Times are changing so much but are they really changing for the better? In the past men wanted to settle down be the men of the house, even if they did not bring in much they brought in as much as they could worked as hard as they could etc. etc. Women were there for their men and did their part scrimping and saving to make a better life for themselves and their family. No woman in my family (that I can think of) has been a housewife and just sat on her behind. Every single woman has had some job something to try to bring in extra money for the family. Not these days apparently. These days men want to be rich and find the younger chicks to marry (then get mad when these younger chicks cheat with their age mates). Women are so independent they dont NEED no man (but secretly cry into their pillows every night) and want to buy their own houses, make their own kids (sperm donors) la di da da because all men "aint ****" (and stay crying into their pillows) What happened to the times when 1 plus 1 made 2 and those 2 heads were better than 1? What happened to working together for 1 common goal? Sometimes you do not need to have a million dollars to get married, other times yes because you know you've got a foolish partner who will just drag you down (but that is another post altogether).

So (if you are still reading at this point) what I am suggesting? Women, settle for anything so long as you can say you are married? Men, women just want to get married so you provide for them. Americans, you suck and deserve it ? International parents are evil slave drivers who do not respect their children's creativity? No No No and No!!! The main thing I am saying is that society is changing, we are changing or we are making the change so we should be in CHARGE of this change. We cannot walk through life aimlessly waiting for others to call our shots for us. Being proactive is the key to all these situations. I have talked before about having game plans for your game plans. Planning is oh so essential and oh so key. Know all you can know about things that impact your life. Have goals and know how you plan to achieve those goals. What do you expect to gain by the end of this month, by the end of next month, by the end of the year etc. etc. What are you doing to ensure that happens (and sitting in your room saying I'm going to be rich soon does not constitute a plan). If you have a significant other are you guys on the same time line or is one thinking job, promotion, travel whilst the other is thinking babies, new home, etc. If you are alone what are you doing to ensure that you make yourself available for another (if you want one) and yet you can take care of yourself if need be? A quarter life crisis is not for all of us. If you are in it and think you cannot get out trust me you can. Life is good as long as you are living, because you can always make changes. I know the article is a long read (sorry Muhtar) and this isn't any shorter but I think its something we all need to worry about and work hard to avoid. We are young (*cough*), healthy, alive. We live, we love what else do we need? If you were going to die tomorrow, what are the things you would kick yourself for not having done...go do those things NOW! (wait if it includes robbing a bank or something illegal, dont!)...Life is too short to wait for life time guarantees, live like you are dying then maybe you will truly live a little ( I think).









Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I want my ex back....

I am starting to love the designs by Tart, like this one. I know last time was Ideeli's sale and it seems today is Ruelala's turn. No I did not buy this dress though I was sufficiently tempted. I can't promise that it will be around for much longer so if you want to grab it do yourself a favor and run over to Ruelala.com

So today's topic fell into my lap. I put on the TV after a day writing and was just ready to watch anything to let my mind relax. Well Sex and City was on and since I was not an avid fan I have several episodes I have never seen. So I decided why not. Well this was apparently this episode where Charlotte (who is getting ready to get married) catches SJP cheating with Mr. Big. The next episode the wife caught them when when she came home early and found SJP in her house (some people have no shame its not enough that you are cheating with my husband but you choose to sleep with him in my house and have the nerve to eat my food too??) anyways these are not the ones I want to talk about. I want to talk about what happens when SJP finally tells the guy she is dating (and was dating whilst cheating with BIG) that she cheated on him.

That's a lot of information right? Yeah I felt the same way after watching it. Well some more rambling. During the cheating portions I detested SJP because her cheating was so disgusting I kept asking myself if she had no morals. How low must your self esteem be for you to agree to be someone else's second best. Well at the end when Aidan (her boyfriend) ends up dumping her I felt bad for her though ( go figure). I know I am rambling on and on so let me "land". Why is it that some people are only interested in you once you are gone and will never be theirs? I kept thinking about this and thought about blogging about it but I was pretty tired of writing after my day today so decided to do it tomorrow. However, I just watched "Bones" and this is the episode where Booth's new girlfriend meets Bones and Bones (whether she wants to admit it or not) now realizes she might have a very big mistake not taking a chance on her and Booth.

Have you ever been in this situation and have you been the Booth or the Bones? I personally have never been the one to walk from a relationship but I have had people walk away. I can tell you that it hurts MAJOR when people walk away from you. ( I could go all TD Jakes on you right about now but I wont go read up on it in previous posts). I have had people who have walked away from me come back once they have figured out what a good thing they messed up and I have not given them the time of day. Yes Sankofa is not taboo. For those who do not know Sankofa is an adinkra symbol that suggests that "one should not be afraid to go into their past and correct their mistakes". I used to be a big believer in Sankofa, I actually still am but not when it involves my feelings and emotions.

If we have to be completely honest, it is quite flattering to know your ex wants you back. If you are an idiot most of the time you will fall for it and not realize that usually the only reason they want you now is because they see someone else has you. They have suddenly become that child who is not happy with their new toy and want their old toy because they see someone else getting joy from it. Tsk Tsk. I always enjoy the attention from my exes BUT tell them to kick rocks, you are an ex for a reason...your time has expired. There are some people who believe you should be tied to them for life, when they are happy you should still be pining after them, wanting them, responding to their every beck and call. Umm Honey NO! You left ME, why should I care about you are up to or not up to? Like seriously...keep it moving. 9 times out of 10 you get back with them, the euphoria of the moment fades and you wonder why you came back in the first place. (At least I do).

Since not everyone is like me, Have you ever been in this situation or are you currently in this situation? Here are some tips you can use to help you figure "things" out in black and white, since some people cant see the truth even when its slapping them in the face. So Thank me later and on we go.

1. Why did this person walk away from you in the first place?
You need to consider what it is about your relationship that did not work out the first time around. There are little things and then there are big things. Little things are usually things that are beyond your control that you cannot change. For some people distance is a biggie they cannot deal with and that is understandable. For others a big thing would be something like cheating, if it was cheating then it is on you, are you ready to take a cheater back and feel you will be able to be in a trusting relationship with them? Evaluate your relationship and figure out if it was a big or little thing that made you break up and see how you will navigate those issues if you decide to get back together.

2. Old habits and annoying behaviors.
Like it of not we all have things that are not so endearing to everyone. If your old mate was/is a slob and you are a clean freak and that was one of your main areas of contention then why are you going back? Most likely they are still a slob and you are still a clean freak who is going to freak out about their messes.

3. Financial differences
If you are a miser and your significant other is a big spender, that is one of those situations where you should let sleeping dogs lie. Or keep your accounts separate. :). Just remember money is one of the major reasons divorce happens (if you ever make it down the aisle).

4. Religious difference
The other biggie, I have had different people swear all sorts of things to me to try to get me back into a relationship. What you always have to remember is that when you get with someone you are not only getting with them but with their family as well. Most of the time if they are a smart person they have a belief system that nothing can pry them away from. They will swear they will make all the concessions in the world for you but perhaps the rest of their family will not be as malleable.

5. An abusive (verbal, physical, mental, emotional)
I honestly do not know nor understand how anyone goes back to an abuser. I guess I have been blessed never to have been in this situation and I continue to pray I am never in this situation. If I ever get around this I hope someone sprinkles some serious holy water on me to make me see the light. We only have one life to live, if you are spending any moment of that time stressed, worried, afraid, scared, then you are doing yourself a disservice. God did not make you to suffer, and if you are making yourself suffer then there is nothing much God can do. God helps those who help themselves. That is what free will is all about. Know you are better than that and never take an abuser back there is just too much there, unless you are better than me and you can truly forgive and forget. Oh I lie...keep it moving...DONT take an abuser back man or woman if they have changed they should keep it moving and change somewhere else.

Ultimately you need to sit and think seriously about what and how this person let you go. There were some people I swore not even Jesus would get me to ever acknowledge in my life again. Any man who does not have the basic respect for himself and our relationship to tell me to my face its over is someone I would never take back. An insecure person will only keep trying to bring you down into their insecurity by trying to make you feel bad about yourself, hey misery loves company. The more they make you feel bad, the better they feel about themselves. I have taken a long hard look at my life and know who I might take back and who should not even bother ever ever ever (you know yourself). Time for you to take a long hard look at yourself. If you are currently in this situation weigh the benefits and no Valentines day being around the corner and not wanting to be alone is not a good enough reason.

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”