Tuesday, August 31, 2010

When the going gets tough...

This Lilla P Black Pima Cotton Origami Wrap has been sitting in my Smartbargains cart for over a week now. Even though the price has gone up to $36 and change, I managed to snag it for less than $20. When I can justify spending that kind of money when I do not have a pot to piss in presently, then I will be the proud owner of this very versatile looking wrap. Unless you want to get it for me in which case I would be more than grateful. Yay!!

Moving right along. Everyone has funky days. You have them, I have them, we all have them (La di da). My question is why we are not allowed to live out these moments of funkiness??... Being down in the dumps (occasionally) sucks but hey it is a part of life. People seem to always want to downplay the bad times and rush on quickly to the happy days. Not all the days are happy and not all of them are going to be happy, I think the sooner we accept this the better we all will be for it.

So why am I seemingly advocating wallowing in one's misery or despair? I am not. I am merely saying that people who try to downplay other people's feelings or want/need to be sad (for a minute) are not helping that person. Yes, if you are constantly feeling down on yourself or you think you are never good enough (then you need prayers :), I keed, I keed). What I mean is that I am not referring to people who have medical problems with depression, and please do not confuse this with that very serious medical issue.

The kind I am talking about will allow me to laze about and sigh loudly (very loudly) when the guy I really really really like took my number a week ago and STILL hasn't called. Or pace nervously when rent, cable, electricity bills are all due and I still haven't found a job. Those kinds of "depressing" moment.

Conventional wisdom teaches us to "dust our shoulders off", "keep on keeping on", "when the going gets tough the tough get going" blah blah but for one day can we just say no thanks. I am tired of it all and I just want to sit, whine, cry and wail like there is no tomorrow? Yes that will achieve absolutely nothing but it will soothe my soul for that brief time.

The Good word cautions us about being Christian and expecting easy or happy lives (ref. Job or any of the apostles...heck look at Jesus himself). (Hence my huge problem with Prosperity gospels). Being Christian does not guarantee us good and easy lives but it provides us with tools to truly believe the moment is temporary and God ultimately has the final say in what becomes of us. So trouble will come but HOW we deal with this trouble ultimate says a lot about how we believe I guess. I know God will take me out of this into more than I have ever imagined possible for my life, that is why I tell him "Please let me have this human pity party moment and we can get back to your ultimate plan when I feel better". He usually says "Why don't you try praying about it" and usually I do but other times I like to be stubborn and just go into the pity party then when I feel it is getting out of hand, wrap up with a prayer lol.

Depressing days should never be our norm and we should never accept these as our portion in life. I believe they happen so when the good times come we appreciate them even more because we have something to compare those good days to. We are supposed to believe God has only the best in mind for us but if you are like me and need a few minutes(only on rare occassions) to wild out then listen to Kina's Have a cry. The lyrics go...
Feelin' kinda low
Oh, and that's not the worst part
I just got a home, yeah
Gettin' old and still wanna be a star
Yeah, I'm feelin' low
But don't come run to my rescue
Please don't come to preach
Don't need no goddamn happy speech

1 - Is it alright if I cry?
Without no positive speeches
Don't need no lessons on God
Because I'm human, I got weakness
Don't just say it's alright
My life fell into 10 pieces
Don't just say it's fine
Just let me have a cry

I know you're tryin' to help me
Can't you just listen to me sometimes?

You can't always find the answers
Everybody's faith ain't always high
Yeah, I'm feelin' low
So please just let me sulk

There ain't nothin' you can say
So don't come sing Amazing Grace
There ain't nothin' you can do
So don't come give your point of view
There ain't nothin' you can say
I'm only human, yeah yeah yeah yeah

Basically she has summed it up nicely...bad times happen, however, being children of God and true believers we know these times will not end up breaking us. At the same time, we should be allowed to "have a cry" every once in awhile...what say you?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I choose you...

I am dreaming about a nice statement bag and I think this is a definite contender. Its the basic bowler style bag I like and the discreet Y is cute too :). If your wallet is so inclined you can pick one up at Bluefly under Yves Saint Laurent. and just for the record if you can afford it I do not like you much right about now.

So the wedding is finally over, (though there may be another one around the corner soon enough yay!!! and no not mine lol (not yet at least)). And even though people say weddings are breeding grounds for hook ups (for single people) and a desire to have a wedding (for couples), that was not the case for me.

J teases me that the wedding has made me want mine even more but it is actually the opposite. Sitting there and listening to the actual vows etc. really shook me. Marriage is no JOKE. It really made me wonder if people listen to the vows they are repeating to each other. (divorce rates might be minimized if they knew what they were truly saying). These are some MAJOR things you are promising BEFORE God.

That whole ceremony (as lovely as it was) was a very sobering occassion. Can I really commit to all these things that will be expected of me?...*Initiate Panic mode* lol lol ...but as J says I do not have to worry about that for awhile and as mummy says "enjoy the process" so enjoy I shall.

The topic for today is in reference to one of the things we spoke about at the bachelorette/bridal dinner/hen night, the issue of knowing your man and deciding the things to compromise on. This was in reference to a couple of things. 1. Know your man in terms of his likes and dislikes. 2. Know your man in terms of his romantic level, i.e., do not be a fairytale lover and then look for love in a pragmatist.

1. Know your man/woman:
It is really hard to truly "know" someone but time helps with this one. Through sharing time together you are able to get to know the things your mate likes and dislikes. The verbal discussion on this is also important. There are some intrinsic things that your mate will like/dislike, it is necessary for you to know this and know how to deal with these things.

2. We were discussing the type of men we have come across, been fortunate to date etc. etc. and someone raised the issue of men and their romance levels. Having dating as much as I have (dont judge me), I have had a range of men with a range of romance levels, those who would send flowers (just because), those who would cook dinner, insist on a date night versus those who would not do all these things but then when push came to shove would be there to help me deal with a problem and be my rock all throughout that experience.
I did not think I had an opinion about what kind of guy I preferred, until we were discussing this at dinner. I honestly had not thought about that for awhile (being single and all)...but it is an interesting point to consider.

Would you date a man who did not always show you affection in what J would call everyday material things? Or do you need your man to show you he loves you (in addition to saying he loves you) by the everyday little random things he does? Now these things do not have to be mountain moving things, they could be as simple as a foot rub when you get home from work, a little love note when you wake up in the morning etc.

There are so many satirical articles about men and romance. If you were to believe the hype, romantic men are not naturally occurring elements, they either have been trained well, simply want to get into your pants etc. etc. whatever way they learn to become romantic men if in the end they are doing it for a good cause, then we women approve? (Or not?, I do!)

I think my father is the perfect combination of these two types of romantic men. He does the big things and the little things. (If he goes to a meeting and food is served, he keeps his to take back to the office to share with my mom, isnt that too cute?) thats the man I want. One who is able to in his own little way show me he is thinking about me and I matter to him but when the big things come, knows how to do these too...

Do you know what you want/need from your mate? Do you know what irks and what pleases said mate and finally what kind of man do you want and why?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Invest-Divest Good...B(u)ye...


*Money doesnt grow on trees*!!!!!!!!!! (Well technically it does since the pulp is used to make the paper which is used to make the money) I dare you to tell this to an infuriated parent who has to find money to pay for some fee or other for you. Good luck and its been real knowing you (whoever you are).

Since childhood, my parents have tried to instill the spirit of saving/conserving in me. I remember the many piggy banks etc. but the major financial decisions they made. I knew from early on that I had an investment portfolio and had no idea (and still to this day do not really have a hold on that) what that means. I just know it is a good thing and I plan to do the same for my kids as soon as they pop out. I am not sure I truly GRASP how important money is yet though.

How much do we as a generation know and value investments? Lets be honest, in the credit society most of us find ourselves in, it is highly unusual to find average people who are living without some sort of debt, student loan, credit card etc. In that kind of society, where do you honestly expect people to find money to invest? It is even a big feat in such societies to have a savings account.

I was reading an article on student loans in America yesterday where one guy talked about being 52 and being about 150,000 still in debt. He didnt expect to dent that amount by the time of his death thanks to the interest that such a debt would accrue. Our parents generation of working hard, saving and investing seems to be a thing of the past. People have lost faith in the big companies they used to "blindly" trust their money to and thanks to the recession, there is no money to "trust" anyways. By the time you are done paying for you, there is nothing left!!!

So lets not even talk about investments and look at debt instead. I feel that the attitudes that we have learned as a generation also plays a role in how we spend/save our money. Ours seems to be a society of credit instant gratification where people feel like if they want it bad enough, they can put it on the credit card and worry about it later. I heard many a story of young graduates who were hired before the recession hit and were living their lives as if they had seen the money from the jobs and then got fired (or let go). Where do you find the money then to pay for everything you put on credit thinking you would work and pay back?

I have lived that life too, counting my chickens before they were hatched and spending money I didnt have believing and willing this money to show up some way some how. Though I learned a lot from being in debt, it is something I do not wish on anyone else and something I hope I can spare my children from going through because the anguish of owing someone (who is intent on harassing you to collect) is not worth it.

I know better now( I think), even though I do the sporadic spending on people I like because I think they would like something or the other, now I do it with my money in mind. Yes maybe my boyfriend would really love a Harley or a new car, can I afford to get one for him? No...should I try to get one for him? No I cannot afford it, its that simple. I want this latest bcbg bandage skirt which has been reduced from $550 to $50, can I afford it right now? No, should I put it on credit No because it is not a necessity.

I am trying to stop with my impulsiveness and think long term in terms of my spending and saving. Unlike most people I am in a very fortunate place where I do not have student loans and loads and loads of credit card bills to worry about. I need to stop thinking of the now and focus more on the later, but this is also a work in progress :)..do you save? do you have any investments? do you truly know the worth of money or like me are you a true money understanding virgin?

A penny here, and a dollar there, placed at interest, goes on accumulating, and in this way the desired result is attained. It requires some training, perhaps, to accomplish this economy, but when once used to it, you will find there is more satisfaction in rational saving than in irrational spending. ~ The Art of Money Getting, by P. T. Barnum

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Exes, Oes and I love you (until you leave me)


So although I do not have a picture of what I am currently lusting for up, one thing I am craving right now is a good aroma-therapeutic candle. Bath and Bodyworks has some good ones but the best I have come across so far is a brand called Scentsational. My sister-in-law gave me one as a gift a few years ago and I fell completely in love. Try it out and let me know what you think :).

Candles seem to be appropriate for today's topic. Exes, present mates and future mates. I had a good analogy about how candles were appropriate but I have forgotten?...*sigh* lol Moving right along...How prominent is your ex in your current relationship? Some would say that I should be the last person who should 'sanction' another about their exes since most of my exes are still my friends. My exes and I do things like everyday chatting, gossip (yes men gossip too), advice, name it and most of my exes will do it with me. In other words, I am still good friends with most of my exes (who are not married). This has sometimes presented a problem with the current (not my current) but in the past whoever was present then. Most people are of the thought that an ex should be just that, they have "ex-pired"and should keep it moving for the next person.

Now I try as much as it is humanly possible to tell/show the present ones that the exes are just that...exes. Think about human nature, how many of us would be willing to let an ex stay chummy with their present mate (and I am not even talking about jealousy in this case, it just seems not to be the smartest thing to do). On the other hand, others might counter that people are exes for a reason, if it did not work the first time, then what makes one think it would work the second time around? How many of us are willing to risk finding out though lol?

I have been fortunate to never have had a man with an ex like myself, who was still close friends with him. I am honestly not sure how I would react in that situation. One thing I know, however, is that if the woman treated me how I treat my exes present girlfriends (with respect showing them I know they are the present and I am the past and absolutely no threat to them or their relationship) then there would be no problems. However, there are some women/men who do not want their exes back and do not want them to be with anyone else too. If that was the kind of woman she was, I might have to fall back for my peace of mind. If I have to try too hard for any relationship then it is not worth it. If he truly cared he would make sure I never felt less than secure in the relationship. There are many kinds of exes, too many to count and list here but here are some interesting ones that came to mind.

Dead exes? Exes who are exes because of their untimely passing? Some people (more women I feel) are hesitant to date a man who had a dead ex because they feel like those are some impossible to fill shoes. Even if so called ex was not perfect, we usually remember only the good in relationships so all his memories will be of the fond times and she can make no mistakes shes dead...and you are alive and seemingly making all the mistakes. Other women, however, would have no problem dating a man with a dead ex as morbid as it sounds, she is never coming back so he will have to deal and move on. It would be interesting to get a guy's perspective on dating a woman with a dead ex but we do not have it now so we will save that for when we can find a guy we can ask.

Then come the exes with children. Children change every situation and that warrants a whole post on its own...but I personally do not think I could/would get into a relationship with a guy who had a baby mama, children change that equation.

Then exes with chronic illnesses or who have gone through a traumatic experience with your current partner? They did not break up because of the illness/trauma, and they are still friends because they shared this experience together. How does that make you the newbie feel? Can you date a man or woman with this kind of baggage? I do not think I could, just because I would not be able to relate, if he has nightmares etc. my empathy might seem contrived and condescending...(J might call BS! to this point and go on about something but he would just get a side eye from me).

What about the ex who still lives in his/her area and is known by everyone (including his family) as THE ONE. I actually have been in this situation (lucky me) and since I was the ex it really was not a problem for me. I do not know how the other girls felt. I would think that it would be very difficult to always go out with your man and have people ask about the ex (as opposed to you) or even worse if the ex is in the same circle of friends and you constantly bump into her. Some of my exes have been good with this with their new girls and tried not to ruffle their feathers, and others have tried to lie their way out of situations (they broke up)...*Lesson of the day: if you have an ex that was the ONE and he/she became a number TWO let it go...break off all communication there is nothing useful that can come of that*

Some people make the ex issue bigger than it really needs to be. Ok we met, we discussed dating, and talked about our exes. We also discussed never talking about said exes. Then you are constantly bringing said person up in our discussions, oh X would have said this, or X thinks this, or X does it this way *side eye*...I dated a guy once who swore he was very very very over his ex and yet they would still go out for dinner, he would accompany her to certain things, she would still come over and hang out and was constantly texting him. Now I am not a jealous person so I did not care, I just made it very clear to him that I knew my net worth and if he could not appreciate me and just me without the EXcesses then I would walk. He did not believe me until I left and was with someone else :) *Lesson of the day, flaunting your exes doesn't make you look cool, (oh wow you bagged all those gorgeous women?) it just takes your new relationship nowhere*

When you come to my place, there is a picture of an ex still up for no good reason except that it fits the decor. No we are not together, will probably never get together again (never say never I know but in this case) etc. etc. but I notice most guys visiting seem slightly bothered by it but never say anything. I plan to take it down one of these days (before the next visit) just because I think/know if I walked into my boyfriends place and saw a pic of his ex even if Michelangelo took it...I would want it down immediately!!! Not for jealousy or anything but it just doesn't "look" right.

The relationship with exes is a complex and interesting one, one I think current daters should be careful to discuss before moving on so you know where you both stand. It seems to be a taboo topic though, oh if I talk about my ex then it means I have some feelings for them still. That is stupid. I want to know what you think about your ex, for example,I have a thing about dating people who bash their exes, (what if I become an ex?)no thanks. I can also feel out when someone is not completely over their ex and just want you to replace what they felt with that ex, so in essence you are dating them, and they are dating the feeling they had with said ex, but hey I can be wrong (sometimes :)). I think that it is important to know your partner, know their exes, and in most case, the reasons why they broke up, personally I think that could strengthen your present relationship by avoiding those pot holes. Others prefer not to know anything and go into the relationship and make their own mistakes (even if it is repeating the same mistakes) for these people the old adage "ignorance is bliss" is very apropo.

Dating, relationships, exes, and everything in between is complicated, difficult and sometimes makes you wonder why we even bother. (Till you remember how the other person makes you feel) For me, communication and prayers are my only sanity (well these days, in the past I would just stalk you lol). It is always interesting to hear other peoples views on these...so spill...Exes suck but they should not be the focus of your relationships and if they are you need THE TALK...

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'




Monday, August 16, 2010

Till "irreconcible differences" do us part....

I have no idea how much this ring costs, nor do I care. (yeah Naa just gave me a *cyber side eye with a hint of child please*)Sigh...I really did not look it up, I simply put in the keyword ring...:) would I ever lie to you? Anyways this ring seemed appropriate for today's topic. (and no I am not hinting (yet*)...On we go.

So :)...it seems to be wedding season for my family, with one of my female cousins getting married soon. She is truly one of the most beautiful people (inside and out) so everyone has nothing but well wishes and happiness for her. Now the problem isnt with her (no Bridezillaisms (yet) but more with other people around. As with weddings, everyone ELSE has started to look around at the other single/non married people and *wondering out loud* when their turn is.
*Sigh* I have learned quickly how to deflect the topic from when I am walking down the aisle...which is always preceded by "ummm so how old are you again"...(I am older than said cousin and so technically I should have been married before blah blah) *side eye* Marriage is not a competition and I look pretty good for my age!!!! Anyhoos...

I am lucky that my family (mom, dad, brothers) are not all up in my face about dating, marriage etc. but meeting such people makes me wonder about women who are not so fortunate and are being "harassed" to get married (I know people who seem to have an expiry date as to when they NEED to get married. (which I think is wrong) ). How do YOU cope with wedding seasons and how do you get yourself out of the "what am I doing wrong funk?" :) I just eat. ( I keed, I keed) I simply ask said people if they have any sons and if I can marry them since they are so intent on me being married :).

I think before most people (i.e., society a.k.a people who will not stop bugging single or not married couples) worry about the wedding (ooohing and aaahing or criticizing everything that was done wrong) , people should worry more about the actual marriage. I think that is the problem with most couples. Everyone seems to want the glitz and glamor (the ring and party) but when the lights go out and everyone goes home, who are you left alone with and do you even like this person?

No this is not going to be another post about how all men are bad and how every woman wants a good man blah blah (since some women do not seem to want to settle down which is completely fine and good). But for those that want to, seriously, guys, whats your problem? I need to know!!!!!! There are too many successful men out there "claiming" to want successful relationships and yet expecting their mates to go through hoops to "catch" them. Aden? (Why?)...Is it because of your 90-120k salary job? Or your perfectly man-scaped face? Your metro-sexual wardrobe or maybe those 1 in a 1000 lambskin boots you own? Yes there are thirsty, gold digging women out there but there are some good women too who just want to find that one they can give their all to. Work together in unison to complement the other. (Is that too much to ask for?)*Disclaimer* Again to the women who do not "need/want" a man kudos to you and this is not your battle. I am talking on behalf of the other women who say they want to share their life with a mate (nothing about needing or wanting...its their choice). Now back to what I was saying...

Weddings make one see (or at least think) all the good men in the world aren't finished (we hope), but at the same time it should remind us all that a relationship is ultimately between two people, i.e., between you and him/her. I do not know about you but I am not at the age or mental place to engage in any "see how far" relationships. If at this age you have not realized what it is you want, that's fine, however, I know what I want and a "how far" relationship is definitely not it.

My uncle, (a very very wise man) in advising me about relationships and marriage told me the following. *Disclaimer* it is very deep so read carefully.
"Marriage (a true or "perfect" one is when two people get together to become one,(compromises and all) AND YET, their individual selves are more evident (they get to know themselves more) in that becoming ONE." Let me rephrase, in marriage your two is supposed to become a one, but in a good marriage, you realize that the one you have become instead of diminishing you with compromises which will restrict you, rather builds and encourages you to become a better person to enrich the one more than the two individual ones will ever have done on their own. Isn't that just deep? and if you don't get it...*sigh* ...just trust me, its deep.

I am the last person to ask about dating and relationships since I am a work in progress myself, but at this point I know what I know and want and to say anything else would be lying to myself and to my mate. I have not been to enough weddings yet to hate going to weddings so I am going to thoroughly enjoy this wedding in celebration of the beautiful person my cousin ultimately is. For anyone who is interested in asking why I havent found Mr. Right, why there is no ring on my left hand fourth finger, why I have no date to said wedding and why why why ...I only have this to say....
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5,6)

In everything I pray my prayer always remains..."Thy will be done" whenever you will it, however you will it :)...

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Lemmi upgrade you...flying in...

Jet setting, jet lagged and I still wanted to get this off my chest before I forgot key parts. So for anyone desiring to make the glamorous journey from America to Ghana, they previously had one direct flight option. Namely the one and only Air 'tro tro' Delta. I flew with Delta once (roundtrip) and swore that if that was the only option to get back to the motherland direct, then I would rather be shipwrecked on an island somewhere. The Delta flight was atrocious. We could as well have been sheep or goats they were carting across the Atlantic. Horrible customer service, horrible food, horrible experience through and through. And what is that "prison feeling" section of the Airport they put internationals in before their flights? Fail Fail Fail.

Well after the Delta experience, I was really skeptical about any other airline which was not called Lufthansa. But I was convinced (by my empty wallet) to take United to see how the experience could be different. I must say that this traveling experience differed vastly. I wish I had taken pictures but no fears I will take pictures on the return trip.

We start off with a surprising piece of information. I honestly did not know for International flights the first bag was free and the second you had to pay for...*side eye* "where they do that at?" Anyways so that was my introduction to United. The attendant waived the fee for me though so I cant be too mad at them. The bag weights 70 each was also a good thing, I was only overweight in one bag. (I should have checked their overweight fees...oh well...google it...) ok so that was the first airport on my way to Dulles.

Ok so I arrived at Dulles (where United flies direct to Ghana from) and hurray, we were not placed in a prison like setting. (Delta take notes). The gate we were going to leave from, was in close proximity to places where one could go get food and still hear the announcements etc. Another thing I found useful was that United had these jumbotrons with passenger information so it would show for example if you were on standby, confirmed etc. (basically passengers with issues were up there so they could see what their issue was and go get it resolved) for example, when I got in first my name was up there as standby (because they had not verified my visa yet)...anyways went to see them and bam all done ready to set off.

So we board typical plane you can see the seating chart here. I was sitting in economy plus so had 5 inches more leg room (yes I am a Bawse and I roll like that lol). But sitting beside me was a woman who had broken her leg so she needed extra space and that was not too comfortable but it was nothing major. Sidenote...people...your babies...SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!! There was one kid who had to be possessed and thats all I will say about that for now. Back to the discussion...

Dinner was served an hour or so into the flight when we had reached cruising altitude...basic options of pasta or chicken. I did not get a chance to see what the pasta looked like but the chicken was very mushy like baby mashed food...minus 10 points. Apart from the mushy food and the fact that the pasta run out before all of the passengers in economy were served, the food part was ok.

Customer service in general was good except for some of the hoitty totty glorified attendants in the business class who guarded those business class bathrooms like Obama had put gold bars in them...ummm...its just a bathroom. So in terms of logistics United has to find a way to put more bathrooms if economy and economy plus section is supposed to share 2 bathrooms.

Apart from the screaming contest between the babies, this was an enjoyable trip not too much hassle or stress...I look forward to writing about the return experience...stay tuned...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I like big butts and I cannot lie...

Isnt this dress absolutely too cute? I think it would be oh so perfect for that day around town with the girls. Its by Preen and its the Hound Power dress which you can find on the Outnet for a mere $448. Happy Shopping :).

I have been horrible with updating but no fears I am here now and have a juicy topic for us today. Boundaries and appropriate language in and some of them even apply to being out of relationships. Fresh off a juicy conversation with a friend I shall not name (:p) who wants to know how women handle inappropriateness from their mates...You know my first thing was to say beat him (I keed I keed, I do not advocate violence EVER ...*side eye*)...lol...Ok so typical disclaimer, the views presented here are garnered from my own observations and interactions with men and women. I know that not ALL men fall under certain categorizations just as not ALL women fall under certain categorizations, same goes for the couples. So if you disagree with anything said here, do not come up with the..."not all men or not all women or the not all couples..." this is an observation on the ones I have seen/interacted with. Stop projecting your guilty conscience on me. Now moving right along.

Granted every relationship has its own code of conduct (which both parties have agreed to, how many times do we (yes we all do) look at couples funny when they seem to exhibit characteristics of a non traditional nature. For example, I have been in situations where the man would hit on me right in front of his "woman" and she would not say or do anything. I guess for her, the justification lies in the fact that she gets to go home with him at the end of it all. *side eye*

No man (yet) has been ballsy enough to hit on me when I have my boyfriend around but that is probably because said boyfriends are a. mean and scary looking or b. I am so wrapped up with said boyfriends that other men do not have the chance to slip in. (I think my boyfriends would prefer to think its b but we all know better :).

Back to what I was saying. I have also witnessed situations where one partner (male or female) spazzes out because the other partner was being too flirtatious with a member of the opposite sex whilst they were around. (Very awkward situation for the third party who is just sitting there). I can't actually I wont lie, when I was younger (Kiki hates that word), I would have my bouts/fits of jealous moments, (which were all justified because the dumbasses (sorry I mean my beloved men) were cheating!!!!!) So it was justifiable jealousy. (At this point I need to insert another disclaimer, exes do not bother with the I never cheated blah blah...you did and I dont hate you so get over it...!!!) Now back to what I was saying...

Anyways so what are your opinions? Are there relationship traditional standards/appropriateness levels that must be obeyed/followed? i.e.,
For men: do we expect our men never to call another woman baby,(M, I am looking at you) honey, (whatever term of endearment you use), compliment her lips. hips, thighs, breast, ass or any other part of her body or insinuate anything sexual ever!(E *sigh*)

For women:
do we expect our another man honey, baby (whatever term of endearment you use), or insinuate anything sexual ever! (yes in all fairness I am guilty of some of this, sometimes but it is always Francis's fault)

Or should you and your mate have a sit down and agree on the do's and don't of that particular relationship? BUT WAIT (Call in the next 20 minutes and receive an additional...) lol no ... I have a problem with the above. For most men ( it seems), talk is just that, talk, and they do not see the harm in it and so they are able to draw the line perilously close to inappropriateness (well talk is talk until it is their woman talking to some other man :)) can we say double standards? Women on the other hand (based on conversations and the fact that I am a woman) seem to draw the line close to the line of appropriateness. (Yes I know some women who will allow a man to talk to them as if they were single and not see anything wrong with it) but we are talking in general here.

So...what to do, what to do? How do we approach relationships in a way that the men will not complain about having a "baby-literally" for a girlfriend, and the women will not need to snoop for ammo that shows the man disrespecting her *dont judge me I was young and supposedly in love* And spare me the speech about if you need to worry about all this, then 'yinz' are not supposed to be together. I am talking about the real world where real goes down. Not every man/woman who engages in such behavior has been told that it is problematic!!!

So what to do...what to do...in the real world at least....Stop taking people for granted.!!!There are so many people who do not have someone to call their own (by choice or by circumstance), if you have been blessed (depending on who you ask) to find someone, do you really think mistreating and disrespecting them with inappropriate talk and action is the way to go?

For women we have all the power we need in simply being women of substance and character: Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies, the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land" Proverbs 31:10-31. Because "he who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord" Proverbs 18:22. And "house and riches are the inheritance of fathers, and a prudent wife is from the Lord" Proverbs 19:14.

For men:Husbands, dwell with them (your wives) according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of live, that your prayers be not hindered" II Peter 3:7.She is not weaker in character and intellect, but she is weaker physically and man must understand her needs and limitations. He must also be aware of her ability to help him. He must also use his abilities in helping her. Wise men show an interest when their wives speak up, and weigh their wisdom, for many times their wisdom out-weighs that of their mates. Sometimes we rob ourselves of the happiness our heavenly father intended for us because we have not learned to enjoy the companionship of our Godly mates.Source

I would hope my man knows better than to oogle, proposition, or say something inappropriate to another female in and out of my presence but one cannot control another, you can merely show by example which means I cannot oogle, proposition or say something inappropriate to another man in and out of his presence. *sigh*...Think about it....

There's one sad truth in life I've found while journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know, we please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox



Monday, August 2, 2010

What is your net worth...

Yes we are in August already...time to think about winter no? Yes? No? Oh well whenever it is time to think about winter, this Burberry Prorsum Technical Faille Peacoat (i love the name btw) is absolutely too cute. If you live where you actually see snow you might want to rethink this...it is a mere $1795.00. Yes come along lets do it together...1...2...3...*sigh*...

Moving right along...today's topic TRUST! Usual *disclaimer* let me be me mmmkay? If you do not have to think about trust issues come get a cookie when you see me...this is for people who are thinking about trust and its issues like I am*

Moving right along...So (yes I use the word So a lot sue me :))...Trust seems to be a big thing for me and I did not even realize until recently. My friends have always complained about how quick I am to cut people off and the unrealistic expectations I have for the people around me...(friends and boyfriends) but I do not think these are bad traits on my part. I (in all honesty) do not know how to half ass a relationship (romantic or platonic ones)...if I call you a friend you are my friend till you cross me and then you are crossed off my list...it should not be that simple (Naa claims) but sorry for me it is.

What happens if I really really really like a friend or I have fallen madly and deeply in love with a boy, how do I switch off and just not care anymore? I care and it hurts but too bad I will not stay around and have you change my mind. My rigidness is a bad habit (to an extent), one I am trying to work on and get to the point where it is not as bad as people claim it is.

Now what has this rigidness got to do with Trust? Everything!!!!! For some people, Trust is not such a big issue...you can cross them, once, twice, etc. and they are forgiving blah blah blah...that is not me...(I know I know...work in progress...Christian I should know better etc. etc.) Let me try and rationalize my standpoint.

Relationships (romantic or platonic) are hard *full stop*! They are full of compromises, humility, respect, love and sacrifice. I think a successful friendship/relationship is where you try to do more for the other as opposed to yourself because that is what one is supposed to do. Now, if things are this hard ,then how do you think I feel when I am giving 80% and someone wants to give me 5% not even 10% but 5%. This person is rude, unfeeling, never take my feelings into consideration, everything is either my fault or someone elses fault and never theirs, they lie, they cheat, connive, steal yadda yadda yadda...I cannot and will not deal will not deal with such a person, that is not what life is supposed to be about. (I find such people toxic).

I need to surround myself with people who got me people I can sleep with both eyes closed around. Yes I know, trust no one but the good Lord above but God sends us good friends to help us on this hard journey we are on...our own personal guardian angels.

Ok so friendships for me might get a little more leeway than my Boyfriends because Men come and go etc. but one thing friends and boyfriends have in common is that I simply cannot stand a liar ...ok two things ,liars and hypocrites...they kill my soul...I cannot have a boyfriend/friend who is either of these things.

For boyfriends specifically, men who lie are turn offs. I know I know white lies should be acceptable but I do not see it that way. There is never a good reason to lie to me, something is or it isnt. *BTW lying by omission is the worst!!! and it is LYING!!!!!* Breathhhee.....*sigh* I do not see why people have to lie. Be upfront..."honey I do not think we are working out anymore and I want out"..done deal. "Honey I like another chick" done deal...etc. etc. hey I am not saying hearing those words come out will not drive me to want to slap you upside the head, but at least it gives me options, ok hes laid his cards out there, do I want to continue playing or do I want to quit this game and keep it moving??

I have been in a lot of relationships where Trust was a major issue, so much so that now that I am in a situation where (I think) Trust should not be an issue, I sometimes find myself going back to my old mentality and freaking out because (what if he is cheating???). (Then I tell myself, I am not doing the old me anymore, no more its all on me, I have handed this guy completely over to the big guys up there, if it is their will that he cheats and that experience will teach me something which will lead me to the man he has ordained for me, or rather the life he has picked out for me ...then so be it.) But I will be *expletive* if the Devil lets me waste all my free time worrying about the what, could, if, etc. So until he gives me a good reason to start getting suspicious I am going to try really hard not to let the messes from before mess a (possibly) good thing up in the present :).

Back to the issue of honesty (in general)I guess people would argue that I am being naive in thinking that in this day and age people can and should be completely honest with each other. :(...I still think its something we should all strive for though...


Psalm 15
LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman, who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD, who keeps his oath even when it hurts, who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken.